Monday, September 15, 2014

  • 09/15/2014

Stars of "The League" Nick Kroll, Jon Lajoie and Paul Scheer list #BadPageantTalents, write eulogies for fashionable Instagram users and come up with punny celebrity Tumblrs.

RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNETPROGRAMS, IT'S RAPID REFRESH.

THE HUNGER GAMES MOCKING JAYPART ONE TRAILER HIT THE

INTERNET TODAY WITH THE FORCE OFONE OF KATNIS'S ARROWS GOING

THROUGH A DISTOPIAN TEENAGER'S SKULL.

TAKE A LOOK.

>> Chris: THAT COULD HAPPEN.THAT COULD REALLY HAPPEN.

TEENAGERS TOOK TO VINE TOEXPRESS THEMSELVES WITH THE

SUBTLETLY OF A NICOLAS CAGEACTING REAL.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING -- I GOTA LITTLE EXTRA CHUCKLE OUT OF

YOU.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWINGMOCKING JAY REACTION VINES GOT

THE MOST LIKES.

A, MY REACTION TO THE OFFICIALHASHTAG MOCKINGJAY HASHTAG

TRAILER.

>> OH, SOMEBODY HELP!

>> B. MOCKINGJAY TRAILER HAD MELIKE --

>> THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELSYOU.

>> C. THE CRIED IN THE HALLS ANDEVERYBODY JUDGED ME SO HARD,

HASHTAG MOCKINGJAY.

I LETERALLY KNEW I WASN'TEMOTIONALLY READY FOR THE

TRAILER. I WATCHED IN SCHOOL,LIKE AN IDIOT.

>> WHICH ONE OF THOSE GOT THEMOST LIKES?

PAUL SCHEER.

>> I AM GOING TO SAY C BECAUSETHAT PERFORMANCE IS AMAZING.

>> Chris: LET'S FIND OUT.

C IS THE CORRECT ANSWER! PAULSCHEER.

>> YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!

>> Chris: SCORING ONE FOR THEDEPARTMENT OF CORRECTIONS.

FOR BONUS POINTS, IN HONOR OFTHE HUNGER GAMES, WHAT WOULD

TEENAGE YOU FIGHT FOR TO THEDEATH, JON LAJOIE?

>> MY PARENTS' LOVE.

>> Chris: THAT'S OKAY.

HUG IT OUT.

HUG HIM.

LET'S GIVE HIM SOME SOMESYMPATHY POINTS.

>> I'M USED TO THIS BECAUSE OFTHE PRISON THING.

>>Chris: NO YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSEDTO --

I FEEL LIKE YOU ARE VIOLATINGYOUR RELEASE BY TOUCHING OTHER

PEOPLE, SCHEER.

>> TOTALLY COOL.

>> NEXT ONE, NOW AS WE SO OFTENDO ON THIS SHOW, WE'D NOT LIKE

TO BRING YOU A STORY FROM THEEXCITING WORLD OF SOUTH AMERICAN

WOMEN'S CYCLING.

THE COLOMBIAN WOMEN'S CYCLING-- I KNOW, WE ALL FEEL IT.

THE COLOMBIAN WOMEN'S CYCLINGTEAM UNVEIL THE NEW UNIFORM LAST

WEEK AND IT'S SO RIDICULOUS THATIT'S CAUSED A FROTHING MIXTURE

OF OUTRAGE WITH A SIDE OFGIGGLES ONLINE.

WHAT IS IT ABOUT THE UNIFORMTHAT IS CAUSING THE RUCKUS?

A., THEY BECOME SEE-THROUGH WHENTHE TEAM STARTS 0 TO SWEAT.

OH, WAIT, THAT IS JUST THEFIRST ONE.

B, THE CROTCH AREA IS FLESHCOLORED SO IT LOOKS LIKE THEIR

LADY PARTS ARE EXPOSED.

C, THEY FEATURE A PICTURE OFTHE COCAINE KINGPIN THAT FUNDS

THE TEAM.

>> NICK KROLL.

>> B.

>> Chris: THE CORRECT ANSWER ISIN FACT, B!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Chris: NO ONE, NO ONE

CAUGHT THIS IN THE PROCESS? WHENTHEY WERE MAKING THESE, NO ONE

WAS LIKE, THESE LOOK A LITTLEBIT PUSSIER THAN THE OTHER ONES.

ARE WE SURE THAT IS THEBRAZILIAN TEAM?

FOR BONUS POINTS, NAME FOR THISPANTS-HATING CYCLING TEAM.

NICK KROLL.

>> THE MOST CONSERVATIVELYDRESSED COLOMBIAN WOMEN.

>> Chris: GOOD, POINTS. POINTS.

JON.

>> THE MENSTRUAL CYCLISTS.

>> Chris: NICE! WELL PLAYED! POINTS.

PAUL.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT, I DON'T KNOWTHEIR NAME BUT I KNOW THEY ARE

IN THE BUSH LEAGUE.

>> Chris: POINTS!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]OH, OH, OH!

SCHEER. IT'S NOW TIME FORTONIGHT'S HASHTAG WARS!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Chris: SO AS WE MENTIONEDEARLIER THERE IS A NEW MISS

AMERICA AND MISS NEW YORK TOOKTHE CROWN AGAIN FOR THE THIRD

YEAR RUNNING. BUT OUR FAVORITETALENT CAME FROM MS. OHIO.

>> SUPERCALIFRAGILISTIC-EXPIALIDOCIOUS.

EVEN THOUGH THE SOUND OF IT ISSOMETHING QUITE ATROCIOUS.

>>Chris: THAT IS A THOROUGHLYDISTASTEFUL TRIBUTE TO JOAN

RIVERS.

SHE WOULD HAVE LAUGHED AT THAT,SHE WOULD HAVE LAUGHED AT THAT.

OH, WAIT, I'M SORRY WE JUST GOTTHIS BREAKING NEWS.

OH, I AM AFRAID THERE IS YETANOTHER PAGEANT SCANDAL.

APPARENTLY A SHOCKINGPORNOGRAPHIC VIDEO OF THAT

CONTESTANT WAS JUST LEAKEDONLINE.

I GUESS WE CAN SHOW IT.

SHAMEFUL.

SIMPLY SHAMEFUL.

>> THAT IS REALLY MY SWEET SPOT.

PEPPETS AND BESTIALITY IS LIKE--

>> Chris: LET'S SEE WHAT YOUCAN COME UP WITH EVEN WORSE

TALENTS WITH TONIGHT'S HASHTAG,#BADPAGEANTTALENTS.

EXAMPLES MIGHT BEMISUNDERSTANDING A QUESTION,

TEARING A PHONE BOOK IN HALF,

OR COCAINE SMUGGLING.

I'M PUTTING 60 SECONDS ON THECLOCK STARTING NOW AND GO!

PAUL SCHEER.

>> UNBEATABLE AT STUDIO 60 ONTHE SUNSET STRIP TRIVIA.

>> JESUS CHRIST, WOW, THAT WAS AREACH BUT I WILL GIVE YOU

POINTS.

YES.

JON.

>> SPEED ALCOHOL POISONING.

>> Chris: YES.

POINTS. POINTS.

PAUL.

>> MASTERING A SLINKY.

>> Chris: OH WHAT A WONDERFULTHOUGHT, POINTS NICK.

>> DEBUNKING THE DOCUMENTARY MISS CONGENIALITY.

>> Chris: YES THAT WASN'T ADOCUMENTARY, THAT WAS A TOTALLY

FICTIONAL -- POINTS. JON.

>> CHRISTIANITY.

>> Chris: POINTS.

PAUL.

>> MAKING A POSSIBLE SHOT FROM ABOOK DEPOSITORY WINDOW TO KILL A

PRESIDENT.

OOPS, FORGET I JUST SAID THAT.

>> Chris: WHOA HEY. POINTS.

NICK.

>> EYE-DEADENING.

>> Chris: IT IS TIME TO PLAYPLAY BURY ME IN THIS.

BURY ME IN THIS.

-- WHICH IS THE MOST POPULARINSTAGRAM HASHTAG, WHERE PEOPLE

FIND AN OUTFIT THAT MAKES THEMSO HAPPY THEY IMMEDIATELY START

TO CONTEMPLATE THEIR ULTIMATEDEMISE AND WHAT THEY SHOULD BE

DRESSED IN WHEN THEY ARE NOLONGER ALIVE.

COMEDIANS, I'M GOING TO YOUA PICTURE THAT'S BEEN TAGGED

#BURYMEINTHIS, AND FOR250 POINTS, I WANT YOU TO

GIVE ME A LINE FROM THEIREULOGY.

FIRST ONE, THIS GUY IN ASHIRTLESS SILVER TUX.

NICK.

>> DOUGLAS DIED DOING WHAT HELOVED MOST OF ALL --

MOLLY.

>> Chris: POINTS. JON.

>> PAUL SCHEER DIED IN PRISON.

>> Chris: NEXT ONE.

THIS WOMAN IN HER LEGO TIARA.

YES, NICK.

>> MICHELLE LOVED LEGOS, BUTUNFORTUNATELY SHE STILL CHOSE TO

LEGO HER LIFE.

>> Chris: POINTS.

JON.

>> HARD TO BELIEVE SHE DIEDALONE.

>> Chris: POINTS.

POINTS.

>> NEXT ONE. THIS BEARDED GENTWEARING A "DUMP EM OUT" TITTIE

TEE.

PAUL.

>> BARRY WILL BE TRULY MISSED ATHIS WOMEN'S STUDIES CLASS.

IT IS TIME FOR OUR NEXT THEGAME SIX-SIX-SIX FLAGS!

AMUSEMENTS A PARKS ARE A GREATPLACE TO FIND OUT WHAT YOU ARE

ACTUALLY MADE OF, AND IT USUALLYTURNS OUT IT IS EITHER POOP,

PEE, OR A PUKE AND A OR AMIXTURE THAT I CALL POOPY PUKE.

IT'S KIND OF LIKE TURDUCKEN, BUTGROSS.

COMEDIANS I AM GOING TO SHOW YOUA THUMBNAIL FROM A VIDEO CLIP OF

SOME PEOPLE ENJOYING AMUSEMENTPARK RIDES AND FOR 250-POINT YOU

GOTTA TELL ME WHAT HAPPENS.FIRST ONE --

GUY TAKES A SELFIE AND DROPSHIS PHONE INTO HIS OWN FACE OR

GUYS CAN'T SEEM TO STOP PASSINGOUT.

WHICH ONE? PAUL.

>> I'M GONNA SAY THE PASSING OUTONE.

>> Chris: OKAY, LET'S FIND OUT.

>> THAT WAS AMAZING.

>> SO FULFILLING.

>> PASSING OUT TO HIM LOOKS ALOT LIKE (BLEEP).

LIKE, THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE.

>> THAT RIDE IS CALLED THEVINEGAR STROKE.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Chris: WELL DONE. WELL DONE.

>> BUT TO BE TRUTHFUL WHEN YOUGET ON THAT RIDE IT SAYS YOU

MUST BE THIS HARD TO GET ON THISRIDE.

>> Chris: NEXT ONE.

GIRL SCREAMS SUSHI GRADEOBSCENITIES OR DAD PUKES ALL

OVER HIS DAUGHTER.

>> I WANT THEM BOTH.

>> Chris: NICK KROLL.

>> I, JUST FOR CLARIFICATIONWHAT IS SUSHI GRADE OBSCENITIES.

>> Chris: I MEAN like REALLYCHOICE, AMAZING ..

>> OH, OKAY.

>> Chris: LIKE FOR A CHILD TOSPIT OUT SOME REALLY SWEET

SWEARS.

>> NOT STUFF ABOUT LIKE, SALMON[BLEEP].

I AM SAYING DAD PUKES ALL OVERHIS DAUGHTER.

>> PLEASE. PLEASE.

>> Chris: LET'S FIND OUT.

>> Chris: WHOA!

AND THEN THEY GET TO THE BOTTOMAND HE'S IS LIKE LET'S GO AGAIN.

HOLLYWOODN'T.

HOLLYWOODN'T.

YOU ARE NOBODY IN HOLLYWOOD IFYOU AIN'T GOT A PUNNY TUMBLR

DEVOTED TO YOU. A REAL GREATCELEBREITY TUMBLR THAT CAUGHT

OUR EYE RECENTLY IS FOOD THATLOOKS LIKE IGGY AZALEA.

LOOKS JUST LIKE HER.

COMEDIANS I THINK YOU CANCOBETTER SO I WANT YOU TO GIVE

ME CELEB TUMBLERS YOU'D NEVERWANT TO VISIT.

OR HELL, MAYBE YOU WOULD, IDON'T KNOW YOU PERSERONALL, OR

WHAT YOU DO YOU ON THEINTERNET. I'M NOT WATCHING YOU

AT ALL TIMES.

LET'S START, 60 SECONDS ANDAND GO.

YES, PAUL SCHEER.

>> HAYLEY JOE OTTOMAN -- IT'SBASICALLY PEOPLE WITH THEIR

FEET UP ON HAYLEY JOEL OSMENT.

>> Chris: OK GOOD, POINTS. JON.

>> CHRISTIAN BALE'S FROM THECRYPT.

>> Chris: YES!

>> IT'S CHRISTIAN BALE YELLINGAS FUNERALS.

>> Chris: YES, PERFECT. NICKKROLL.

>> TAKING A MASSIVE TRUMP

THAT, IS THE PICTURES OF PEOPLETAKING (BLEEP) ON THE DONALD

TRUMP'S FACE.

>> Chris: OKAY. GREAT, POINTS.

PAUL.

>> CHRIS PRATFALL, IT IS JUSTCHRIS PRATT JUST FALLING DOWN.

>> Chris: OKAY.

POINTS.

I WILL GIVE YOU POINTS.

JON.

>> SEGA GENESIS-SYSTEM OF ADOWN.

>> Chris: OH.

SPEAKS FOR ITSELF -- POINTS.JON.

>> MATTHEW MCCONA-HATE CRIME.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Chris: POINTS HERE. PAULSCHEER.

EMMA KIDNEY STONES.

IT IS PEOPLE WITH HORRIBLEKIDNEY STONE PAIN THAT KIND OF

LOOK LIKE EMMA STONE, KINDALIKE, AH --