The Little Donny Foundation

  • Season 1, Ep 10
  • 11/04/1998

The Upright Citizens Brigade raises money for Little Donny, a boy suffering from Magnimus Oblivious Phallcitus.

LITTLE DONNY HAS ALWAYSBEEN SO SPECIAL TO US.

HE'S GOT AN ENTHUSIASMYOU CAN'T FIND ANYWHERE ELSE.

YOU THINK YOU'VEGOT PROBLEMS,

AND THEN YOU SEE DONNYAND WHAT HE HAS TO DEAL WITH,

AND THE WAY HE'S ALWAYSFULL OF JOY AND HAPPINESS,

AND HE'S SO OPENTO PEOPLE.

IT PUTS THINGSIN PERSPECTIVE.

OH, DONNY'S GREAT.

VERY BRIGHT.

SOMETIMES HE GETS SAD WHEN HESEES THE KIDS IN THE PLAYGROUND

AND HE'SSTUCK IN INSIDE.

BUT GENERALLY,HE'S A REALLY HAPPY KID.

DONNY HAS MORE HEART THANMOST ATHLETES TWICE HIS SIZE.

I JUST WANT DONNYTO BE HAPPY,

TO FIND SOMEBODYWHO'LL LOVE HIM.

TO BE ABLE TO FIT INWITH EVERYBODY ELSE.

WHAT I WANT FOR DONNY ISFREEDOM TO BE A NORMAL KID.

I'LL DO ANYTHING TOHELP HIM GET THROUGH LIFE

WITHOUT THE DISABILITYINFRINGING ON

HIS ABILITYTO ENJOY LIFE.

THIS HOLIDAY SEASON,

THE LITTLE DONNY FOUNDATIONIS ASKING FOR YOUR SUPPORT.

WITH YOUR HELP, WE HOPE TO CURE"LITTLE DONNY DISEASE"

BEFORE ANOTHER CHILD LIKE DONNYBECOMES AFFLICTED WITH:

A PENIS THE SIZEOF A HORSE'S.

DONNY IS THE FIRSTDOCUMENTED CASE

OF WHAT WE HAVE LABELED,MAGNAMOUS OBLIVIO PHALLUSITIS,

IN LAYMAN'S TERMS,

HAVING AN ENORMOUS PENISWHICH YOU ARE UNAWARE OF.

I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOME OF THESAFETY DEVICES I'VE DEVELOPED

TO HELP DONNY LEADA MORE NORMAL LIFE.

I HAVE TO SAY, I DON'TLIKE THESE DEVICES.

I THINK THEY CALL ATTENTIONTO HIS DISEASE.

THEY MAKE HIMFEEL DIFFERENT.

AND, HIS PENIS ISREALLY NOT THAT BIG.

HIS PENIS ACCOUNTS FOR OVER13% OF HIS TOTAL BODY WEIGHT.

WE DON'T NEED TOTALK ABOUT THIS--

MOMMY, I GOT ACHOCOLATE MILK MUSTACHE !

WE'RE GONNA SHOW THESE GUYSSOME DEVICES I'VE DEVELOPED.

NO !

COME ON, DONNY.

YES.

NOT ALL THE DEVICES HAVE BEENAS SUCCESSFUL AS I HOPED.

THIS IS CALLEDA "PENIS STRAP",

AND THE PROBLEM IS THATIT CAUSED SOME CHAFING--

NO !

TO HOLD THE PENIS DOWN,YOU HAVE TO CINCH IT TIGHT.

OW !

IT'S ALMOST OVER,SWEETIE.

OKAY, OKAY.

I GOTTA GET HIM.

UMM...

DONNY REALLY LIKESCHOCOLATE MILK.

AND WHEN WE WEREDOING OUR FINALE,

SOME OF THE DANCERS NOTICEDMOVEMENT IN THE AUDITORIUM,

AND BEFOREWE KNEW IT,

THIS YOUNG MAN DONNY,HAD ROSE OUT OF HIS SEAT,

AND WAS INTHE AISLES DANCING,

AND CREATING SUCH AN INCREDIBLEVOCABULARY OF MOVEMENT,

IT WAS MUCH MORE INSPIRINGTHAN THE WORK ONSTAGE.

FORTUNATELY, HE CAMEBACKSTAGE AFTER THE SHOW.

WE ASKED HIMTO COME JOIN US.

WE'RE IN REHEARSALFOR A NEW PIECE

WHICH IS INSPIRED BYDONNY'S MOVEMENT AND FREEDOM,

IT'S ASTONISHING.

WE DON'T KNOW MUCHABOUT THE DISEASE,

BUT IT HAS MOSTLYTO DO WITH GENETICS,

AS OPPOSED TO SOMETHINGTHAT MAY HAVE GONE WRONG

IN A DELIVERY ROOM.

THE LITTLE DONNY FOUNDATIONWAS FORMED IN 1992,

BY AN INTERNATIONAL TEAM OFDOCTORS AND SCIENTISTS,

WHO SHARED A PASSIONFOR LITTLE DONNY'S PENIS.

SINCE THEN, MANY DISCOVERIESHAVE BEEN MADE,

BUT UNFORTUNATELY,A CURE HAS YET TO BE FOUND.

WITH THE ENZYMES WE PULLEDOUT OF LITTLE DONNY'S PENIS,

WE WERE ABLE TO DEVELOPA ROCKET FUEL

WITH 38% INCREASEDEFFICIENCY.

I LOVELITTLE DONNY,

'CAUSE HE ALWAYS COMES BYAND VISITS US SICK KIDS.

SOMETIMES,I CAN'T BREATHE,

OR KEEP ANYFOOD DOWN.

BUT WHEN LITTLE DONNYCOMES BY

HE DANCES,AND I JUST LAUGH--

( coughing )

IF I DO NOT DIE,

I WANT LITTLE DONNYAT MY BIRTHDAY PARTY,

AND HIS BIGPENIS TOO.

WE COULDLAUGH A LOT,

AND THEN WE COULDHAVE CAKE.

( coughing )

I GUESS THIS DONNY'SIN FOR SOME TESTS.

THESE GET-A-WISH KIDSARE ALL THE SAME.

THE PROBLEM IS THEYFEEL SORRY FOR THEMSELVES.

SO I JUST TRY TO SHAKETHEM UP A LITTLE.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT'STHE MATTER WITH THIS KID.

HO HO HO HO !

HELLO, HELLO,HELLO !

IS SOMEONE FEELINGSORRY FOR THEMSELVES ?

YOU'RE NOTTHE TITTE BROTHERS.

THE TITTE BROTHERSCOULDN'T MAKE IT.

I'M THE WORLD'S PREMIEROUTER-FRINGE ATHLETE

AND A PUSSY'SWORSE NIGHTMARE.

ARE YOUA PUSSY DONNY ?

WHAT'S SO BADTHAT YOU HAVE TO--

WHAT THE HELLIS THAT ?

( man )HE HAS ENORMOUS PENIS,BUT HE'S UNAWARE OF IT.

WELL, WE'RE GONNA TURNA NEGATIVE INTO A POSITIVE.

GET UP, DONNY !

YOU KNOW WHAT YOUGOT BETWEEN YOUR LEGS ?

YOU GOT A MAGNIFICENTGOD-GIVEN WEAPON.

NOW SWING YOUR HIPS,DONNY.

PUMP 'EM, PUMP 'EM !

THAT'S A TWO-FOOTDEFLECTIVE BARRIER !

COME ON, COME ON !

WHAT ?

ATTACK HIM !

I AIN'T GOING NEARTHAT THING.

COME ON, DONNY,HARDER !

GET DOWN !

THERE YOU GO,YOU DID THAT, DONNY !

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