Wedding Thrashers

  • Season 5, Ep 9
  • 03/11/2015

Blake and Ders organize an early bachelor party to send off Adam after he's invited to be someone's wedding date.

Hey, buddy.

So maybe the endof Single Adam

isn't such a bad thing.

I mean, he's made some prettybad decisions in his life, huh?

(Blake)Yes, Single Adam has.

Remember, he dideat that...

toilet doughnut,and...

got sick for a week.

(Adam)Two weeks.

Single Adamdid all those whippets

at a 2 Chainz concert

and tried to put his pantson a police horse, right?

(Adam) 2 Chainz?(Ders) Yeah.

Hey, what if we sendSingle Adam off in style?

Throw him like a bachelorparty or something?

- That's cool!- When I was 12 years old,

my grandma helped me writea bachelor party wish list.

If you guys help me geteverything on my list

and I can haveall my druthers,

I will go to that weddingwith you.

- Awesome.- Yes! Yes!

- That's cool.- Let's do it.

Okay, the listof my druthers...

in my vault--69, 69, 420.

Just kidding.It's a drawer.

I keep it close by,'cause you never know

- when you're gonna get married.- Sick.

It's in cursive,so this is hard for me.

Okay.Well, take your time.

"For his bachelor party."

Well, she talks like this:

[deep voice]"For his bachelor party...

"my grandson,Adam DeMamp would like

"shoot shotguns at things,

"cut a wooden tree down,

"drink with airplanepilots,

microwave a hamster..."

You know, I think I've outgrownthat last one.

(Ders) Thank God.- Okay, right.

And finally, "Get a lap danceon a Gravitron."

- Yeah.- Okay!

- Cool! Ab--mm-hmm.- Yeah.

If you guys couldgive me a few minutes,

I need to continueitching my leg.

'Cause my legis super-itchy.

- Sure.- Bachelor party!

- Bachelor party, baby!- All right!

- Okay.- He was jacking off, right?

I'm not--I was notjacking off.

Actually, I just havea rash on my inner thigh

that is questionable,

and I need to rub morecortisone on it.

[Jockbox plays]

♪ He's insane

- ♪ And I like you a lot - Oh, my God!

I did that to a real girl!

- We shut it down.- That was really fun, guys.

[weird voice]I'm with you!

Oh, back--you smell like puke.

- Do I?- Yeah.

It's just my armpit.

[laughter][Adam growling]

- No, no, no, no, no!- Stop, dude.

This might be a littlecrazy, but...

I'm going to my sister'swedding this weekend,

and I was wondering

if maybe you'd wantto be my date.

I do...

Want to go with you,

my sweet m-m-mistressor lady or--

My sweet lady![laughter]

Well, you guys--you guysare totally invited too.

- Oh, tight!Yes, I do.

- That's sick!- Well, uh...

we'll see you there.

[mouthing]Bye.

Hillary, wait.

- Hmm?- I never caught your name.

Um, I think...you did,

'cause you--well, you just said it.

Yeah, I know, I know.Okay!

No, I remember!All right.

- Okay, I'll see you there.- All right, later.

Yeah, later, Sillary.

- Take care.- This is 'bout to be dope.

Yeah, dude,are you kidding me?

A rich person's wedding--like, come on, man.

They probably serve, like,tiger meat or something cool.

Ho ho ho ho!

Hoo hoo hoo! Ooh!

Well, we'll never know,because...

[weird voice]we ain't goin'.

Adam!

"Dear Adam,

"only six people haveever died on this Gravitron.

Just kidding, only two."

- That's funny.- Yeah.

"Hope you got all yourdroothers..."

- Druthers.- Druthers.

- Yeah.- Okay, that makes sense.

"You deserve them.See you at the wedding.

- Love, Hillary."- That's the nicest thing

a chick's ever donefor a dude in the

- history of the world, right?- Yeah.

Almost,'cause in seventh grade,

Melissa McDonaldagreed to look at my penis

and my ballsfor 20 seconds straight.

- Pretty nice.- Yeah, during a school trip.

- It was like...- Very nice.

At that point--now this is.(woman) Ahem.

This might have takenfirst place.

Hi. I'm Brooklyn,

your dancer.

Hello, Brooklyn.I'm Blake.

So, uh, some good news:

your job should be prettyeasy tonight

since there won't be anygravity holding your clothes on.

[laughter]

It's a Gravitron!We're lookin' at some booby

'cause of the Gravitron.

- Totally.- Oh! This is gonna be

the best night of my life!

Yes!

Oh, ho, my God!

♪ I came downtip-toein' in my Jordans ♪

(all)Oh!

♪ Tip-toein' in my foreign,you mother[bleep] borin' ♪

♪ You sleeping on me snorin'

This is the best timeof my life!

♪ Tip-toein' in my Jordans

♪ Came down tip

♪ Toein' in my Jordans

♪ Just copped a Porsche, tip

♪ Toein' in my foreign

♪ You mother[bleep] borin'

This is awesome.

This has been a dreamof mine

since I heard about itin the Penthouse letters.

- Yeah?- My grandma used to

read them to me so I couldfall asleep more easily.

You all right down there?'Cause you're not hard.

That's very unlike my dick.

Normally it's just like...ahhhhhhh!

Pfft, pfft, spittingall over the place, you know?

Yeah, but it's not...

No. It's like an oldtaxidermied snake.

- But it isn't.- Scared.

Oh, wow, I don't...

Oh, my God.You know what it is?

I'm in love.

Guys, I'm in love!

- Oh!- That's what's happening.

That's why my hogisn't hard right now,

'cause I'm so in lovewith Hillary.

Of course I'm in lovewith her--

she gave me a freakingGravitron, right?

- Yeah. That's beautiful!- It's cool!

I don't even like thissuper babe of a stripper!

No offense. Here.

I'm gonna have to askyou to leave.

Just for a minute.

- I need to spend some...- Sure.

alone time with my guys.

This might be the lasttime it's just us,

you know, since I'm gonnabe a freakin'

- basically married dude.- I'll just...

Thank you for doingyour stuff with your body.

Namaste.

I normally loveglittered women.

- It's no offense.- Thank you.

Stop stopping my love!

What the hellare you doing?

Oh, you just said hell!

We're in church, dude.You're going to hell!

People say hell in churchesall the time--you just said it.

Hey! What's going onup there?

Um...ow!

- Hey, you okay, dude?- Stop the wedding!

Stop the wedding!Wait--

It is stopped!

Now, will someoneplease tell me

what the hellis going on up there?

Ah ha...he just said hell.

- Adam, you made it!- Oh...

Mom, Dad, um,that's my date.

What it is.

You know this clown?

Mr. Winthrop,

I would like...

to ask for yourdaughter's hand

in being my girlfriend.

[squeaky voice]But...

before I do that,I have to come clean

about some very dastardlydeeds that I have done.

I've gotta be real.I've gotta be honest,

- and I've gotta be open...- He doesn't.

- with everyone in the church!- You don't, you don't.

- Stop!- I got a lap job,

which is sort of likea lap dance but more sexual,

by a girl named Brooklyn.

(Brooklyn)Oh, that's me!

I'm Brooklyn.I'm the stripper.

- But we did not have sex.- We didn't--

- He couldn't get it hard.- Okay, that's not--

Evidently, I'm havinga hard time getting hard

as of late, but I hopeyour daughter changes that.