Trivia Pursuits

  • Season 5, Ep 10
  • 03/18/2015

The guys become involved in a high-stakes 80s movie trivia competition.

In this 1986 action film,

wrestler-turned-actorJesse Ventura,

"ain't got time to bleed."

[bell dings]

Predator.And it was '87,

you plaid shirt wearing[bleep] idiot.

"That's not a knife,"that's our reigning champs

with the first correct answer.Next question.

In what 1983 film,starring Tom Cruise

and Joey "Pants " Pantoliano--

[bell dings]

Risky Business.

(Host) Correct.- Yes! Yes!

- Suck our [bleep]!(Blake) Ha ha ha!

Sorry.Two for two.

(Host)Next question.

['80s music]

John Hughes.John Hughes.

John Cusack.

Joan Cusack.

Corey...Feldman?

"Aloha, Mr. Hand."

Joseph Yoshinobu Takagi.

[bell dings]

The Triple Lindy.

A Chinese girlwith green eyes.

Critters.Spores, mold, and fungus.

"Freeze, you diseasedrhinoceros pizzle."

(Host)All right, that is it.Game over.

(Adam) Yes! Whoo!- The reigning champs

have been dethroned by--

Shut up. Shut up real quick.What's the grand prize?

The board game that inspiredthe classic '80s movie, Clue.

- Oh, hell yeah, dude, sweet.- Clue. Dude, dope.

Clue, a board game.We don't need a fricking clue!

You need a clue, man!

Where's the Casio keyboard?Where is it?

Okay.

Whole thing's a fricking--

It's a scam. It's a scam,and I refuse to be scammed.

Adam's out.

Shouldn't havethose on in here.

Ders, it's fricking raining,okay?

Can you go get the car?I refuse to be dampened.

- I'm not gonna--- Hey.

Nice work.

How 'bout we, uh,take this to the streets?

Okay.What, street names

or, like, constructionand engineering questions?

Doesn't matter to me.My uncle works for Caltrans.

I got a leg up.

I'm talkingabout street racing.

Yeah, no, I knew.Also, I get

the whole Better Off Deadreference.

Funny, but can you not turn offthe whole '80s thing?

I'd like you to just goclick off.

And I want you to take thatand go click on and keep it on,

and even turn upthe volume on it.

- But I just--- I want you to turn up

the volume becausewe are having

a trivia nightat our house tomorrow,

and the grand prize,it's gonna be grand.

What's the grand prize?

The grand prize is...

A Predator statue.

(Adam)Yep, it's a Predator statue,

and you better come correct.Bring your A-game

with a $20 buy-in,because my boy Ders--

- Hey.- He ain't playin'.

- Ha ha ha.

(both)What?

- He is playing.- Okay.

But he ain't playin',you know what I mean?

All right.See you tomorrow.

What are my weaknesses?

Um...I'm too passionate,you know?

I've been called a workaholic.[chuckles]

And I'm on timeentirely too often.

[chuckles]

Punctual.That's good, that's good.

And, uh, where do you seeyourself in, say, five years?

Richard.May I call you Richard?

I got to tell ya, if I'm honest,I see myself as branch manager,

and I know that's your job,

but I feel likeI could do it better

with a little somethingI call "the Ders Effect."

Ders Effect?That's a new one.

[sighs]I'll tell ya,

I've never had my jobput in jeopardy

by an interviewee,but...

It's the wake-up callI needed,

I'll be honest,Mr. Holmvik.

So you're hired.In fact,

I'm gonna give you double payand full "bennies," so...Hi.

- Howdy.- Hey.

Hey, uh,what are you guys doing here?

(Blake)What are you doing here?

Wait, are you doinga podcast right now?

- No.- Oh, my gosh.

- You were about to 'bate it.- That's what I was figuring.

- [gasps] Oh.(Anders) Wasn't gonna--

What happened at the house?

Oh, well, the scamnose-doved,

'cause you ditched uslike a real dickhead.

So we broughtthe game to you.

Everybody'sin the conference room.

Wh-what? No, no, no, no.Th-this can't happen.

Oh, no, don't worry,you know, it's all good.

We're actually hereto help you finish

your stupid littleAlice job stuff

and then we're gonnasend you in the room

and you're gonna justclean up, buddy.

- Rack 'em and stack 'em.- Come on.

- Let's go.- I can't.

- That's the mask.- I--

Alice didn't email meabout working here, okay?

I'm here becauseI'm about to interview

with another branch manager.

There's an openingsales director position,

and I wanted it.

Blake...Punch this man.

Okay, wait, we don't needa sales director, okay?

What we need right nowis a child who sat

in front of a TV, unloved,for hours upon hours

until he mutatedinto the '80s movie

trivia genius that sitsbefore us now.

I take that as a compliment,okay, buddy?

And guess what?Best thing about the whole

trivia scam is thatit doesn't have to happen.

So I'm gonna go squash itright now.

- Why?- No, no, no.

Don't.We're scammers, Anders,

just admit it.- No, Anders, do not!

(Adam) Hey, get--stop!- Hi, gang.

Hey, you big, dumb idiots!

We got the grand prize,the Predator statue.

Come collect it.

Show me.Where is it?

Are you blind?It's right there.

(low voice)♪ Baby

It's real.It's legit.

Great, come on out,individually.

(Adam)[grunts] Stop!

How stupiddo you think we are?

- Get--- We can see

it's your dumbass frienddressed up.

[bleep].

Is that a Falkor car?

- Oh, yeah.- Yeah. Yeah, it is.

- We made it ourselves.- We did.

We're thinking of taking photosand putting it on Pinterest.

It's, like, do-it-yourself.It's like, you can also do this

if you have the timeand the willpower.

What's the deal?You a big Neverending Story fan?

It's a good movie.What? Oh.

Does a rockbiterbite rocks?

That's a cool tattoo.It looks like, uh...

Like a giganticgaping butthole.

Unique.You're a unique person.

You guys like drag racing,right?

We've been known to drift.

How 'bout we racefor pink slips?

You win,you get the Fal-car.

We win, you guys justbounce on out of here,

and then sort of admitthat I'm

the most Atreyu-looking dudeyou've ever met.

Great, deal.Let's do it.

Okay.[car alarm chirp]

[engine revving]

(low voice)♪ Baby

Rude!

You'd have my job?

That's right, and it wouldonly take me five years

to take it.Impressed?

Why would I hire someonewho wants to take my job away?

I'm smarter than I look,

and I know that I lookpretty smart.

I'm not sureI get that exactly.

Hey, guys.Still in the middle of this.

No, I get that,I totally do,

but we got to racethese movie buffs

or they're gonna knockout our teeth out.

I think I'll be leaving now.

- Hey!- Ahh!

Don't make mekick your asses.

Let's go!

I think I'll bestaying now.

(Adam)What if I gave youa Westley mask?

Help us, Dersy.

As you wish.

[engines revving]

First one past the fence,bro.

That's right.

Luckdragon's about to bemine, baby.

All right.

Wait, what's hetalking about?

Oh.Okay, on Jenny's go.

Okay, Jenny!

[engines revving]

['80s action movie music]

[tires screeching]

- Wait, wait, wait! Oh, no!- Stop!

(Anders)Wait, what?

Speed bumps, they're notjust for hockey anymore.

[mellow hip-hop music]

You lose.

Ah.[pounding on roof.

(both)Whoo!

Yeah!That was cool, right?

- That worked.(Adam) Oh, yeah.

That was the most interestinginterview

I have ever beena part of.

- Boom chaka-laka!- Ooh! Big baby

in ya business.- [laughs]

- You are such a good jumper.- Thank you.

Hey, you guys,I didn't take the job.

- Oh, good. That's great.- Yes.

That's great, 'causethat dude was a perv, man.

He probably would have triedto finger your binghole

or something.- Yeah.

He smellslike vitamins, right?

(both) Right.- Also, he didn't offer me

the job, either.

And in other news,the bitch snitched.

Alice is on her wayhere right now.

- What?- Yeah.

Okay, well, we betterclean this place up

before she gets here.

Go, go, go, go, go.

[Katrina & The Waves' Walking On Sunshine]

♪ Mmm, yeah

♪ I used to thinkmaybe you loved me ♪

[all cheering]

- Awesome, we did it.- Whoo! Whoo!

Ohh.

Wait a second.Why are we here?

When she walks in, she's gonnawant to know why we're here.

Put it back!Put it back!

Put it back.Put it back.

Wait, no.

Put the '80s stuff back.Don't trash it.

Yes.

♪ 'Cause I just can'twait till you write me ♪

♪ You're coming around

[indistinct muttering]

Hey, what the hell are youthree idiots doing here?

I just got a textfrom Richard Ottmar

saying that the officeis trashed.

What? He called our '80strivia party decorations trash?

Okay, that's on him,and actually, I'm offended.

I'm sorry,'80s trivia party?

(Anders)Yeah, you just--

[scoffs] Oh, you know what?- Oh!

(both) Aw!- I feel so bad for you

'cause you ruinedour surprise.

We were gonna do, like,a fun lunchtime thing...

(both)Surprise.

For everybody on Monday,and this was it.

Oh.That's actually kind of sweet.

What if we just, like,took the whole afternoon off

and we all, like,got to know each other

like The Breakfast Club,or something like that?

- Yeah.- She's so cool.

Listen closely, bozos.

Okay, there are no surprisesin my office, okay?

I cannot believe I leftthe Garage Band workshop

at the Apple Store for this.

Okay, take all this crap downand get out.