Workaholics
Season 3

Hungry Like a Wolf Dog

  • Season 3, Ep 18
  • 03/06/2013

The dudes go on a midnight road trip for the ultimate breakfast burrito.

AT THE ANNUAL CELTIC FEST.

ACTUALLY GOT A TATTOO THAT SAYS,

"LIFE IS A CABER-NET."- NO DOUBT.

- WELL, JILLIAN, I DON'TMEAN TO BE A MALE CHAUFFEUR,

BUT THERE IS NO WAY THAT YOUCOULD THROW FARTHER THAN I.

BECAUSE YOU ARE A GIRL,

AND GIRLS ARE MENTALLYAND PHYSICALLY UNSUPERIOR.

- YEAH, I DON'T CARE, ADAM.- GOOD LUCK.

[bagpipe music]

- [grunts]

- YOU OKAY?- GOOD FORM.

MIGHT'VE TWEAKED SOMETHING,ACTUALLY.

- WHOA.- OH.

[keg crashes]

- OH!- WHOA, TRUCK!

- YES!- OH.

- THAT'S HOW YOU CABER TOSS![dog growls]

- UH-OH. OH!- OH, GOD.

- OH, HELL, NO.- NO, NO, NO.

- IT'S ALL RIGHT.- NO, DER--

- [chuckles]IT PROBABLY JUST WANTS TO PLAY.

all: [scream]

- OH, MY GOD, WHAT DO WE DO?

- DERS, DERS, DERS!

OH, NO, I'M NOT GOING!

GO, JILLIAN, GET HIM!GET HIM!

all: [screaming]- OH, GOD, OH, GOD.

OH, MY GOD.[dog barking]

- I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUSTGAVE THAT DOG MY JERKY!

- THAT DOG WAS GONNAKILL MY ASS!

- VERY SELFISH OF YOU, DERS!

- WHOA!- [grunts]

- OW!

OW!- OW, OW!

[dog barks]

- COME ON.[dog growls]

- DON'T MOVE.

OKAY? IF YOU DON'T MOVE,HE CAN'T SEE YOU.

HE'S JUST LIKE THE T-REXIN JURASSIC PARK.

DOGS ARE IDIOTS.

GOOD THING THIS ISN'TA PIG OR A DOLPHIN.

WE'D BE WORM FOOD.- SHH!

- SHUT UP!

[dog growling]

- OKAY, LET'S GOFIND THE RESTAURANT.

- YES.

- HOW?WHICH WAY DID WE COME FROM?

- THAT'S EASY, WE--- OH, YEAH, RIGHT OVER HERE.

- OVER THERE.

- NO.- THIS WAY.

- WELL, I MIGHT BETURNED AROUND, HUH?

- AHH...

CRUSH!

ANOTHER PLANET DEVOUREDBY THE MIGHTY GALACTUS.

[imitates explosion]

- THIS IS NICE.

WE NEVER GETALONE TIME LIKE THIS.

- I HEAR YA.

I WISH DERS AND ADAMWERE HERE TOO. [chuckles]

- SO, UM, LIKE, ARE YOU SCAREDTHAT THE DOG IS GONNA COME BACK?

- OH, PSSH, NO. COME ON.THAT THING'S PROBABLY LONG GONE,

LOOKING FOR FOODOR SOMETHING.

- THAT'S EASYFOR YOU TO SAY.

MY PARENTSWERE EATEN BY DOGS.

AT LEAST THAT'SWHAT MY FOSTER PARENTS TOLD ME.

- WHOA, THAT'S--THAT'S HEAVY. I'M SORRY.

- OH, NO, NO, DON'T BE.

APPARENTLY IT HAPPENEDWAY BEFORE I WAS BORN.

- AH.

[owl hooting]

LOOK, IF YOU'RE STILL SCARED, ICAN GO MAKE YOU SOME CAMOUFLAGE.

- REALLY?

- YEAH, WE'LL GET YOUTO BLEND IN.

- I MEAN,IF YOU THINK THAT'LL BE--

- YAH![laughs]

OH, CLASSIC!

OKAY, GO AHEADAND RUB THAT AROUND.

I'M GONNA GO GETSOME STICKS AND LEAVES.

- OKAY.

- OH, MY GOD.JILLIAN.

IT'S DITCH WEED.

IT'S WEED![laughs]

YES! THANK YOU, BASED GOD!PRAISE ALLAH!

[laughs]

YES![laughs]

YEAH! YEAH! YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.[grunting]

OH, I JUST WANT ITTO SMELL ALL OVER ME.

- [groaning]- ALL RIGHT. OH, GOD.

HERE WE GO. I'M GONNAGO AROUND AND GET IT STARTED.

- WAIT--NO, I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO THAT.

- OW, LET'S GO, DERS!

DO I NEED TO GET BACK THEREAND HELP PUSH THIS BITCH?

- THAT WOULD BE NICE!

- WELL, I'M A LITTLE BUSYSTEERING THE STARSHIP, BUDDY.

ALL RIGHT, NOW WE'RE COOKING.[engine starts]

- YOU GOT IT?- DERS, GET IN! I GOT IT!

- COMING AROUND, COMING AROUND.- I GOT IT. WHOO!

NO THANKS TO YOU.A LITTLE HELP FROM YOU.

GOOD JOB.- ALL RIGHT, OKAY.

ALL RIGHT, WAIT, TURNTHE LIGHTS ON; IT'S PRETTY DARK.

- ALL RIGHT. LIGHTS![quiet country music playing]

LIGHTS ON!

MAN, THIS TECHNOLOGYIS DATED, DUDE.

- JUST USE THE LEVERRIGHT THERE ON THE SIDE.

- OH, OKAY, CONTROL, LIGHTS ON.THERE IT IS!

LIGHTS ON!- HIT THE BRAKES!

- I'M HITTING THEM!I'M BAILING!

- WHAT? WHAT? ADAM!

AAH![radio quietly playing]

- OH, GOD.YEAH, THAT THING IS SCOOTIN'.

IT'S LIKE THE LOVEBUG.[panting]

HEY, WHEN YOU SAID,"HIT THE BRAKES..."

- YEAH.

- DID YOU MEAN THE LEFT BRAKESOR THE RIGHT BRAKES?

WHOO. IT'S BEEN A LONG TIMESINCE I'VE DRIVEN.

- OH!- HEY, HEY.

IT'S OKAY.IT'S JUST A COYOTE.

REALLY,REALLY FAR AWAY COYOTE.

- WHAT IF THERE ARE OTHERS,CLOSER?

THEY'RE WILD ANIMALS,BLAKE.

- JILLIAN, WE'REWILD ANIMALS TOO, ALL RIGHT?

THERE IS A WILD ANIMALINSIDE OF YOU.

- YOU THINK?- HELL, YEAH. YOU KIDDING ME?

AND YOU PROBABLY GOT SOMETHINGLIKE JUST CRAZY,

JUST A SAVAGE BEASTINSIDE OF YOU.

WHAT DO YOU THINK IT IS?

- OH, I-I DON'T KNOW.

A LION?

- OH, YEAH!TOTALLY!

- YEAH?- YOU ARE SO A LION.

WELL, A LIONESS.

YEAH, 'CAUSE OF THE...- I'M...

- VAGINA THING.

- A LADY.- YEAH.

COME ON, YEAH. LET'S HEAR IT.LET'S HEAR YOUR LIONESS ROAR.

- NO, WHAT? WHAT IF--WHAT IF THE KILLER DOG HEARS US?

- WELL, THEN, THAT KILLER DOG'SGONNA HAVE TO--

HAVE TO FIGHTJILLIAN THE LIONESS!

AND, UH--AND BLAKE THE...

MASTODON!

[chuckles]

[imitatesmastodon trumpeting]

- [roars]

both: [laugh]

- [roars]- YEAH!

- [roaring]- OH, YEAH!

YEAH, THAT'S--- [laughs]

- THAT'S COOL, JILLIAN,I NEVER SEEN THIS SIDE OF YOU.

YOU GOT A--[chuckles]YOU GOT A WILD SIDE, GIRL.

- [growls, giggles]- KINDA LIKE IT.

- YEAH?- YEAH.

- SO WHAT MAKES YOUA MASTODON?

IS IT 'CAUSE OF YOUR BIG,GIANT TRUNK?

- NO, I HAVE TO TAKEA MASTODON-SIZED CRAP.

[chuckles] HOLD DOWN THE FORT,LIONESS JILLIAN.

- ALL RIGHT.- [farts] WHOA.

IT'S COMING OUT ALREADY.- OH.

[howling]- [blows nose]

WHAT WAS THAT?- OH, MY GOD.

IT'S THE DOG!

- I DON'T CARE, MAN,LET IT COME FOR US.

- COME ON, DUDE.- [blows]

- DON'T BE SUCH A BABY.

JUST BECAUSE MOTHER NATURE

WHIPPED OUTHER DELICIOUS MAMMARY

AND SPRAYED NATURE LIZARD MILKDOWN MY THROAT,

AND ALL SHE WANTS TO DOIS MURDER YOU.

YOU MUST FEEL BADABOUT THAT.

- NO.

- WE ARE MEN!WE ARE DOING THIS!

WE ARE MEN IN THE WOODS,AND WE'RE DOING THIS!

- ALL RIGHT.

- MEN IN THE WOODS,AND WE'RE DOING THIS!

- [burps]- OKAY, OW.

- SLOW DOWN.- I THINK I HURT MY ANKLE.

- [roars]

[roars]- HEY!

[laughs]GUESS WHAT.

I WASN'T BACK THERETAKING A MASTODON DUMP.

I WAS CHANGING MY ANIMALTO BETTER MATCH YOUR LIONESS.

I'M BLAKE...

THE DIRE WOLF.

- OOH, I LIKE THAT.[giggles]

- DID YOU KNOWTHAT WHEN THE DUDE WOLF

ENGAGES IN SEX,

HIS GENITALS SWELL UP?

- OH, THAT'S VERY COO--- I WASN'T FINISHED.

- OH.

- HIS GENITALS SWELL UP,AND HE...

HOOKS INTO THE CHICK WOLF,

AND SHE CAN'T GET AWAYFOR UP TO 20 MINUTES.

PRETTY COOL, HUH?

- WELL, YEAH,BUT I'M A LIONESS.

- OH, I KNOW.

BUT HAVEN'T YOU ALWAYSWANTED TO SEE

TWO DIFFERENT ANIMALSDOING IT?

- YES.- ME TOO.

SO WHAT DO YOU SAY?

[sniffs]PERMISSION TO HUG YA?

- HOOK IT UP, BLAKE.

- I CAN'T WAIT TO TELLTHE DUDES ABOUT THIS.

- WAIT, WHAT?- HUH?

[roars]- HEY!

[laughs]GUESS WHAT.

I WASN'T BACK THERETAKING A MASTODON DUMP.

I WAS CHANGING MY ANIMALTO BETTER MATCH YOUR LIONESS.

I'M BLAKE...

THE DIRE WOLF.

- OOH, I LIKE THAT.[giggles]

- DID YOU KNOWTHAT WHEN THE DUDE WOLF

ENGAGES IN SEX,

HIS GENITALS SWELL UP?

- OH, THAT'S VERY COO--- I WASN'T FINISHED.

- OH.

- HIS GENITALS SWELL UP,AND HE...

HOOKS INTO THE CHICK WOLF,

AND SHE CAN'T GET AWAYFOR UP TO 20 MINUTES.

PRETTY COOL, HUH?

- WELL, YEAH,BUT I'M A LIONESS.

- OH, I KNOW.

BUT HAVEN'T YOU ALWAYSWANTED TO SEE

TWO DIFFERENT ANIMALSDOING IT?

- YES.- ME TOO.

SO WHAT DO YOU SAY?

[sniffs]PERMISSION TO HUG YA?

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