Monday, April 20, 2015

  • 04/20/2015

Steve Agee, Ron Funches and T.J. Miller play F/M/K with blockbuster movies, come up with #420Regrets and list some of TIME magazine's 100 Least Influential People.

RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNETHEADLINES, IT'S RAPID REFRESH.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Chris: IN A WORLD WHERE ANYNEW MAJOR MOVIE TEASER TRAILER

BLOWS UP THE INTERNET, THISWEEKEND WAS THE MOTHER

(BLEEP)ING BLOW UPIEST.

HUGE WEEKEND FOR TRAILERS, OFCOURSE, THIS TRAILER-MAGGEDDON

ALL STARTED WITH THE NEW A STARWARS TEASER.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

IT'S OUR FIRST LOOKSIE OFBEACHED STAR DESTROYERS AND

LITTLE VOLLEYBALL DROIDS INWHICH THE FORCE AWAKENED MANY

A NERD BONER.

I AM SO EXCITED THAT PEOPLE AREEXCITED ABOUT A NEW "STAR WARS."

THIS MAKES ME VERY HAPPY.

BUT APPARENTLY HARRISONFORD COULD NOT CONVINCE

JJ ABRAMS THAT AN OLDER HAN SOLOWOULD WEAR A SINGLE EARRING

SO, UH --

IT DIDN'T HAPPEN.

THEN WE GOT OUR FIRST TEASER FORAFFLECK VERSUS SUPERMAN.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT.

THIS IS BAT DARK AND SUPERBROODING AND SCORED ENTIRELY

WITH MY FAVORITE MUSIC. WELL,LET'S SEE.

I LIKE JAZZ, CLASSICAL, AND ESPECIALLY OWHHNNNNN.

THAT OLD DRAMATIC SUPERHERODIDGERIDOO THAT'S IN ALL THE--

AND THEN JUST THIS MORNING, WEGOT THE FULL TRAILER FOR

JURASSIC WORLD. HERE'S THIS.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

-- IN WHICH EVERYTHING AT THEPARK GOES ACCORDING TO PLAN.

NO! I AM KIDDING.

DINOS (BLEEP) IT UP.

COMEDIANS, YOU'VE ALL SEEN THESETRAILERS.

STEVE, YOU'VE PROBABLY JACKED ITTO AT LEAST TWO OF THEM.

SO I THINK IS AN EXCELLENT TIMETO PLAY(BLEEP)/ MARRY/ KILL.

"STAR WARS," "BATMAN VERSUSSUPERMAN," JURASSIC WORLD, FMK?

RON.

>> I WILL (BLEEP) "STAR WARS"BECAUSE THEY HAVE BEEN

(BLEEP)ING OVER THEIR FANS FORYEARS.

>> I WILL KILL "BATMAN VERSUSSUPERMAN" BECAUSE THEN IT IS

BATMAN VERSUS SUPERMAN VERSUSRON FUNCHES, AND THAT IS

FUN.

>> Chris: I WOULD PAY TO SEETHAT.

>> AND THEN I WOULD MARRY"JURASSIC WORLD" BECAUSE I THINK

THE T REX WOULD SUPPORT ANDPROVIDE FOR ME.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Chris: A FINE AND VERY WELLTHOUGHT OUT ANSWER.

100 POINTS TO RON FUNCHES.

TJ.

>> I WOULD (BLEEP) STAR WARSBECAUSE YOU KNOW WITH JJ ABRAMS

AT THE HELMS IT IS GOING TO BEGOOD.

THAT (BLEEP) IS GOING TO BETIGHT.

>> Chris: YOU KNOW, ADMIRALAKBAR GIVES THE BEST BLOW JOBS.

>> OH, YEAH.

>> Chris: (INCONHERENT GNAWING)

(MORE GNAWING AND GRUNTING)

MY FIRST MOUTH IS A TRAP FORYOUR BALLS.

>> I WANT TO (BLEEP) STAR WARSNOW.

IT'S NOW TIME FOR THE

HASHTAG WARS.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

WOW, YOU GUYS.

I DON'T THINK THE HASHTAGWARS HAVE EVER GOTTEN

BLEACHER STOMPS BEFORE.

THIS IS VERY EXCITING.

>> 4/20.

>> Chris: 4/20.

>> 4/20

SOME PEOPLE ONLINE GIVE THEHASHTAG WARS (BLEEP). I SAY IT'S

TWITTER, IT'S AVOIDABLE. DON'TBE SUCH A (BLEEP) HIPSTER CRANK.

BUT NOW IT IS POST MIDNIGHT,4/20 IS OFFICIALLY OVER, PUT

DOWN YOUR PIPES.

IT'S NOT GONNA --

OH, 4/20 IS OVER, CAN'T DO THISANYMORE.

>> I LOVE THE PERSON WHO SMOKESMARIJUANA, BUT ONLY ONCE A YEAR.

>> Chris: ONCE A YEAR.

>> AND I STAY TRUE TO THE24-HOUR PERIOD.

>> Chris: BUYT PLEASE TRY ANDFOCUS, ALL RIGHT?

BECAUSE TONIGHT'S HASHTAG IS#420REGRETS.

EXAMPLES MIGHT BE, I PASSEDTHE DUTCHIE ON THE RIGHT-HAND

SIDE.

(BLEEP)

OR THESE COMMEMORATIVE NECKTATTOOS.

OR DROPPED OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL TOPURSUE LIFE OF CRIME.

I'M GONNA PUT 60 SECONDS ON THECLOCK AND BEGIN.

RON.

>> I BOUGHT THE AFRO MAN CD.

>> Chris: POINTS.

RON.

>> I TALKED TO A CAT FOR AN HOURBUT I FORGOT TO ASK ITS NAMES.

>> Chris: POINTS.

TJ.

>> I FORGOT TO PUT ON VISINEBEFORE I WENT ON STAGE.

>> Chris: POINTS.

STEVE.

>> THAT TIME I BLEEPED A BUCKETOF APPLE SAUCE.

>> Chris: POINTS.

RON.

>> I DON'T KNOW WHERE I AMCURRENTLY.

>> Chris: YOU ARE @MIDNIGHTAND YOU ARE AMONG FRIENDS,

POINTS.

TJ.

>> I ACCIDENTALLY HAD THE BESTTIME OF MY LIFE ON HITLER'S

BIRTHDAY.

>> Chris: NO CAKE FOR HITLER! STEVE.

>> THAT TIME I ATE A BUCKET OFAPPLE SAUCE.

>> Chris: AFTER YOU (BLEEP)EDIT?

POINTS.

TJ.

>> I USED MARIJUANA AS A GATEWAYDRUG --

TO MORE MARIJUANA.

>> Chris: POINTS.

STEVE.

>> I LET THE KIDS THAT I BABYSITWITH DROWN IN A POOL.

>> Chris: YOU CAN'T BE UPSETBY THAT?

WHO THE (BLEEP) WOULD LET YOUBABYSIT THEIR KIDS.

>> EXACTLY, THANK YOU.

>> Chris: RON.

>> I BOUGHT CRACK ACCIDENT.

IT'S TIME TO PLAY PIT OFDESPAIR.

WELL, THE DRY, DESERT-YTATTOOINE MUSIC FESTIVAL KNOWN

AS COACHELLA ENDED YESTERDAY --IT'S GONNA TAKE DAYS TO GET THE

HOT DESERT STINK OFF AND WEEKSTO FIND OUT YOU'RE PREGNANT.

SWAYING SIDE TO SIDE WHILEINSTAGRAMMING THE SHOW IS NO WAY

TO ENJOY LIVE MUSIC.

THE BEST WAY IS TO DROPKICK A16-YEAR-OLD AT THE CENTER OF A

BRUTAL MOSH PIT.

COMEDIANS, I'M GOING TO SHOW YOUPART OF A MOSH PIT VIDEO AND FOR

250 POINTS, NAME THE CONCERTFESTIVAL.

OKAY, FIRST UP --

>> Chris: STEVE.

>> LITERAL BURNING MAN.

>> Chris: POINTS.

RON.

>> TYPICAL WHITE PERSON, 4TH OFJULY.

>> Chris: POINTS.

THAT'S WE DO: TAKE OFF OURSHIRTS AND WE BURN OURSELVES.

THE NEXT ONE, THESE JUVENILEDELINQUENTS.

>> Chris: FUNCHES.

>> OSHKOSH BA-MOSH PIT.

>> Chris: POINTS!

IT WAS RIGHT THERE, RIGHT THERE.

STEVE.

>> COACH-CHILDREN.

>> Chris: OKAY, POINTS.

LAST ONE --

THIS SOLO ARTIST.

>> Chris: OH MY GOSH, SHE'SBEING ATTACKED BAY MUTANT

BUTTERFLY, WHY WON'T SOMONEHELP HER! RON.

>> THAT WAS MY BIRTHDAY PARTY.

>> NO, IT WASN'T.

>> I DID NOT GIVE YOU GUYSPERMISSION TO USE THIS VIDEO.

>> Chris: WELL, JUST FOR THATI WILL GIVE YOU POINTS.

STEVE.

>> MENTALLY ILLITH FAIR.

IT'S TIME FOR THE NEXT

GAME, HIGH MALL.

YOU KNOW, FINDING A PERFECT GIFTFOR STONER IN YOUR LIFE CAN

BE TOUGH.

YOU'VE ALREADY GIVEN THEM THEBLU-RAY OF "FIGHT CLUB" AND THAT

CROCHETED THROW PILLOW THATREADS, IT IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT

YOUR DAD THINKS YOU ARE AFAILURE, (BLEEP) THAT GUY.

NEVER FEAR, THE WEB IS FULLOF DANK GIFTS FOR YOUR SMELLIEST

OF LOVED ONES.

WE'RE GONNA GIVE YOU TWOPOT-THEMED PRODUCTS, AND FOR

250 POITNS, YOU TELL US WHICHONE IS REAL.

FIRST ONE: ON ETSY CAN YOUGET A PIPE SHAPED LIKE PIKACHU

OR OLAF THE SNOWMAN FROM FROZEN.

RON.

>> I AM ASSUMING YOU GET BOTHEASILY.

>> Chris: YOU HAVE TO PICK ONE.

>> OLAF BECAUSE HE'S VERYBONG-SHAPED.

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT, LET'S FINDOUT.

PIKA!

TOKEMON.

$49.95 FOR THAT.

GOT TO SMOKE THEM ALL.

HEY, CHRIS DON'T -- I HAVE AGLASS BLOWING GOING.

>> Chris: OH YOU DO.

>> SO I CAN GET YOU CAN THAT FOR$39.99.

>> Chris: NEXT ONE, A BIGLEBOWSKI MANGER SCENE FOR

CHRISTMAS OR A PILLOW SHAPEDLIKE A BAG OF DANK NUGS.

TEEJ.

>> ACTUALLY I SLEEP EVERY NIGHTON A BIG LEBOWSKI MANAGER SCENE

FOR CHRISTMAS.

... A MANAGER SCENE...

>> Chris: 4/20, BRO!

(APPLAUSE)

>> YOU KNOW WHAT? NOW THAT ISEE THIS MANGER AND NOT MANAGER

-- I AM GOING TO GO WITH PILLOWSHAPED LIKE A BAG OF DANK NUGS.

>> Chris: THE CORRECT ANSWER IS,A PILLOW!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> THAT'S LESS THAN A PIKACHUPIPE.

>> Chris: LAST ONE.

A STONER SEX GUIDE CALLED "SEXPOT" OR A STONER PARENTING GUIDE

CALLED "HOW TO RAISE A CHILLDUDE."

RON.

>> I WAS WORKING ON HOW TO RAISEA CHILL DUDE SO I AM GOING TO

ASSUME IT IS SEX POT.

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT, LET'S FINDOUT.

"SEX POT"!

HOW TO GET IT ON!

>> FOR BONUS POINTS WHAT IS SEXMOVE YOU'D FIND IN THIS BOOK.

STEVE AGEE.

>> THE BENSON INTERRUPTION.

IT'S WHEN YOU'RE HAVING SEX ANDCHRIS HARDWICKDOUB BENSON TEXTS

YOU AND ASKS YOU TO BE ON HISPODCAST.

>> Chris: YEAH, POINTS. T.J.

>> WHEN YOU'RE STARTING TO DOZEOFF AND THEN DENY IT WHEN SHE

ASKS YOU IF YOU'RE DOZING OFFAND THEN STOP HALFWAY THROUGH

TO ORDER RAMEN.

>> Chris: OKAY, POINTS.

AS WE GO TO OUR NEXT GAME, WASTE OFTIME.

WASTE OF TIME.

"TIME" MAGAZINE PUBLISHED ITSANNUAL LIST OF 100 MOST

INFLUENTIAL PEOPLE, SO I GUESSYOU COULD SAY WE ARE UNDER A LOT

OF INFLUENCES TODAY.

HERE IS ONE OF THE COVERS THEYPUBLISHED FEATURING KANYE WEST.

THAT'S THE FACE HE MADE WHEN HEFOUND OUT HE WAS NOT ALL 100

PEOPLE.

BUT "TIME" MAGAZINE DIDN'T TELLUS THE 100 LEAST INFLUENTIAL

PEOPLE, SO COMEDIANS, PLEASETELL ME WHO WOULD BE ON THAT

GROUND-BREAKING LIST.

IN 60 SECONDS AND BEING.

STEVE.

>> PINK'S OPTOMETRIST.

>> Chris: OKAY.

POINTS.

TJ.

>> THE FATHER FROM BLOSSOM.

>> Chris: POINTS.

THAT WAS ACTOR TED WASS.

YEAH, I KNOW (BLEEP)

STEVE.

>> M. RON HUBBARD.

IT IS A DIFFERENT GUY.

>> Chris: THAT'S A TOTALLYDIFFERENT GUY.

POINTS.

>> MY EX-GIRLFRIEND'S PARENTS.

>> Chris: POINTS.

RON.

>> THE DOG THAT TELLS ME TO SETFIRES. I'M NOT GOING TO DO IT.

>> Chris: POINTS.

TJ.

>> THAT MOTHER (BLEEP)ING AT THEPET SHOP.

>> Chris: POINTS.

STEVE.

>> THAT GUY RIGHT THERE.

>> Chris: YEAH.

THAT GUY.

CONGRATULATIONS ON BEINGNAMED STEVE AGEE MAGAZINES 100

LEAST INFLUENTIAL PEOPLE.

CONGRATULATIONS.