Mudslide Junction

  • Season 1, Ep 4
  • 11/02/2010

The world's smoothest radio DJ struggles with the news, and a vibrator saves the day.

♪ P-R-E-T-E-N-D T-I-M-E ♪

♪ P-R-E-T-E-N-D T-I-M-E.

THIS DOESN'T LOOK RIGHT.I THINK WE'RE LOST.

WE SHOULD HAVE NEVERGONE OFF THE TRAIL.

( howling )

- WE'RE GONNA DIE OUT HERE.- NO, WE'RE GONNA BE OKAY.

- I BROUGHT THIS.- A VIBRATOR?

- THIS IS TURNING YOU ON?- IT'S NOT JUST A VIBRATOR.

IT'S A SURVIBRATOR.

Announcer: SURVIBRATOR, THE WORLD'S

MOST COMPLETE SURVIVAL VIBRATOR.

IF YOU GET LOST IN THE WOODS,

YOU'LL HAVE EVERYTHING YOU NEED.

IT'S A NAIL FILE,

A SUNDIAL,

A GIANT BLACK FLASHLIGHT,

A FISHING POLE.

IT'S EVEN A TOOTHBRUSH.

AND PERHAPS MOST IMPORTANTLY, THE SURVIBRATOR CAN BE USED

- TO FIGHT OFF DANGEROUS ANIMALS.- ( howling )

THAT ALL SOUNDS GREAT,BUT CAN IT STOP ANTS

FROM CRAWLING IN MY ASSWHILE I'M ASLEEP?

Announcer: YES, IT CAN.

( Survibrator buzzing )

SURVIBRATOR! DON'T FORGET MOTHER'S DAY.

( rock music playing )

♪ THIS IS AN EMERGENCY...

HEY, EVERYBODY.MY FAVORITE THINGABOUT THE SHOW

MAY BE THE FACT THAT GAY ROBOTIS BACK ON THE AIR.

WE'VE WORKED TOGETHERFOR A LONG TIME

AND I HADN'T SEEN HIMFOR A COUPLE OF YEARS,SO IT WAS NICE TO SEE HIM.

I WAS LIKE,"WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TOTHE LAST TWO YEARS?"

AND HE WAS LIKE,

( Gay Robot's voice)"UM, BLOWING DUDES?"

AND I WAS LIKE,"YEAH, NO, THAT MAKES SENSE.

THAT MAKES SENSE."

( sexy voice )ALL RIGHT, WE'RE BACK.

SIMION SARAMANDI HERE,READING ONE MORE LOVE LETTER.

THIS ONE GOES OUTTO MARIA FROM CARLOS.

HE SAYS, MARIA,YOUR EYES SPARKLE

LIKE DIAMONDSIN A SUNSET

AND THAT YOUR SMILEIS LIKE A WARM BLANKET

ON A COLD NIGHT.

WOW, THAT SOUNDSREALLY SPECIAL, YOU GUYS.

I WISH YOU ALL THE BESTON YOUR LOVE JOURNEY

AND MAY IT BE FILLEDWITH HAPPINESS.

AND WE'RE ABOUT TO GETINTO OUR LOVERS' FORECAST,

BUT REAL QUICK,WE GOT A TRAFFIC UPDATE.

THERE'S A PILE-UP ON THE 405NEAR THE 101 INTERCHANGE.

A SEMI HAS T-BONEDSEVERAL DOZEN CARS,

LEAVING 25 DEADAND MANY INJURED.

AMBULANCES ARE TRYINGTO MAKE THEIR WAY THROUGH,

SO TRY TO FINDAN ALTERNATE ROUTE.

I SUGGEST MAYBETAKING HIGHWAY 69,

YOU KNOWWHAT I'M SAYING?

TRAFFIC GOINGIN BOTH DIRECTIONS

WITH TWO ERECTIONS.

DRIVE ON AND STAY HORNYIN THOSE CARS.

ALL RIGHT,HERE'S "CARELESS WHISPER."

HEY, UH, WHAT THE HELL'SWRONG WITH YOU?

- WHAT? I READ IT.- YEAH, YOU READ IT LIKE A SEXY GUY.

UM, THERE'S A LOTOF DEAD BODIES OUT THERE.

IT'S A PRETTY BAD MESS,SO COULD YOU TRY

AND READ IT LIKEA NORMAL HUMAN BEING, PLEASE?

LOOK, MAN, PEOPLE TUNEINTO MY SHOW BECAUSETHEY WANT MY VOICE

TO MAKE LOVETO THEIR EAR VAGINAS.

WHAT? WHAT DOESTHAT EVEN MEAN?

HERE. IT'S ANOTHERUPDATE, OKAY?

NOW PLEASE, READ THATWITH COMPASSION AND TRYAND BE PROFESSIONAL.

- TRY.- THAT'S FOR YOU.

GOD DAMN IT!

- ( soft music playing )- ALL RIGHT, GUYS,

WE'RE ABOUT TO GETTO OUR LOVERS' FORECAST,

BUT ONE MORETRAFFIC UPDATE.

A HUGE THROBBING PACKOF RABID COYOTES

HAVE COMEOUT OF THE HILLS

AND ARE ATTACKING PEOPLEIN THEIR CARS

AS WELL AS THE CARCASSESON THE ROAD.

CARC-ASSES--THAT SOUNDS HOT.

SO IF YOU'RESTUCK ON THE 405BY THE WRECKAGE,

STAY IN YOUR CARAND AVOID BEING MAULEDBY THOSE CRAZY COYOTES.

MAYBE CUDDLE UP WITH A LOVERAND SAY, "GET AWAY."

DEATH TOLL UP TO 30.SOUNDS HORNY.

THAT'S NOTWHAT I MEANT.

WHAT? YOU SAID READ ITWITH MORE PASSION.

NO, I SAID"COM-PASSION.COMPASSION."

I LOVE COME AND PASSION.

- ( light orchestral music playing )- WHAT'S FOR BREAKFAST, MOM?

- I'VE GOT YOUR FAVORITE.- Kids: CREEPIOS!

YOU WANNA SEESOMETHING CREEPY?

Kids:SURE, MR. CREEPY.

( guffawing )

WAIT!DON'T FLUSH.

MR. CREEPY, DON'T HANG OUTIN THE TOILET.

BUT I'M THE CREEPIEST.

( laughing )

HELLO, RACHEL.HA HA!

MR. CREEPY, BREAKFAST WASFOUR HOURS AGO.

- BUT I'M STILL CREEPY.- I GUESS.

WAIT.

RACHEL. RACHEL.

YOU GUYS WANT CEREALAS A SNACK?

Kids:YEAH, FRUITY BIRD.

HOW COULD YOUDO THAT TO ME?

- FRUITY FOOO, FRUITY FOOO.- ( kids laughing )

( panicked )FRUITY FOOO, FRUITY FOOO,FRUITY FOOO!

- FRUITY FOOO. FRUITY-- AHH!- ( spine snaps )

OH NO.MR. CREEPY...

- CREEPIOS IS THE BEST.- SHAME ON YOU, MR. CREEPY.

( whispering )I THOUGHT YOU LIKEDMR. CREEPY.

WELL, WE DO, BUT WE LIKEOTHER CEREALS TOO.

DON'T BE SO AGGRESSIVE.THAT'S TOO CREEPY.

I GUESS I'LL JUSTSTOP BEING CREEPY.

I MISS MR. CREEPY.

ME TOO.

COME ON, KIDS.READY TO GO?

- YEAH.- I GUESS SO.

WAIT, GUYS.DON'T FORGET YOUR BOOKS!

( laughing )

Both:MR. CREEPY!

( laughing )

- HEY, I'M BACK.- Kids: YAY!

HEY, DO YOU GUYS WANTSOME MORE CREEPIOS?

Kids:YEAH! YAY!

- YAY. - YAY!

THERE YA GO--BREAKFAST.

YEAH, SO GOOD.

( kids cheering )

DUDE, I LOVE HANGING OUTAT THE WATER COOLER

AND TALKING ABOUT STUFFI'VE SEEN ON T.V.

ME TOO.

HAVE YOU SEEN"THE AMAZING RACE"?

YEAH, IT'S AWFUL.

I THINKIT'S KIND OF GOOD.

YOU WOULD.YOU'RE AWFUL.

WHOA! WHERE DIDTHAT GUY COME FROM?

OH, HE SMELLS HORRIBLE.

OH, HE CRAPPED HIS PANTS!

AW, THAT IS NASTY.

WHAT YEAR IS THIS?

- 2010.- IT WORKED.

THE TIME MACHINE WORKED.

TIME MACHINE?

WHAT ARE YOU,FROM THE FUTURE?

YES. I'M FROMTHE YEAR 2041.

THE EARTH IS GONNABE DESTROYED,

BUT YOU STILL HAVETIME TO PREVENT IT.

NOW I'M SURE YOU HAVEMANY QUESTIONS FOR ME.

YEAH, DOES EVERYONEIN THE FUTURE CRAPTHEIR PANTS, MAN?

NO.

- SO WE STILL HAVE BATHROOMS?- YEAH, WE DO.

- OH GREAT.- COOL.

UH, ANOTHER QUESTION:SO THE FOOD IN THE FUTURE

IS, LIKE,BABY DIAPER TACOS

FILLED WITH, LIKE,GOAT BALLS OR WHAT?

YOU KNOW WHAT?IT SEEMS LIKE I'VE HAD

AN ACCIDENT TRAVELINGTHROUGH TIME,

SO I COULD WARN YOUABOUT THE END OF THE WORLD.

NEXT TIME YOU SHOULDWEAR A DIAPER.

OKAY, I THINKTHIS IS A SIDE EFFECTFROM TIME TRAVEL, OKAY?

CAN WE JUST PLEASETRY TO GET PAST THE FACTTHAT I CRAPPED MYSELF?

- I'LL TRY, BUT YOU REALLY SMELL.- UH, YEAH RIGHT.

LIKE YOU DIDN'T DO THATAT THE HOLIDAY PARTY.

THIS GUY-- BOOZYIN THE MUDSLIDE JUNCTION.

( blows raspberry )JUST A MUD WATERFALL.

- YOU DID, MAN.- I WAS DRUNK, NICK.

I WAS DRUNK.YOU'RE NOT DRUNK.

- RIGHT?- NO, I'M NOT.

- HE'S SOBER.- SO WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE, GOOKY GUY?

ALL RIGHT, WILL BOTHOF YOU SHUT UP

SO I CAN EXPLAIN TO YOUHOW TO SAVE THE PLANET?

HEY, MAN,DON'T BE RUDE.

YOU LANDED IN OUROFFICE FROM THE FUTUREWITH YOUR PANTS SOILED

AND YOU RUINEDTHAT'S-WHAT-SHE-SAIDTHURSDAYS.

LOOK, I'M SORRYI YELLED, OKAY?

BUT CAN WE PLEASEGET PAST THE FACTTHAT I CRAPPED MYSELF?

ALL RIGHT, FINE.WE'LL GET PAST IT.

HOW DO YOU SAVETHE EARTH, FUTURE GUY?

OKAY, GREAT.THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.

NOW CONTACT THE LEADERSOF THE FREE WORLD--

- "DON'T -- YOUR PANTS."- ( zaps )

UH! OH...

OH GREAT,ANOTHER DOO-DOO BOY.

- WHAT YEAR IS IT?- 2010, STINKY.

WHAT ARE YOUTALKING ABOUT?

HEY, WAIT.( sniffs )

THIS GUY DIDN'TCRAP HIS PANTS.

- IT'S FRESH.- HEY.

HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THAT, DOO-DOO BOY?

THEY MUST HAVEMADE ADJUSTMENTS TOTHE NEW TIME MACHINES.

YEAH, THEY DID.THEY TOOK THE, UH,

DON'T-CRAP-YOUR-PANTS SWITCHAND THEY FLIPPED IT ON.

DO NOT DO IT.

HE BURNED YOU,DOO-DOO BOY.

HEY, QUIT CALLING MEDOO-DOO BOY

OR I'M NOT GONNA TELL YOUHOW TO SAVE THE PLANET.

UH, WE DON'TNEED YOU ANYMORE.

WE HAVE ANOTHERFRESH FUTURE GUY

THAT DOESN'T REEKOF THE POOPIES.

( guys laugh )

I DON'T KNOW ANYTHINGABOUT SAVING THE PLANET.

I JUST CAME BACK TO BETON SPORTING EVENTS.

- I'M GONNA GO WITH THIS GUY.- DUDE, HOOK IT UP, MAN.

- YEAH? YOU WANNA BE HOOKED UP, HUH?- YES, PLEASE.

- YOU WANT SOME FUTURE KNOWLEDGE, HUH?- YEAH, DUDE!

HEY, IN THE FUTUREALL THE WORLD LEADERS

AND ALL THE COOL PEOPLE-- THEIR PANTS.

- THAT'S NOT TRUE.- ( imitates buzzer )

- WRONG.- NICE TRY, MAN.

YOU MAKE US FUTURE GUYSLOOK BAD, MAN.

- RIGHT?- OKAY?

BRENDA, YOU WANNACHANGE HIM?

IN HINDSIGHT,IT WAS A MISTAKE

TO HAVETHE SPACE BURRITOS.

I'M SORRY.

( lisping )SO WHAT DO YOU THINK,PROFESSOR?

WELL, IT'S, UH--YOU KNOW, IT'S CERTAINLY

AN INTERESTING IDEA,GAY ROBOT,

BUT I DON'T THINKYOU NEED PUBIC HAIR.

I SAW THEM IN A MOVIEAND THEY LOOKED COOL.

( chuckles )

AH, PUBES.

OH, I HAVE A NEW TUTORINGASSIGNMENT FOR YOU.

- HE'S OVER AT ALPHA TAU KAPPA.- ( gasps )

HIS NAMEIS MARTY DONOVAN.

FORIZZEAL?I MET HIM EARLIER.

WE WERE WIZATCHINGFAZOOTBALL.

GAY ROBOT,WHAT DID I TELL YOU

ABOUT ADDING ZsTO WORDS?

I'M SORRY.BLAME SNOOP.HE STARTED IT.

- YEAH, WELL, THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU HAVE TO DO IT, OKAY?- OKAY.

NOW LOOK, MARTY NEEDSHELP IN PHYSICS

AND I THOUGHT YOU'D BEA PERFECT TUTOR FOR HIM.

YEAH, HIS EYES ARE LIKEBROWN DIAMONDS.

EXCUSE ME?

I MEAN, HE SMELLS LIKEA LAVENDER SCROTUM.

JESUS, GAY ROBOT.

LOOK, I TOLD YOU100 TIMES,

PLEASE DON'T FALL IN LOVEWITH MY STUDENTS, OKAY?

I WOULD NEVER DO THAT.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?I THINK YOU DID.

WHAT ABOUT THE TIMEYOU ASKED BORIS FROMTHE WRESTLING TEAM

IF HE WANTED TO WRESTLEHIS BALLS INTO YOUR MOUTH?

UM, I DON'TREMEMBER THAT.

WELL, I DOAND SO DOES BORIS.

WE CAN CALL HIM IF THAT'SGONNA REFRESH YOUR MEMORY.

- NO. OKAY, ALL RIGHT, I REMEMBER.- I KNOW YOU DO.

LOOK, IT'S JUST I GET LONELYAND I WANT A BOYFRIEND.

I KNOW, GAY ROBOT.I-- I GET LONELY TOOSOMETIMES.

YOU DO?

YEAH. WHY DO YOU THINKI BUILT A ROBOT?

YEAH.PASS THE TISSUES,WE ALL GOT ISSUES.

- ( both laugh )- WELL, BE PATIENT, GAY ROBOT.

YOU'LL MEET A LUCKY FELLOWSOMEDAY, I PROMISE.

OKAY, WORD UP:PEACE IN THE MIDDLE EAST.

( rock music ends )

ALL RIGHT,AND WE'RE BACK.

AND ENOUGH OF THISBUMMER TRAFFIC STUFF.

LET'S GO TO THE PHONE LINES.

- WE GOT A CALLER. YOU'RE ON THE AIR.- ( button clicks )

Man: Yeah, hi, Simion. I took Highway 69.

- There's a lot of other people out here too.- ( sirens blaring )

- I LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT.- Uh, no.

It ends in a cliff and people are driving over the end

and they're-- they're falling.

And now the people who've crashed

are being attacked by mountain lions.

- ( man screams )- ALL RIGHT.

ARE YOU GOING HOMETO A LOVER TONIGHT?

Uh, no, Simion. I'm really not in the mood.

I just saw a woman get dragged away by her scalp.

OH COME ON, MAN.EVERYONE'S IN THE MOOD.

- ( no audible dialogue )- There's bodies everywhere!

- OH, ARE THEY NUDE?- ( lion roars )

Oh my-- it's a -- mountain lion! Get off me!

NO, I THINK YOU MEAN,"HEY, LION, WHY DON'TYOU MOUNT ME?"

- No, that's not what I mean! Ahh!- ( lion roars )

- ( people screaming )- Oh my God, the beasts have my wife!

OOH, YOU HEAR THAT,LADIES?

THAT'S A LOT OF GROWL,IT LOOKS LIKE.

KAREN WANTS SOME MAKEUP SEXAND SHE IS NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT.

- ( lion growls )- SIGN UP FOR THAT, PEOPLE.

- THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.- ( woman screaming )

KAREN, YOU'RE A FREAKYMOTHER--.

She's gone!

Karen! She's gone!

- No--- NOW THAT'S WHAT I LIKE TO HEAR.

WE GOT A SONGGOING OUT TO KAREN.

"SHE'S GONE"BY HALL & OATES.

AND WE'RE BACK NOWWITH GREG HAMPTON.

AT 65 YEARS OLD,MR. HAMPTON NAVIGATED

A RUNAWAY TRAIN TO SAFETYIN THE APPALACHIAN MOUNTAINS,

SAVING OVER 200 LIVES.

MR. HAMPTON, DID YOUR LIFEFLASH BEFORE YOUR EYES AT ALL?

I MEAN, THIS REALLY COULD'VE BEEN THE END.

DID YOU FREAK OUT?

Uh, not really.I focused on the task at hand.

There was no timeto freak out.

But I was concernedabout my wife.

- I-- I thought of her for sure.- Well, of course.

AND SPEAKING OF THAT,WE HAVE YOUR WIFE HEREVIA SATELLITE.

Mrs. Hampton, what wentthrough your head

when you heard that Gregwas trying to take control

of a runaway train?

Oh gosh.Uh, just pure terror.

I WAS IN BED

AND I ANSWERED THE PHONEAND I FROZE.

WERE YOU ALONE?

NO, I HADA FEW PEOPLE OVER.

AND DID YOU TELL THEMTHE SITUATION?

NO, BUT THEY COULD TELLTHAT SOMETHING SERIOUS

WAS GOING ON.

My swinger groupquietly uncuffedeach other

and untied their ball gagsand gave me my privacy.

They could tellit was an intense time.

I'm sorry,w-- what was that?

WHEN I SWITCHED OFFMY VIBRATOR,

THAT'S WHEN EVERYONE KNEWTHAT SOMETHING WASREALLY WRONG.

NO ONE INTERRUPTS AN ORGYBEFORE EVERYONE HAS REACHEDTHEIR CLIMAX.

Yeah, it wasthe hardest phone call

I've ever had to make.

My wife is so sensitive.

I knew she'd have troubledealing with that news.

And something horrificwas about to happen.

I was in a frenzy.

I GOT UP TO GET MY ROBEAND I SLIPPED

ON A PUDDLE OF LUBEON THE FLOOR

AND SMACKED MY HEADON THE FISTING ROBOT.

- I WAS OUT COLD.- THE FISTING ROBOT?

I heard the falland I was really worried,

so I called the policeand I made sure

they got over thereimmediately.

Which they didin record time.

They got me up,back in bed.

And they could tellthat I was upset,

so they usedthe rest of the lubeto massage my body.

Those men arethe real heroes.

OKAY, I'M-- I CAN'T BEHEARING THIS CORRECTLY.

MR. HAMPTON, YOU'RE OKAYWITH ALL OF THIS?

I MEAN, WELL, DEALINGWITH A RUNAWAY TRAINIS NEVER EASY.

I-- I WASN'TREFERRING TO--

LOOK, I WAS JUST GLADTHAT MY HUSBAND WAS OKAY.

- THAT'S THE MAIN THING.- RIGHT RIGHT, SURE SURE.

WERE YOU ABLE TO SEEYOUR HUSBAND RIGHT AWAY?

June: NO, WHICH WAS HARD.

But luckily I had takena violent amount of ecstasy

and the trannieshad finished buildingour leather swing set.

Okay. Uh, well,thank you

for your time,Mrs. Hampton.

IT SOUNDS LIKEIT WAS A... REAL ORDEAL.

IT WAS.

BUT IT ALL TURNED OUT OKAY.

I LOVE YOU, GREG.

- I love you too, honey.- June: BYE.

OH GREAT,THERE THEY ARE.

Greg: Ah, fistbot.

I miss you, bud.

Salt of the earth,that woman.

- I-- I couldn't imagine losing her.- YEAH, SHE'S A KEEPER.

Greg: I can't wait to get on that leather swing set.

OKAY.

NOW HE JUST WOKE UPFROM HIS COMA,

SO HE MIGHT BEA LITTLE GROGGY.

- OKAY.- I'LL GIVE YOU TWO A MOMENT.

- THANK YOU.- ALL RIGHT.

HEY, BUDDY.HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

( Eastern European accent )I FEEL VERY NICE.

( heart monitor beeping )

WOW WOW WHEE WHOA.

HEY.

MY WIFE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.IT'S A MIRACLE.

NICK, YOU POOR THING.

WE MAKE SEXY TIMEIN YOUR VAJIN?

WHY IS HE DOINGA BORAT VOICE?

I DON'T KNOW.

WAIT A MINUTE,THE-- THE LAST THINGTHAT HAPPENED

BEFORE THE ACCIDENTWAS THAT WE SAW "BORAT,"

BUT THAT WAS, LIKE,FOUR YEARS AGO.

THE NURSE'S VAJINLOOK LIKE SLEEPY LIZARD.

MY COUSIN BILO,HE GET THIS.

SO HOW LONGWILL HE TALK LIKE THIS?

I DON'T KNOW.

PERHAPS I CAN HELP.

I'VE SEENTHIS PHENOMENON BEFORE.

I'M DOCTOR PHELPS.

HE HAS CHOCOLATE FACE!

YES, I DO, BORAT.

UH, CAN I SPEAK WITH YOUOVER HERE FOR A SECOND?

Woman over P.A.: Dr. Forrest, dial 118, please.

THAT WAS THE LAST THINGTHAT WAS ON HIS MIND.

WHEN WE ALL SAWTHE MOVIE "BORAT,"

WE HAD A CHANCETO PLAY AROUND WITHTHE PHRASES

AND GET THEMOUT OF OUR SYSTEM.

NICK NEVER GOT THAT.

OH, SAD.

I SEE YOU, GYPSY.

YES, GYPSY.

DOES THIS HAPPENTO PEOPLE OFTEN?

WELL, LET ME SHOW YOUOUR NEW WING.

Dr. Phelps: AS YOU'LL SEE, ALL THE PEOPLE HERE

ARE RECOVERING FROM COMAS THEY SLIPPED INTO

IMMEDIATELY AFTER SEEINGICONIC HOLLYWOOD MOVIES.

( British accent )YEAH, BABY!

DO I MAKE YOU HORNY?

OH, BEHAVE.

OH, HE'S DOINGAUSTIN POWERS.

TINA, EAT YOUR FOOD.GOD.

- THAT'S NAPOLEON DYNAMITE.- HE SAW A DOUBLE FEATURE.

"LIFE IS LIKE A BOXOF CHOCOLATES,"

MAMA ALWAYS SAID.

FORREST GUMP?THAT WAS YEARS AGO.

SO WE'LL MOVE NICKOUT HERE FOR A WHILE.

WE'LL GIVE HIMREGULAR SPEECH CLASSES

AND EASE HIM OUTOF THAT BORAT PERSONA.

THANKS FOR EVERYTHING.

- THE DOCTOR'S SENDING ME HOME.- CONGRATS, TIM.

( deep voice )YOU STAY CLASSY, SAN DIEGO.

I MEAN, UH,TAKE CARE, GUYS.

EVERYTHING'SGONNA BE OKAY.

DO THEY HAVE, UM,LIKE ACTIVITIES?

LIKE A REC ROOM?

SURE.THEY DO, UPSTAIRS.

- CAN THEY DO ARTS AND CRAFTS?- OF COURSE.

NICK.

I MAKE-A TOILET.

OH NO, NICK.

YOU WILL NEVER GET THIS.

COME GET THIS, GYPSY!

NICK! NICK!

Man: I'M READY!

I'M READY!

I'M READY!

Man #2: OH, BEHAVE!

I'M JUST SAYINGI THINK I'M OWED.

WHAT-- WHAT ARE YOUTRYING TO SAY?

I'VE BEEN WITH THE COMPANYFOR SIX YEARS.

BORING.GET BACK TO WORK.

Announcer: HOW MANY TIMES HAS THIS

HAPPENED TO YOU, WHITE PEOPLE?

YOU CAN'T SAY WHAT YOU MEAN

AND YOU CAN'T CONFRONT AUTHORITY.

WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU NEED...

UH! A DEONTAYIN YO LIFE!

SIX -- YEARS!

YOU BEEN PIMPIN' THISNERDY SWEET WHITE BOYFOR SIX YEARS.

YOU BETTER RECOGNIZE.

SEE, THAT'S THE THINGABOUT CERTAIN WHITE PEOPLE--

THEY WORK HARD, BUT THENTHEY GET PUSHED AROUND.

THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO REACTWHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG

AND THEN THEY GETDISRESPECTED.

THEY JUST DON'T HAVE ITIN THEM TO BE LIKE,

"WHAT?OH, HELL NO."

OR "YOU BETTER BACKTHE -- UP."

OR MY FAVORITE:"-- ALL Y'ALL!"

ME, ON THE OTHER HAND,

THAT'S HOW I DO IT.

DO YOU SEE THAT?

THAT -- IS LEAKINGLIKE A TIJUANA ASS--.

NOW HE DONE TOLD YOUTHREE MONTHS AGO

TO FIX THE GODDAMN PIPES,YOU FAT MOTHER--.

NOW LOOK--HIS UGLY CLOTHESARE RUINED.

DEONTAY, SON!

OH, HE'S OUTTA HERE'CAUSE Y'ALL SUCK.

YOU TREATED HIMLIKE --.

HE'S SMARTER THANALL Y'ALL COMBINED

AND YOUR EYEBROWSNEED A TRIM.

AND LOOK AT YOU.HA HA, HEY, GIRL.

HE WANTED TO -- YOU.

HA HA.

AND HE PROBABLY WANTEDTO -- YOU TOO!

SOMEBODY VALIDATEMY --!

Announcer: THAT'S 1-555-DEONTAY.

CALL NOW, WHITE PEOPLE,

AND MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN YOUR LIFE.

SAY THE THINGS YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED.

AND FOR A SMALL EXTRA FEE, HE'LL TRAIN YOUR PIT BULLS.

- STAY ON YOUR PROPERTY.- STAY ON YOURS, FOOL.

- LINE'S ON MY SIDE.- AIN'T NO LINE.

MAN, THIS FOOL DONE WENTAND HIRED HIM A RAY-RAY.

WHACK, 'CAUSE YOU STILLAIN'T DEONTAY, SON!

- Announcer: HIRE DEONTAY NOW.- UH!

- ARE THOSE SKINNY JEANS FOR FAT PEOPLE?- Ray-Ray: MAYBE.

♪ P-R-E-T-E-N-D T-I-M-E. ♪

Man's voice: TERRIFIC.

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