@midnight
Season 1

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

  • Season 1, Ep 01010
  • 01/21/2014

Scott Aukerman, "Weird Al" Yankovic and Brian Posehn create candy-themed band names, read the latest celebrity fan fiction and confess to embarrassing Google searches.

RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNETHEAD LINES, IT'S RAPID REFRESH!

>> THE FIRST COMEDIAN TO BUZZ INWITH A CORRECT ANSWER GETS 100

POINTS.

THE INTERNET WAS OVER FLOWINGWITH WILDLY UNSUBSTANTIATED

STORIES ABOUT JUSTIN BIEBERDISGUISED AS NEWS.

>> I AM NOT SURE WHAT YOU AREREACTING TO.

WAS IT JUST THAT GENERAL FEELINGOF INTENTIONAL DISCOMFORT YOU

FEEL.

>> AND JUSTIN BIEBER IS IN THENEWS.

>> OH.

>> WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT PICTUREOF ELLEN DEGENERES?

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> POINT WELL-TAKEN.

>> WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING REAL,MOST LIKELY FAKE, BUT

100 PERCENT ALLEGED JUSTINBIEBER STORIES WAS GOOGLE NEWS

TOP JUSTIN BIEBER STORY TODAYWAS IT A JUSTIN BIEBER GOT IN A

TEXT MESSAGE FIGHT WITH SELENAGOMEZ AND EXTENT HER DICK PICKS?

>> THESE ARE ALL STORIES, BY THEWAY.

>> JUSTIN BIEBER SPENT 75 GRANDAT A MIAMI STRIP CLUB DURING LIL

SCRAPPY'S BIRTHDAY PARTY.

>> OR C, JUSTIN BIEBER DRINKSTHE CHAMPAGNE OF CITIZEN CITIZEN

CHANNEL.

>> YES, UPON POSEHN.

>> I THINK B, BUT I WILL SAY ABECAUSE DICK PICKS IS FUNNIER.

>> IT IS ACTUALLY B.

AND SPENT A FORTUNE AT LILSCRAPPY'S BIRTHDAY PARTIES.

>> IF YOU WERE TO PARODY ABIEBER SONG WHAT WOULD IT BE.

>> I RESPECT JUSTIN BIEBER TOOMUCH AS AN ARTIST TO EVER WANT

TO DENIGRATE HIS WORK LIKE THAT,I AM SURPRISED YOU WOULD ASK.

>> I'M SO SORRY.

>> I WROTE ONE FOR AL.

>> IT IS THE ONLY SONG I KNOW ISBABY, BABY, BABY.

>>>> BECAUSE IT IS AL I AM GOING

TO ALLOW AL CAN DECIDE WHETHERYOU GET POINTS FOR THIS.

ALL RIGHT.

>> GRAVY, GRAVY, GRAY I HAVE.

>> GRAVY.

..

[ APPLAUSE ]>> 100 WEIRD AL ADMINISTERED

POINTS.

>> WERE YOU JUST READING YOURDINNER MENU?

>> OH, THANKS FOR STANDING UPFOR HIM.

>> AND YOU KNOW WHAT (BLEEP) IT.

100 POINTS! I AM FEELING MIGHTYGENEROUS WITH THE POINTS TODAY.

>> ALL RIGHT.

AMERICA'S FAVORITE NONAMERICANMAYOR ROB FORD IS BACK IN THE

NEWS!

>> THAT'S RIGHT.

HE IS YOUR (BLEEP) PROBLEM,TORONTO, HE CAN'T BE STOPPED BUT

ONLY HOPE TO BE CONTAINED.

>> HIS NEW VIDEO OF THE TORONTOMAYOR FREE STYLING IN WHAT

SOUNDS LIKE A BAD JAMAICANACCENT, I DON'T KNOW.

YOU DECIDE.

>>>> IS THAT A BAD JAMAICAN ACCENT

OR A GOOD CANADIAN ACCENT?

>> 100 POINTS.

>> SO COMEDIANS FOR 500 POINTSAPIECE, PLEASE GOOGLE TRANSLATE

WHAT ROB FORD IS SAYING.

>> SCOTT AUKERMAN.

>> ALSO, WITH THE HOOKERS ANDTHE COPS, SHE HAS TO TELL YOU IF

YOU ASK.

>> I WILL GIVE YOU 500 POINTSFOR THAT.

>> THAT IS GOOD ADVICE, TOO.

>> AL.

>> I AM ROB FORD AND I APPROVEOF THIS MESSAGE.

[ APPLAUSE ]>> 500 POINTS, WEIRD AL.

POSEHN.

>> I THINK HE IS JUST ORDERINGFOOD.

>> NOW IT IS TIME FOR TONIGHT'SHASH TAG WARS!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> FILE THIS UNDER FUN RAGING

THE GAME CANDY CRUSH SAGA IS SOPOPULAR IT MADE $3.5 MILLION A

DAY LAST YEAR.

>> THAT IS A LOT OF DOLLARS.

NOW THE CREATORS OF THE GAMEWERE SOMEHOW AND THIS IS THE

RAGE PART WERE SOMEHOW ABLE TOTRADEMARK THE WORD CANDY, THAT

WAS A TRADEMARK THAT WAS GRANTEDBY THE UNITED STATES TRADEMARK

AND PATENT OFFICE, ALTHOUGH WEARE NOT LONGER SUPPOSED TO USE

THE WORD CANDY, (BLEEP) THATNOISE, TONIGHT'S HASH TAG IS

CANDY MAN!

>> PUT THAT IN YOUR CANDY HOLE.

>> EXAMPLES OF HAG TOBACCO CANDYMANS WOULD BE HERSHEY KISS, THE

FRUIT STRIPES, STROKES FROMCANDY-INDUCED DIABETES.

>> I WILL PUT 60-SECONDS ON THECLOCK AND LET US BEGIN.

>> YES, WEIRD AL YANKOVIC.

>> EMINEM!

>> METALLICA.

>> POINTS!

>> AUKERMAN.

>> MARS BAR.

>> YES, WEIRD AL YANKOVIC.

>> THE PIXY STIX!

>> GOOD ONE!

>> YES, AUKERMAN.

>> MIKE AND IKE AND TINA TURNER.

>> YES, WEIRD AL YANKOVIC.

>> ON THE A TOY DIVISION.

>> THREE MUSKETEERS FOR FEARS!

>> POINTS!

>> AND POSEHN?

>> NO!

>> TWIZZLER'S SISTER.

>> TIME TO PLAY HASHBAG SALESPITCH.

IF YOU DON'T KNOW HASHBAG IS ASITE THAT COLLECTS PHOTOS OF

RANDOM STUFF THAT PEOPLE ARETRYING TO SELL ON INSTAGRAM.

BUT SALES PITCHES ON INSTAYAREN'T NEARLY AS FLAWLESS AS

BUTT SELFIES YET.

>> WE'LL SHOW YOU A HASHBAG ITEMAND FOR 250 POINTS YOU GIVE US A

BETTER SALES PITCH FOR IT.

>> THIS HAUNTED CHERUB.

>> ONE PEDOPHILE'S DEATH IS YOURGAIN.

>> OH.

IT IS A FEELING I WILL HAVE TOGIVE YOU POINTS.

POINTS SCOTT AUKERMAN.

>> NEXT ONE.

>> LOOK AT THIS CHO KAID BEARD.

>> CROCHETED BARD.

>> NEW FROM PLAYSKOOL, MY FIRSTBROOKLYN HIPSTER BARD.

>> POINTS! YES, AL.

>> WHAT IS WEIRD IS I GOT A PAIROF EXOTIC PAIR OF NOVELTY

UNDERWEAR JUST LIKE THAT.

>> YES, BRIAN.

>> BABY, YOU WILL NEVER SLEEPAGAIN, BY MATTEL.

>> POINTS!

>> CAN'T SLEEP, CLOWN WILL EATME

CAN'T SLEEP, CLOWN WILL EAT ME

ALL RIGHT, TIME FOR OUR NEXTGAME FIC PICKS!

>> FIX PICKS, IS THERE ANYTHINGYOU CANNOT DO EXCEPT MAKE ME THE

NEXT DOCTOR?

>> DAMNED YOU CAPALDE!

>> ALL RIGHT.

I AM GOING TO READ YOU SOME FANFICTION AND TELL ME WHO STARS IN

SAID FAN FICTION.

>> ALL RIGHT.

SO THIS FIRST ONE, IS IT CLINTEASTWOOD OR MITT ROMNEY?

>> HE WORE A MOHAWK OF A WIG, A$20,000 POLISHED LEATHER SADDLE

OVER HIS BACK AND A PLUG STUFFEDINTO HIS BACKSIDE THAT GAVE HIM

A BEAUTIFUL ARCHING TAIL.

HE REARED UP ON TO HIS MINDLEGS, REVEALING THE HORSE LIKE

MANHOOD ON HIS UNDERSIDE.

>> YES, WEIRD AL.

>> THAT IS A MITT ROMNEY I KNOW.

>> YES!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> ALL RIGHT.

NEXT ONE.

CARROT TOP OR ONE DIRECTION.

>> CARROT TOP OR ONE DIRECTION.

>> YOU CAN'T HELP BUT LAUGHALONG WITH HIM.

HE IS COVERED IN RED SPLOTCHESAND YOU LOOK DOWN AT YOUR OWN

BODY TO FIND OUT THAT YOU ARE ASWELL.

>> THAT IS CARROT TOP, THE REDSPLOTCH.

>> NO, ONE DIRECTION.

>> I DON'T KNOW.

>> I'M SORRY, AL.

ARE YOU OKAY? ARE YOU OKAY? ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? I AM ALL

RIGHT.

>> IT IS THE GRAPHICS.

I AM ALL RIGHT.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH FIVE YOUNGHANDSOME KIDS?

>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARETALKING ABOUT.

>> LOOK BEHIND YOU.

>> WE ARE TRYING TO GET RID OFTHIS WONDERFUL --

>> BURN IT WITH FIRE!

>> THANK YOU.

>> HERE IS THE NEXT ONE.

WEIRD AL OR CHRIS HARDWICK.

>> WEIRD AL OR CHRIS HARDWICK.

>> ONE OF THE GIRLS STARTEDCARESSING HIS CHEEK AND HER

AFFECTION WAS REWARDED BAY NASTYSWAT AS IF A FLY HAD LANDED ON

HIS FACE.

COOLING IT, BABY, AFTER THESHOW, IF YOU'RE LUCKY.

>> THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED TO ME.

>> THAT WAS ME.

>> IT HAPPENED TO WEIRD AL.

>> PART OF THE DOCUMENTARY.

>> COME ON, GUYS.

>> PLEASE.

I'M SORRY.

THAT'S RIGHT.

THAT IS YOU RIDING STALLONE.

>> AS WE GO TO OUR NEXT GAME,EMBARRASSING GOOGLE SEARCHES.

>> WE ALL SEARCH FOR THINGS ONGOOGLE THAT WE WOULD BE

MORTIFIED FOR ANYONE TO SEE.

WHAT DOES CHRIS HARDWICK'S SEATLOOK LIKE? IN FACT THEY TURN ME

ON TOO.

>> IT MEANS I WANT YOU TO NAMEME AS MANY EMBARRASSING GOOGLE

SEARCHES AS POSSIBLE, 250 POINTSFOR EACH ONE THAT MAKES THE

AUDIENCE LAUGH.

60-SECONDS ON THE CLOCK AND GO.

>>>> YES, AL.

>> WHAT RHYMES WITH FETUS?

>> POSEHN.

>> I KEEP BREAKING TOILET SEATS.

>> AUKERMAN.

>> ONE INCH PENISES ARE NORMAL,RIGHT?

>> RIGHT!

>> HE.

>> POSEHN.

>> OSWALD NAKED.

>> YES, SCOTT.

>> HELLO KITTY LURE TRAP.

>> YES, THAT WOULD BEEMBARRASSING FOR A VARIETY OF

REASONS.

I WILL GIVE YOU POINTS.

YES, POSEHN.

>> ONE DIRECTION RESTRAININGORDER.

>> POINTS.

>> AL.

>> HASSELHOFF COLONOSCOPY.

>> DOG SWALLOWED CONDOM.

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