An astronaut hallucinates a hot alien, Jerk Chicken teaches a stripper the art of the tease, and two old men butt heads.
- Sir William of Barry.Ha-ha, you old goat!
What brings youto the Tower of Dragos?
- Same as you.Gonna kill Dragos.
You know,bring peace to the realm.
How about you?How are your other quests?
- Pretty good.I killed a warlock,
and I [bleep]-ed a Chimera.
- Look at you.I sucked off a Kraken.
- That is so awesome.
both: One, two, three!
- Oh, you mother-[bleep].
- Hey, Dragos.
- Ah, son of a bitch!
- Sorry about that.Had to do it.
- Hey, no worries, mate.
I kind of always knewI'd die by betrayal.
Well, the realm's safe.
I guess you cango on back to your family now.
Nothing left to slay.
- Father.- Papa's home.
- Is it true?
You climbed into the buttof a warlock
and you blew him up?
Those are just...legends.
- I've heard a lot of legendssince you've been gone, Ian.
Mostly ones about you shagginghorrible creatures and elves.
- I never had sex with an elf...during this quest.
Look, Sandra, baby,
I know I haven'tbeen around much,
but the realm is safe now.
We can start over.
You're all of a suddengoing to be a family man,
be a father, a husband,
without no creatureson the side?
Provide for us,be here all day,
- [singsong]I brought presents.
For Matilda,the wings of a harpy.
- Will they make me fly?
- No, they're justdead, cut-off wings.
And for Connor and Jack,
we've got goblin swords.
- Swords!- Yay!
- Agh!It's in me!
- My penis!
- Great, Ian.Real responsible.
Give our children weapons,right?
Honestly, and what did youget me, huh?
Another mouth to feed?
A nudie picture of some
owl-bear you're banging?
Or the same thingyou always get me--
STDs and side of nothing!
- Of course I got yousomething.
Don't play me like that.
Look, I've got you...this?
- A gorgon head?
What the hellam I gonna do with--
Oh, don't look at--don't look at that.
Don't look, I've got toput it back in the sack.
- Get it, Daddy, get--- Don't look, don't look.
No.No, what have I--
What have I done?
I'm just going on a questto save my family.
They were all turned to stone.
I don't know how it happened.
- Ever since I was a boy,
I wanted four wives.
[sweeping harp music]
Careful girls, save some for me.[women moaning]
I'm about to jumpon the never-ending bang train.
Pelvic thrust times four.
Is that a hair--oh, oh, no.
No, Veronica,you don't look fat.
No, Tammy, your nosedoesn't look too big.
No, Sarah, your boobsaren't too small.
[corny sitcom laughter]
What's in there? [canned laughter]
Okay, who hasn't [bleep] yet?