Tuesday, April 1, 2014

  • 04/01/2014

Kumail Nanjiani, Thomas Middleditch and T.J. Miller celebrate April Fools' Day with David Hasselhoff, list #FailedApps and tweet as a redneck possum.

>> IT'S 11:59 AND 59 SECONDS,AND THIS HAPPENED ON GOOGLE PLUS

TODAY.

AS AN APRIL FOOL'S DAY STUNT,GOOGLE PLUS ADDE DAVID

HASSELHOFF PHOTOBOMBS TOPICTURES THAT USERS UPLOADED

TODAY, LIKE THIS ONE AT THEBEACH RIGHT THERE HANGING OUT.

I DOES ONE MYSELF.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )HANG ON.

HANG ON.

BUD, SADLY, APRIL FOOLS' DAY ISNOW OVER.

( LAUGHTER )>> OH, IT'S OVER.

>> YEAH, SORRY.

>> SO YOU WANT ME TO EFF HOFF?

>> HOW YOU DOING?

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

>> THANK YOU.

>> THANK YOU.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>> IT IS AMAZING THAT THAT MAN

WENT ALL OVER THE WORLD TO BE INEVERYONE'S PHOTOGRAPHS.

RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNETHEADLINES, IT'S RAPID REFRESH.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )IN DISHONOR OF APRIL FOOLS, THE

INTERNET MADE A VARIETY OFPARODY VIDEOS SINCE IT'S THE ONE

DAY EVERYONE CAN BE HACKY.

SOUTHWEST OFFERED ROUNDS TRIPFLIGHTS TO MARS.

THERE'S THAT.

SO YOU CAN SIT NEXT TO ASCREAMING BABY FOR FOUR YEARS.

AND NETFLIX MADE A 73-MINUTEVIDEO OF A CHICKEN GETTING

COOKED.

>> THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.

>> WE CREATED A ROSETTA STONELANGUAGE VIDEO FOR KLINGON.

IT WAS A LOT OF FUN.

WHICH SHOULD BE A THING.

WEBMD, HOWEVER, HAS NOT YETPARTICIPATED.

OH!

COMEDIANS, WHAT SHOULD THEIRPRANK HAVE BEEN.

>> TURNS OUT EVERY TIME THEY HADSAID IT WAS CANCER, IT WAS AIDS

APRIL FOOLS.

>> THEY WENT ALL RELIGIOUS ANDEVERY TREATMENT OPTION IS 100

MILLIGRAMS OF PRAYER!

>> YES POINTS.

T.J. MILLER.

>> EVERYTHING YOU ASK ABOUT, ITJUST REPLIES, "YOU'RE FINE.

YOU'RE FINE."

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>> I AM STILL REALLY NERVOUS

AFTER SEEING DAVID HASSELHOFF.

( LAUGHTER )I CAN'T GET OVER IT!

HE'S RIGHT THERE!

>> HE'S LIKE A HUMAN BEING.

HE'S A PERSON.

>> I DON'T WANT TO RUIN IT BUTYOU GOTTA SEE THE END OF THAT

NETFLIX CHICKEN VIDEO.

>> SPOILER, SPOILERS!

SPOILERS!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )WHY DID YOU JUST SHOW THEM

CHICKEN SALAD SANDWICH YOU TOOKFROM THE CRAFT SALAD TABLE.

>> CHRIS, CHRIS, JUST IN CASE, IGOT A LITTLE CHIPS FOR YOU.

>> WOW!

THAT SWEETENS THE POT?

>> YEAH, BABY.

YEAH, BABY.

>> WHOA!

OH, YEAH.

EAT THOSE CHIPS WITHOUT SALSA!

DO IT DRY, MAN!

>> I LOVE THE IDEA OF BEING AT APARTY AND SOMEONE IS LIKE SALSA?

AND YOU'RE LIKE, I EAT THEM DRY.

( LAUGHTER )>> I LIKE THEM LIKE I LIKE MY

WOMEN-- DRY.

( LAUGHTER )LET'S MOVE ON.

BUSINESSINSIDEER.COM PLAYED THEGREATEST PRANK BY ANNOUNCING THE

VERY REAL STORY THAT WASHINGTON,D.C. WAS DECRIMINALIZING POT,

FORCING STONERS TO WONDERWHETHER THEY CAN LIGHT UP OR

WILL GET TASED BY A COP YELLING"APRIL FOOLS!"

THE UNOFFICIAL MOTTO OFWASHINGTON, D.C. IS "TAXATION

WITHOUT REPRESENTATION,"WHICH IS FEATURED ON THEIR

LICENSE PLATES.

NOW THAT POT HAS BEENDECRIMINALIZED, WHAT SHOULD THE

MOTTO ON THE D.C. LICENSE.

PLATES BE?

KUMAIL?

>> ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME?

YOU'RE FOLLOWING ME.

( LAUGHTER )ARE YOU A COP?

IF YOU'RE A COP, YOU HAVE TOTELL ME.

>> POINTS.

THOMAS MIDDLEDITCH.

>> WASHINGTON, D.C.-- WHERE--UHM...

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

>> POINTS!

T.J.

>> WASHINGTON, D.C., SMOKE SOMEOF THAT OBAMA MARA-JU-WANA!

OH, BUDDY, BUDDY.

YOU WANT TO SMOKE THAT WEED,COME TO THE CAPITAL.

WE HAVE THE LONGEST LICENSEPLATES.

YOU EVER SEEN ROANAN?

#HASHTAGWARS.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )TONIGHT OUR COMEDIANS ARE THE

STARS OF HBO'S UPCOMING SERIES,"SILICON VALLEY", AND TONIGHT'S

HASHTAG IS FAILED APPS.

WE'RE ON A LITTLE THIN ICETHIS ONE.

WHERE IS THIS GOING TO GO?

DON'T MAKE FUN OF MY FAVORITEAPPS.

I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS!

IS ANYTHING SACRED ANYMORE!

COME ON, RETRACT THE CLAWS,WOLVERINE.

EXAMPLES WOULD BE ANGRY TURDS,DUCK FACETIME, OR FAPCHAT.

I'M PUTTING 60 SECONDS ON THECLOCK AND GO.

>> SHAZAM FOR FARTS.

>> IDENTIFY PEOPLE.

>> AND WHAT THEY ATE.

>> WELL DONE.

T.J.

>> KU-MANY PRONUNCIATIONS.

IT'S ALL DIFFERENT WAYS TOPRONOUNCE KUMAIL'S NAME.

>> POINTS, POINTS.

THOMAS.

>> URBAN-POON.

POINTS.

KUMAIL.

>> ANGRY NERDS, IT'S PICTURES OFYOU.

( APPLAUSE )T.J.?

>> INSTAGRAM-MOTHER.

IT'S JUST INSTAGRAM PICTURES OFALL THE SWEET GRANDMAMAS.

>> POINTS!

>> YOU KNOW HOW I LIKE THE DRYONES!

>> NO!

DON'T APPLAUD IT!

>> YOU GOT A CHICKEN SALADSANDWICH COMING RIGHT YOUR WAY.

>> I HOPE THEY DIDN'T PUT THEMAYO ON IT.

( LAUGHTER )KUMAIL.

>> HUH?

WHAT ARE WE DOING?

>> FAILED APPS.

>> JOHN WILKES PHOTO BOOTH, ANDIT'S JUST SHOTS OF THE BACK OF

YOUR HEAD.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

"APRIL FOOLS OR JUST JAPAN."

AMERICA LOVES APRIL FOOL'S DAY,BUT IN JAPAN THEY TAKE THAT

AS SERIOUS AS A MOTHRA ATTACK.

I'M GONNA SHOW YOU A PICTURE OFSOMETHING JAPANESE AND YOU TELL

ME IF IT'S A JAPANESE APRILFOOL'S PRANK OR JUST ANOTHER DAY

IN JAPAN.

THE FIRST ONE, RED BULL BATHPOWDER.

SURE, WHY NOT?

APRIL FOOLS OR JUST JAPAN?

KUMAIL.

>> THAT IS AN APRIL FOOL'S JOKE.

>> THAT IS, IN FACT, AN APRILFOOL'S JOKE.

( APPLAUSE )>> YOU KNOW WHY?

BECAUSE YOU CAN EASILY JUSTDRINK RED BULL IN THE SHOWER.

HOW ABOUT BEER FOR CHILDREN?

IT'S NOT LIKE THEY HAVE ADRIVER'S LICENSE.

APRIL FOOL'S OR JUST JAPAN.

T.J.?

>> THIS IS JUST JAPAN.

>> YEAH, THIS IS JUST JAPAN.

>> THERE'S A COMMERCIAL FOR IT.

>> WHO NEEDS TO WORRY ABOUTCALORIES AT THAT AGE?

>> SEE THAT KID IS JUST LIKEDAMN, ( BLEEP )!

I DON'T, YOU KNOW, HE'S TALKINGLIKE THAT, THOUGH.

>> EVERYONE IS SO CLOSE YOU CANJUST HUG ( BLEEP )'S ALL DAY

LONG.

>> AIR CONDITIONED PANTS.

PLEASE LET THESE BE REAL.

APRIL FOOL'S OR JUST JAPAN,KUMAIL?

>> THAT'S JUST AN APRIL FOOL'SJOKE BECAUSE WHERE WOULD YOU

PLUG IT IN, YOUR BUTT?

RIGHT?

>> THAT COULD BE PART OF THEVENTILATION PROJECTS.

THESE ARE ACTUALLY JUST JAPAN.

THESE ARE REAL.

>> I KNEW IT.

>> SOLD OUT, BY THE WAY, THEY'RESOLD OUT.

>> HEY, MAN, I GOT SOME HOTTHIGHS.

YOU'RE TALKING TO A GIRL ANDGETTING NERVOUS AND IT'S LIKE

VROOOOOM.

SORRY, MY LEGS ARE GETTING HOT.

I CAN'T HEAR YOU, WHAT?

HERE, GO DOWN AND TALK INTO MYTHIGH.

IT SOUNDS LIKE DARTH VADER.

BEFORE THE BREAK, I SHOWED YOUTHE NEW MASCOT FOR THE AA

AFFILIATE ANAHEIM ANGELS ANDASKED YOU TO WRITE ITS FIRST

TWEET.

I MEAN, IT'S REALLY NOT-- YOUKNOW, I'M FROM TENNESSEE AND

THIS IS-- ( BLEEP ).

LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GUYS WROTE.

THOMAS.

>> YOU WILL NEVER REACH THE NECRONOMINCON! I MEAN,

LET'S GO TRAVELERS.

GET A HOME RUN.

( APPLAUSE )>> ALL RIGHT, T.J.

>> HEY, LOOK AT MY MOUTH WHENYOU'RE TALK TOWG ME.

IT'S WHERE I SEE FROM.

HEY!

MY EYES ARE DOWN HERE!

( LAUGHTER ).

>> OH, MY GOD.

YOU SHOULD BE THE VOICE OF THATTHING.

KUMAIL.

>> I WAS ONCE A MAN.

I STEPPED IN A PILE OFRADIOACTIVE POSSUM ( BLEEP ).

PLEASE TELL MY WIFE I'M ALIVEAND I MISS MY CHILDREN.

HASHTAG BUTTS.

>> I GOTTA GIVE-- DAMN!

I LOVED ALL OF THOSE OF!

>> HEY, CHRIS.

>> WHAT?

>> 1,000 POINTS FOR EVERYBODY!

1,000 POINTS ACROSS THE BOARD!

WEB M DUMB.

THE DEADLINE TO SIGN UP FOROBAMACARE ONLINE WAS

YESTERDAY, WHICH MEANS LOTS OFPEOPLE WHO MISSED THE

DEADLINE ARE GOING TO BEFLOCKING TO WEBMD.

WHY DEAL WITH ACTUAL HEALTHCAREWHEN YOU CAN DIAGNOSE HERPES

WHEN YOU CAN DIAGNOSE HERPES( LAUGHTER )

COMEDIANS, I WANT YOU TO GIVE ASME MANY DUMB MEDICAL

QUESTIONS TO WEBMD AS YOU CAN.

60 SECONDS.

GO.

THOMAS.

>> MY WIFE GETS HEADACHES WHEN IGET BORNES.

ARE MY BORNES CAUSING HERHEADACHES?

>> POINTS.

>> ARE HER HEADACHES CAUSING MYBONERS?

>> I'M HAVING TROUBLE FLYFINGGRONG WITH ME?

WHAT'S GRONG WITH ME?

>> POINTS.

KUMAIL?

>> IS IT TOO LATE TO GET ANABORTION?

IT'S IN THE THIRD GRADE.

( APPLAUSE ).

>> POINTS!

IT'S IN THE THIRD GRADE.

THOMAS, WHAT'S THE BEST TOOL TOREMOVE A KIDNEY, IN HOME DEPOT

NOW.

PLEASE REPLY QUICK.

>> POINTS!

KUMAIL.

>> SERIOUSLY, IS DAVIDHASSELHOFF STILL IN THE

BUILDING?

>> IT'S A FAIR QUESTION, POINTS.

KUMAIL?

>> IF SOMEONE DRINKS AN ENTIREBOTTLE OF DRANO, WHERE DO I HIDE

MY WIFE'S BODY?

>> POINTS!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )T.J.?

>> ARE THESE LEGS?

( LAUGHTER )>> POINTS!

NO PICTURE ATTACHED.

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