President Obama drinks the water in Flint, MI, and Larry discusses the state of American baseball with Ken Burns, Mike Yard and Holly Walker.
("The Mexican Hat Dance"playing)
Whoo!Welcome to The Nightly Show!
Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay!
-(audience chanting "Larry!")-I am Larry... Oh, yes!
-♪ -AUDIENCE:Larry! Larry! Larry! Larry!
Gracias, gracias, amigos. Gracias.
Gracias. Thank you very much.
Feliz Cinco de Mayo, everybody.
-♪ -(cheering, applause)
Whoo! I am so excited.
I'm celebrating con this burrito grande.
-Huh? Oh.-Stop it.
-Oh, uh, Grace Parra, everybody.-Yes. Hello. Hi.
-(cheering, applause)-Hey, Grace. -Hello.
Happy Mexican July Fourth,Grace!
Oh, my God, Larry, it'snot Mexico's independence day!
-Huh? -Cinco de Mayo honorsMexico's unexpected victory
over the Frenchat the Battle of Puebla in 1862.
-(cheering, applause)-All right!
Mexico beat the French! Whoo!
Yes, until the Frenchreturned a year later
and then beat the (bleep)out of Mexico.
Lakes of blood.Corpses everywhere.
All right, well, maybeI'll just have a margarita!
-(cheering, applause)-Okay. All right.
-Yeah, come on! Whoo!-Sure, sure, sure.
Even though Cinco de Mayowas invented by beer companies
to sell their swillto Spanish speakers.
But, hey, you wantto exploit our culture
just for an excuse to drink,knock yourself out.
That's all right.Grace "Para," everybody.
It's Parra! If only for today, it's Parra!
-(cheering, applause)-Get out of here! Go! Get! Get!
All right, fine.
Okay, that was a slightlyinappropriate celebration.
I wonder who else could have hadan inappropriate celebration
of Cinco de Mayo.
NEWSMAN: Mr. Trump just a few minutes ago
tweeted from his desk at Trump Tower,
"Happy Cinco de Mayo.
"The best taco bowls are made in Trump Tower Grill.
I love Hispanics."
And there is a picture of him eating a...
taco bowl, it looks like.
(like Trump): My complimentsto the drug-dealing rapist
who made the taco bowl.
Excuse me, excuse me.
It's fantastic.It's fantastic.
So yesterday--or Cuatro de Mayo,
as it's known in Casa Wilmore--
uh, President Obamavisited Flint, Michigan,
amid the city'songoing water crisis.
NEWSWOMAN: He's hearing firsthand about residents,
how they're coping with the city's toxic water crisis,
and he will meet with the eight-year-old little girl
whose letter prompted his visit.
Aw... man, that's very sweet.
You know, but what really gotthe president's attention was
what was written at the bottomof the little girl's note.
-(audience groaning)-So yeah. I know.
That was horrible,it was a horrible thing.
Uh, so embattledMichigan governor, Rick Snyder,
took the stageat Northwestern High School
prior to the president.
We have a short-termwater crisis
that needs to be repaired.
Man! Last time I heardan audience boo like that,
it followed the announcement,"Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcomethe Bacon Brothers."
That's got to feel awful,though,
being booed by a group of people
who disagreewith every word you're saying
when all you're doing isstanding at a podium, you know,
just tryingto drop some science.
Call me if you need someoneto talk to, Governor Snyder.
I'm just kidding.Don't call me.
Uh, but to his credit, Obamahelped calm residents' fears
by sampling some of the water.
(many camera shutters clicking)
And... uh,this used, uh, a filter.
Well, no, damn,he had to use a filter--
he's the Presidentof the United States.
I mean, I get the optics,but you can't take any chances.
Look, I'll tell you,check out what happened
when, moments earlier,a Flint official sampled
-(laughter, whooping, applause)-He chose poorly.
He did. Got to be careful.That's all I'm saying.
But Flint is not the only place
in Michiganthat's having some problems.
The Detroit public schools alsohave a bad taste in their mouth,
but for a different reason.
NEWSWOMAN ...union leaders telling
Detroit public school teachers to go back to their classrooms
after two days of sick-outs.
Our school system is falling apart.
NEWSMAN: Detroit schools include buildings in major disrepair,
some infested with mold and rodents.
Jesus. Infestedwith mold and rodents?
It's a public school,not Spirit Airlines.
What are they thinking, huh?
But to be fair, the kidsare learning something--
not to be a teacherin a Detroit school.
NEWSMAN: Teachers were worried they would not get paid
because of the Detroit school district's financial problems.
This is terrible.
Does anybody seethe solution here?
Get the mold and rodentsto teach class.
The free ride is over, guys!
But seriously, seriously,
who'd you pick to runthe school system?
The same guy who screwed upthe water in Flint?
NEWSWOMAN: This is Darnell Earley.
He was emergency manager in Flint when the city
switched water sources, and then emergency manager
in Detroit public schools.
You have to be(bleep) kidding me.
I was joking.
I mean,what's the thinking there?
You can't shufflea public servant
who's ruined children's livesfrom sweet gig to sweet gig.
It's Detroit,not the Catholic Church.
-(applause, whooping)-Catholic? I'm sorry.
Now, Darnell Earley has sinceresigned from this position.
I hear he's now workingon the Trump campaign
as his Secretaryof Mismanagement.
But, now,Detroit isn't the only place
where our public educationsystem's coming up short.
In Tennessee,an educator was suspended
when her class was watchingthe film, Human Centipede 2.
-(groans)-Now... you've heard of this?
Okay, for those of younot currently binging
the Human Centipede franchise, uh...
Human Centipede 2-- okay, get ready--
it's about depravedGerman scientists
sewing a bunch of people's buttsto other people's mouths.
I know, I know.It's true.
Uh, now,I don't understand this at all.
I mean, to me, watching Human Centipede in high school,
I mean, that's like algebra--once you get out of high school,
you're nevergonna use that again.
What, is it.. is it just me?
Did I lose the room again?
Uh, now,Tennessee also is a state
that keeps trying to pass"abstinence only" education,
and so, I don't know,maybe the goal here
is to makeninth and tenth graders
never want to seea naked body again.
And you can't talkabout failing schools
without talking about Texas.
REPORTER: ...what's happening at Energy Institute High School
in the second-year French class.
-Does your teacher speak French?-No, sir.
Have you ever heard himspeak a word of French?
"Bonjour,"but everybody knows that.
(bleep), man. Seriously.
A teacher shouldknow more French
than just by being an adultin the world.
"Oui" means "yes".
"Merci" means "thank you".
And "Beyoncé" means
"if you cheat on me againI will castrate you."
Sure, Becky with the good hair,man, all right?
But, seriously,why doesn't this teacher
know the subject he's teaching?
REPORTER: So, why was he hired?
-(speaking French)-REPORTER: To replace this man,
Jean Cius, a certified French teacher
for more than 25 years.
Cius was sent to another HISD campus
where he says he was assigned to monitor the hall.
I feel so bad for the taxpayersbecause they're paying me
for not doing anything at all.
Christ. So the taxpayersare paying you
for doing nothing at all?
You know,we have a name for that.
It's called Congress.
Yeah, I said it. I said it.
I said it.
Man. I'll tell you,these last few stories
make me feel as though ourschools are failing our kids.
Well, this next onemakes me feel like
our kids are gonna be okay.
REPORTER: Police say Hunter Cory Osborn
exposed his privates while posing for the team picture.
It wound up in the yearbook
and in the team program, which was sold at games.
I know what you're thinking.I know what you're thinking--
"Larry, was it just the turtlepeeking out
"or did he hang a brain?Which one...
which one did he do?"
Uh, but, you know, I don'thave the answer to that.
But what putsthis kid's penis prank
in The Nightly Sho hall of fameis this little development.
REPORTER: Based on the number of people nearby
when the photo was taken, Osborn was booked
on 69 counts of misdemeanor
69 counts of misdemeanorindecent exposure.
69.Well done, sir.
-♪ -Well done.
You did it, Hunter Cory Osborn.
You took yearbook penis pranksto the next level, my friend.
And for that, The Nightly Show salutes you.
That's our schools, America.
Be proud, man.
And happy Cinco de Mayo,everybody.
Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We'll be right back.
Okay, welcome back.Now, earlier,
we were discussingthe problems, uh,
plaguing American high schools,
but higher educationhas its own issues.
Georgetown University is dealingwith the repercussions
of its past-- specifically,its legacy of slave trading.
MAN: In 1838, Georgetown University
sold 272 slaves
to help pay off some of its debts.
The 272 slaves, donated to the Catholic University
by wealthy parishioners,
earned Georgetown the equivalent of $3.3 million.
Jesus, for 272 slaves?
That's around$12,000 per person,
meaning in 1838,
black life was worth lessthan a used Mitsubishi Mirage.
-(audience groans)-I know.
Not even a Ford Fiesta?
All right, here's the question:
does modern-day GeorgetownUniversity have a responsibility
to take care of the descendantsof the slaves
whose sale essentiallysaved it from going under?
A lot of thorny issues here,
so let's talk to our residentblack egghead, Felonious Monk.
-Felonious, welcome to the show.-Thanks. Thanks.
I want to try to talk this out,Felonious, so...
should Georgetown do something
for the great-great-great-grandchildren of these slaves?
Well, Brother Larry, when one--be it institution
or singular corporus--
partake in the odiousreprobation that is tenancy
over another's very anima,
an ovule is sown in Gaia'sbreast that burgeons not only
in the immediate, but foran unknowable epoch thereafter.
Right, right, right, right.
Right, okay, so you're saying
we're still feelingslavery's effects today.
Be you a parrot?
That is what I just said.
Oh, I know, totally.
I'm just clearing it upfor the audience, man, you know.
They might have...I get it, I get it. Okay.
But, okay, but what aboutthe fact that The New York Times
says, uh, Georgetownshould set up scholarships
for the descendantsof all these slaves?
Well, if Georgetown'shalls of academe found salvation
in the traffickment of theirfellows in the brotherhood
of man, then there bea blot upon
each certificateendowed therein.
And until amendment is made,
no esteem can be lentto its conferment.
Okay, okay. So...Oh, so you're saying
some form of repar...
-Ah, ah, ah.-Uh...
That vocable remainsunuttered in our colloquy.
Uh, sorry about that.My bad.
Uh, but-but, I mean,still, this seems like
a clear-cut case where repara...
you recapitulate with that word.
Your unceasing constancywould be risible
if it weren't so temerarious.
I'm just trying to say"reparations."
One must be disposedfor ferment and tumult
when the notion finds itselfconjected aloud.
Wait, you just don'twant me to say "reparations"
because itfreaks people out, right?
I plaintively begthat you preclude
further use of the R word,Brother Larry.
When one invokes compulsoryfiduciary redress
using that appellation,the anglo-hominidae
feels awakenedwithin the primal,
Are you sayingwhite people get scared?
Yo, white peopleflip the (bleep) out
if you say "reparations".
-(cheering, applause)-Uh... Uh... Uh, Broth...
Hey. Now I... I understandthat. I understand that.
Okay. Okay, so, all right,
so, if we're not calling them"reparations," then what?
What do we...
Uh... I proposean idiom of equal meaning
possessing of less enmityin its associations.
Something akin to...
Yes, Georgetown should paya hefty compaymensement
to every descendant it can.
Compaymense... Wh-Wh... But whydon't we just say "reparations"?
You just made upa fancy-sounding word
to distract from whatyou're actually saying.
Uh, yeah, Larry.That's kind of my whole deal.
Right. Felonious Munk, everyone!
We'll be right back!
(cheering and applause)
Okay, welcome back to the show!
Now, I have to say,
in honorof our special guest tonight,
uh, we're doing thingsa little differently.
We're going full Ken Burns.
YARD: I was born in St. Croix,
where I used to use coffee filters as a baseball mitt.
I still can't believe that I'm on TV.
Mark Yard, contributor on The Nightly Show.
(cheering and applause)
WALKER: I started off in the minor leagues
of community theater.
Never thought I'd make it to the major leagues
as a contributor on The Nightly Show.
(cheering and applause)
BURNS: And I'm the one who came up with this old-timey filter
and panning move everyone is overusing.
Award-winning documentary filmmaker
and producer Ken Burns.
(cheering and applause)
And for everyone at home,join our conversation right now
on Twitter, @NightlyShow,using the hashtag, #Tonightly.
Ken, I'm so glad you're here.Uh, you know, I'm a huge fan.
And, uh, by the way,your latest documentary
about the great Jackie Robinsonis amazing.
-Thank you. Thank you.-Amazing.
So tonight, I wanted to talkabout baseball,
-'cause there's been a changein baseball -Huge.
o-over the past 20 years or so.
It may have started before this,especially with American, uh...
with American blackbaseball players.
Now, the number ofAmerican black players has gone
from about 20% at its peakin the early 1980s
to just about eight percenttoday.
That would have surprisedJackie Robinson,
uh, back in the day.Why do you think that is?
Well, I think I-I'll look at itas the glass is half full.
-Mm-hmm. -That there aremany more opportunities
for African-Americans,who dominate
the National Football Leagueand completely dominate the NBA.
-So... -Yeah, the avenuesto professional sports
-is... -Exactly. And let's alsoremember that Jackie Robinson,
when he broke the color line,broke it
-for all people of color,which meant -Mm-hmm.
that the Latin playerswho now, uh, dominate baseball
are also people of color.
And they didn't get inunless Jackie had gone
-through that door andsuffered all of that. -Right.
-So to... -They barnstormeda lot with those, uh,
-black players back then, too,right? -They did. In fact,
that's why the president,you know, took, uh,
-some ball players out to-- andMrs. Robinson-- -That's right.
-to Cuba when he visited there.-Yeah.
-Uh, Mike, do you have a sense?-Follow me on this one.
I blame Michael Jordan.
Michael Jordan cameinto the league in 1984, right?
-Yeah. -Black, uh, participationin baseball
started declining in the '80s.
-It was at its highest in the'80s. -Oh, that's interesting.
And as Michael Jackson...Michael Jordan came in,
that's when it startedgoing down.
It might have beenMichael Jackson, too.
It might have been him, too.
But I'm-a gowith Michael Jordan.
And then-- think about it--after he tried to play baseball
-in '94 and he stunk,-Wow.
black kids was like,"Well, (bleep),
if Michael Jordan can't play,I'm not playing."
-Right, right.-This is the first time...
-A Yard conspiracy I'm startingto believe! -Yeah.
Holly, d-do you feel like thegame is too elitist right now?
It's very expensivefor kids to play.
It's incredibly expensive.It's-it's incredibly expensive,
-because a lot of kids haveto go to travel ball. -Right.
Um, and so I thinkit's expensive
to get into travel ball. It'sexpensive to go to the games.
And it's really expensiveto drink those ten, 15 beers
that I drink every timeI go to the game.
So it's incredibly expensive.Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it is. It's-it'spretty pricey to play baseball.
But, come on, I mean,kids in the Dominican Republic
play baseball with milk cartonson their hands.
-So, I mean, it's not thatexpensive, I mean, -Exactly.
-to find an old milk carton.-Yeah, but here
in the United States, a lotof kids go through travel ball,
and you have to spend thousandsof dollars,
-not only in feesbut in transportation -Right.
and in, uh, hotel roomsin order to play those games.
And if some of those kidsgo missing, we have to put 'em
-on the milk cartons.-Exactly. Right.
-Exactly. -I don't thinkit's an elitist sport, though.
YARD: I don't think it's anelitist sport. I think anybody
-can play baseball.-WILMORE: But it used to be
That's something that comesacross so clearly in yours.
Why do you...?
It's clearly not America's sportanymore, right?
Well, I still thinkit's the greatest game
-that's ever been invented.-(applause and cheering)
It's the only gamein which the defense has...
Got some baseball fans?Yeah. All right.
It's the only game in whichthe defense has the ball,
the only gamein which there's no...
-you know, team sport thatthere's no clock. -Right. Yes.
And it isn't the ballor the puck
or the whateverthat crosses the...
It's the man who crosses it.
It's a really great sportin that way, but...
It's a true team sport.
...when Jackie came up,
there was just it and maybecollege football buzzing around.
-Yeah. -And now we have allthese different competitions
which is okay, but it's still...there's nothing better than...
I love George Carlin's routineon baseball and football.
-Yeah, no. Well, there you go.-YARD: Yeah.
Where he said, the differenceis, in football, there's a down.
It's first down, second down.Baseball every... -YARD: Yeah.
BURNS: And you throw a bomb in ablitzkrieg to get
into the end zone. In baseball,just playing a part.
Everyone's up. I'm up.Are you up? Who's up?
-And the object is, come home.-WILMORE: To come home.
YARD: And here's a beautifulthing about baseball.
Anybody can play. You don't haveto fit any kind of physical...
-You know what I mean?-Yeah, you don't have to be
-seven feet tall, seven feetwide, or on skates. -Exactly.
-You can be... Yeah.-Come on. Yeah. Yeah.
-You can be short, fat, one arm.I mean... -Yeah. -Yeah.
No, and you got...Yeah, it's great.
-Look up Jim Abbott.-Yeah.
He threw a no-hitter with onearm in a professional sport.
-He did. -Have you ever seena one-armed NBA player?
-Yeah. -And let's remember.Let's turn that thing on.
-WILMORE: And he was badass.-That Michael Jordan,
who's arguablythe greatest basketball player
in the historyof the universe...
WILMORE (coughing):Magic Johnson.
-...couldn't hit...-(laughter) -WILMORE: I'm sorry.
I apologize.I apologize for that.
-(coughing): Steph Curry.-(laughter)
-Steph Curry.-Right? Right?
-Steph Curry. -WALKER:Lakers man till he dies.
No, but he couldn't hita buck-80 in baseball.
-WILMORE: Yeah, Yeah.-WALKER: Yeah, yeah.
That tells you that hitting,you know, a cow hide
coming at 100 miles an hour witha piece of turned northern ash
is still the hardest thing to doin sports. -WALKER: Yeah.
-It's really hard.-Yeah, but golf is even harder.
-And the ball's not movingat all, you know. -(laughter)
-So, different skill sets.-YARD: Yeah.
Yeah, but all those guyshave pretty good hands now.
WALKER: I love baseball,too, because...
WILMORE: What do you loveabout it the most?
Well, there's a ton of things,but whenever I played softball
-and play baseball now--well, softball now... -Mm-hmm.
Like, I have to turn offmy mind to everything else...
-WILMORE: Yeah.-...and focus on the game,
or I could be hit inthe forehead with a softball.
-WILMORE: Yes. Yes.-(laughter)
Like, I have to fo...And that has happened, so...
Do you think our attention spansare too, like...?
That's the problem, man.
We live in a Short Attention Span Theater world. You think?
-Yeah, yeah.-Yeah, I don't know.
YARD:You don't think so?
No, no, because everybody'ssaying, oh, well, MTV
or YouTube or something--we've eroded our attention.
-WILMORE: Right.-But people watch my stuff.
-It's, like, 18 hours, you know?-WILMORE: Mm-hmm. -(laughter)
-WILMORE: That's true.Guilty, guilty. -You know?
-(applause & cheering)-Right? And-and...
-Yeah, oh, absolutely.-WALKER: Yeah.
WILMORE: I watched itover and over, yeah.
We'll be right backright after this.
(applause and cheering)
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