Monday, March 31, 2014

  • 03/31/2014

Seth Green, Rachel Bloom and Kevin Shinick name heart attack-inducing stadium foods, admire "Star Wars" fan art and list lame action figures.

IT'S TIME TO START RAPID

REFRESH.

(APPLAUSE)

IT'S OPENING DAY FOR BASEBALL.

AS DETAILED BY TSN.COM,

A NEW ARRAY OF EDIBLE HEART

ATTACKS HAVE HIT STADIUM MENUS.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING IS AN

ACTUAL STADIUM MENU ITEM?

A. THE CHOOMUNGUS, A 24 INCH

SPICY ASIAN BEEF SANDWICH.

(LAUGHTER)

B. A FOUR POUND BURGER

WITH A POUND OF FRIES.

(LAUGHTER)

C. AN 18 INCH DEEP FRIED

CORN DOG FILLED WITH BACON,

JALAPENOS AND CHEESE.

(CHEERING)

#AMERICA.

KEVIN.

>> A. IS WHAT I'M CHOOSING

BECAUSE THAT IS AS FAR AS

I LEARNED IN THE ALPHABET.

(LAUGHTER)

>> WELL, THE CORRECT ANSWER IS:

ALL OF THESE ARE THINGS!

(APPLAUSE)

ALL OF THOSE ARE GOING TO KILL

A LOT OF PEOPLE THIS BASEBALL

SEASON.

SO LET'S FOCUS ON THIS ONE

FIRST, THIS LAST ONE IS FROM

THE ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS'

STADIUM.

I HOPE THEY ADDED TOILETS WHEN

THEY BROUGHT THIS IN AS WELL

BECAUSE THAT JUST LOOKS THE SAME

COMING OUT AS IT DOES GOING IN.

SO FOR BONUS POINTS, NAME

THIS ABOMINATION OF NATURE.

SETH GREEN.

>> YODA'S EDIBLE CANE.

>> Chris: I LOVE THAT.

POINTS.

RACHEL.

>> I CALL IT THE DUST DEVIL

BECAUSE IN ARIZONA, IT'S THE

ONLY THING THAT PASSES QUICKER

THAN ANTI-GAY LEGISLATION.

>> Chris: POINTS!

>> I GOT A FOLLOW-UP.

>> Chris: WHAT'S YOUR FOLLOW-UP?

>> YOUR ANUS, THIS WILL

ANNIHILATE.

(LAUGHTER)

YES, POINTS FOR THAT.

>> I HAVE A FOLLOW-UP,

I HAVE A FOLLOW-UP!

>> I HAVEN'T EVEN SAID MY ANSWER

AND YOU HAVE YOUR FOLLOW-UPS!

>> Chris: KEVIN, THIS IS A

PRIVATE CONVERSATION, DO YOU

MIND?

>> YOU GOT TO GET IN HERE!

MY ALTERNATE NAME WAS

"PAULA DEEN'S VIBRATOR."

(LAUGHTER)

>> NICE.

>> Chris: KEVIN.

>> THE SLOGAN IS "ALL DOGS

GO TO HEAVEN VIA YOUR ASSHOLE."

>> Chris: YES, POINTS!

(APPLAUSE)

ALL RIGHT GUYS, CLASSIC MARCH

MADNESS UNDERDOG STORY

COMING OUT OF FLORIDA.

BIG NEWS: THE LOCAL JACKSONVILLE

ABC NEWS AFFILIATE WANTED TO

SHOW THE HIGHLIGHTS OF THE

DAYTON/FLORIDA ELITE 8 GAME,

BUT DUE TO LICENSING RULES, THEY

COULDN'T SHOW THE GAME FOOTAGE.

SO HOW DID THIS SCRAPPY

NEWS 20 TEAM GET AROUND IT?

BY RECREATING THE GAME

IN THEIR BREAK ROOM!

>> GETS IT OFF THE BACKBOARD,

GATORS GO THE OTHER WAY.

IF I WERE DAYTON,

I WOULD BE SCARED RIGHT NOW.

TAKE A LOOK AT THAT ONE,

A FEROCIOUS SLAM,

HE HAD SIX POINTS.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: VERY RESOURCEFUL.

PLEASE NAME ONE OF THESE TEAMS.

SETH GREEN.

>> OFFICE SPACE JAM.

>> Chris: YEAH, WOW!

POINTS, POINTS.

RACHEL.

>> ALL RIGHT, IT'S THE

PHILADELPHIA 401(K)ERS

VERSUS THE PHOENIX SONS

YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF BECAUSE

THEY EARN A SIX FIGURE SALARY

AND MARRIED THAT NICE GIRL.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS.

DEFINITELY.

KEVIN.

>> THE WINNING TEAM WAS

"I'VE NEVER EVEN BEEN TO HARLEM"

GLOBETROTTERS.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: POINTS.

WELL DONE.

#HASHTAGWARS.

(APPLAUSE)

I'M SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS

#HASHTAGWARS.

IT'S A VERY SPECIAL ROBOT

CHICKEN THEMED SHOW TODAY, AND

OF COURSE ROBOT CHICKEN IS ON

CARTOON NETWORK'S ADULT SWIM,

SO TONIGHT'S HASHTAG IS

#RUINACARTOON.

SO EXAMPLES MIGHT BE "ROBOT

DICKEN" OR "FAMILY GUY FIERI"

OR "MY LITTLE KONY 2012."

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

"TOM AND JERRY SANDUSKY."

COME ON GUYS, TOTALLY RUINS

THE CARTOON.

I'LL PUT 60 SECONDS ON THE

CLOCK, AND GO.

SETH.

>> SPEED RACIST.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: POINTS.

(LAUGHTER)

YES, RACHEL.

>> ALADDIN TWO: THE RETURN

OF JAFAR'S GENITAL WARTS.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS!

YES, SETH.

>> AQUA TEEN HUNGER STRIKE.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS!

KEVIN.

>> PREMATURE MUPPET BABIES.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: ♪ MUPPET PREEMIES...

THEY'RE JUST ALL UNDER THE

GLASS.

WAY POINTS.

SETH.

>> HE-MAN AND THE MASTERS OF

SEX.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS.

KEVIN.

>> THUNDER, THUNDER,

THUNDER(BLEEP).

>> Chris: YES, POINTS.

MEOW, MEOW, SNARF.

(LAUGHTER)

YES, RACHEL.

>> THE PEOPLE VERSUS LARRY

FLINTSTONES.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS!

SETH.

>> WINNIE THE JEW.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

>> Chris: RACHEL.

>> THE LION RODNEY KING.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS!

KEVIN.

>> MIKE WALLACE AND VOMIT.

>> Chris: YEAH, OH WOW,

YES, EXCELLENT, POINTS.

SETH.

>> TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA

METH ADDICTED TURTLES.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS.

WELL, THEY LIVE IN THE SEWERS,

THAT COULD EASILY HAPPEN, YES.

STAR WEIRDS.

(APPLAUSE)

>> GO.

>> WHAT?

>> Chris: OVER YOUR OWN BUZZER,

KEVIN.

>> OH, ALL RIGHT.

>> Chris: OF COURSE, A VERY HUGE

PART OF ROBOT CHICKEN IS

SPOOFING STAR WARS.

YOU GUYS HAVE DONE THREE

SPECIALS, THEY'RE ALL AMAZING,

WELL DONE.

>> THANK YOU.

>> Chris: BUT LET'S FIND OUT HOW

WELL YOU KNOW YOUR WEIRD

STAR WARS FAN ART.

I WILL DESCRIBE TWO POSTS ON

DEVIANT ART AND YOU GUYS

HAVE TO CHOOSE WHICH ONE

YOU THINK IS REAL.

OKAY, READY?

THE FIRST ONE:

(LAUGHTER)

LET'S JUST LET THOSE SINK IN

FOR A SECOND AS WE FIND OUT.

YES, KEVIN.

>> C3PO AS AN OILED UP MUSCLE

DROID DANCING ON A GAY PRIDE

FLOAT BECAUSE I REALLY WANT

TO SEE THAT.

>> Chris: OKAY, LET'S FIND OUT.

OH, MAN!

>> I'VE SEEN THAT.

>> Chris: YEAH!

(LAUGHTER)

>> SHE'S GOING TO REGRET THAT

IN ABOUT 30 YEARS.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT, NEXT:

KEVIN.

>> A RECREATION OF THE SISTINE

CHAPEL WITH VADER REACHING OUT

TO GOD BECAUSE I'VE BEEN TO

ITALY AND I'VE SEEN IT.

>> Chris: LET'S FIND OUT IF THAT

IS TRUE.

YES, OF COURSE!

(APPLAUSE)

GEORGE LUCAS, ALSO KNOWN AS

THE CREATOR, UP THERE ON TOP.

"I'M THINKING ABOUT PUTTING THIS

GUY ON THE BACK OF MY ASS."

(LAUGHTER)

>> 3PO IS BACK THERE LIKE,

"GREAT IDEA!"

>> GEORGE IS GOING TO GO BACK

AND RECHANGE IT SO IT IS THAT.

>> Chris: YEAH, THAT WILL BE

THE UPDATED FOOTAGE.

THAT'LL BE THE NEXT RE-RELEASE

THEY DO.

ALL RIGHT, NEXT ONE.

OKAY, THIS IS ABOUT A STAR WARS

SUPERFAN INSTEAD.

SETH GREEN AS A SEXY SLAVE GIRL

PRINCESS LEIA, OR...

(APPLAUSE)

OR SETH GREEN AS A MUSCLE-HEAD

ON STEROIDS.

>> SETH, YOU'VE GOT TO GET

THIS ONE.

>> Chris: NOW, I KNOW YOU HAVE

DONE BOTH OF THESE.

>> YEAH, WHAT'S WEIRD IS I HAVE

POSED FOR BOTH OF THESE.

>> Chris: SO YOU GUYS HAVE TO

GUESS WHICH ONE WE HAVE HERE

FROM DEVIANT ART.

>> OH MAN.

>> Chris: YES, SETH.

>> WELL, I'M HOPING IT'S THE

MUSCLE-HEAD BECAUSE NOBODY

NEEDS TO SEE ME IN THAT.

>> Chris: OKAY, SHOW ME

MUSCLE-HEAD!

YAY!

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

>> WHAT?

WHAT IS THAT?

>> "IT'S NOT AS CLUMSY

AS A BLASTER."

>> WHY DO MY ABS LOOK BRAIDED?

>> Chris: YOU BRAIDED YOUR ABS

BECAUSE THERE'S SO MUCH ABS,

YOU GOT TO BRAID THEM TO KEEP

ALL THOSE (BLEEP)S IN.

>> IT LOOKS LIKE I SWALLOWED

A MASSIVE TUMOR.

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT GUYS, THAT

(APPLAUSE)

I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU GUYS A

PHOTOBOMB PIC THAT'S GONE VIRAL

AND FOR 250 POINTS, YOU HAVE TO

TELL ME IF IT WAS PHOTOBOMBED

BY SOMETHING CREEPY OR CUTE.

SO HERE WE GO, THIS WOMAN.

SOMETHING CREEPY OR CUTE

BACK THERE?

KEVIN.

>> CUTE.

>> Chris: LET'S FIND OUT.

AW!

>> THAT IS ADORABLE.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

>> THAT'S JUST AWESOME.

>> THE INTENSITY OF THE APATHY

ON THE GIRL IN THE BACK.

>> Chris: SHE'S JUST SO OVER IT.

>> WAIT A MINUTE, I JUST NOTICED

THE GIRL IN THE BACK NOW.

(LAUGHTER)

>> I'VE BEEN STARING AT THE

FOREGROUND.

>> "MOM, I'M TIRED OF GOING

TO TANNING."

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

>> Chris: "HOW ORANGE DO WE NEED

TO BE?"

POINTS FOR SETH GREEN FOR THAT.

ALL RIGHT, NEXT ONE,

THIS DOUBLE SELFIE.

SOMETHING CREEPY OR CUTE

IN THERE?

SETH.

>> I'M GOING TO SAY CUTE.

>> Chris: ACTUALLY, WE WOULD

HAVE ACCEPTED BOTH.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

>> IT LOOKS LIKE...

>> Chris: "I'M SORRY.

DID YOU JUST NOTICE MY DELICIOUS

ANUS BACK THERE?"

>> "WAIT, WAIT, GET MY GOOD

SIDE."

(LAUGHTER)

>> NEXT ONE, THESE HAPPY

BALLPLAYERS, CREEPY OR CUTE

BACK THERE?

RACHEL.

>> THERE'S ALREADY A GUY

JERKING OFF.

WHY DO YOU NEED SOMETHING?

>> Chris: NO, NO, NO.

BEFORE WE MOVE ON, HE'S JUST

TRYING TO HOLD THE BLAST DOWN

TO NOT HIT THIS GUY.

(LAUGHTER)

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

>> I WILL SAY DOUBLE CREEPY,

I GUESS.

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT,

THE ANSWER IS...

CREEPY!

(LAUGHTER)

COURTNEY LOVE LIKES BASEBALL?

(APPLAUSE)

>> THANK YOU TO comicbook.com.

THEY REVEALED THE NEW WINTER

SOLDIER ACTION FIGURE BASED ON

THE CHARACTER FROM THE UPCOMING

MOVIE "CAPTAIN AMERICA: WINTER

SOLDIER."

THE BAD ASS FIGURE COMES WITH

INTERCHANGEABLE HEAD SCULPTS,

AN ARSENAL OF WEAPONS AND IS

AVAILABLE FOR PREORDER.

NOT ALL ACTION FIGURES CAN BE

THIS AMAZING, SO YOU HAVE 60

SECONDS TO MAKE UP AS MANY

LAME-O ACTION FIGURES AS YOU

CAN.

I'M PUTTING 60 SECONDS ON THE

CLOCK BEGINNING NOW.

SETH.

>> FINGER ME ELMO.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: WELL, I MEAN...

IT'S KIND OF ALREADY...

(APPLAUSE)

POINTS.

KEVIN.

>> STRETCH MARKS ARMSTRONG.

>> Chris: POINTS, NICE.

WELL DONE.

RACHEL.

>> THE A.M.C. AFTER SHOW PLAYSET

WITH POSEABLE CHRIS HARDWICK.

>> Chris: YES, PLEASE LET THEM

MAKE THIS FOR REAL!

"I'M VERY EXCITED ABOUT WHAT IS

HAPPENING WITH THE GROUP THIS

SHOW."

YOU CAN PLAY THAT YOURSELF.

POINTS, KEVIN.

>> GI JOSEPH AND THE AMAZING

TECHNICOLOR DREAMCOAT.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS.

SETH.

>> IRON FIST AND POWER BOTTOM.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: POINTS.

RACHEL.

>> BILL MURRAY FROM THE MOVIE

SPACE JAM, YOU PRESS A BUTTON

ON HIS HAND AND HE ASKS

FOR A CHECK.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS.

ALSO WOULD HAVE ACCEPTED

GARFIELD.

SETH.

>> CLARENCE THOMAS THE TANK

ENGINE.

>> Chris: POINTS.

YES, SETH AGAIN.

>> HAZY SHADE OF WINTER SOLDIER.

>> Chris: YES, WELL DONE.

OKAY RACHEL, ONE MORE.

>> WESTBORO BAPTIST CHURCH

BARBIE FOR PROTESTING G.I.

JOE'S FUNERAL.

>> Chris: WOW!

THAT'S SO LAYERED.

POINTS.

(APPLAUSE)

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