Extended - Thursday, November 10, 2016 - Uncensored

  • 11/10/2016

Sean Donnelly, Matt Braunger and Jen Kirkman assign movie titles to our simulated reality, catch sexy Pokemon and name #OneLetterOffBands in this extended, uncensored episode.

THIS WEEK,AMERICA CHOSE OUR NEXT

PRESIDENT-- A HAT.

(LAUGHTER)IF THAT'S NOT DISTURBING ENOUGH,

WE JUST REALIZED THAT WHILE WEWERE IMMERSED IN THE YEAR-LONG

ARMY CRAWL THROUGH DIARRHEA THATWAS THE 2016 CAMPAIGN, THAT

REALLY KIND OF FEELS LIKE, "ALLTHAT SHIT ANDY DUFRESNE CRAWLED

THROUGH TO GET OUT OF PRISON."

(LAUGHTER)THERE WAS A BUNCH OF PIPING-HOT

FIRE EMOJI CONTENT FROM THEWORLD WIDE WEB THAT WE DIDN'T

GET TO COVER, LIKE VLADIMIRPUTIN AWARDING STEVEN SEAGAL

RUSSIAN CITIZENSHIP, HUH?

(AUDIENCE GROANING)AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW.

NOW YOU DO.

THIS DARING HEIST TO STEAL 50GRAND WORTH OF BULL SEMEN, HUH?

(LAUGHTER AND GROANING)VERY EXCITING.

I HOPE IT WAS ALREADY OUT OF THEBULL WHEN THEY TRIED TO STEAL

IT.

(LAUGHTER)AND THIS NIGHTMARE-INDUCING LEGO

MAN COSPLAY.

(LAUGHTER AND GROANING)THIS LOOKS LIKE A BATMAN VILLAIN

HAPPENED.

IT WAS JUST LIKE HE FELL INTO AVAT AT THE LEGO FACTORY, AND

THEN BECAME THIS GUY.

SO, TONIGHT, WE'RE GONNA REVISITSOME OF THE COMEDY GOLD WE

FAILED TO MINE DURING THEELECTION BECAUSE WE'RE PRETTY

FUCKING TIRED ABOUT TALKINGABOUT THIS FUCKING ELECTION.

LIKE, WE TOTALLY MISSED THISONE.

(PERSON CLAPPING)ELON MUSK... THANK YOU, ONE GUY.

WE TOTALLY MISSED...

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)ELON MUSK...

I KNOW, YOU GUYS WANT TO STILLKEEP TALKING ABOUT IT.

ELON MUSK, THE HANDSOMEBILLIONAIRE INVENTOR WHO'S

ONE-ACCIDENT-IN-A-LAB FIRE AWAYFROM BEING HIS OWN ORIGIN

STORY...

MAYBE HE'S THAT GUY.

I DON'T KNOW.

MAYBE... MAYBE THIS IS ELONMUSK, 2025.

WE DON'T KNOW.

BUT HE SAID THAT WE AREDEFINITELY LIVING IN A

MATRIX-STYLE SIMULATION.

"THE TELEGRAPH" QUOTED HIM ASSAYING, "MAYBE WE SHOULD BE

HOPEFUL THIS IS A SIMULATIONBECAUSE OTHERWISE, WE'RE GONNA

CREATE SIMULATIONSINDISTINGUISHABLE FROM REALITY,

OR CIVILIZATION CEASES TOEXIST."

SO, LET ME ASK YOU THIS.

IF THIS IS A SIMULATED REALITY,WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD SOMEONE

VIRTUALLY CREATE THIS, ABLOBFISH? WHY?

>> AH.

(LAUGHTER AND GROANING)WHY?

AND WHY DOES IT LOOK SO SAD?

IT'S LIKE A...

(LAUGHTER)IT'S LIKE A GRUMPY CATFISH,

OR... OR HE LOOKS LIKE THE ZIGGYCOMICS, BUT, LIKE, REALLY OLD.

(LAUGHTER)I THINK ELON MUSK COULD BE ONTO

SOMETHING WITH THE MATRIXTHEORY.

SO, COMEDIANS, WHAT OTHER MOVIECOULD WE USE TO EXPLAIN REALITY?

JEN KIRKMAN.

>> UM, "BACK TO THE FUTURE,"BECAUSE THE CUBS WON, A FASCIST

IS RUNNING THINGS, ANDHOVERBOARDS LOOK STUPID.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, POINTS.

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)POINTS. POINTS.

IT'S TECHNICALLY "BACK TO THEFUTURE II," BUT THAT'S ALL

RIGHT.

(LAUGHTER)>> SORRY.

>> HARDWICK: SEAN.

>> UH, "GIGLI," BECAUSE ITSUCKS, AND I MAKE NO MONEY.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, POINTS.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE & CHEERING)MATT BRAUNGER.

>> IN TWO YEARS, "THE HUNGERGAMES."

RIGHT NOW, "TITANIC."

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, POINTS.

(AUDIENCE GROANING, APPLAUSE)"GENTLEMEN, IT'S BEEN A PLEASURE

WORKING WITH YOU."

(HUMMING LIKE VIOLIN)>> LET'S HOPE...

(LAUGHTER)(IMITATES WATER GURGLING)

(LAUGHTER)(IMITATES WATER GURGLING)

>> WOW.

ANOTHER SIDE EFFECT

OF THE PRESIDENTIAL RACE-- THATWE WERE TOO BUSY GETTING FUCKED

BY DEMOCRACY TO CRANK IT TO SOMEGOOD OLD-FASHIONED PARODY PORN.

THAT'S CALLED "ELECTILEDYSFUNCTION."

GOOD NIGHT.

YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN... SO...

>> YAY.

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)>> HARDWICK: ...AN AUDIENCE.

BUT THIS PORN IS WORTH PLAYING.

(UPBEAT POP SONG PLAYS INFOREIGN LANGUAGE)

(LAUGHTER, WHOOPING)(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)>> WERE THOSE... ANAL BEADS SHE

WAS HOLDING UP?

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: THEY'RE ANAL POKÉ

BALLS.

>> AH.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: THE "POKÉMON GO"

PARODY IS CALLED "PORN STAR GO."

GOT TO FUCK 'EM ALL!

(LAUGHTER)IT IS A LITERAL POKÉSTOP.

SO, COMEDIANS, WHAT IS A SEXYPOKÉMON WE MIGHT SEE IN THIS

PORNO? SEAN.

>> THEY ALREADY HAD ONE.

SQUIRTLE.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, SQUIRTLE.

IT'S ALREADY RIGHT THERE.

YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO MAKE THATUP.

>> IT'S ALREADY A THING.

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)>> HARDWICK: UH, MATT.

>> UH, BLAST-A-CHODE.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH,BLAST-A-CHODE.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE & CHEERING)>> THAT'S A GROSS ONE.

IT'S REALLY GROSS.

YOU DON'T WANT TO CATCH HIM.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: JEN.

>> PUT-IT-IN-MY-MEOWTH.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH.

PUT-IT-IN-YOUR-MEOWTH.

>> SORRY.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, GREAT.

POINTS.

>> I'M NOT PROUD.

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)(HARDWICK IMITATES VIOLIN

PLAYING)

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)AND NOW... WE HAVE MET THIS

EVENING'S PANEL, SO IT IS TIMETHAT WE SHOULD PLAY THE

#HASHTAGWARS.

(CHEERING)>> I'M SO BAD AT BUZZING.

>> HARDWICK: WELL, THIS ELECTIONSHIT'S OVER, BUT NOW THERE'S

STILL TIME TO CHOOSE WHO WILL BEINDUCTED INTO THE ROCK AND ROLL

HALL OF FAME.

LEGENDARY ARTISTS LIKE JANETJACKSON, DEPECHE MODE AND PEARL

JAM ARE ALL UP FOR THE HONOR OFBEING FOREVER IN CLEVELAND!

SO... CONGRATS?

UH, LET'S TAKE THESE LEGENDARYARTISTS DOWN A PEG BEFORE FAME

GETS IN THEIR HEADS BYMISSPELLING THEIR NAMES WITH

TONIGHT'S HASHTAG#ONELETTEROFFBANDS.

EXAMPLES MIGHT BE-- NUNS N'ROSES, AND RAGU AGAINST THE

MACHINE.

I'M GONNA PUT...

(LAUGHTER)IT'S IN THERE.

I'M GONNA PUT 60 SECONDS ON THECLOCK, AND BEGIN.

SEAN.

>> CHERRY POOPIN' DADDIES.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)BRAUNGER.

>> THE PEACH BOYS.

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

KIRKMAN.

>> THE WHOM.

THAT'S A GRAMMAR JOKE.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, VERY GOODGRAMMAR JOKE. POINTS.

(APPLAUSE, CHEERING, WHISTLING)SEAN.

>> HUEY LEWIS AND THE JEWS.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)JEN.

>> BLUE OYSTER... CUNT.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)>> I WAS GIVING THEM TIME TO

BLEEP.

>> HARDWICK: I APPRECIATE THAT.

POINTS. SEAN.

>> DEF LENNARD.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(APPLAUSE)WITH THEIR HIT SONG, "HAH? HAH?"

>> POUR SOME WHAT ON ME?

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE, WHOOPING)

HAH?

>> HARDWICK: JEN.

>> MY FAVORITE SOLO ARTIST, TEDZEPPELIN.

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

(LAUGHTER)MATT.

>> THE GRATEFUL DADS.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS! VERY GOOD.