January 16, 2014 - Naquasia LeGrand

  • 01/16/2014

The NSA infects personal computers, a jewelry company sells diamond pacifiers, Carol Burnett gets sarcastic, and Naquasia LeGrand talks "Fast Food Forward."

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE

REPORT.

THANK YOU.

>> STEPHEN, STEPHEN,STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

>> WHOOO!

WHOOO!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: FOLKS, THANK YOU

SO MUCH.

THANK YOU SO MUCH, LADIESAND GENTLEMEN.

AS YOU KNOW, IF YOU WATCHTHE SHOW YOU KNOW I AM A

HUGE FAN OF THE HEROES THATWORK AT THE NSA.

THEY HAVE KEPT AMERICA SAFE.

IN FACT, THANKS TO THEM SOFAR THERE HAS NEVER BEEN

ANOTHER SEPTEMBER11th, 2001

IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME, CHECK YOUR

CALENDARS.

A RECENT STUDY BY THENONPARTISAN NEW AMERICA

FOUNDATION BACKS ME UP.

>> A NEW ANALYSIS OF 225INDIVIDUALS LINKED TO AL QAEDA

AND CHARGED WITH TERRORISMSINCE SEPTEMBER 11TH SAYS

NSA SURVEILLANCE PROGRAMSQUOTE HAD NO DISCERNIBLE

IMPACT ON PREVENTING ACTS OFTERRORISM.

>> Stephen: SEE?

(LAUGHTER)I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT

PEOPLE LIKE EDWARD SNOWDENARE SO MAD ABOUT.

IS VIOLATING EVERYONE'SPRIVACY REALLY THAT BAD IF

IT DOESN'T EVEN WORK?

(LAUGHTER)BESIDES, IT DOES NOT HAVE TO

WORK.

IT JUST HAS TO FEEL LIKEIT'S WORKING.

BECAUSE IT'S WHAT DIRECTOR OFNATIONAL INTELLIGENCE JAMES

CLAPPER CALLS THE PEACE OFMIND METRIC.

NOW FOLKS, I GET THAT.

NSA SURVEILLANCE IS JUSTLIKE THE HANDFUL OF PLACEBO

SUGAR PILLS I TAKE EVERYMORNING.

TO PREVENT CANINE HIPDISPLACIA.

SO FAR SO GOOD.

THOUGH I HAVE DEVELOPED TYPEII DIABETES.

(LAUGHTER)MAYBE I'M NOT TAKING ENOUGH

SUGAR PILLS. BUT IF THISMASSIVE DATA COLLECTION

ISN'T WORKING, FOLKS, I SAYTHE NSA NEEDS TO SPY HARDER.

AND THANKFULLY THEY ARE.

>> NEW ALLEGATIONS THISMORNING THAT THE NSA HAS

PLACED SOFTWARE ON NEARLY100,000 COMPUTERS WORLDWIDE

SO IT CAN SNOOP WHEN THOSEMACHINES ARE NOT LINKED TO

THE INTERNET.

>> MANY OF THESE TRANSMITTERSARE IMPLANTED IN THE

COMPUTERS AT MANUFACTURING.

BUT THEY CAN ALSO BEIMPLANTED IN THE PLUG-INS

FOR THE USB CORDS, THE SAMEKIND OF USB CORDS THAT MANY

OF YOU USE EVERY DAY.

>> THEY'VE GOT TRANSMITTERSIN OUR USB CORDS.

I'M GUESSING THAT'S WHY THEFIRST TIME YOU TRY TO PLUG

IT IN ITS'S ALWAYS THE WRONGWAY.

(LAUGHTER)NOW FOLKS, FOLKS, I MADE IT

CLEAR THAT I HAVE ALWAYSSUPPORTED THE NSA'S

UNLIMITED SNOOPING ABILITYON OTHER PEOPLE.

PERSONALLY I PROTECT MY MOSTPRIVATE DATA BY KEEPING IT

ON A 1982 ATARI 800.

NOT ONLY IS IT NOT CONNECTEDTO THE INTERNET, IT IS POWERED

BY WHALE OIL.

(LAUGHTER)BUT NOW THAT I KNOW THAT THE

NSA CAN JUST PUT ATRANSMITTER ANYWHERE, I AM

GOING OFF THE GRID.

THAT MEANS I'M LOSING MYLAPTOP, GETTING RID OF MY

PHONE, MY TV, MY CAR,ANYTHING WITH A COMPUTER IN

IT.

I THINK I'LL MISS MY MAGICEIGHT BALL MOST OF ALL.

AND FROM NOW ON I'LL JUSTMANAGE MY INFORMATION THE

OLD-FASHIONED WAY, WITH APEN.

ALL RIGHT.

HERE WE GO.

OKAY, PEN, WRITE A TWEET.

SORRY, AMERICA, GOING OFFTHE GRID.

TO DODGENSA #CATCHMEIFYOUCAN

AND TWEET.

WELL, I BELIEVE I'VE EARNEDMYSELF A BREAK.

PEN? SHOW ME NAKED PICTURES.

WOW.

WOW.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)(APPLAUSE)

THAT IS SOME SICK STUFF.

YOU KNOW WHAT, I BETTERDELETE HISTORY.

(LAUGHTER)ALL RIGHT.

AND PUT IN TRASH.

NATION, YOU KNOW THE OLDSAYING, A FOOL AND HIS MONEY

ARE SOON, TO HEAR THE RESTOF THIS QUOTE SEND $20 TO

STEPHENCOLBERT@SOONPARTED.COM.

THIS IS COLBERT PLATINUM.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)A QUICK REMINDER, FOLKS,

THIS SEGMENT IS FOR PLATINUMMEMBERS ONLY.

SO IF YOUR COFFEEMAKER IS AMACHINE INSTEAD OF A SMALL

COUNTERTOP COLUMBIAN MAN,WHY DON'T YOU RUN ALONG AND

GET ANOTHER THAT TATTOO OF AWARNER BROTHER'S CHARACTER.

FOGHORN LEGHORN REALLYSTICKS IT TO THE MAN.

ARE AT THE GONE?

>> GOOD OKAY.

FIRST UP, FOLKS, WE PLATINUMPARENTS LOVE OUR CHILDREN

JUST AS MUCH AS THE DIRTEATERS OUT THERE.

AND WE KNOW HOW IMPORTANT ITIS TO PREPARE THEM FOR THE

PLATINUM LIFESTYLE EARLY.

THAT'S WHY A COMPANY CALLEDKALFIN JEWELRY HAS CREATED A

50,000 DOLLAR DIAMONDENCRUSTED PACIFIER.

FINALLY A PRODUCT THATCOMBINES TWO THINGS I LOVE,

A QUIET BABY AND EXPLOITINGTHE CONGO.

AND THIS GIFT JUST KEEPS ONGIVING, FOLKS.

BECAUSE REMEMBER, ONCE YOURCHILD'S TEETH COME IN, YOU

CAN HAVE A PACIFIER MADEINTO A TODDLER GRILL.

(LAUGHTER)OF COURSE, A DIAMOND

PACIFIER IS GREAT BUT THETRULY WEALTHY START THEIR

BABY'S PREMIUM TRAINING INUTERO.

I MEAN NINE MONTHS IN ONEPLACE?

THAT'S NOT HOW THE RICHROLL.

TIME TO GET YOUR FETUS ASECOND UTERUS IN ST. BARTS.

NEXT UP, EVERYBODY, THERE'SA REAL FROOFERAH BREWING

OVER INCOME INEQUALITY, EVENTHOUGH WE RICH ARE ALREADY

DOING OUR BEST TO TRICKLEOUR MONEY DOWN.

BUT THERE ARE ONLY SO MANY$50,000 PACIFIERS YOU CAN

BUY BEFORE YOU START LOOKINGLIKE AN ASS [BLEEP]. BUT THE

UNGRATEFUL MASSES ARE STILLUNHAPPY.

IF WE DON'T FIND A WAY TOSPEND IT FASTER, WE MAY HAVE

A REVOLUTION ON OUR HANDSAND I JUST GOT A MANICURE.

THANKLY, ONE WELL-HEELEDHORN DOG MAY HAVE FOUND A

SOLUTION BY BIDDING $42,000FOR A ONE-HOUR PRIVATE WEB

CAM SHOW WITH A DOMINATRIXNAMED MAITRESS MAD LINE.

NOW $42,000 IS PRETTY STEEPFOR A DOMINATRIX.

THE BALL GAG BETTER BE AFABERGE EGG

BECAUSE IT SEEMS THAT THEDOMINATRIX'S WEB SITE IS

PART OF A SEXUAL SUBCULTURECALLED FINDOM WHICH DOES NOT

INVOLVE A WHIP AND A RAINBOW TROUT.

NO, IT STANDS FOR FINANCIALDOMINATION, A FETISH IN

WHICH SOMEONE IS SEXUALLYAROUSED BY THE THOUGHT OF

SENDING SOMEONE ELSE MONEYAND GIFTS EXPECTING NO

SEXUAL FAVORS IN RETURN.

NOTHING IN RETURN FOR YOURMONEY.

IT BREAKS ALL THE RULES OFCAPITALISM.

IT'S SO NAUGHTY, YOU DESERVETO GET SPANKED BY THE

INVISIBLE HAND OF THE MARKET.

NOW THE FINDOM COMMUNITYHAS ITS OWN LINGO WHERE

GIFTS AND MONEY ARE KNOWN ASTRIBUTES AND THE MEN WHO

SEND THEM ARE REFERRED TO ASPAY PIGS. SO GOOD NEWS,

OCCUPY WALL STREET, THOSENAMES YOU YELLED IN RAGE

WERE HEARD BY THE RICH.

THE BAD NEWS, IT GAVE THEM ABONER.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,EVERYBODY, THANK YOU SO

MUCH.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: THAT'S NICE.

FOLKS, FOLKS, I DON'T KNOWIF YOU KNOW THIS BUT THEY

SAY, THEY SAY NICE GUYSFINISH LAST.

BUT IF THAT'S TRUE HOW COMEEVERY TIME I LOSE I'M A

COMPLETE DICK ABOUT IT.

LATELY I'VE BEEN ON A BIT OFA ROLL.

LAST YEAR I WON NOT ONE BUTTWO EMMY AWARDS.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: FULFILLING MY DREAM

OF HAVING ONE FOR EACH KIDNEYTHEN LAST WEEK I WON THE

PEOPLE'S CHOICE AWARD.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: IT MEANT MORE TO

ME THAN ANYTHING BECAUSE ITCAME FROM YOU, THE PEOPLE.

ALSO BECAUSE I DID NOT HAVETO BE PRESENT TO WIN.

(LAUGHTER)AND LOOK WHAT JUST CAME IN

THE MAIL TODAY!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)BOOM!

BEHOLD!

BEHOLD, THE PEOPLE HAVESPOKEN.

I AM THEIR CHOSEN ONE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)I SHALL CHERISH THIS MOMENT

FOREVER.

AND IT'S GONE.

(LAUGHTER)I MEAN WHAT ELSE IS THERE.

I MEAN DADDY NEEDS A FIX.

IS THERE-- ANYTHING ELSE TOWIN?

IS THERE ANY WORD FROM THENOBEL PEOPLE? ARE

THERE ANY HIGH SCHOOLSCIENCE FAIRS I CAN ENTER?

ANYTHING?

>> STEPHEN, YOU ARE UP FOR AGRAMMY.

>> THAT'S RIGHT!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT.

THE GRAMMYS.

MY AUDIO BOOK OF AMERICAAGAIN HAS BEEN NOMINATED FOR

BEST SPOKEN WORD.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: I BET IT'S FOR

THE WORD CABINET ON PAGE 27.

I REALLY NAILED IT.

BUT FOLKS, THE COMPETITIONIS FIERCE.

I'M UP AGAINST A LOT OF GOODWORD SPOKENS.

PETE SEEGER, DAVID SEDARIS,BILLY CRYSTAL, CAROL

BURNETT.

NATION, I HAVE VOWED TOTRUST THESE ARTISTS WHOSE

WORK I GREATLY ADMIRE ANDI'M SURPRISED THAT I JUST

GOT A LETTER FROM MYLIFELONG HERO AND RECENT

ENEMY CAROL BURNETT.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> SHE WRITES, DEAR STEVE.

>> SHE KNOWS PART OF MYNAME.

(LAUGHTER)>> I SAW ON YOUR SHOW THAT

YOU ARE GOING TO QUOTE CRUSHME LIKE A BUG.

YOU ARE A REAL CLASS ACT.

I AM NEVER SURPRISED WHENSOMEONE LIKE YOU SUCCEEDS IN

SHOW BUSINESS, KEEP UP THEGREAT WORK, BREAK A LEG AND

OTHER THINGS.

CAROL BURNETT.

FOLKS-- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: I GOT TO SAY, IAM SPEECHLESS IT IS SO GREAT

WHEN YOUR HEROES LIKE YOURWORK.

I MEAN -->> STEPHEN.

>> CAROL BURNETT?

CAROL BURNETT, EVERYBODY!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> CAROL, CAROL, I JUST GOT

YOUR LETTER.

>> STEPHEN, I DON'T THINKYOU "GOT" MY LETTER AT ALL.

>> Stephen: OF COURSE I DID,IT'S RIGHT HERE.

>> STEPHEN, I WASN'TPRAISING YOU, DEAR.

I WAS BEING SARCASTIC.

>> Stephen: HA, HA, HA.

GOOD STUFF.

>> STEPHEN, TELL ME, DO YOUKNOW WHAT SARCASM MEANS?

>> Stephen: OF COURSE I DO.

IT'S LIKE WHEN SOMEONE SAYSI'M SO HUNGRY I COULD EAT A

HORSE.

>> THAT'S HYPERBOLE.

>> Stephen: TELL THAT TO THEHORSE I ATE.

GOOD STUFF.

>> STEPHEN, LET ME EXPLAIN,SARCASM IS SAYING THE EXACT

OPPOSITE OF HOW YOU FEEL TOMAKE A POINT.

OKAY, NOW, ALL RIGHT, FORINSTANCE, RIGHT NOW I COULD

SAY AFTER 50 YEARS IN SHOWBUSINESS, RECEIVING 6 EMMIES,

12 PEOPLE'S CHOICE AWARDS,A PEABODY, A KENNEDY CENTER

HONOR, THE MARK TWAIN AWARDAND THE PRESIDENTIAL MEDAL

OF FREEDOM, BEING ON YOURBASIC CABLE TV SHOW IS THE

BIGGEST THRILL OF MY CAREER.

(LAUGHTER)(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

BUT I MEAN THE OPPOSITE.

>> Stephen: OH.

SO IT'S THE SECOND BIGGESTTHRILL OF YOUR CAREER.

>> HOW DO YOU DRESS YOURSELF?

>> Stephen: CAROL, IDON'T UNDERSTAND.

WHY WOULDN'T SOMEONE JUSTSAY WHAT THEY MEAN?

IT'S HARD ENOUGH FOR HUMANSTO COMMUNICATE WITH EACH

OTHER WITHOUT COUCHING THEIRMESSAGES IN SOME SORT OF

BIZARRE PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVEEMOTIONAL GAME.

>> YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU'RERIGHT, STEPHEN, I AM SO

SORRY.

>> Stephen: YOU ARE?

>> NO, I WAS BEING SARCASTIC.

>> Stephen: LIKE THE HORSE.

>> RIGHT.

LOOK, ALL SARCASM ASIDE,STEPHEN, GOOD LUCK AT THE

GRAMMYS.

AND MAY THE BEST WOMAN WIN.

>> Stephen: I HOPE I DO.

CAROL BURNETT, EVERYBODY.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK

>> WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.

MY GUEST TONIGHT WORKS AT KFC AND IS ORGANIZING WORKERS FOR

A HIGHER WAGE. AFTER THISINTERVIEW, SHE'S GOING TO

BE EXTRA CRISPY.

PLEASE WELCOME NAQUASIA LEGRAND.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)THANKS SOME FOR COMING

ON.

OKAY, LET'S TELL THE PEOPLEOUT HERE WHO YOU ARE.

YOU ARE A 22-YEAR-OLD WORKERAT KFC.

>> YES.

>> Stephen: WHO HAS BEENORGANIZING FLASH STRIKES TO

HELP PUSH FOR A 15 DOLLAR ANHOUR MINIMUM WAGE AT

FAST-FOOD RESTAURANTS,RIGHT?

(APPLAUSE)>> AND DON'T FORGET THE

RIGHT TO UNIONIZE WITHOUTRETALIATION.

>> Stephen: THE RIGHT TOUNIONIZE WITHOUT

RETALIATION.

>> YES, SIR.

>> Stephen: OKAY, AND THISHAS LEAD TO, THE FIRST ONE

WAS IN NOVEMBER OF 2012.

AND HOW MANY PEOPLE WERE ATTHAT ONE.

>> A HANDFUL, 200.

>> Stephen: A YEAR LATER,YOU GUYS HELD THIS STRIKE

AND THERE WERESTRIKES IN OVER 100 CITIES

ACROSS THE UNITED STATES,ORGANIZING FOR UNIONS IN

FAST-FOOD RESTAURANTS AND AHIGHER MINIMUM WAGE.

>> YES, SIR.

>> Stephen: I HAVE NEVERSPOKEN TO SOMEONE IN YOUR

INDUSTRY WITHOUT YELLING THEPHRASE HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE

TO FRY SOMETHING, WHERE IS MYORDER.

OKAY, SO LET ME UNDERSTAND,LET ME UNDERSTAND WHERE YOU

ARE COMING FROM.

YOU'RE EMPLOYED RIGHT NOW,RIGHT?

>> YES, SIR.

>> Stephen: AND WHAT DO YOUMAKE AN HOUR?

>> I MAKE RIGHT NOW I'MMAKING $8, BECAUSE FAST FOOD

WORKERS LIKE US, YOU KNOW,STOOD UP AND HAVE A VOICE,

SO NOW I'M MAKING $8 ANHOUR.

>> Stephen: SO IT WAS 7.25MINIMUM WAGE IN NEW YORK AND

IT'S GONE TO $8 IN THE LASTYEAR.

>> YES, SIR.

>> Stephen: SO YOUUNDERSTAND THAT THAT EXTRA

75 CENT AN HOUR IS PASSED ONTO A CONSUMER LIKE ME.

AND I COULD BE PAYING MORETHAN 4 CENTS MORE FOR MY GO

CUP, YOU UNDERSTAND THAT.

YOU UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARETAKE MONEY OUT OF MY POCKET

WHEN YOU DO THAT.

>> HEY, THESEMULTIBILLION-DOLLARS COMPANIES

ARE TAKING MONEY OUT OFMY POCKET TOO.

I WORK AND GIVE THEM ALLTHAT MONEY, THEY CAN AFFORD

TO GIVE IT TO ME.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: OKAY, BUT YOU-- WHY

NOT JUST WORK MORE.

HOW MANY HOURS DO YOU WORK AWEEK.

>> WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, STEVE,STEVE, HOLD ON.

(LAUGHTER)>> I DON'T KNOW IF PEOPLE

TOLD YOU, I WORK AT TWO KFCsAND STILL COULDN'T MAKE IT,

I DID TWO KFCs, 35 HOURS ATTHE END OF THE WEEK AND

STILL DIDN'T MAKE IT I STILLHAVE A METROCARD I NEED, FAMILY

TO FEED AND MAKE SURE BILLS AREPAID AT A CERTAIN TIME.

AND I STILL COULD NOT DOTHAT WITH WORKING TWO KFCs.

>> Stephen: YOU WERE WORKINGAT TWO KFC.

DO YOU STILL.

>> NO, SIR.

>> Stephen: SO.

>> SO NOW I'M ONLY MAKING $8,ONLY 15 HOURS A WEEK.

SO-- YOU TELL ME, STEVE.

>> Stephen: WHY NOT TWOSHIFTS, WHY NOT OVER 30

HOURS.

>> WHY NOT GO OVER 30 HOURSA WEEK, ASK MY MANAGER THAT,

I DON'T KNOW.

>> Stephen: BECAUSE THEREQUIREMENT IN OBAMA CARE

THAT ANYONE WHO WORKS MORETHAN 30 HOURS A WEEK HAS

LEAD PLACES LIKE KFC WITHYOU WORK TO KEEP PEOPLE TO

PART-TIME SO THEY DON'T HAVETO PAY HEALTH CARE.

>> RIGHT, AND THAT'S WHYTHESE CORPORATIONS DON'T

WANT TO PAY.

THEY DON'T WANT TO PAY THATHEALTH CARE SO THAT'S WHY

THEY PUT PEOPLE UNDER 30HOURS A WEEK.

>> Stephen: OKAY S SO IT'SOBAMA'S FAULT.

>> IT'S OBAMA FAULT, NO,IT'S NOT OBAMA'S FAULT.

>> Stephen: BELIEVE ME, IYELLED ABOUT A LOT OF THINGS

AND IT ALWAYS FITS.

>> BUT IT STILL DOESN'TJUSTIFY THAT THESE

CORPORATIONS MAKING BILLIONSAND BILLIONS OF

DOLLARS.

>> Stephen: THESECORPORATIONS ARE THERE TO

MAKE MONEY, YOUNG LADY.

(APPLAUSE)IF YOU WANT TO MAKE MORE

MONEY WHY DIDN'T HAVE YOUTHE FORESIGHT TO BE A

MULTINATIONAL CORPORATION.

(LAUGHTER)>> STEVE, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT

ALL THAT I'M JUST TRYING TOHAVE A LIVING WAGE.

(APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: WHY DO YOU NEED

TO ORGANIZE?

WHY CALL FOR UNIONS.

UNIONS NEVER SOLVED ANYTHINGOTHER THAN CHILD LABOR.

WHAT IS IT?

>> YOU KNOW WHY, YOU KNOWWHY?

BECAUSE WE AS-- MY ONE VOICECAN GO TO MY MANAGER AND BE

LIKE LISTEN, I WANT THESESET DAYS, I WANT THIS HOW

MUCH MONEY I WANT.

NO, I HAVE TO COME WITH ATEAM, WITH MY COWORKERS AND

OTHER WORKERS AROUND THECOUNTRY AND LET THEM KNOW

IT'S NOT JUST ME WHO ISGOING THROUGH THIS.

IT'S ALL OF US GOING THROUGHTHIS.

THAT IS WHAT MAKES A UNION.

AMERICANS COMING TOGETHER TOMAKE A DIFFERENCE AND HAVE A

VOICE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: I AM, I AM A

MAJOR STOCKHOLDER IN YUMFOODS WHICH OWNS KFC AND I

KNOW YOU WANT MORE MONEY ANDHEALTH CARE AND HUMAN

DIGNITY.

BUT I DON'T WANT YOU TO HAVETHOSE THINGS.

(LAUGHTER)IF IT WILL COST ME MORE

MONEY, IS THERE-- CAN WEMEET SOME PACE IN THE

MIDDLE?

LIKE YOU HAVE DIGNITY BUTNOT HUMAN DIGNITY.

OR HUMAN BUT NOT HAVE DIGNITY>> LET ME STILL YOU

SOMETHING, STEVE THERE ISNO COMPROMISE IN UNIONIZE,

OKAY.

(APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: YOU SAY YOU SAY

YOU ONLY WORKING 15 HOURS AWEEK RIGHT NOW.

>> YES, SIR.

>> Stephen: WHY NOT GET ASECOND JOB SOMEPLACE ELSE

AND JUST WORK THERE WHENYOU'RE NOT WORKING AT KTC.

>> BECAUSE MY MANAGER DON'TGIVE ME A-- IF I WANT TO

HAVE THAT EXTRA INCOME,THERE IS NO REASON WHY I

SHOULD HAVE A SECOND JOBWHEN THESE

MULTIBILLION-DOLLAR-- MULTIBILLION DOLLAR

COMPANIES HAVE THE MONEY TOPAY ME FOR THE WORK THAT I

DO.

I SHOULD HAVE THE-- .

>> Stephen: IT'S AMULTIBILLION-DOLLAR COMPANY

K IT'S A MULTIBILLION-DOLLARCOMPANY, YES, BUT LET'S KEEP

IN MIND.

THE CHAIRMAN IS ONLY MAKING$11 MILLION THIS YEAR.

ARE YOU AT ALL AFRAID THATTHE COLONEL MIGHT COME AFTER

YOU?

THAT GUY HAS GOT MILITARYEXPERIENCE, YOU KNOW, HE CAN

RIDE DOWN ON YOU ON A CALVARYOR SOMETHING LIKE

THAT.

>> HEY, STEVE, IHAVE-- DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME, I

ONLY MAKE 15 HOURS A WEEK.

WHAT DO I HAVE TO LOSE.

HE GOING TO CUT ME DOWN TO10 HOURS?

>> Stephen: HE COULD TAKEAWAY YOUR EXTRA CRISPY.

BY THE WAY, I HAVE TO ASKALL MY GUESTS THIS, ORIGINAL

RECIPE OR EXTRA CRISPY?

>> ORIGINAL, BABY.

>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, THEMOVEMENT IS FAST FOOD FORWARD.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.

FOLKS, BEFORE WE GO TONIGHT,YOU KNOW, I DON'T REALLY

LIKE TO BRAG BUT I KNOW HOWTO READ.

THAT'S WHY I FORMED THECOLBERT BOOK CLUB, A PLACE

WITH BOOK LOVERS OF ALLSTRIPES CAN COME TOGETHER

AND DRINK THEIR WEIGHT IN CHEAPCHARDONNAY.

FIRE UP YOUR READING GLASSESBECAUSE IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER

INSTALLMENT, WHICH AUTHORTHIS TIME?

WELL, WE HAD CURIOUS GEORGEALL LINED UP BUT SADLY LAST

WEEK HE FLEW INTO A RAGE ANDSAVAGELY DISFIGURED THE MAN

WITH THE YELLOW HAT.

ARTISTS, SO WE'LL JUST HAVETO SETTLE FOR MY NEXT

FAVORITE LITERARY GIANT,EARNEST HEMINGWAY AND HIS

CLASSIC, A FAREWELL TO ARMS.

WE'LL DISCUSS IT NEXTTUESDAY, JANUARY 2st WITH

SPECIAL GUEST FAMED AUTHORMICHAEL CHABON AND ERNIE'S

GRANDDAUGHTER MARIELHEMINGWAY, AND TIME

PERMITTING, A HERD OF ANGRYBULLS.

GET READING, NATION, GOOD NIGHT.