Wednesday, October 29, 2014

  • 10/29/2014

Steve Lemme, Kevin Heffernan and Jay Chandrasekhar of Broken Lizard list #CatMovies, learn about badly photoshopped ads and write pet adoption listings for terrible animals.

>> Chris: IT'S 11:59 AND 59SECONDS, THIS HAPPENED ON REDDIT

TODAY.

SHOCKING VIDEO FOOTAGE HASSURFACED WHICH FEATURES A SAD

MISGUIDED GROUP OF MEN AND WOMENAND CHILDREN WHO ALL GOT DRESSED

UP IN THE SAME OUTFITS AT ARELIGIOUS CEREMONY AND THEN

DRANK ANTIFREEZE.

WHAT UNFORTUNATE CULT WAS THISYOU ASK?

BRIAND AND ALLIE'S WEDDING!

TAKE A LOOK.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

THE EXPRESSION ON THIS BABYIS NOT THIS (BLEEP)ING (BLEEP)

AGAIN.

REDDITOR DROWSY JIMMYATTACHED A GO PRO CAMERA TO A

BOTTLE OF FIREBALL WHISKEY AT AWEDDING ADD THEN INVITED GUESTS

TO SWAP COLD SORES.

FIREBALL HAS BEEN RECENTLYBANNED IN FINLAND, SWEDEN AND

NORWAY BECAUSE IT ALSO CONTAINSAN INGREDIENT FOUND IN

ANTIFREEZE, ALTHOUGH THEAMERICAN FDA WAS LIKE,

(BLEEP) SWEET!

SO IT'S TOTALLY FINE HERE.

KEEP CHUGGING THAT FREEZE-URP!

SO COMEDIANS, I WOULD LIKEYOU TOPLEASE GIVE ME A TOAST TO

THE HAPPY COUPLE, BRIAN ANDALLIE, ON THEIR WEDDING DAY AS A

GUEST WHO JUST CONSUMED ANEXCESSIVE QUANTITY OF

FIREBALL.

STEVE LEMME, GO.

>> BRIAN AND ALLIE.CONGRATULATIONS YOU ARE THE BEST

COUPLE EVER, AND THAT IS NOT THEANTIFREEZE TALKING.

>> Chris: KEVIN HEFFERNAN.

>> DEAR BRIAN AND ALLIE, I CAMEFOR THE BOOZE, I STAYED FOR THE

BOOZE, NOW SOMEONE LIGHT MYBURPS ON FIRE.

>> Chris: JAY CHANDRASEKHAR.

>> BRIAN AND ALLIE BEFORE I GETINTO THIS TOAST I WANT TO LET

EVERYONE KNOW I WAS DOINGFIREBALL ENEMAS EARLIER, SO MAKE

SURE YOU CLEAN OFF THE BOTTLEBEFORE YOU DRINK IT.

>> Chris: IT'S TIME TO START@MIDNIGHT!

NOW TIME FOR HASHTAG WARS.

THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT TODAY. ABIG DAY, A VERY BIG DAY.

I'M SURE YOU GUYS KNOW TODAY ISNATIONAL CAT DAY.

ALL RIGHT?

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Chris: I KNOW THAT EVERY DAYON THE INTERNET SEEMS LIKE

NATIONAL CAT DAY BUT THIS IS THEONE THAT HAS BEEN DESIGNATED TO

BE NAMED AS SUCH. SO OF COURSE,WE DUG UP THIS CLASSIC SCENE

FROM BROKEN LIZARD'S SUPERTROOPERS TO CELEBRATE.

>> ALL RIGHT, MEOW, WHERE WEREWE?

>> I'M SORRY. ARE YOU SAYINGMEOW?

>> AM I SAYING MEOW?

>> I, I THOUGHT --

>> DON'T THINK, BOY. MEOW, DOYOU KNOW HOW FAST YOU WERE

GOING?

>> Chris: AND HATS OFF TO JIMGAFFIGAN FOR BEING IN THERE!

WELL IN HONOR OF NATIONAL CATDAY AND BROKEN LIZARD, TONIGHT'S

HASHTAG IS #CATMOVIES!

EXAMPLES, EXAMPLES -- MIGHT BETHE, THE BIG MEOWSKI, OR STAR

WARS E-PURRR-SODE 4, A MEW HOPE.

OR DIE ANOTHER DAY AND ANOTHERDAY AND ANOTHER DAY AND ANOTHER

DAY AND ANOTHER DAY AND ANOTHERDAY AND ANOTHER DAY AND ANOTHER

DAY, AND ANOTHER DAY!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

I'M GONNA PUT 60 SECONDS ON THECLOCK AND GO.

YES, KEVIN.

>> LAST MOUSE ON THE LEFT.

>> Chris: POINTS.

JAY.

>> SCARFACE.

>> Chris: POINTS.

STEVE.

>> GOD DAMNIT, THERE'S CAT FURON MY SISTERHOOD OF THE

TRAVELING PANTS.

>> Chris: YES, PERFECT. POINTS.

JAY.

>> SUPER POOPERS.

>> Chris: POINTS.

KEVIN.

>> THE CLUMPS.

>> Chris: POINTS.

STEVE.

>> I HAVE A FURBALL IN MY DEEPTHROAT.

>> Chris: POINTS.

KEVIN.

>> SPAYED AND CONFUSED.

>> WELL DONE. POINTS. JAY.

>> FINDING NEMO AND THEN EATINGHIM.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS. KEVIN.

>> OCTOPUSSIES.

>> Chris: YES POINTS. STEVE.

>> CONAN THE VETERINARIAN.

>> Chris: OKAY, POINTS. SURE.

BUT RIGHT NOW IT IS TIME TO PLAYHAL-O-WHAT THE --

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

HALLOWEEN IS NIGH UPON US,BUT FOR A CERTAIN BREED OF

BASEMENT DWELLING WEIRDOES ONYOUTUBE EVERY DAY IS AN EXCUSE

TO DRESS UP IN A HOMEMADECOSTUME.

THAT'S NOT WEIRD.

STOP IT.

I AM GOING TO SHOW YOU A DRESSEDUP CREEP ON YOUTUBE AND FOR

250-POINT YOU ARE GOING TO HAVETO GIVE ME THEIR NEW

CATCHPRHASE.

FIRST ONE: THIS SPONGEBOB IASSUME HE'S NOT WEARING PANTS.

>> F IS FOR FRIENDS.

U IS FOR YOU AND ME.

N IS FOR ANYWHERE UNDER THE SEA.

>> Chris: KEVIN.

>> HEY, KIDS, USE MY FACE AS ATOILET.

>> Chris: POINTS.

JAY.

>> HEY, KIDS, I WANT YOU TOTOUCH ME UNDER MY SEA.

>> Chris: YES POINTS. GOOD.

NEXT ONE, THIS TERRIFYINGGOURMET.

>> HELLO, EVERYONE.

I AM COMING TO YOU WITH A CANDYREVIEW.

OH, IT SMELLS LIKE STINKYPARMESAN CHEESE, YOU KNOW, LIKE

STINKY FART CHEESE YOU PUT ONYOUR PIZZA.

>> Chris: KEVIN.

>> UNBOY ROSEANNE.

>> Chris: WHAT AN AMAZINGMATCH-UP.

POINTS.

STEVE.

>> DOES THIS SMELL LIKECHLOROFORM TO YOU?

>> Chris: POINTS.

NEXT ONE.

THIS LOVER OF EXPLODING FRUIT.

>> OH!

>> THAT QUICKLY?

>> Chris: THAT IS ONE OF THEMOST AMAZING THINGS I HAVE EVER

SEEN IN MY LIFE.

YES, KEVIN.

>> BANANA BUKAKES FOR EVERYONE!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Chris: JAY.

>> THIS IS MY ELABORATE SCHEMETO CATCH A MONKEY AND BLOW IT

UP!

>> Chris: POINTS.

POINTS.

IT'S TIME FOR GAME, PHOTOSHOP OFHORRORS!

♪ PHOTOSHOP, PHOTOSHOP OFHORRORS, PHOTOSHOP ♪

I'M DRESSED LIKE THIS ANDSINGING MUSICALS, LADIES.

WHEN PHOTOSHOP IS GOOD IT ISGREAT, WHEN IT IS BAD IT'S EVEN

GREATER.

YOU CAN FIND BAD PHOTOSHOPS ALLOVER THE WEB, FROM PHOTOSHOP

DISASTER DOT COM TO BORED PANDADOT COM TO SMOSH DOT COM.

COMEDIANS, I'M GOING TO SHOWYOU A CLOSEUP OF A PHOTOSHOP

DISASTER AND FOR 250 POINYS, IWANT YOU TO TELL ME WHAT IS

WRONG WITH THAT PICTURE.

ALL RIGHT.

THE FIRST ONE. WHO IS THE WHOSEBIKINI LINE IS IT, ANYWAY?

IS IT SOMEBODY ELSE'S BOOBSOR TWO BELLY BUTTONS.

SOMEBODY ELSE'S BOOBS OR TWOBELLY BUTTONS, KEVIN.

>> SOMEONE ELSE'S BOOBS.

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT, I HOPE SO.

LET'S FIND OUT.

NO, TWO BELLY BUTTONS!

>> DOES THAT MEAN SHE HAS TWOVAGINAS TOO?

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> IT SEEMS LIKE YOU COULD GO GOBOWLING WITH THAT PERSON.

>> Chris: POINTS TO STEVELEMME.

NEXT ONE.

THIS NUTTY GUN NUT.

TOO MANY ARMS OR NO PANTS?

JAY.

>> NO PANTS.

>> Chris: I HOPE SO.

LET'S FIND OUT.

TOO MANY ARMS!

JUST ONE TOO MANY ARMS!

HEY, DAD YOU WANT TO GIVE METHAT GUN IN YOUR OTHER

(BLEEP)ING ARM!

WHAT IS HAPPENING?

NEXT ONE.

THIS DAPPER DIAPER MODEL.

BABY HAS A VICTORIA'S SECRETMODEL-WORTHY RACK OR --

BABY HAS SCARY DEMON EYES.

STEVE.

>> I'M GONNA SAY BABY WITH ARACK.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT.

THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT.

>> Chris: WHAT IS WRONG WITHYOU PEOPLE?

DO YOU UNDERSTAND THEIMPLICATIONS OF WHAT YOU ARE

SO EXCITED TO SEE?

>> WELL BECAUSE THAT IS LIKETHAT IS A BABY I WOULD ACTUALLY

HOLD.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Chris: POINTS.

WOULDN'T IT BE COOL IF BABIESWERE LIKE MAN, I AM SO HUNGRY,

AH, I HAVE GOT IT -- I GOT THISONE.

>> OR THE MOM IS LIKE, YOU SUCKMY TITS, I SUCK YOUR TITS.

>> Chris: YOU SEE HOW IT WORKS?IT'S TIT FOR TIT.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANKYOU.

LET'S FIND OUT THE RIGHTANSWER IS SCARY BABY EYES!

ALMOST AS IF THE BABY'S GOING,YOU THOUGHT I HAD TITS, DIDN'T

YOU?

AS WE GO TO OUR NEXT GAME,REGRET FINDER, REGRET FINDER.

IN HONOR OF NATIONAL CAT DAY,WHY DON'T YOU CELERBATE BY

GOING ON PETFINDER AND ADOPTINGA PET.

THERE ARE MILLIONS OF FURYLITTLE FRIENDS OUT THERE WHO

NEED A GOOD HOME BUT SOME OF THEPETS COME WITH A FEW RED FLAGS.

I WANT YOU TO GIVE HE ME A LINEFROM A PETFINDER LISTING THAT

WOULD MAKE YOU THINK TWICE ABOUTADOPTING A BET.

I'M GONNA PUT 60 SECONDS ON THECLOCK AND GO.

STEVE.

>> FOR SALE, CHIMP, LOVES TO(BLEEP).

>> Chris: POINTS.

YES, KEVIN.

>> ENJOYS PLAYING CATCH WITHSCROTUM.

>> Chris: POINTS. CUTE,ADORABLE. POINTS.

KEVIN.

>> FRIENDLY, BUT RACIST.

>> Chris: POINTS.

STEVE.

>> FOR SALE, SIAMESE FIGHTINGFISH, 0 AND SIX.

>> Chris: POINTS.

KEVIN.

>> LIKED IT WHEN YOU PEE ON HIM.

>> Chris: POINTS.

JAY.

WILL EAT PEANUT BUTTER OFF OFF AJAR BUT NOT OFF CERTAIN BODY

PARTS.

>> Chris: POINTS. KEVIN.

>> INCONTINENT BUT LOVES TOSNUGGLE.

>> Chris: POINTS.