Thursday, November 7, 2013

  • 11/07/2013

Baron Vaughn, Julie Klausner and Paul F. Tompkins pore over Ryan Gosling and Ryan Seacrest fan fiction, tweet from the moon landing and invent BuzzFeed lists.

IT IS TIME FOR TONIGHT'S HASHTAGWAR.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )THIRSTY THURSDAY WAS TRENDING ON

TWITTER AND IN HONOR OF ALL YOUDRINKERS-- I AM NOT ONE OF THEM.

I DON'T HAVE TO DRINK TO HAVE AGOOD TIME.

I'M LEFT AT WORK SO I DON'T HAVETO BE ALONE WITH MY THOUGHTS.

TONIGHT'S HASHTAG IS CELEBRITYBOOZE.

IT IN RUSSIA, ALCOHOL DRINK YOU.

I'LL PUT 60 SECONDS ON THECLOCK.

PAUL F. TOMPKINS.

>> ZAZZA RACK.

>> JULIE.

>> YEAGER MISER ANGELOU.

>> CLARK GREG NOG.

>> I LOVE SHIELD, YES.

>> YOKO DISORONO.

>> YOU DID GET POINTS.

PAUL F. TOMPKINS.

>> MARTINI LISTER GENERAL.

>> POINTS!

>> TYLER PERI'S HOUSE OFCHAMPAGNE.

>> IT IS, IT IS.

HE'S A VERY WEALTHY MAN.

>> THE MAYA ANGELOU.

IT'S LIKE-->> GARY OLD FASHIONED MAN.

( LAUGHTER ).

>> POINTS! BARON.

>> LONG ISLAND ICED TEQUILA.

>> WE WOULD HAVE ALSO SEND LONGISLAND ICED TEA.

IT WAS RIGHT THERE, MAN!

IT'S TIME TO PLAY TWEETS THROUGHTIME.

ALL RIGHT, GUYS.

WE DON'T KNOW A LOT, BUT WE KNOWTHAT CIVILIZATION HAS BEEN HERE

FOR, LIKE, HUNDREDS OF YEARS.

UNFORTUNATELY, TWITTER WASN'TAROUND FOR MOST OF IT SO I'M

GOING TO NAME AN HISTORICALEVENT AND I WANT TO YOU TELL ME

WHAT YOU WOULD HAVE TWEETEDABOUT IT AND LET US BEGIN.

1. YOU'RE BUZZ ALDRIN AS NEILARMSTRONG IS WALKING ON THE

MOON.

JULIE KLAUSNER.

>> LOL, MY NAME IS BUZZ!

2. OU'RE ON THE BOAT WHENCOLUMBUS FOUND AMERICA.

PAUL F. TOMPKINS.

>> THIS DOES NOT LOOK LIKEHINDIA

#CANYOUBELIEVESOMEDAYTHEREBESOME

#CANYOUBELIEVESOMEDAYTHEREBESOMEONENAMED CUMBERBLACH.

>> YOU JUST SAW JESUS WALK ONWATER.

>> THIS IS A PROMO FOR BIRKENSTOCK.

>> YOU'RE ONE OF THE SIGNERS OFTHE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE.

>> JUST SIGNED'D SIGNED OF DECKOF IN, HOST AWKWARD SINCE I'M

NOT FREE.

>> POINTS, POINTS!

>> #HISTORY.

>> YES!

>> POINTS, ALSO, I'M REALLYSORRY ABOUT ALL THAT.

>> WAIT A MINUTE!

THIS IS THE APOLOGY WE'VE ALLBEEN WAITING FOR.

>> IT'S NOT GOING WELL.

>> WILL YOU PLEASE TELL EVERYONEI'M SORRY?

>> IT'S TIME FOR OUR NEXT GAMEWHICH I THINK IS GOING TO BE ONE

OF OUR NEW BIGGEST GAMES ON THESHOW.

RYAN GOSLING OR RYAN SEACRESTI'M GOING TO READ YOU EXCERPTS

FROM FAN FICTION I FOUND ON THEINTERNET AND I WANT YOU TO TELL

ME CHRISTMAS RIENS.

RYAN SAID (STILL CRYING), YEAH,I KNOW THAT NOW.

WE SHOULD OF, BUT I'M SORRY,TOO.

I FEEL SO BAD HOW THE WAY ITREATED HIM.

PEOPLE DON'T EVEN TREAT ANANIMAL HOW I TREATED HIM.

JULIE KLAUSNER.

>> SEACREST.

>> LET'S FIND OUT.

THE CORRECT ANSWER IS SEACREST,RIGHT, SEACREST.

WAS THAT THE CHAPTER ABOUTWILLIAM HUNG.

>>>> SO I WAS JUST A ONE-NIGHT

STAND FOR YOU?

PAUL F. TOMPKINS.

>> NIGHTSTAND.

I WAS JUST A NIGHTSTAND.

>> NEXT TO YOUR BED.

>> THIS HAS GOT TO BE A GOSLING.

>> THIS IS IN FACT A GOSLING,YES, POINTS, POINS.

>> SURE CAN'T WAIT TO GET HOMETO MY LIVING NIGHTED STAND.

NEXT ONE.

>> THEY LEFT A FOUR-YEAR-OLDCHILD WITH YOU, RYAN.

SARA STATED ALOUD.

WHAT?

RYAN BURST OUT.

IT STATES HERE IN THE WILL THEYLEFT THIS CHILD TO YOU.

SARA STATED.

OH...MY...GOD.

PAUL F. TOMPKINS.

>> IT ENRAGES ME TO SAY THAT ITHINK THAT IS RYAN SEACREST.

>> THAT IS A SEACREST.

THAT IS A SEACREST.

>> THIS IS SO MUCH MORE ABOUTTHEIR FANS THAN IT IS ABOUT

THEM.

GREAT, SHE SMILED AND TURNEDBACK FOR THE RESTROOMS.

PAUL.

>> I'M PLEASED TO SAY THAT ITHINK THAT THAT IS RYAN GOSLING.

>> THAT IS A GOSLING!

THAT IS A GOSLING!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )THERE HE IS WATCHING HER WALK TO

THE RESTROOM OFF IN THEDISTANCE.

>> IN HIS PAJAMAS OUTSIDE?

>> YEAH, HE GOT OUT OF BED TOMAKE SURE SHE GOT TO THE

BATHROOM SAFELY.

NEXT.

YOU'RE SHAUNI RIGHT?

THE ONE WHO I ONCE SENT A REPLYTO ON MYSPACE?

VERY TIMELY.

THE MAJORLY DEVOTED FAN?

JULIE.

>> THAT'S RYAN SEACREST.

>> THAT WOULD BE ACTUALLYRYAN... GOSLING.

NO, THAT'S RYAN GOSLING.

>> NO!

>> GOSLIN IS STILL A MISPACEGUY.

HE'S THINKING ABOUT WHAT WENTWRONG.

YOU CAN SEE THE WHEELS TURNING.

>> APPARENTLY THE BEST AUTHOR OFALL TIME SHAUNI IS IN HIS POSSE.

>> DO YOU HAVE A THOUGHT ONTHIS?

>> NO.

BEFORE THE BREAK I SHOWED THISPICTURE WE FOUND ON REDDIT TODAY

OF THIS FAMILY.

COMEDIANS, HOW WOULD YOU CAPTIONTHE PHOTO.

>> SEEING OUR NEIGHBORHOOD'SHOUSE ON FIRE ISN'T TERRIBLE.

IT'S SORT OF A FUN NOVEL.

>> BARON VAUGHN?

>> THIS IS AWESOME.

BILLY JOEL STARTED THIS FIRE.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

>> NO, NO, NO.

IT WAS ALWAYS BURNING SINCE THEWORLD'S BEEN TURNING.

PAUL F. TOMPKINS.

>> IF THEY ARE SMILE SEEMED ATINY BIT STRANGE IT'S BECAUSE

THIS WAS THE DAY THAT SETTINGHOUSES ON FIRE JUST TO WATCH

THEM BURN STARTED TO GET OLD.

WE DON'T SEE EACH OTHER MUCH ANYMORE.

LAST I HEARD, ROB CHOKED ON ABATTERY.

>> ALL RIGHT.

1,000 TO BARON, 500 TO PAUL, 250TO JULIE KLAUSNER.

WE FOUND OUT WHO BURNED THISHOUSE DOWN.

IT'S PIERRE, THE PELICAN'SMASCOT.

THERE HE IS.

HI, EVERYBODY!

BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE!

P.S., BASKETBALL AND NIGHTMARES.

THIS GAME IS CALLED BUZZ SPEED.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

>> I'LL TAKE IT.

BUZZ FEED LISTS ARE COMPLETELYINANE.

TODAY WE FOUND THESE REAL LISTSTHAT SOMEONE ON BUZZ FEED TOOK

TIME TO MAKE.

10 HORRIFIED FACES CHRISHARDWICK MADE AS HONEY BOO BOO'S

FAMILY FARTED.

THAT WAS A REAL THING.

I KIND OF LIKE THAT ONE,ACTUALLY.

AND 11 FEET THAT LOOK LIKEROBERT PATIN SON'S FACE.

11 FEET.

>> I LIKE THAT IT'S AN ODDNUMBER OF PEOPLE FEAT.

>> THAT POOR 12th FOOT.

COMEDIANS, I WANT YOU TO COME UPWITH BUZZ FEED LISES MORE

RIDICULOUS THAN ITS ONESACTUALLY ON BUZZ FEED.

FOR EACH FUNNY ONE YOU GET 250POINTS.

PAUL F. TOMPKINS.

>> ONE PRESIDENT WHO ARE ON THE$5 BILL.

>> A VERY SHORT LIST JULIE.

>> EVERY REASON FOR LESBIANBED--

>> I DON'T KNOW IF I FOLLOWEDTHAT.

I WILL GIVE POINTS OUT OFCONFUSE.

>> 16 AGNEEZ OUR LORD JESUSCHRIST FACED ON THE CROSS.

( LAUGHTER )>> I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU POINTS

FOR THE PURPLE JACKET.

JULIE.

>> THREE DOGS.

>> JUST THREE DOGS.

ANY OLD THREE DOGS.

YES, I'LL GIVE YOU POINTS FORTHAT.

SURE, PAUL.

>> 25 SPECIES OF ANIMALS THATARE KEPTICAL OF RUNBAS.

>> 1-24, DOGS.

YES, BARON.

>> SEVEN TIMES TRICKS ACTUALLYWERE FOR RABBITS.

>> POINTS!

POINTS!

JULIE.

>> 45 DISNEY PRINCEsS, ONLYTHEY'RE ALSO POTATOES SOMEHOW.

>> THE CROWD WASN'T WITH YOU ONTHAT ONE.

>> WOW!

>> NO POINTS.

PAUL?

>> 21 PROPOSALS THAT END INSUICIDE.

( APPLAUSE )>> THE NUMBER ONE ANSWER WOULD

BE THE LAST TWO MINUTES OF"TITANIC."

BARON?

>> OKAY, 10 REASONS CHRISHARDWICK MIGHT BE THE BAD GUY

FROM A 90s CYBER THRILLER.

( APPLAUSE )>> HEY.

HEY, WHAT DO YOU KIDS DOINGHANGING AROUND ON THE 'NET?

STOP HIM, SANDRA BULLOCK.

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