Sinbad: Make Me Wanna Holla

  • Season 1, Ep 101
  • 06/14/2014

Stand-up icon Sinbad is back with his trademark in-your-face style and a musical appearance by his alter ego, Memphis Red and the Stank Nasty Band.

It's not like the '60s and '50s.

See, '60s and '50s, weknew what was coming.

We knew what was coming.

Now, white kids are black, so.

Was that black-on-black crime?

Was that white on-- wasthat black-on-black?

Was that white-on-black,black-on-black?

Was that black-on-black-white?

Was that white being black?

Was thatwhite-being-black-on-black?

White-being-black-on-black?

See, what's happening is thewhite kids have been watching

hip hop, and we've been runningout the neighborhood sending

our kids to like,suburban schools.

So our kids arein private school,

and white kids are hardcore.

So the black kid'slike this-- hey.

Hey.

That's enough.

And the white kid's like,I've got something for you.

Yeah.

The Jay-Z concert washappening in Detroit this week,

and I was watching it.

I love people just walk.

They just come downand walk to Jay-Z--

Jay-Z and Justin Timberlake.

Think about it.

Did we ever think we see a dayJay-Z and Justin Timberlake

and all the whitesuburban kids was going--

and they were singing lyrics.

[humming] And the blackkids-- what song-- what song

is-- We're goingto see John Mayer.

We got any teenagers here?

Teenagers?

No?I know.

Because yourparents made you go.

Go see Sinbad.

You need to see-- he'slike, uh, who's Sinbad?

"A Different World."

He's on "A Different World."Which one?

Oh, I want to see Kevin Hart.

I don't want to see Sinbad.

He said it, didn't he?

You don't want to see nobodywith your mama like that.

It make no sense, do it?

Who's Sinbad-- oh, he's old.

How's he going to relate to me?

How old are you?AUDIENCE: 15.

-See, 15.

You ride the age whereyou don't know Jack.

You don't know nothing.

I know you think-- youdon't know nothing.

You ain't got nodriver's license.

You can't go get nothin'.

You can't go to the store.

You don't pay no rent.

You a homeless manliving in a house.

You just don't see it that way.But that's how she looks at it.

See, we love you.

As parents, we love you.

We want you-- now,what's your first name?

AUDIENCE: Cory.

-Cory?

See, your parents love you,but at 15, there's a love-hate.

Up to about 13-- I love you.I love you, my son.

You're my seed.

At 15-- I don't knowwhere the hell you from.

I don't know what side ofthe family this came from,

but it didn't come from me.

You about to lose your life.

That's what you about to lose.

If she ever says toyou, "get out my face,"

don't play with it.See, you all are young.

You all don't understand.

You all stand acouple extra minutes.

Where'd that come from?

See, in the '70s,when you mother

did this-- when shewent to the left, go.

Just go.

Go.

Stay with yourgrandma for a week.

Come back later.

You all stand there.

Knocked out.

Sometimes you've gotto do tough love.

We forgot-- tough love don'tmean beating the child.

I ain't talking about beating.

Every time you talkabout whoppin' a child--

isn't that wrong?

It's wrong to whoop a child.

Look, you ain'tnever been whooped.

The whoopin' is psychological.

The whoopin' don'teven hurt that much.

It's my father-- oh, boy.He's doing that noise.

Augh-- OK.

OK.

That's why I can'tkeep many jobs.

See, people saythey want honest.

Everybody says,oh, I want honesty.

No, you don't.No, you don't.

I can't be a teacher, sittingthere-- why did my son flunk?

Because he's the dumbestone in the class.

I'm surprised hegot to fifth grade.

I don't know how.

He should be in kindergarten.

That's where he needs to be.

You know what I'm saying, right?

People need to be ableto tell the truth.

Like all my teachers-- youall got to be sitting there.

OK.

What you do-- do youteach in public school

or like, private school?AUDIENCE: Private.

-Oh, so the biggest thing withyou is, we had a bake sale

and all the moneydidn't come in.

Who has the bake sale money?

We are locking these doors.

We're using our honesty caps.

Everybody put ontheir honesty cap.

Johnny took the money.

And what do we dowhen we lie, Johnny?

We say we're sorry.

So don't you ever say it'sso hard being a teacher.

I want you to be a substituteteacher in the Detroit

public school system--not for a week.

Not for a week.

One day.

Just going throughthe metal detector.

it's got to be hard.

See, I think for allthis racism to end,

my generation has to die out.

We have seen too much.We're jacked up.

I'm 57.

My generation and above-- weare racist, sexist, ageist.

We are last dinosaur.

We're trying to be racist,but it's right here.

It's right here.

It's right here.

We try to talk right.

Man, these two--people not like me.

We try not to describerace, but we were raised

in a racialsituation in America.

Now, our kids are like this.

My kids-- kidswill freak you out.

Oh, come on, Dad.There's no more racism.

OK.

Drive your car 80 miles an hour.

And when they stop you, get outand say, "what's up, officer?"

Just get out and say,"what's up, officer?"

And find out.

That's why I'vetrained children--

I don't want you allto get this wrong.

I think there's money.

Because right now inAmerica, there's no jobs.

I tell young white cats.

You can make money as designatedwhite friend who rides with us.

Think about it.

If you ain't gotno money right now,

you're the white guythat sits in the car.

You sit in the passenger side.Police.

Who are with?

We're with Todd.

You all be careful.

Because when you ride withus, police are confused.

When brothers are drivingand there's a white dude

in the car like this--can you get out?

Get out.Get out.

Just run home.Run home, damnit.

But these are my boys.

Are you black?

No sir.

Because, you know, we'vegot so caught up in race

in this country we forgetnow it's class, it's money.

It's gone beyond race,because rich people hate

poor people whatevercolor they are.

Rich black people don't likepoor black people either.

You think I'm playin'?

When brothers and sistersmove to the suburbs and then

another black personmove in, oh, hell.

Oh, hell.

You're going tomess up everything.

Go!

Just go.

That's when I can tell a youngman doesn't have a father.

You ain't never feared nobody.

See, when you don't ever feara man, you can tell a dude,

all right, you disrespect me.

You disrespect me.

Oh, I've been disrespectedmost of my life.

I had a father.

He had no respect.Get up.

I ain't dressed yet.Get-- You tired?

Get-- You tired?No sir.

No sir.

You act like you tired.

No, I'm just having some issues.

See, as a man, if you ain'tnever backed down away

from a man, you don't know whatit's like to back off a man.

You gotta know when to back up.

That's why these kidsare getting shot.

You gotta know when someone'smore dangerous than you.

And that's whatfather's teacher you.

Oh, are you standing up to me?

No.

Sometimes I standup because my back--

You can't fight everybody.

There are certainpeople-- we all know.

Every man here knows this.

There's always one dude.What's that cat?

The most dangerous-- thereis a most dangerous man/woman

in every neighborhood thateverybody goes like this.

Man, he stole my bike.

Just let that-- man, let that--

You see, when a dangerousdude steals your bike,

he rides by you.

Get on.You want a ride?

(QUIETLY) My-- that's my bike.

What?

That's my-- that's my bike.

This is your bike?Wait, hold on.

Let me look at it.Oh, no.

My handlebars are different.

You have to know when toback up off people, man.

See, crazy peopledon't say they're

crazy before they hurt you.

People say, man, I'm crazy, man.

I'll kill you.

I'm crazy.

Crazy people standthere-- heh heh.

And see-- there are people--Anybody here, like,

a vegetarian, againstkilling animals?

Because I know this is Michigan.

You don't probablyhave but one or two.

See, California---the poor animals.

You can't kill the animals.

We need to eat vegetables.

God made it so if you can'trun fast, you get killed.

It's in the Bible,Second Corinthians-- thou

shall run as fast as you can.

And when caught,you shall be eaten.

Anybody here a vegetarian?

My daughter's a vegetarian.Are you vegetarian?

Why are you vegetarian?

You don't eve know why, do you?

It sounded cool.

I don't eat meat anymore.

And I'm so hungry right now.

You're hungry right now.

You hungry right-- yourblood sugar's so low.

Look at all these meat-eaters.

Sinbad, you.

How long is he going to talk?

I thought this wasa half-hour show.

How long is the show?I need a carrot.

So, why'd youbecome a vegetarian?

AUDIENCE: [inaudible].

-When you became a vegetarian?

Yeah, because it ain't natural.

It's not natural.Look.

OK.I'm going to help you out.

Look at life.Look at the jungle.

Who's the one runningafter everybody?

The lions.The tigers.

The tigers.Eat meat.

Look at the little vegetarians,trying to get to a hole.

Go, go, go, go, go!

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

We lost Jimmy.We lost Jimmy.

Watch Animal Planet.

You'll start eating sandwiches.