Andy Kindler & Brett Gelman

  • Season 1, Ep 5
  • 03/19/2013

Anthony shows off his staff's diversity; Andy Kindler and Brett Gelman chat about strip club tax breaks.

I KNOW I'VE BEEN OFFENDING A LOTOF DIFFERENT TYPES OF PEOPLE

ON MY SHOW, BUT I WANT YOUTO KNOW, BEFORE YOU COMPLAIN,

I HAVE ONE OF THE MOST DIVERSESTAFFS IN ALL OF TELEVISION.

SO I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCESOME OF THEM RIGHT NOW

WITH THE JESELNIK OFFENSIVE"DIVERSITY ROLE CALL."

[military music playing]

CHINESE ANDREW.

GUY I CONFUSEFOR CHINESE ANDREW.

BLACK STEVE.

STEVE.

ME.

ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP JANICE.

ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP DAMON.

DONNIE WOODEN SPOONSFOR ARMS.

SURVIVING SIAMESE TWIN SAMANTHA.

AND JAZZY JENNIFER.

BIRTHDAY CAKE.

THERE.NOW NO ONE CAN EVER COMPLAIN.

AND NOW IT'S TIME

WHERE WE TAKE A BASEBALL BATTO THE CHINA SHOP

OF HUMAN INTELLECTUALACHIEVEMENT.

GIVE ME MY REFUNDIN SINGLES.

JIM JONES AND THE GAMEARE JOINING OTHER RAPPERS

IN DECLARING STRIP CLUB EXPENSESAS TAX DEDUCTIONS.

THIS'LL BE A REAL BOONFOR THAT ONE RAPPER

WHO DID HIS TAXES ONCE.

[laughter]

- WELL, I DON'T KNOWWHO JIM JONES IS,

BUT THIS IS THE BEST WORKHE'S DONE SINCE JONESTOWN.

RIGHT? TOO SOON?TOO LATE?

- ARE YOU NOTA HIP-HOP FAN?

- WHAT, ARE YOUDRINKING THE KOOL-AID?

[laughter]

I HEARD--THIS IS TRUE, THOUGH.

NO, NO, I HEARD THIS.I HEARD THIS.

THAT THEY--A LOT OF RAPPERS,

THEY CAN MAKEA LOT OF DEDUCTIONS

UNDER THE HEADING"MISCELLANEOUS BLING."

IT'S A 2106.2106 FORM.

- BRETT, TRY TO GETA WORD IN EDGEWISE.

- NO, THEY GOT A NEW THING.

INSTEAD OF A LAP DANCE,THEY'RE DOING THIS NEW THING

CALLED A TAX DANCE,

WHICH IS THE SAME THINGAS A LAP DANCE,

ONLY YOUR ACCOUNTANT'SSITTING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU,

AND HE'S SAYING,"THIS IS A REALLY GOOD IDEA."

- WHAT'S, LIKE,THE WEIRDEST TAX WRITE-OFF

THAT YOU GUYS DOAS COMEDIANS?

- I DEDUCT ALL FOODALL THE TIME.

WHY NOT, RIGHT?GIVE IT A SHOT.

- YEAH, THAT'S LEGAL.YEAH, TOTALLY.

- I--ALSO I MAKE UPA LOT OF STUFF. YEAH.

[New York accent]COMPUTER. $50,000.

- DO YOU HAVE AN ACCENTALL OF A SUDDEN?

- YEAH, COMPUTER.I HAVE A--

I DO IT AS A NEW YORKER.

HEY!- OH, OKAY.

- WHEN THE IRS CALLS ME,I GO,

"UH, YEAH, YEAH.THAT WAS FOR A COMPUTER."

[laughter]

- I DEDUCTED HAIR PLUGS.

- MINE.HUH?

- VERY GOOD.- NOT THAT GOOD.

- BUT I WAS GONNA SAYI'M BEING AUDITED.

'CAUSE I DON'T...

- OH.

I SEE.

- NOW IT'S TIME TO PUTYOUR BABY IN THE DRYER

AND TURN IT ON HIGH.

IT'S "DEFENDING YOUR TWEET."

YOU TWEETED IT.NOW I'M GONNA READ IT

AND ASK YOU TO DEFEND ITIN FRONT OF ALL THESE PEOPLE.

ANDY KINDLER.

ON MARCH 12TH,YOU TWEETED THE FOLLOWING.

ANDY, DEFEND THAT TWEET.

FEEL FREE TO GOWORD BY WORD.

- UH...WELL, LOOK, THEY LAUGHED.

RIGHT?

I--WHY DO THE KIDS TODAY

DO NOT RESPECT REFERENCES?

THEY DON'T KNOWTHE REFERENCES.

I MEAN, I DON'T CARE--THEY CAN'T FIND

IRAQ ON A MAP,THAT'S FINE WITH ME.

BUT I WANT TO BE ABLE TO--I WANT TO BE ABLE

TO SAY IN A CLUB,"HEY, LOOK THERE.

THERE WAS GARY PUCKETT& THE UNION GAPS OVER HERE."

BOOM.WHAT DO YOU THINK--

WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE,A MEMBER OF EVERY MOTHER'S SON?

[laughter]

THAT'S WHAT I WANT.

- NOW, BRETT.- YEAH.

- ON SEPTEMBER 4TH,YOU TWEETED...

BRETT GELMAN,DEFEND YOUR TWEET.

- THAT WAS A LIE.

I-I LOVE COMPLIMENTS.

AND I HAVEN'T TAKENA DECENT BM IN THREE WEEKS!

- I DON'T--I DON'T HAVEA PROBLEM WITH YOUR JOKE.

IT WAS THE LOOK OF PRIDEON YOUR FACE.

- YEAH.

- WELL, IT MEANSTHAT I'M OLDER,

AND I'M MORE MATURE.

- GUYS, THANK YOU SO MUCHFOR BEING HERE TONIGHT.

CATCH ANDY APPEARINGAT THE MOONTOWER COMEDY FESTIVAL

IN AUSTIN, TEXAS,APRIL 24TH THROUGH 27TH.

AND WATCH BRETT IN GO ON

TUESDAYS AT 9:00 ON NBC.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACKWITH MORE SHOW.

[cheers and applause]

[rock music]

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