A Cappella Club

  • Season 5, Ep 3
  • 07/22/2015

Two black students compete for a cappella supremacy, Andre and Meegan go on their first date, and would-be terrorists get caught up in the food truck business.

What does it taketo save a child in Africa?

To save themfrom the violence?

To save them from becominga child soldier?

What if I told youthat all it took

was just one beard?

For the priceof one costume beard,

you can save a childfrom becoming another statistic,

another warlord's pawn.

Be safe.

That's right.

Just one beard.

And for a little more,you can get him a cane.

[inspirational music]

[music stops]

[door closes]

We are here for the children!

[suspenseful music]

[upbeat jazz music playing]

These are all old people.

We are wasting our time.

Wait!

[dramatic music]

[whistles]

[engine starts]

Go, go!

[inspirational music]

Call today.

[scats]

(all)♪ There goes the girlwho owns my heart ♪

♪ I knew she was the oneright from the start ♪

- ♪ Ooh-wah - ♪ Our love is here to stay

- ♪ Ooh-wah - ♪ Each and every day

♪ We know that we willnever part ♪

[scats]

(Lyle)Oh, wow.

Great work, everybody.

Troy, I love that littleMotown outro thing.

Super soulful.

Cool.Thanks, Lyle.

Yeah, it just, uh, came to me,so I went with it.

Wow.That's crazy.

Hey, is this wherethe a cappella group meets?

- Oh, hey, Mark.- Hey, Lyle.

What's going on, buddy?

- Mark, get over here.- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

(Lyle)Guys, this is my buddy, Mark.

He just transferredfrom Minnesota.

I thought he could sit inon a few practices.

I don't know,maybe join the group?

Maybe.[chuckles]

(Lyle)All right, guys.

Let's do "Always Been My Girl"again, from the top.

- "Always Been My Girl," okay.- And...Mark?

- Show us your stuff.- You got it, man.

- (Lyle)All right, guys.Ready?

- One, two...- [scats]

(all)♪ There goes the girl

♪ Who owns my heart

♪ I knew she was the oneright from the start ♪

- ♪ Ooh wah - ♪ Our love is here to stay

- ♪ Ooh wah - ♪ Each and every day

♪ We know that we willnever part ♪

[scats]

♪ Ooh-wee-ee-ooh

[all laugh and clap]

(Lyle)You got to be kidding me.

Mark, that wasout of this world.

Oh, gosh, okay, well, hey,it just came to me,

so I just went with it.

(Lyle)Great.Well, keep going with it.

Guys, have a safe weekend,all right?

- See you on Monday.- Nice to meet you guys, man.

- That was awesome.- Isn't he the best?

Cool, guys.Great practice.

- Troy, good effort.- All right.

[Troy laughs]

Yeah, check you later, guys.

See you later, alligators.

[ominous music]

The fuck you thinkyou doing, nigga?

I'm doing my thing, nigga.

The fuck you doing?

See...

this is my seven white boys,nigga.

- [scoffs]- You need to back the fuck up.

Fuck that, nigga.

I'm 'bouts to get mine.

Do you have any ideahow long it took

for me to infiltratethis group, nigga?

25 minutes.

You think I'm gonnaroll over

for some falsetto-assmotherfucker?

[scoffs]

Well, you know what, nigga?

White boys is gonna dowhat white boys is gonna do.

And if they want to run with ahigh-ass-singing falsetto nigga,

then that's on them.

Oh, that's on them, then?

Oh, that's on them,then.

Okay, so it's like that?

Oh, it's solike that.

Well, watch your back, nigga!

- Okay.- Watch your back, nigga!

'Cause you fuckwith my shit,

I'll fuck with your shit,nigga!

[echoing]

(man)And improvise.

Oh, it's so cold out,and it's going to be dark soon.

Oh, my God.Yeah, we should build a fire.

Right, yeah, um, like...

Oh! Fire! Fire!

Freeze!

Oh, no.It's a black cat.

Hey, man.

Why the catgot to be black?

[laughter]

Freeze!

[dramatic music]

Man, I guess I got to putmy dick away.

[laughter]

[suspenseful music]

[laughter]

God, the moment I saw youlast night in the club,

totally hadto ask you out.

Are you kidding me?Like, the moment?

- Oh, yeah.- That's so sweet.

And I was actually afraidthat you were going to be, like,

one of those high-maintenancechicks, you know?

- What?- Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I don't know. Control freak or--I don't even know.

Oh, my God.That's so funny.

Isn't it?

Is it? Is it funny?Is it funny?

No. I'm, like, I totallyjust like to be just easygoing.

- Yeah, yeah.- Hi, I'm Wayne.

- I'll be your waiter.- It's been five minutes

and we're just nowgetting our menus?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Don't be sorry.

Be better.

Right. Okay.I'll be better.

At your job.

[tense music]

Thank you.

So, yeah, my philosophyis pretty much like,

keep it chill.

Right, yeah, yeah.

You know what I likeabout you?

- No, what?- It's like you're not afraid

to be, like, brainyand respectful.

Right.Thanks.

I really like your boobs.

[chuckles]

I think we reallycomplement each other well.

We just did itright there.

And, uh, I pretty muchgo with the flow.

Right, right.

What the fuckis wrong with you?

Excuse me?

Do I look likeMad Max to you?

I-I'm sorry?

Do I look likeMel Gibson with a mullet?

I...

no, not at all.

Does he look likea feral child

with a boomerangin his hand?

No.

Then why the fuckis water a rare commodity here?

It's--it's not.I'm just, uh--

[fake laughing]

I'm sorry.I'm just really slammed.

No, you'll knowwhen you're slammed

because your nutswill be on the table

and my fists will be coveredin your blood.

[dramatic music]

Um...

You were, uh...

like, kind of harshto that guy.

Oh, him?

- Yeah.- No.

I was a hostessat a restaurant.

In the industry, that's howwe talk to each other.

I'll show you.Hey!

Uh, hey.

What do you see there?

That's your water.

No, no, no, no, no, no.Down.

Down?

Down, boy.Get on your knees.

Okay, I have other tablesthat I have...

What does thatlook like to you?

Yes, there's a little lipstickon your glass.

- Okay.- But it...

Megan, it's your--it's yours--

This is whatI want you to do.

I want you to takethis glass into the back.

I want you to break it,

take the biggest shard you canfind, and bring it to me.

I'm...

Then I want to slityour gullet.

All right, I'm just--I'll get you another water--

I'm going to slit your throatand watch you bleed out,

and I'm going to showerin your blood.

All right, I'll...I'll get another water.

Well, that would be great.Thank you.

But as I was saying, like,

I just feel like it's likedo unto others.

Megan!

It was your lipstickon the glass.

[dramatic music]

What the hell is that?What are you doing?

Wait.Wait, no, no, no, no.

Oh, man.

Let me just tell you,

no one's ever talked to melike that in my life.

I'm just sayingthat your lipstick--

You have his back?

Who does that?

It was your lipstickon the glass.

He's just a waiter.

You know what?Take his side.

- I'm not--- And I hope you have

a very happy life together.

Megan.

What's going on right now?

What are you...?

[dramatic music]

- Seriously, Megan--- No!

No.

Megan!You left your jacket!

- Hey, you left your jacket!- Hey. Hey, hey.

Don't do it.

Man, I just hurt her feelings,and then she left her jacket.

The least I could do isgive her back her jacket.

Don't do it.Don't do it.

- She fucking needs this jacket.- She does not need it.

It's 87 degrees out.You know she doesn't need it.

In your heart of hearts you knowshe doesn't need that jacket.

Don't do it.

I think she's goingto need her jacket.

No, she's not going to need it.She's not gonna need it.

Megan, you left your jacket,though!

Seemed like a nice guy.

[East Indian music]

Okay, there is your herofusion burger, sir.

Thank you.

And, sir, if you could just waitfor one moment.

We are very, very busy today.I'm so sorry.

Another great day of business,Brother Abraham.

Oh, my gosh.Are you kidding me?

Look, we areraking in the money.

Praise Allah.I know.

I have just boughta flat screen television.

- Really?- High definition.

We should watch some of theAmerican films on the screen.

Come, come.I have the La-Z-Boy.

- I have the La-Z-Boy sofa.- Oh, my God, we could--

Salam alaykum.

Brother Abraham,Brother Osman.

Wa-alaikum-salaam,Brother Mustafa.

Wa-alaikum-salaam,Brother Mustafa.

What are you doing herein United States?

- A joyous surprise.- Yes, absolutely.

I was justchecking on your progress.

Of course.

This is a very good frontfor your sleeper cell.

[chuckles]

The Americans will neversee it coming.

They are totally fooled,Brother Mustafa.

They think that we arejust two immigrants

who are in love withthe amazing amounts of money

that you can makebeing entrepreneurs.

I mean, this food truckis, like, just printing money.

It's a little crazy,to be honest with you.

It's like a bottomless pitof money.

You can just reach in,pull it out...

Well, in reality,Brother Abraham.

Yes, well, in reality,we--we--we want to destroy

as many of the imperialistinfidels as possible.

Right.

But whatI don't understand is...

you have your target,you have your explosives.

Why not just put the bombon the truck

and then drive it straightinto the building,

killing as many infidelsas you can?

No.So, the thing...is...

That we are alreadydoing it.

How is that possible?

You see,Brother Mustafa,

these sandwichesare loaded with cholesterol.

Slowly, the infidels,they grow fat,

and their arteriesstart to clog--

Stop it!

I'm beginning to doubtyour dedication to the cause.

- No, no, no, no.- Hey, guy?

(man)Can I just ordera fusion burger? I'm in a hurry.

Uh, yes...$9 please.

Our leaderswill be very displeased.

Did you say $9 for one?

Uh, yes.Yes.

One dollar extra for crazy,rockin' hummus dip.

How much do they cost to make?

- $1.50.- $1.50.

Pretty good margins.

- Yes.- Yes, yes, yes.

How many do yousell a day?

I don't know, I don't know.Maybe 100?

- 100?- Yes, sometimes two.

On a good day,maybe two.

What?

So 200 is a big day.

But you are ignoringyour mission!

[dramatic music]

You will paythe ultimate price!

(Abraham)No, no, no, no.No, Mustafa.

We are still pure.

[suspenseful music]

Okay, that sounds good.

Your order will be right up.That'll be $9, please.

All right, thank you.

My friends!

You must try Mustafa-kebab!

Only $5.

And one rock and rollbaba ghanoush, $1 extra.

Come on.

No, no, no.Wait, wait, wait, wait.

- Your hero fusion burger.- You...

- No, okay. Sorry.- Sorry.

I'll tell you,we still got it, Otis.

Oh, yeah.Yes, we do.

- True that, Walden.- Mm-hmm.

- All right.- We here, ain't we?

Oh, yeah. Hey, we hittin' itin business right now.

[both croak loudly]

[both sigh]

We out here, straighthitting the bricks, as it were.

Hey, hey, I'm gonnatell you right now,

I got a pocket full of nickels,and I'm ready to get loose.

- All right!- [laughs]

- Okay.- Can I, uh...

get another round, please?

[hip-hop music playing]

- Here we go.- Oh, yeah.

[both mumbling]

You guys like Drake?

- Drink?- A drink?

We got--we got drinks.

- All sorted out on the...- We got 'em, young buck.

Drink front there,Tiny Tim.

Drake.

Like Drake, the rapper.He's a musician.

Like, "Started from the bottom,now we here."

Drake.

Drink?You saying "drink."

You know a musiciancalled Drink?

Okay, you know what?Never--never mind.

Uh, you guys are awesome.

[both scoff]

- Drink.- Awesome.

He over here talkingabout Drake.

- "You guys are awesome."- I don't know about no Drake.

I don't know nothingabout no Drake.

I'll tell you another thing,

I'm trying to watchmy calorie intake.

Ain't worriedabout no Drink.

Concerned aboutdigesting my steak.

- Talk about Drake.- Talking about Drake.

I'm having a hard enough timestaying awake.

I can't be concerningmyself with Drake.

You know.

Poured orange juiceon my corn flakes.

Yeah.

He talking about Drake.Trying to talk about Drake.

I need five breathsto blow out my birthday cake.

I ain't concernedabout no Drake.

- Drake.- You want to be

concerned about Drake,that's on your time, brother.

Shoot, man.Lost my teeth in a lake.

I'm over herelike a 1930s cartoon

hitting my headwhen I step on a rake.

[mimics slap]Whoo!

[mimics birds flying]

I don't know no Drake.

Over here talking about Drake.You concerned about Drake.

I'm gonna tell youwhat I'm concerned about.

Making it to the john withoutmaking a bathroom mistake.

My left eyeballis a fake.

Sperm, my testiclesdo not make.

I woke up this morningand my booty hole ache.

- Drake. Drake.- Drake. Drake.

I ain't give a shitabout no Drake.

You know all about Drake.

[speaking gibberish]Drake.

Drake.

[scoffs]

Oh, hey, now.Look at them.

Look at these twoold-timers over here.

[both chuckling]

Now, take it easyon them, Walden.

[both laughing]

I will, Otis.I will, brother.

I will.

[both chuckling]

Hey!Hello, gentlemen.

Y'all like Drake?

(man)Drake?

Hell, yes.

"Started from the bottom,

now the whole teamfucking here."

Y'all likeTyler, the Creator?