High School

  • Season 1, Ep 8
  • 05/02/2007

When Kenny convinces the residents to take the GED, Carly discovers that her chronic marijuana use has wreaked havoc on her cognitive abilities.

that just being famous,

that someone's goingto put you in a movie?

Yeah.

Why? They won't.

Paris Hilton is just famousand she in movies.

How are you like Paris Hilton?

You know, I like to go to clubs,I like to dance.

I like to stand in frontof a mirror and look at myself.

Do you have any skills?

Yeah, I got skills.

I'm gonna make a sex tapeand put it on the internet.

Now, today's lessonis about U.S. history.

Our country,

founded in 1776 by true heroeswho owned slaves.

Let's start withthe presidents.

The...

I haven't even askedyou a question yet.

George Washington,John Adams,Thomas Jefferson,

James Madison,James Monroe,John Quincy Adams,

Andrew Jackson,Martin van Buren,William Henry Harrison,

John Tyler,James K. Polk,Zachary Taylor,

Millard Fillmore,Franklin Pierce,James Buchanan,

Abraham Lincoln,Andrew Johnson,Ulysses S. Grant,

Rutherford B. Hayes,James A. Garfield,

Chester A. Arthur,Grover Cleveland,Benjamin Harrison

Cleveland came back again,William McKinley,Theodore Roosevelt,

William Howard Taft,Woodrow Wilson,Warren G. Harding,

Calvin Coolidge,Herbert Hoover,Franklin Roosevelt,

Harry S. Truman,Dwight D. Eisenhower,John F. Kennedy,

Lyndon B. Johnson,Richard Nixon,Gerald Ford,

Jimmy Carter,Ronald Reagan,

Bush, Clinton, Bush.

Back away slowly.

I was hardcore.

Back in the day, I would hit upbanks like it was nothing.

I'd be like,

"Give me the Benjamins beforeI blast your ass, sucker."

Hoo! I think if any of ushad any money to give you,

you'd have it right now.

That wassensational.

A lot of, uh,other celebrities--

if I might use that termto describe you--

they do have otherlittle offshoots.

I'm looking at your outfit,I'm thinking J. Lo, P. Diddy

Is there a clothing linein Serenity's future?You know it.

After this come out,I think I'm gonna open

a clothing line called Felony.

Felony by Serenity.

I'll buy it... unlessyou send me some free samples.

(both laughing)

Girl, I'll get youhooked up.

The camera loves you.

(laughing):I love the camera.

(yells)

What did she do?

I-I don't know, like,I can't explain.

You just haveto see it, okay?

Ha!

Not too bad for somebodywho's mildly retarded.

What does it mean, Kenny?

I wonder whichanswer it is.

This test

is for lobotomized

baby monkeys.

Carly,could you please be quiet?

Show some consideration.

(bleep) you,dumbbell. Okay?Carly.

Stop it.

Kenny, shut up!

You are one crazy vagina.

You think I should get mea trainer like Oprah had?

No, forget all that, girl.

You look good the way you are.

Don't be like everybody.You gonna be original.

You got curves, titties,all that, all that.

You think I should buymy mom a Escalade?No, no,

get her that new Bentley 'causeit's got a nice passenger seat.

I'll just be cruisingright next to your mama like,

"What's up, y'all?"

C-Bass!Don't show up when I blow up.

I ain't gonna haveno time for you.

It's about meand my rich new friends.

And not a nanosecond

too soon, I am finished.

Thank you. Good-bye.

You're not going anywhere.

You're going to stayuntil Eulogio has completed.

What, I have to wait

for this base, moronicsimpleton to finish his test?

It's a vacuum,it's a vortex.

Between his ears isswirling dust and wind

and condom wrappers.

Who are you?

He's still taking the test.Be quiet!

Oh, 'cause Kennythe rehabilitator says so.

Kenny the greatrehabilitator.

I don't know who you thinkyou're rehabilitating.

Eulogio's turning tricks

in the driveway!

C-Bass has stoled

your identity twice.

Alan, he (bleep) offto a Bic lighter

that lookslike a grenade.

So I think it's pretty bleak

when thisis all you have, Kenny.

And you choose to spend yourlife rehabilitating our lives

and you're not really doing it.

That's the saddestthing I can think of.You know what? Get out of here.

Oh, thank you.

That's the one thingyou've done for me.

And allof these people...

...intelligent conversationwith another human being.

To call everyone in this housestupid is an insult to idiots!

What are you twolooking at?

In here,sitting on your brains.

Jack Spratand his Neanderthal wife.

By God, can't we get somereal cuisine in this house?

Oh, that's right.

We livein the Chocolate City.

We got ghetto food.

All I want is some white winereduction sauce

with some fennel!

Carly, calm down, damn!

You want me to calm down?!

All right, I'm calming down!

Here I come!Ooh!

(Carly screamingand throwing things)

I never thought I'd say this,but you guys need to get her...

We're way ahead of you.

(breathing heavily)

(breathing heavily)

Come on.

You ready?

Uh-uh.

(throwing things continues)

(Carly yelling)

Pull it!I'm trying.

(flicks lighter)

(water bubbling)

CARLY:Ah...

(Carly coughing)

high school dropoutsin our midst.

Good news.

The house is gonna

help you gethigh school diplomas.

That is Kenny'snew initiative.

It is Operation GED.

Thank you.

Hand these down, please.

Oh, man!

Whoa, better call Grammy,have her send me a twenty,

'cause I just got my GED.

KENNY:Carly.

That's not a GED.

That's theapplication.

You got to take the test, bitch.

You guys will be studyingfor two weeks

and then you're gonnatake an exam.

The best news of all:

two very excellent professors

will be teaching you.

I think you might know them.They're names are

Sebastian Yatesand Alan Shepard.

Oh!Hey, man!

I don't teach white peoplefor free, Kenny.

Then teach Serenity and let

the other peoplelisten.

I want to talkto my professors.

You can teach aboutMartin Luther King.

I'm-a teach aboutbeating your ass.

Why I got to geta diploma, Kenny?!

I mean, Tupac didn't haveno high school diploma.

Biggie didn't have nohigh school diploma.

ODB didn't haveno high school diploma,

why I got to get one?(doorbell rings)

Serenity, all thosedudes are dead.

They might be dead,but they were rich.Serenity!

You got avisitor, man!

Who is it?I don't know,some Caucasian bitch.

Hi. Serenity Johnson?

Mm-hmm.

Kimberly Costas fromCriminal Minded Productions.

I didn't do it.

No, no, no, youresponded to our ad

in the back of Fly Bitch magazine.

I produce a TV show

and we're interestedin possibly having...Ooh!

Okay.

Wait a minute,you said "TV."

Yes. Yes, I'ma television producer.

We're working ona reality show

which lets criminalstell their side of the story.

And I got a story for you.

I bet you do.

I think America's ready

to meet Serenity Johnson.

Hello, America! Hello!

It's gonna say hello right back.

Ooh!When can we comeand get you on tape?

Um... Thursday.Visiting hoursis 2:00 to 4:00.

Fantastic. And I would wear

something real scary,you know, that says,

"Watch out!I might kill you!"

Watch out! I might kill you!

Save it. Save it.

I got to jet.Okay.

Okay?Pleasure to meet you.

Can't wait to see youon Thursday.

I'm gonna be on TV.

What are youso happy about?

See this right here?

That's what I thinkof the GED.

I'm about tobe on TV.

I'm about to bea big star. Woo!

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