Oklahoma Cupid

  • Season 1, Ep 4
  • 12/08/2013

After years of being single, Brody decides to try Internet dating, and he enlists the help of his mother to create an OkCupid profile.

I didn't date in high school,

because I didn't haveconfidence.

Kids pick on kids.And they would pick on me.

Oh, you got a big nose.You run like a goofy [BLEEP].

That didn't help my confidence.

But I never got into whysomebody would make funof somebody, how they look.

I didn't pick on peoplefor how they looked.

But it didn't make mefeel like-- yeah.

I can get chicks. They'reinto me. It made me feellike I was ugly.

Brody was a big guy,but he did get picked on a lot.

Things don't roll offhis back very well.

A, because there'sa lot of hair on it.

And B, he can't getit out of his system.

It would be funto have a companion.

But that's not in the cards...at this moment.

He was seeing this one girlfor a number of months...

but then after that fizzled out,so I really never metanybody else.

I've never seen Brodywith a girlfriend.

I mean, I've seen Brodysocialize with women...

but I've never seen himspecifically like datinga woman.

I've never seen him with a girl.

I met a girl once that he was--we went over to her apartment.

God, this must have beenten years ago.

I met him in like '03, mm-hm,I thought he was really funny...

and, um, you know, reallyattractive, very flirtatious.

I don't have any delusionsof him like being my boyfriendor anything.

I gave up on that idealike pretty fast...

just because he is sofocused on his career.

He was great.

He was as normal as any guywith like getting chicks...

or being wanted by chicks.

But yeah, for a long time therehasn't been anything serious.

I'm just gonna have to havea girl come to me.

Take charge of me, say,"Brody, I'm attracted to you.

"I don't care how you walk,I don't care how you run.I'm turned on by you."

Um, here's another girlfrom Calabasas.

We're a zero percent match,but she checked out my site.

She lives in San José,she's 280 miles away.

It's probably too far.

This girl's cute, Jasmine,from Hermosa Beach.

Loving life and learning lots,making people laugh.

Big smile, positive energy.She loved the movie "Animal--

Did she really saypositive energy?

Says it right here.

She might as well have saidthat she used to pitchat Arizona State.

Let me see.

Nope, don't see that.Nope.

62% match...

Let's take a look at her.Check her out, not bad.

What is this, Oklahoma Cupid?

OK Cupid.Oh.

She's living with no regrets.She's--

Wait until she goes outon a date with you.

She's patient, yet optimistic.

Hey there, how ya' doing?

Wow, you're like laidback, "How ya' doing?"

Can I give you my number?

You're balding.

BRODY (O.S.):It's sent.

All right, all we gotta donow is sit back and seeif the girls reply.

Hi.

Jasmine?Yes.

Hi, it's Brody.

Hi, nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.How are you?

Good.You're very tall.

Well, I'm up on a stage.Okay.

Have a seat.

You look nice,like your picture.

I look like my picture.Yeah.

As do you.

Mind if I take off my sweater?

Oh, go ahead,I was gonna recommend it.

Yeah, feel free to take offyour clothes, as well.

Well, I mean, if youwant me to, sure.

Let's get comfortable.

Let's get comfortable.

And let's do a toast.

Oh, great.

To a wonderful afternoon.

Are you gonna lookin my eyes, or?

I'm sorry.It's okay.

There you go.

BRODY (O.S.):What other things shouldyou not do on the date?

Talk about allthe people you know.

Can I let her knowI was in The Hangover?

The number one R-ratedcomedy of all time?

No, some people,it's a turn-off to them.

Hangover 1, Hangover 2.

Due Date.Both?

A small part.Okay.

I do speak in it, andI need a residual check.

I'm gonna call the office andgo, "You don't do that toSteven Brody Stevens."

That's your real name?Steven Brody Stevens?

Yeah, I can go into that later,on our second date.

Okay, all right.

So I went to Bangkok...

and let's just say I pushedit to the limit.

You can do whatever youwant in Bangkok.

I was there for Hangover 2.

What does push the limit mean?

I feel like you're tryingto tell me something...

but you're just sayinga weird thing.

There's a party culture there.

So, anyway, I did pushit to the limit.

What does that mean?

I went to Bangkok andI went to a lady-boy show.

A show?A show.

They dance, they look good.

Brody.

And I pushed it to the limit.

I know, okay, you're doing thisthing that you do...

where you say the same thingover and over again.

Because I have OCD.

Okay, I already knowthat you went to Bangkok.

And did what?

Pushed the limits.

No, pushed it to the limit.

See, you don't know,that's why I repeat it.

It's the same thing.

All right, so here's the deal.

I went to Bangkok,I pushed it to the limit.

Well, just tell mewhat you did?

I explored the lady-boy culture.

And it's messed withmy mind a little bit.

And I come back to Americaa stronger man...

a clear-minded man,but yet somewhat foggy.

I know you're special,but I don't think you're gay.

Esther, I went to Bangkok.

And you know what I did there.

You pushed it to the limit.I pushed it to the limit.

Or did you feel, "Oh, it's niceto be touched by someone...

"because I'm in a foreigncountry, I'm lonely, I haven'tseen my mom or Daisy...

"in a while, I'm not around myfriends, I'm lonely, I'm justgonna accept what comes to me."

Exactly.

I wish I was like, you know,with a girl, with a family...

I know.with a child, but I'm not.

You will be, I always tell youthis, you're still youngfor a man, okay?

My dad had me when hewas 44, you're 42.

Did your father go to Bangkokand push it to the limit?

I don't think he did.If he did--

Did he click on things?I don't want to know.

Have you checked his cookies?

I am not gonna lookat his cookies.

Okay?

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