August 4, 2015 - Senate Blocks Planned Parenthood Defunding

  • 08/04/2015

The Senate blocks a vote to defund Planned Parenthood, New York bans realistic-looking toy guns, and Jessica St. Clair, Lennon Parham and Mike Yard debate bitchy resting face.

>> Larry: WHOA. YOU CAN FEEL ITTONIGHT, MAN.

WHAT A GREAT AUDIENCE TONIGHT.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

I APPRECIATE IT, IT'S SO NICE OFYOU.

I AM SO HAPPY MY NAME IS LARRYBECAUSE THAT CHANT WORKS.

WELCOME TO THE NIGHTLY SHOW.

I AM LARRY WILMORE.

MAN, WE HAVE GOT A LOT TO TALKABOUT TONIGHT.

NOW, RIGHT NOW, PLANNEDPARENTHOOD IS UNDER

ATTACK, LIKE MEEK MILL ON ADRAKE DISS TRACK.

ALL RIGHT? YOU KNOW WHAT I AMSAYING?

HERE IS THE LATEST.

>> ON CAPITOL HILL THE SENATEBLOCKED A REPUBLICAN EFFORT TO

SHUT OFF FEDERAL FUNDS FORPLANNED PARENTHOOD.

>> Larry: ANOTHER FAILEDATTEMPT TO DEFUND PLANNED

PARENTHOOD BY THE RIGHT?

THIS IS THE EIGHTH VOTE TODEFUND THEM IN EIGHT YEARS.

TWO MORE AND THEY GET A FREEBREAST EXAM TAKEN AWAY FROM A

LOW-INCOME WOMAN.

JUST LET THAT ONE MARINATEFOR A LITTLE.

ALL RIGHT.

SO WHAT IS THE GOP'S LATESTDEFUNDING EXCUSE?

>> THE UPROAR WAS TRIGGERED BYVIDEOS THAT SHOWED PLANNED

PARENTHOOD STAFFERS TALKINGABOUT SELLING FETAL BODY PARTS

AND TISSUE DONATED BY WOMEN WHOHAD ABORTIONS.

PLANNED PARENTHOOD CLAIMS THEYWERE TALKING ABOUT

REIMBURSEMENTS FOR TISSUESTORAGE AND TRANSPORT.

>> Larry: OKAY, SO THEY AREBEING ACCUSED OF SELLING BODY

PARTS FROM ABORTION AND THEY ARECLAIMING THEY ARE NOT, THEY ARE

ONLY BEING REIMBURSED FOR COSTS.

AND THE GROUP LEADING THECHARGE AGAINST PLANNED

PARENTHOOD IS CENTER FOR MEDICALPROGRESS, THE MOST IRONICALLY

NAMED GROUP SINCE THE ISISCENTER FOR WOMEN'S LITERACY.

SAYS, UH -- THANK YOU -- SAYSPLANNED PARENTHOOD

IS PROFITING OFF OF FETAL TISSUEDONATION.

ALL RIGHT.

SO LET'S WATCH THE VIDEO.

>> WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IS, WHATWOULD WORK FOR YOU?

DON'T LOW BALL IT.

TELL ME WHAT YOU REALLY --

>> SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARSA SPECIMEN.

>> Larry: OKAY.

WELL THAT SOUNDS BAD, BUT WHATDOES PLANNED PARENTHOOD SAY

ABOUT THIS? ARE THEY TRYINGTO MAKE A PROFIT?

>> IT IS ABSOLUTELY ILLEGAL TOMAKE ANY PROFIT, AND WE DO NOT.

PLANNED PARENTHOOD MAKES ZEROPROFIT ON ANY FETAL TISSUE

DONATIONS.

>> Larry: ALL RIGHT.

WELL, SOMEBODY IS LYING.

ALL RIGHT.

I WILL TELL YOU WHAT.

I THINK I NEED TO KNOW WHATFETAL TISSUE DONATION IS USED

FOR.

I MEAN, WHY WOULD PEOPLEBUY BABY BODY PARTS?

I MEAN IT MUST BE SOMETHINGHORRIBLE, RIGHT?

DECORATIONS OR ACCESSORIES,RIGHT?

IT HAS TO BE SOMETHING,OTHERWISE WHY WOULD ANYBODY GO

UNDERCOVER TO MAKE A VIDEOABOUT IT UNLESS IT WAS FOR

SOMETHING BAD?

>> USING TISSUE SPECIMEN HAVEBEEN VERY HELPFUL IN RESEARCH --

ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE, HIV, OTHERDISEASES.

>> NIH FUNDED 160 DIFFERENTPROJECTS THAT USED FETAL

TISSUE TO RESEARCH TREATMENTSFROM EVERYTHING FROM HIV TO

GLAUCOMA.

>> Larry: OH, THAT SOUNDS LIKEA GOOD REASON.

I THINK I KNOW WHO'S LYING.

WELL, IT SEEMS LIKE THE FIGHTOVER PROFITING IS TAKING

ATTENTION AWAY FROM WHAT THESEARE ACTUALLY USED FOR.

SO CONTEXT REALLY DOES MATTERWHEN IT COMES TO PLANNED

PARENTHOOD VIDEOS.

JUST LIKE CONTEXT MATTERS FORTHAT TEXT YOU SENT LAST NIGHT.

IT MATTERS, RIGHT? WE HAVE ALLBEEN THERE.

BUT I GET IT.

BUT IT'S HARD TO DEFEND PLANNEDPARENTHOOD BECAUSE IT REQUIRES

CONTEXT AND NUANCE AND ACOMMAND OF THE FACTS.

SOMETHING THAT IS VERY HARD TODO WHEN YOU ARE ON FOX NEWS.

BUT GIVE ATE TRY ANYWAY, JUANWILLIAMS.

>> IF THEY HAD SHOWED ANYTHINGILLEGAL --

>> SOMETHING IS REALLY WRONG.

YOU'VE GOTTA GO GET A CHECKUP ORSOMETHING BECAUSE YOU'RE

CONFUSED.

>> THAT'S WHY PLANNED PARENTHOO TRIED TO GET THESE VIDEOS

THROWN OUT BY A JUDGE WHO'S ANOBAMA BUTLER BY THE WAY.

>> GO GET GET THEM, TAKE THEM TOCOURT.

>> Larry: ACTUALLY, JUAN CAN'TEVEN GET A FULL SENTENCE IN.

I MEAN, THEY ARE REACTINGEMOTIONALLY TO THE VIDEO, WHICH

I UNDERSTAND, BUT THEY ARELOSING THE POINT.

I MEAN, THEY ARE ACTING LIKEJUAN WILLIAMS IS STARTING A

SENTENCE WITH "I HATE PUPPIES,"BUT THEY WON'T LET HIM FINISH,

"WHEN THEY ARE NOT AROUND."

LET ME FINISH, YOU GUYS.

LET ME FINISH!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

THAT'S WHY I'M CALLING THISPLANNED PARENTHOOD ATTACK FOR

EXACTLY WHAT IT IS, IT IS A PAPSMEAR CAMPAIGN.

IT IS. I AM SORRY BUT IT IS.

THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT IT IS.

AND IN A PAP SMEAR CAMPAIGNPEOPLE DON'T CARE ABOUT

FACTS.

THESE ATTACKS DON'T SEEMS TO BEREVEALING ANY ILLEGAL ACTIVITY,

INSTEAD THEY ARE REVELINGIN SHAMING WOMEN, THEIR

HEALTH PRACTITIONERS ANDDOCTORS.

IT'S AN MANIPULATIVE,INFURIATING AND SADLY

PREDICTABLE AS THE LOVE LOVETRIANGLE ON "ORANGE IS THE NEW

BLACK."

NOW THE DEFUNDING VOTE FAILEDLAST NIGHT, BUT I WANT TO KNOW,

HOW MUCH GOVERNMENT FUNDINGDOES PLANNED PARENTHOOD

GET ANYWAY.

>> PLANNED PARENTHOOD RECEIVED$528 MILLION LAST YEAR FROM THE

GOVERNMENT.

>> Larry: 528 MILLION?

WELL HOW MUCH OF THAT IS GOINGTO ABORTIONS.

LIKE $527 MILLION?

I MEAN, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT ITSEEMS LIKE FROM WHAT THEY ARE

SAYING.

>> WHERE DOES THAT $500 MILLIONFROM THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT GO?

>> SO THAT 500 MILLION GOES TOMAMMOGRAM SERVICES, IT GOES TO

CONTRACEPTIVE SERVICES, ITCANNOT GO TOWARDS ABORTION.

>> Larry: THAT'S RIGHT.

FEDERAL FUNDS DON'T GO TOABORTION, AND ABORTIONS ONLY

COMPRISE THREE PERCENT OFPLANNED PARENTHOOD'S HEALTH

SERVICES.

NOW ADMITTEDLY THEY DO GETFUNDING FROM THOSE THREE PERCENT

OF SERVICES FROM THE JAMES P.ABORTION I HEART ABORTIONS

ALLIANCE FOR A BETTER ABORTIONFOUNDATION.

MY BUMPER STICKER ON MY CAR, BYTHE WAY.

BUT THE OTHER 97 PERCENT GOES TOWOMEN'S HEALTH SERVICES, LIKE

CONTRACEPTION, STD TESTING,AND CANCER SCREENING, SO I DON'T

UNDERSTAND.

DO THESE CONSERVATIVE GROUPSTHINK WOMEN WILL GO IN FOR A

CANCER SCREENING AND COME OUTWITH AN ABORTION?

THAT'S LIKE THE WORST BAIT ANDSWITCH EVER.

IT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE.

LET'S BE HONEST ABOUT THIS,LET'S KEEP IT 100, YOU GUYS.

FOR MANY LOW-INCOME WOMEN,PLANNED PARENT MOOD IS ONE OF

THE ONLY RESOURCES TO GETHEALTH SERVICES, AND EVEN THOUGH

THIS VOTE FAILED YESTERDAY,THE ATTEMPT TO GET RID OF SIT

ONLY GOING TO CONTINUE.

I THINK THE REPUBLICANCANDIDATES CAN SAY IT A LITTLE

BETTER.

>> THERE IS SIMPLY NOJUSTIFICATION ANYMORE FOR

FEDERAL FUNDING OF PLANNEDPARENTHOOD.

>> DEFUND PLANNED PARENTHOOD.

>> I HAVE BEEN FIGHTING TODEFUND PLANNED PARENTHOOD.

>> DEFUND PLANNED PARENTHOOD.

I AM NOT SURE WE NEED HALF ABILLION DOLLARS FOR WOMEN'S

HEALTH ISSUES.

>> Larry: YOU ARE RIGHT?

WE NEED MORE.

WE NEED MORE THAN HALF ABILLION.

IF YOU GET RID OF PLANNEDPARENTHOOD, YOU'LL BE STRANDING

MILLIONS OF WOMEN WITHOUTHEALTHCARE.

SO WHERE WILL THESE MILLIONS OFWOMEN GO.

>> WE WILL BE FINE, LARRY.

>> Larry: OH, IT'S HOLLY. HOLLYWALKER, EVERYONE.

ARE YOU IN A STARBUCKS BATHROOM?

>> YEP.

>> Larry: THIS IS WHERE I AMGETTING MY PAP NOW.

A NICE HOMELESS MAN SAID HEWOULD DO IT FOR A HANDY AND A

A HALF A BANANA.

WHAT A SCORE!

>> Larry: WHOA, WHOA, HOLLY,NO, NO.

THAT'S NOT SAFE!.

YOU NEED TO SEE A REAL DOCTOR.

WELL, TOO LATE, CAPTAIN AFTERTHE PROCEDURE.

>> Larry: SORRY.

I DIDN'T KNOW.

>> LARRY IS RIGHT, HOLLY.

YOU SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN YOURSDONE HERE.

>> Larry: OH, MY GOD, IT'S ROBINTHEDE, EVERYONE.

ARE YOU IN THE SUBWAY?

>> YEP. THE 4 TRAIN, LARRY.

OR THE CLEAN GREEN, I LIKE TOCALL IT.

>> Larry: THERE IS NOTHINGCLEAN ABOUT THAT.

I DON'T THINK YOU THOUGHT THISTHROUGH.

>> THINKING HAS NOTHING TO DOWITH THIS, LARRY.

ONCE YOU DEFUND PLANNEDPARENTHOOD, YOU TAKE WHAT YOU

CAN GET.

PLUS I AM GETTING A PAP SMEARPRACTICALLY EVERY TIME I TAKE

THE RUSH HOUR TRAIN.

>> Larry: AND, ROBIN, WHOWOULD EVEN PERSONAL THIS ON THE

SUBWAY.

>> THOSE GUYS WHO DANCE ON THESUBWAY.

IT IS SHOW TIME!

>> Larry: ROBIN.

THOSE GUYS ARE TALENTED, BUT IDON'T THINK THEY ARE THAT

TALENTED.

THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.

>> HOLLY, ROBIN YOU HAVE IT ALLWRONG.

>> Larry: MIKE, WAIT, IS THATMIKE?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MIKE?

>> I'M SMEARING WITHSOLIDARITY.

>> Larry: OH, MY GOD.

I'M SORRY, MIKE BUT THAT ISNOT RIGHT AT ALL.

>> DEFUNDING PLANNED PARENTHOODIS NOT RIGHT.

>> Larry: THAT'S TRUE.

WHY ARE YOU AT RAND PAULHEADQUARTERS?

IS HE GIVING OUT PAP SMEARS?

>> IF HE'S TAKING AWAY WOMEN'SHEALTH SERVICES, HE BETTER BE.

>> TELL HIM, MIKE! THAT'S RIGHT!

>> Larry: ALL RIGHT, MIKE, HOLLYAND, ROBIN!

I GOT YOUR BACK, LADIES! I GOTYOUR BACK!

>> Larry: WELCOME BACK.

NOW, GUNS ARE A VERY REALPROBLEM IN AMERICA AND

PRACTICAL SOLUTIONS ARE FEW ANDFAR BETWEEN, BUT YESTERDAY, A

FIRST STEP WAS TAKEN BY THESTATE OF NEW YORK.

>> WE HAD 63 PEOPLE SHOT IN NEWYORK BECAUSE LAW ENFORCEMENT

OFFICERS THOUGHT THE TOY GUN WASA REAL GUN.

>> SO TODAY NEW YORK ATTORNEYERIC SCHNEIDERMAN REACHING A

LANDMARK SETTLEMENT WITH SOME OFTHE COUNTRY'S BIGGEST RETAILERS,

FINING THEM FOR SELLING TOY GUNSTHAT LOOK REAL AND GETTING THEM

TO AGREE TO STOP SELLING THEMSTATEWIDE.

>> Larry: OKAY.

HERE IS, HERE IS WHAT I WORRYABOUT.

SANTA.

YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW THAT GUY ISCARRYING THOUSANDS OF TOY GUNS

IN HIS SLEIGH.

IT'S JUST A MATTER OF TIMEBEFORE HOMELAND SECURITY

OVERREACTS.

(EXPLOSIONS)

>> Larry: I AM JUST SAYING.

SANTA'S NOT REALLY GONE,YOU GUYS.

HE IS NOT REALLY GONE.

ALL RIGHT, SO WHAT ARE WETALKING ABOUT EXACTLY?

SO THIS IS THE KIND OF TOY GUNTHAT MEETS CURRENT FEDERAL

STANDINGS -- IT HAS THE LITTLETIP THERE.

AND THIS IS WHAT COMPANIES WOULDBE ABLE TO SELL IN NEW YORK

UNDER THIS NEW AGREEMENT.

YOU CAN SEE, OF COURSE IF YOUBLACK, THE POLICE WILL SHOOT YOU

EVEN IF YOU HOLDING A SUBWAYSANDWICH.

SO THIS REALLY -- YES.

REALLY ONLY APPLIES TO THEWHITE KIDS.

NOW, GUNS ARE VERY COMPLICATEDISSUE.

AND I THINK IT IS IMPORTANT TOTALK TO AN EXPERT ABOUT THIS.

SO PLEASE WELCOME TOY GUN.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Larry: SO WELCOME TO THESHOW, TOY GUN.

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT NEWYORK STATE'S NEW REQUIREMENTS

THAT TOY GUNS BE BRIGHTLYCOLORED SO AS NOT TO BE

CONFUSED WITH REAL GUNS.

>> BULL (BLEEP), LARRY.

I MEAN LOOK AT ME, I LOOK LIKE ACLOWN.

>> Larry: WELL, I DON'T KNOW,TOY GUN YOU LOOK KIND OF FUN TO

ME.

I THINK THE BRIGHT COLORSLOOK GOOD ON YOU, MAN.

YOU REALLY LOOK LIKE A TOY.

>> DO YOU WANT TO LOOK LIKE ATOY, LARRY?

KIDS USED TO PLAY WITH MEBECAUSE I WAS DANGEROUS,

I WAS FIERCE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I DO NOW?

I SPIT BUBBLES.

>> Larry: SORRY TO HEAR THATMBUT ACTUALLY THAT SOUND KINDS OF

FUN, I LOVE BUBBLES.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT?

WHY DON'T YOU (BLEEP) YOURSELF,WILMORE.

>> Larry: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

>> YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM.

THE WHOLE POINT OF KIDSIMAGINING THEY GET TO USE

SOMETHING DANGEROUS IS THAT THEYGOT TO USE THEIR IMAGINATION.

WHERE IS THE IMAGINATION INBLOWING BUBBLES, LARRY?

>> Larry: OKAY, IMAGININGWHAT THAT BUBBLE COULD BE?

>> I WISH I COULD SHOOT YOU INTHE FACE RIGHT NOW, LARRY.

>> Larry: TOY GUN!

>> YOU KNOW WHAT, I CAN'T, ICAN'T BECAUSE I AM A PUNK ASS

BUBBLE BLOWING FUN TOY.

>> Larry: YOU ARE VERYHOSTILE.

>> AND NO ONE IS AFRAID OF ME.

>> Larry: AND NOBODY IS GOINGTO GET KILLED BECAUSE YOU LOOK

REAL.

ISN'T THAT THE POINT HERE?

I GUESS.

THAT'S ANOTHER THING WE CANTHANK OSAMA FOR, RIGHT?

WHATEVER, LARRY I HAVE TO GETOUT OF HERE, I AM MEETING WITH

MY FRIEND TOY KNIFE.

YOU KNOW WHAT HE DOES NOW?

>> Larry: NO WHAT DOES HE DONOW?

>> HE IS BARBIE'S SURF BOARD.

>> Larry: OF COURSE HE IS.

DOES HE BLOW BUBBLES TOO.

>> GO TO HELL, LARRY.

>> Larry: TOY GUN, EVERYBODY!WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

CONFUSED.

>> Larry: WELCOME BACK.

I'M HERE WITH MY PANEL.

THE NIGHTLY SHOW CONTRIBUTORMIKE YARD.

AND YOU CAN SEE MY NEXT TWOHILARIOUS GUESTS FROM THE USA

COMEDY "PLAYING HOUSE," SEASONTWO PREMIERING TONIGHT.

JESSICA ST. CLAIR AND LENNONPARHAM AND.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Larry: YES.

VERY WELL DESERVED.

NOW, I HAVE TO GET YOUR TAKE ONTHIS THING.

WE ARE TALKING ABOUT LADY'SISSUES.

THE ARTICLE IN "THE NEW YORKTIMES", WE ACTUALLY TALKED ABOUT

THIS A FEW YEARS AGOING.

>> YEAH..

>> Larry: LENNON AND I WORKED ATTHIS WHOW AND WE HAD THIS HUGE

DISCUSSION.

YOU EVER HEAR OF BITCHY RESTINGFACE?

RIGHT.

THEY SAY RBF, RESTING BITCHFACE, BUT I THINK THAT IS

IMPROPER, BECAUSE IT IS NOT LIKEYOUR BITCH FACE IS RESTING.

IT IS THAT YOUR RESTING FACELOOKS A LITTLE BITCHY.

>> YES, AND YOU TWO HAVE IT.

>> Larry: I HAVE A JUDGMENTALRESTING FACE.

>> WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCEBETWEEN JUDGMENTAL AND

BITCHCALLY IS A FINE LINE.

>> Larry: HERE'S JUDGMENTAL.

>> YEAH.

>> Larry: YOU SEE.

YOU FEEL JUDGED.

>> AND HERE IS BITCHY.

>> Larry: THERE YOU GO.

>> WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?

>> Larry: NOW LET'S SHOW SOMEPICTURES OF SOME STARS THEY

HAVE --

YEAH.

>> Larry: THOSE SUPPOSEDLY AREALL BITCHY RESTING FACING.

MIKE, ARE THOSE BITCHY?

>> I DON'T KNOW.

THIS IS THE FIRST -- WE BROUGHTTHAT UP AS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE

HEARD OF IT.

I MUST HAVE IT TOO BECAUSE I GETTHE SAME COMMENTS THAT WOMEN

GET.

"STOP LOOKING SO MAD!"

>> Larry: NO, NO.

BROTHERS HAVE ANGRY RESTINGFACES.

>> YEAH, EVERYBODY -- I DON'TTHINK I LOOK ANGRY.

I HAVE BEEN LOOKING AT MY FACE ALONG TIME.

I DON'T THINK I LOOK ANGRYING.

>> I THINK YOU LOOK VERYPLEASANT.

>> THERE IS AN ARGUMENT ON THENIGHTLY SHOW FACEBOOK PAGE ABOUT

HOW ANGRY MIKE YARD LOOKS.

>> SEE, NOW YOU LOOK ANGRY.

>> Larry: WHY ARE YOU SO ANGRYABOUT THIS, MIKE?

WHY ARE YOU SO ANGRY.

>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I DON'T LOOK ANGRY.

DO I LOOK ANGRY?

>> Larry: YES.

YOU REALLY LOOK ANGRY.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY IAM.

>> Larry: AND WHY IS THIS THROWNAT WOMEN THAT THEY HAVE TO HAVE

A BITCHY RESTING FACING.

>> THIS ONE DESERVES IT BECAUSESHE LOOKS COLD AS ICE.

>> THAT IS WHERE MY POWER LIVES,THOUGH.

IF YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUTYOU, THEN WHAT DO I HAVE?

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

IF YOU ARE WORRIED THAT I LIKEYOU OR IF YOU THINK MAYBE I HATE

YOUR GUTS.

>> Larry: I AM OFF BALANCE.

>> YEAH, AND I HAVE THE POWER.

I HAVE THE POWER.

>> Larry: OH, (BLEEP0.

>> I AM HER BEST FRIEND IN THEWORLD.

>> SHE DOESN'T ALWAYS KNOW HOW IFEEL ABOUT HERRING.

>> I DON'T.

>> AND THAT IS OKAYING.

>> IT IS IMPORTANT HOW SHE FEELSABOUT HERSELF.

>> I DON'T.

I AM LIKE A RESCUE SCHNAUZER,LIKE AN OLD LIKE MATTED

SCHNAUZER YOU GOT AT THE POUNDAND JUST WANT TO BE LOVED.

>> Larry: YOU HAVE A COMFORTINGRESTING FACE.

>> NO, IT'S ANXIOUS, IT'S LIKETHIS.

>> Larry: YEAH.

>> THAT IS KIND OF CREEPY.

>> WHO LIKES ME?

>> AND YOU NEED TO WORK ON THERESTING FACE.

>> Larry: I KNOW.

IT GETS THROWN AT HILLARY A LOTBECAUSE PEOPLE TRY TO DESCRIBE

THAT TO HER SHE HAS A BITCHYRESTING FACE.

BUT THEY NEVER SAY THAT ABOUT,LIKE, JOHN KERRY.

LET'S SHOW HILLARY.

THERE YOU GO.

>> SHE COULD CRACK A SMILE.

>> OKAY, NOW -- (BLEEP).

>> Larry: NOW, THAT IS A BITCHYRESTING FACE.

>> BUT I HEARD THAT ABOUTKERRY.

>> HE LIKES LIKE YOU JUST TOLDHIM HE CAN'T HAVE IT.

>> NOW, JOE BIDEN.

HE HAS GOT THE PEARLY WHITES.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

HE IS ALWAYS SMILING.

IT WORKS FOR ME.

>> Larry: HE HAS A GOOFYRESTING FACING.

>> CAN I TELL YOU WHAT I THINKIT IS?

I THINK IT'S JUST ANOTHER TOOLOF THE MAN...

>> Larry: THE MAN. THERE GOESTHE MAN AGAIN.

>> ...TO MAKE HIM FEEL MORECOMFORTABLE AROUND YOU.

IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU.

IT IS ABOUT HOW HE FEELS.

HE DON'T KNOW HOW TO TAKE IT SOIT IS LIKE I NEED YOU TO FIX

YOUR FACE BECAUSE I DON'T KNOWWHAT TO DO WITH IT.

>> Larry: I THINK SECRETLY, MEN,IF YOU DISAGREE WITH ME,

YOU ARE LYING BECAUSE -- EVERYGUY WANTS TO THINK THERE IS AT

LEAST A MICROCHANCE THEY CANHAVE SEX WITH ANY WOMAN, RIGHT.

>> IS THAT TRUE?

>> Larry: DON'T EVEN SAY IT ISNOT TRUE.

IT IS ABSOLUTELY --

IF SOMEONE GIVES YOU A BITCHYRESTING FACE, IT IS LIKE, "MAN,

THAT CHANCE IS GONE."

THAT'S WHAT IT IS ABOUT.

IF THERE'S A LITTLE BIT OF ASMILE, WELL, MAYBE THERE IS A

CHANCE.

EVEN IF IT IS QUEEN ELIZABETH,IT DOESN'T MATTER.

WELL, QUEEN ELIZABETH.

THERE IS A ROYAL CHANCE THERE.

YOU NEVER KNOW.

>> 95 PERCENT OF THE TIME, IDON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU.

NOT YOU.

>> Larry: I UNDERSTAND.

>> NOT YOU.

ALL DAY LONG, YEAH, YEAH.

WE KNOW THAT.

WE HAVE A CHEMISTRY.

>> Larry: YEAH.

>> YOU GUYS --

>> DID WE LEAVE, OR --

>> Larry: SO HERE'S ANOTHERONE--

THERE IS THE THING ABOUTWOMEN IN THE WORKPLACE.

THIS ONE IS VERY FUNNY TO ME.

TEMPERATURE.

WE TALKED ABOUT IT ON THE TODAYSHOW.

WHY ARE WOMEN SO (BLEEP)INGCOLD.

>> I AM SORRY.

MAYBE BECAUSE WE ARE SO TIREDHAVING BABIES.

>> MAYBE BECAUSE WE'RE ALWAYSWEARING BIKINIS.

>> YEAH, YEAH.

>> Larry: WAIT, WAIT.

I HAVE THE NIGHTLY SHOW BLANKETSFOR YOU.

>> OH, THANK YOU.

BUT THERE IS A REPORT THATTHE TEMPERATURE, ESPECIALLY IN

OFFICES, ARE GEARED TOWARD THEMEN, AND THAT WOMEN ARE ALWAYS

COLD.

>> LISTEN I HAVE THREE PAIRS OFSPANKS ON RIGHT NOW SO I AM

ABOUT TO PASS OUT FROM HEATEXHAUSTION, BUT ON A NORMAL DAY,

I AM FREEZING.

>> Larry: NOT EVEN COLD, YOUARE FREEZING.

>> I AM FREEZING.

>> Larry: SEE THAT'S AMAZING TOME.

LET'S SHOW PICTURES OF THESTAFFER.

WE HAVE FEMALE MEMBERS OF OURSTAFF HERE.

HERE WE GO.

THERE IS ANOTHER ONE.

ANOTHER ONE.

NOW SHOW ONE OF OUR GUYS.

LOOK AT THAT.

>> THEY ARE IN THE EXACT SAMEOFFICE AT THE EXACT SAME TIME.

WHERE IS THAT OFFICE?

I WANT TO GO THERE.

>> I HAVE A HOODY IN MY OFFICE.

IF IT IS COLD, PUT A SWEATER ON,I AM SORRY.

>> OKAY, YOU ARE SCREAMING.

YOU ARE LITERALLY SCREAMING ATAMERICA.

I NEED YOU TO KNOW--

>> I AM ALWAYS UP FOR A GOODFIGHT BUT THIS IS ONE I DON'T

UNDERSTAND.

PUT A SWEATER ON IF IT IS COLD.

I AM SORRY.

>> Larry: DO YOU THINK IT ISBIOLOGY OR DO YOU THINK IT IS

CLOTHING.

>> I THINK IT ISAIR CONDITIONING.

>> Larry: AIR CONDITIONING.

>> THAT MAKES SENSING.

>> Larry: AIR CONDITIONING.

HOW ABOUT THIS, GUYS, WE GETTO CONTROL THE REMOTE AND

WOMEN GET TO CONTROL THETHERMOSTAT.

>> I LIKE THAT.>> I AM WITH IT.

>> Larry: I DON'T THINK WE WILLEVER FIGURE THIS OUT.

WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

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