You've Got Spam & Dee Dee Dee Awards

  • Season 1, Ep 8
  • 08/24/2005

Carlos exercises his right to free speech and slams people who send spam.

BECAUSE I'M SAYING I LOVE MY COUNTRY,

I SAYING IT'S PERFECT, ALL RIGHT?

THERE'S A LOT OF STUFFTHAT ALSO PISSES ME OFF.

LIKE THE SPAM MAIL I GET. IT FILLS UP MY IN-BOX UP

FASTER THAN RAPHAEL PALMERO FILLS UP HIS ASS WITH STEROIDS.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

I KNOW YOU'RE A BEANER RAPHAEL.

BUT MOST DOMINICANSDO IT WITHOUT STEROIDS!

[LAUGHTER]

YOU KNOW SOMEWHERE FERNANDOVALENZUELA'S FAT ASS WAS GOING.

[THICK MEXICAN ACCENT] I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO WORK OUT

AND LOOK HOW I PITCHED!

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND ON TOP OF THAT, THESE EMAILS HAVE GOT TO BE

THE DUMBEST SCAMS I'VE EVER SEEN.

I CAN'T BELIEVE ANYONE ACTUALLY FALLS FOR THIS CRAP.

HERE, I'LL SHOW YOU EXACTLY WHAT I MEANT.

ALL RIGHT.

Automated Voice: YOU'VE GOT SPAM.

DEAR STUD, HOT SEXY VIRGINS ARE DYING TO MEET YOU,

CALL US NOW.

GUYS, I HATETO BREAK IT TO YOU.

BUT IF A GIRL IS SENDING PORNOEMAILS TO 40 MILLION GUYS

SHE'S NOT A VIRGIN!

AND SHE'S PROBABLYNOT A GIRL EITHER.

[CHEERS, WHISTLES & APPLAUSE]

DELETE!

YOU'VE GOT SPAM!

DEAR SIR, PRINCEABU ABAQU OF NIGERIAWANTS TO OFFER YOU

$15 MILLIONIN FROZEN ASSETS.

ALL WE NEED IS YOUR PRIVATEBANK ACCOUNT INFORMATION.

LOOK, IF THE PRINCE OFNIGERIA HAD $15 MILLION,

HE WOULD HAVEMOVED OUT OF NIGERIA!

YOU MAY THINK YOU'RE SENDINGYOUR PIN NUMBER TO THIS GUY.

BUT YOU'RE ACTUALLYSENDING IT TO THIS GUY.

[CHEERS, WHISTLES & APPLAUSE]

DELETE.

YOU'VE GOT SPAM!

HEY FRIEND,DO YOU WANT A BIGGER PENIS?

OUR NEW MIRACLE DRUG,WANG MAX, IS GUARANTEED

TO ADD INCHESTO YOU MEMBER.

COME ON, THIS PRODUCTDOES NOT EXIST.

IF IT DID, WE WOULD NOT NEEDAN EMAIL TO TELL US ABOUT IT.

EVERY GUY IN AMERICA WOULD BE RUNNING DOWN THE STREET

SCREAMING IN CELEBRATION. AND YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU

WHO WOULD BE THEFIRST IN LINE TO BUY IT?

HA-HA-HA-HE-HE-HE-HA HA!THIS GUY.

[CHEERS, WHISTLES & APPLAUSE]

Loading...