Monday, March 31, 2014

  • Season 1, Ep 01043
  • 03/31/2014

Seth Green, Rachel Bloom and Kevin Shinick name heart attack-inducing stadium foods, admire "Star Wars" fan art and list lame action figures.

IT'S TIME TO START RAPIDREFRESH.

(APPLAUSE)IT'S OPENING DAY FOR

BASEBALL AS DETAILED BYTSN.COM.

A NEW ARRAY OF EDIBLE HEARTATTACKS HAVE HIT STADIUM

MENUS.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING IS ANACTUAL STADIUM MENU ITEM.

A, THE CHOOMUNGUS, A 24 INCHSPICY ASIAN BEEF SANDWICH.

(LAUGHTER)>> B, A FOUR POUND BURGER

WITH A POUND OF FRIES.

C, AN 18 INCH DEEP FRIEDCORN DOG FILLED WITH BACON,

JALAPENOS AND CHEESE.

>> #AMERICA.

KEVIN, A, IS WHAT I'MCHOOSING BECAUSE THAT IS AS

FAR AS I LEARNED IN THEALPHABET.

>> WELL, THE CORRECT ANSWERIS ALL OF THESE.

ALL OF THOSE ARE GOING TOKILL A LOT OF PEOPLE THIS

BASEBALL SEASON.

SO LET'S FOCUS ON THIS ONEFIRST, THIS LAST ONE IS FROM

THE ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKSSTADIUM.

I HOPE THEY ADDED TOILETSWHEN THEY BROUGHT IN THIS IN

AS WELL BECAUSE THAT JUSTLOOKS THE SAME COMING OUT AS

IT DOES GOING IN.

SO FOR BONUS POINTS NAMETHIS ABOMINATION OF NATURE.

SETH GREEN.

>> YODA'S EDIBLE CANE.

I LOVE THAT.

POINTS.

RACHEL.

>> I CALL IT THE DUST DEVILBECAUSE IT ARIZONA IT'S THE

ONLY THING THAT PASSESQUICKER THAN ANTI-GAY

LEGISLATION.

POINTS!

>> WHAT IS YOUR FOLLOWUP.

>> YOUR ANUS, THIS WILLANNIHILATE.

YES, POINTS FOR THAT.

>> I HAVE A FOLLOWUP, I HAVEA FOLLOWUP.

>> I HAVEN'T EVEN SAID MYANSWER YOU HAVE A FOLLOWUP.

>> YOU GOT TO GET IN HERE.

MY ALTERNATE NAME WAS PAULADEEN'S VIBRATOR.

>> NICE.

KEVIN.

>> THE SLOGAN IS ALL DOGSGO TO HEAVEN VIA YOUR

(BLEEP).

>> YES, POINT, POINTS.

CLASSIC MARCH MADNESSUNDERDOG STORY COMES OUT OF

FLORIDA.

BIG NEWS THE LOCALJACKSONVILLE ABC NEW AFFILIATE

WANTED TO SHOW THEHIGHLIGHTS OF THE DAYTON

FLORIDA ELITE 8 GAME BUT DUETO LICENSING RULE THESE

COULDN'T SHOW THE GAMEFOOTAGE. SO HOW DID THIS

SCRAPPY NEWS 20 TEAM GETAROUND IT, BY RECREATING THE

GAME IN THEIR BREAK ROOM.

FRASIER POPS TWO FEET, TAKEA LOOK AT THAT, A FEROCIOUS

SLAM. HE HAD SIX POINTS.

>> VERY RESOURCEFUL.

PLEASE NAME ONE OF THESETEAMS.

SETH GREEN.

>> OFFICE SPACE JAM.

>> WOW, POINTS.

POINTS, POINTS.

>> RACHEL.

>> ALL RIGHT, IT'S THEPHILADELPHIA 401(K)ERS,

VERSUS THE PHOENIX SONS YOUSHOULD BE PROUD OF BECAUSE

THEY EARN A SIX FIGURESALARY AND MARRIED THAT NICE

GIRL.

>> YES, POINTS.

DEFINITELY.

>> KEVIN.

>> THE WINNING TEAM WAS I'VENEVER EVEN BEEN TO HARLEM

GLOBETROTTERS.

(LAUGHTER)POINTS.

WELL DONE.

NOW FOR TIME FOR TONIGHT'SHASHTAG WARS. SO EXCITED

ABOUT THIS HASHTAG WARS.

A VERY SPECIAL ROBOT CHICKENTHEMED SHOW AND THE ROBOT

CHICKEN ON CARTOON NETWORKADULT SWIM SO TONIGHT'S

HASHTAG IS RUINACARTOON.

SO EXAMPLES MIGHT BE ROBOTROBOTDICKEN.

OR FAMILY GUY FIERI.

OR MY LITTLE KONY, 2012.

OR WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

TOM & JERRY SANDUSKYCOME ON, GUYS, TOTALLY RUINS

THE CARTOON.

60 SECONDS ON THECLOCK AND GO.

>> SETH.

>> SPEED RACIST.

>> POINTS.

(LAUGHTER)>> YES, RACHEL.

>> ALADDIN TO THE RETURN OFJAFFAR'S GENITAL WARTS.

>> YES, SETH.

>> AQUA TEENHUNGER STRIKE.

>> POINTS.

>> KEVIN.

>> PREMATURE MUPPET BABIES.

>> MUPPET PREMMIES.

IT'S ALL UNDER THE GLASS.

POINTS.

>> SETH.

>> HE-MAN AND THEMASTERS OF SEX.

>> YES, POINTS.

KEVIN.

>> THUNDER, THUNDER, THUNDER[BLEEP].

>> YES, POINTS.

>> MEOW, MEOW -->> YES, RACHEL.

>> THE PEOPLE VERSUS LARRYFLYNTSTONES.

>> YES, SETH.

>> WINNIE THE JEW.

>> RACHEL.

>> THE LION RODNEY KING.

>> MIKE WALLACE AND VOMIT.

>> YEAH, OH, WOW, YES,EXCELLENT POINT, SETH.

>> TEENAGE MUTANT NINJAMETH ADDICTED TURTLES.

>> POINTS.

>> WELL, THEY LIVE IN THESEWERS THAT COULD EASILY

HAPPEN, YES.

IT IS NOW TIME TO PLAY STARWEIRDS,

STAR WEIRDS.

OVER YOUR OWN BUZZER, KEVIN.

>> ALL RIGHT.

>> OF COURSE A HUGE PART OFROBOT CHICKEN IS SPOOFING

STAR WARS, YOU HAVE DONETHREE SPECIAL ALL AMAZING,

WELL DONE.

>> THANK YOU.

>> BUT LET'S FIND OUT HOWWELL YOU KNOW YOUR WEIRD

STAR WARS FAN ART.

I WILL DESCRIBE TWO POST ONDEVIANT ART AND YOU HAVE TO

CHOOSE WHICH ONE YOU THINKIS REAL.

THE FIRST ONE PRINCESS LEIAWITH AN R2 TRAMP STAMP OR

C-3PO AS AN OILED UP MUSCLEDANCING ON A GAY PRIDE FLOAT.

LET'S JUST LET THOSE SINK INFOR A SECOND.

FIND OUT, YES, KEVIN.

>> C3PO AS AN OILED UPAND DANCING ON A GAY

PRIDE FLOAT BECAUSE I REALLYWANT TO SEE THAT.

>> OH, MAN.

>> I'VE SEEN THAT.

>> YEAH.

>> SHE'S GOING REGRET THATIN ABOUT 30 YEARS.

(LAUGHTER)NEXT, A

RECREATION OF THE SISTINECHAPEL WITH VADER REACHING OUT

TO GOD, OR JEDI IN A MEXICANPONCHO NAMED ONI-JUAN

KEN-RIGUEZ>> KEVIN.

>> A RECREATION OF THESISTINE CHAPEL WITH VADER

REACHING TO GOD BECAUSE IHAVE BEEN TO ITALY AND I

HAVE SEEN IT.

>> LET'S SEE IF THAT ISTRUE.

>> YES!

GEORGE LUCAS, ALSO KNOWN ASTHE CREATOR.

>> OF COURSE.

>> UP THERE ON TOP.

>> I THINKING ABOUT PUTTINGTHIS GUY ON THE BACK OF MY

ASS.

(LAUGHTER)>> 3PO IS BACK THERE LIKE

GREAT IDEA.

>> GORGE IS GOING TO GO BACKAND RECHANGE IT SO IT IS

THAT.

>> YEAH, THAT WILL BE THEUPDATED FOOTAGE.

THE NEXT RE-RELEASE.

ALL RIGHT.

NEXT ONE, OKAY THIS IS ABOUTA STAR WARS SUPERFAN.

SETH GREEN SAY SEXY SLAVEGIRL, PRINCESS LEIA OR-- SETH

GREEN AS A MUSCLE HEAD ONSTEROIDS.

>> SETH, YOU'VE GOT TO GETTHIS ONE.

>> I KNOW YOU HAVE DONE BOTHOF THESE.

>> I HAVE POSED FOR BOTH OFTHESE.

>> SO YOU GUYS HAVE TO GUESSWHICH ONE WE HAVE HERE FROM

DEVIANT ART.

>> OH MAN.

>> YES, SETH.

>> WELL, I'M HOPING IT ISTHE MUSCLE HEAD BECAUSE

NOBODY NEEDS TO SEE ME INTHAT.

>> SHOW ME MUSCLEHEAD.

>> YEAH!

>> HELLO!

>> WHAT IS THAT?

>> I DON'T-- IT'S NOT ASCLUMSY AS A BLASTER.

>> BUT WHY DO MY ABS LOOKBRAIDED?

>> YOU BRAIDED YOUR ABSBECAUSE THEY'RE SO MUCH ABS,

YOU GOT TO BRAID THEM TOKEEP ALL THOSE IN.

>> IT LOOKS LIKE-- IT LOOKSLIKE A SWALLOWED A MASSIVE

TUMOR.

PHOTOBOMBS,

CREEPY OR CUTE.

>> I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU APHOTOBOMBED PIC THAT HAS

GONE VIRAL AND FOR 250POINTS YOU HAVE TO TELL ME

IF IT WAS PHOTO BOMBED BYSOMETHING CREEPY OR CUTE.

THIS WOMAN.

>> SOMETHING CREEPY OR CUTEBACK THERE.

>> CUTE.

>> LET'S FIND OUT.

>> OH!

THAT IS ADORABLE.

>> YEAH.

>> THAT'S JUST AWESOME.

>> THE INTENSITY OF THEAPATHY.

>> YEAH.

>> SHE IS JUST SO OVER IT.

>> WAIT A MINUTE, I JUSTNOTICED THE GIRL IN THE BACK

NOW.

>> I HAVE BEEN STARING ATTHE FOREGROUND.

>> MOM, I'M TIRED OF GOINGTO TANNING.

(LAUGHTER)>> HOW ORANGE DO WE NEED TO

BE.

POINTS FOR SETH GREEN FORTHAT.

>> ALL RIGHT, NEXT ONE, THISDOUBLE SELFIE THIS DOUBLE

SELFIE.

>> SOMETHING CREEPY OR CUTEIN THERE.

>> I'M GOING TO SAY CUTE.

>> WE WOULD HAVEACCEPTED BOTH.

>>(APPLAUSE)

>> I'M SORRY.

DID YOU JUST NOTICE MY DELICIOUS ANUS BACK THERE?

>> WAIT, WAIT, GET MY GOODSIDE.

>> NEXT ONE, THESE HAPPYBALL PLAYERS, CREEPY OR CUTE

BACK THERE.

>> RACHEL.

>> THERE'S ALREADY A GUYJERKING OFF.

WHY, WHY, WHY DO YOUNEED SOMETHING.

>> NO NO, NO.

BEFORE WE MOVE ON, HE ISJUST TRYING TO HOLD THE

BLAST DOWN TO NOT HIT THISGUY.

>> WHAT DID YOU SAY.

>> I WILL SAY DOUBLE CREEPYI GUESS.

>> ALL RIGHT, THE ANSWER ISCREEPY.

>> COURTNEY LOVE LIKES BASEBALL?

FIGURE HATING, FIGURE HATING.

(APPLAUSE)>> THANK YOU TO COMIC

BOOK.COM, WHO RELEASED THE NEW ACTION FIGURE FROM THE

UPCOMING MOVIE CAPTAINAMERICA.

WINTER SOLDIER.

THE BAD ASS FIGURE COMESWITH INTERCHANGEABLE HEAD

SCULPT AND AN ARSENAL OFWEAPONS.

YOU HAVE 60 SECONDS TO MAKEUP AS MANY LAMEO ACTION

FIGURES AS YOU CAN.

BEGINNING NOW.

>> FINGER ME ELMO>> WELL, I MEAN --

>> KIND OF ALREADY-- POINTS.

>> KEVIN.

>> STRETCH MARKS ARMSTRONG.

>> POINTS, NICE.

>> WELL DONE.

>> THE A M.C. AFTER SHOWPLAY SET WITH POSEABLE CHRIS

HARDWICK.

>> YES!

-- PLEASE MAKE THIS FORREAL.

>> I'M VERY EXCITED ABOUTWHAT IS HAPPENING WITH THE

GROUP THIS SHOW.

YOU CAN PLAY THAT YOURSELF.

>> POINTS, KEVIN GI JOSEPHAND THE AMAZING TECHNICOLOUR

DREAM COAT.

>> YES, POINTS.

>> SETH.

>> IRON FIST AND POWERBOTTOM.

POINTS.

>> POINTS.

>> RACHEL.

>> BILL MURRAY FROM THEMOVIE SPACE JAM, YOU PRESS A

BUTTON ON HIS HAND AND HEASKED FOR A CHECK.

>> ALSO WOULD HAVE ACCEPTEDGARFIELD.

SETH.

>> CLARENCE THOMAS THE TANKENGINE.

>> POINTS.

>> YES, SETH AGAIN.

>> HAZY SHADE OF WINTERSOLDIER.

>> YES, WELL DONE.

OKAY, RACHEL ONE MORE.

>> WESTBORO BAPTIST CHURCHBARBIE FOR PROTESTING G.I.

JOE FUNERAL.

>> THAT'S SO LAYERED, POINTS!

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