Tuesday, February 18, 2014

  • 02/18/2014

Tom Lennon, Natasha Leggero and Brett Gelman check out Miley Cyrus's tour, come up with dirty names for cities and countries and play "The Price Is Right" with eBay items.

THIS HAPPENED ON SI.COM, ANOTHER

50TH ANNIVERSARY OF THE SPORTSILLUSTRATED SWIMSUIT ISSUE

UNVEILED A SPECIAL COVER, THEYARE NOT WEARING SWIMSUITS.

THERE IS A LITTLE PIECE OF ONERIGHT THERE.

>> BUT IT IS THE NONSWIM SUITISSUE, SO WE ARE TIRED OF

DEALING WITH MODEL WHOSEACTUALLY MOVE, THINK AND

OCCASIONALLY EAT SO HERE ISBARBIE ON THE COVER, THERE IS

WHAT THE REAL HOUSEWIVES AREALWAYS TRYING TO ACHIEVE BUT

THERE IS LESS PLASTIC ON THISONE.

>> THIS IS A 55-YEAR-OLD I WOULDACTUALLY (BLEEP).

THEY SHOT A PHOTO SHOOT BEHINDTHE PHOTO SHOOT WHICH DOESN'T

SEND THE RIGHT MESSAGE TO WOMEN.

>> SHE'S IN SOME WAY THE PERFECTMODEL SHE DOESN'T BLINK, SHE

DOESN'T MOVE, SHE TAKESDIRECTIONS.

>> FINALLY A MODEL THAT CAN POSEAND TAKE DIRECTIONS WITH ALL

THAT PESKY HUMANITY AND HEROPINIONS GETTING IN THE WAY.

>> THE GUY MANAGED TO SAY INSOME WAYS HE IS PERFECT, STILL

MARGINALIZING, STILLMARGINALIZING, COMEDIANS PLEASE

NAME THIS BARBIE, TOM LENNON.

>> FITS UP YOUR BUTT WHILE YOUSWIM THE, READ THE SWIMSUIT

ISSUE OF BARBIE.

>> NATASHA LEGGERO.

>> ONLY OPENS HER MOUTH TO THROWUP, BARBIE.

>> FRED.

>> THE THANK GOD I AM STILLWHITE BARBIE.

RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNETHEADLINES LET'S BEGIN

WITH RAPID REFRESH!

[ APPLAUSE ]>>

>> AMERICA'S TWEET HEART MILEYCYRUS OLD HER -- I HATE MYSELF

-- 2014 BANGERZ -- YES, THATLOOKS ABOUT RIGHT.

2014 BANGERZ TOUR.

>> THE JUICE JUST KICKED IN.

>> Chris: WHERE ELSE WOULD YOUFIND THREE NORMAL PEOPLE -- WHAT

DO YOU SEE BESIDES WHAT ISINSIDE HR -- SO SHE OPENED THE

BANGERZ WORLD TOUR THIS WEEKENDAND FANS HAVE BEEN POSTING

PICTURES AND VIDEOS ALL OVER THEWEB.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING IS A REALPART OF MILEY'S TOUR CAPTURED BY

FANS ON THE INTERNET? A MILEYSLIDING DOWN A GIANT MILEY'S

TONGUE SLIDE.

>> B.

MILEY PERFORMING STIMULATED ORALSEX ON BILL CLINTON AS MONICA

LEWINSKY C.

>> THE HER CHAN DIES TABLESELLING BANGERZ ROLLING PAPER.

>> NATASHA.

>> IT HAS TO BE A.

>> IT IS ACTUALLY ALL OF THOSETHINGS!

>> IT IS GREAT.

>> WHAT? WHAT? ALL OF THESETHINGS ARE CORRECT. CAN WE HAVE

SOME IMAGES OF THAT?

>> Chris: VERY APPROPRIATEWATCHING MILEY CYRUS THROW UP

MILEY CYRUS.

THERE IS NO WAY THIS HASN'T BEENMEALED WITH 95, MEMED WITH

DICK'S ALL AROUND IT.

>> HOSTED THE NBA GAME AND THISINCLIP OF THE GAME WENT VIRAL.

>> OH, (BLEEP)!

>> AH!

>> OKAY.

THAT IS THE FIRST TIME AND THELAST TIME YOU SAW HIS DAUGHTER.

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT.

I AM GOING TO GIVE YOU POINTSFOR THAT, BY THE WAY, THIS VINE

IS NOT ACTUALLY FROM ALL-STARWEEKEND.

THE BIGGEST TELL IS THAT IT'SACTUALLY SPARING.

WHEN SHE FELL SHE DIDN'T CRYFOUL.

ALSO SHE'S A BABY.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING ARE THEREAL HASH TAGS IN THE CAPTION

FOR THIS VINE.

>> SHE WASN'T READY.

>> PRESCHOOLER GOT SCHOOLED.

>> AND C, GROUNDED.

>> ALL OF THEM.

>> NO.

THE CORRECT ANSWER IS -- YOUKNOW, EVEN FROM A STRUCTURAL

STANDPOINT, YOU KNOW ON THISSHOW WE NEVER DO ALL OF THE

ABOVE TWICE IN THE SAME SHOW,TOM.

>> NEVER!

>> YOU HAVE BEEN IN THEMEETINGS! THE CORRECT ANSWER IS

A.

SHE WASN'T READY.

>> JUST LIKE -->> OKAY.

COMEDIANS, HERE ARE THE BONUSPOINTS, TOM, WHAT WOULD YOU CALL

THAT SIGNATURE CROSSOVER?

>> STRAIGHT UP CHILD ABUSE PICKAND ROLL.

>>>> Chris: OKAY I WILL GIVE YOU

POINT 0 FOR THAT, NATASHA.

>> KAREEM ABDUL JA BABY.

>> SIDS.

>> SUDDEN INFANT DUNK SYNDROME.

>> Chris: OH, POINTS!

IT IS TIME FOR TONIGHT'S HASHTAG WARS.

>> DUE TO THE SOCHI OLYMPICS WEARE TALKING ABOUT COUNTRIES WE

DIDN'T EVEN KNOW EXISTED SOTONIGHT'S # IS DIRTY,

DIRTYGEOGRAPHY, DIRTYGEOGRAPHY,EXAMPLES WOULD BE GULF OF SEXICO

OR NIPPLES TITALY.

OR VIETNAM NAM NAM.

I AM PUTTING 60-SECONDS ON THECLOCK RIGHT NOW AND GO.

>> TOM.

>> SHAVED NETHER LAND.

..

>> POINTS, NATASHA.

>> HUNGRY FOR DICK.

>> TOM.

>> BATS WANA.

>> POINTS! .. WELL DONE,NATASHA.

>>GANG BANG LA DESH.

>> JIZZ REAL.

>> POINTS.

>> FRED.

>> AMSTERDAM IT I SAID DON'TPISS ON ME.

>> POINTS.

TOM.

>> ECU LEAVE YOUR PANTIES AT THEDOOR.

>> NATASHA.

>> BELIZE NUTS.

>> I LOVE THIS SO MUCH.

>> BOTSWANA LAJIRO.

>> VERY DIRTY, WELL DONE,POINTS.

>> TOM LENNON.

>> CHAD.

>> Chris: POINTS.

NATASHA.

>> TIMBUCK-2 GIRLS, ONE CUP.

EBAY PRICE IS RIGHT!. COMEDIANS, COME ON DOWN! OH,

GOOD, YOU'RE ALREADY HERE.

WE ARE GOING TO --[LAUGHTER.]

>> Chris: WE ARE GOING TO SHOWYOU A SELECTION OF FANTASTIC

ITEMS FROM POPULAR ONLINEAUCTION SITE EBAY AND THE

COMEDIAN WHO COMES CLOSEST TOTHE ACTUAL EBAY BUY IT NOW

PRICE, WITHOUT GOING OVER, WILLWIN A BRAND-NEW POINTS!

[ APPLAUSE ]>> Chris: BY THE WAY IF YOU

BID A DOLLAR YOU'RE A (BLEEP)COWARD.

LIVE A LITTLE.

I'M SORRY.

I JUST LIKE THE CHARACTER YOUARE DOING.

WHAT IS YOUR NAME? WHERE AREYOU FROM.

>> GREG.

>> WHERE ARE YOU FROM GREG?

>> ALL RIGHT.

LET'S BEGIN WE ARE GOING TO GETSTARTED WITH AN INFLATABLE

UNICORN HORN FOR CATS.

YOUR CAT MAKES A SHOW BEINGREGAL AND IN CONTROL BUT YOU CAN

TURN ALL THAT AROUND WITH THISINFLATABLE UNICORN HORN FOR

CATS.

>> OKAY ON THE BOX THE CAT SEEMSINTRIGUED, BUT --

>> HOW MUCH IS THE BUY IT NOWPRICE?

>> OKAY.

SEVEN DOLLARS.

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT.

SEVEN-DOLLAR.

SEVEN DOLLARS IS THE BID BY TOMLENNON.

>> HIGHER!

>> Chris: THE CROWD MADDER ATYOU THAN THAT HORN.

NATASHA LEGGERO I WOULD COMECLOSER BUT I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH

CABLE.

>> IT LOOKS LIKE IT DOUBLES AS ADILDO FOR THE LONELY CAT WOMAN.

I AM GOING TO -- $14.99.

>> Chris: $14.99 IS THE BUY ITNOW PRICE.

AFRAID I AM GOING TO HAVE TO,AFRAID I AM GOING TO HAVE TO ASK

YOU TO LEAN IN CLOSER TO THISMICROPHONE.

>> I AM GOING TO SAY $10,000.

EMPTY THE BANK ACCOUNT, EMPTYTHE BANK ACCOUNT.

>> Chris: $10,000.

SEVEN DOLLARS FROM TOM, $14.99,$10,000 FROM BRETT.

ACTUAL BUY IT NOW PRICE OFUNICORN FOR CATS IS $5.95!

>> TOM IS CLOSEST ALTHOUGH YOUALL WENT OVER.

I HAVE TO SAY THE RULES AREWORTH GOING OVER, SO NO POINTS

FOR ANYBODY AND (BLEEP) -->> I REALLY THOUGHT IT WAS

$10,000.

>> SORRY.

OUR NEXT ITEM IS, RUSTY METALTHINGS.

HE SAYS I DON'T RECOMMENDHANDLING IT TOO MUCH AND I AM

NOT RESPONSIBLE IF YOUR DUMB ASSCUTS IT OPEN AND RUBS IT ALL

OVER THE THING.

RUSTY METAL THINGS, TOM LENNON,HOW MUCH FOR BUY IT NOW?

>> THEY ARE REALLY TIGHT.

>> THESE RUSTY METAL THINGS WERETHE INSPIRATION FOR THE MUMFORD

AND SONS RECORD BOX OF RUSTYMEDAL THINGS.

I AM GOING TO SAY COST OFSHIPPING ONLY.

>> OKAY.

WHICH IN THIS CASE WOULD BE WHATDO YOU THINK?

>> I AM THINKING $3.

>> $3.

OKAY.

THREE DOLLARS FOR TELL LENNON.

NATASHA.

>> TOM LENNON.

>> THE CROWD AGAIN WITH JUSTBARELY ON YOUR SIDE.

>> THIS LOOKS LIKE -->> $2.

>> Chris: $2!

>> AND ALSO IT KIND OF LOOKSLIKE AN ABORTION KIT BEFORE ROE

V. WADE.

>> Chris: THAT WOULD HAVE BEENGOOD BRANDING.

>> BRETT.

>> I AM GOING TO GO WITH 12 OR$13,000.

>> Chris: OKAY.

12,000 OR $13,000.

[ APPLAUSE ]>> Chris: ACTUAL BUY IT NOW

PRICE OF RUSTY METAL THINGS IS$5! TOM LENNON YOU HAVE GOT

POINTS!

>> YOU ACTUALLY HAVE NOT WON THEGAME YET.

SO SORRY.

OUR NEXT ITEM UP FOR BID IS ABRAND-NEW CAR! I'M KIDDING, I'M

KIDDING.

IT IS NOT.

IT IS THE OPPOSITE OF THAT IT ISONE OF MY OLD PRESS KITS FROM

1998.

THIS ORIGINAL VERY LIMITED PRESSKIT INCLUDES A NICE GLOSSY EIGHT

BY TEN PHOTO AS WELL AS AONE-PAGE BIO AND FOUR PAGES OF

REPRINTS AND ALL HELD WITHIN AGRAY FOLDER.

I BOTH REMEMBER AND REGRET THESETHINGS.

>> WERE YOU READING A SPIDER-MANCOMIC WHILE YOU GOT YOUR

HIGHLIGHTS?

>> Chris: I GIVE YOU 100POINTS FOR THAT, NATASHA.

>> I KNOW.

>> I HAVE NEVER SEEN A GUY WHOSO OBVIOUSLY IS GETTING HIS

(BLEEP) SUCKED.

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT.

TOM LENNON.

>> WELL IT ALSO FUNCTIONS AS ACURE FOR VAGINAL DRYNESS.

>> Chris: IT DIDN'T WHEN I HADTHAT FACE.

>> $35.

>> Chris: WHAT? THIRTY-FIVEDOLLARS?

>> THAT IS MORE THAN RUSTY METALTHINGS.

NATASHA.

>> I AM GOING TO SAY $67.

>> Chris: $67! BRETT, WHAT DOYOU THINK?

>> I AM GOING TO SAY.

>> A MOUNTAIN OF COCAINE AND ABOTTLE OF TEARS.

[ APPLAUSE ]>> Chris: ACTUAL BUY IT NOW

PRICE OF MY OLD PRESS KIT IS$19.99! EVERYONE, WAY OVER

ESTIMATED MY VALUE.

CAR FACTS.

>> TOM, THIS IS YOUR GAME TOLOSE AT THIS POINT.

YOU ARE REALLY FAR AHEAD.

>> I AM FREAKING OUT, MAN! I AMSTARTING TO FREAK OUT A LITTLE

BIT.

THIS IS THE CHOKE OF THE CENTURYIF YOU CAN'T BRING THIS --

>> KEEP THE WINE COMING.

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT.

THANKS THE CARFAX.COM YOU KNOWWHEN A CAR YOU WANT TO BUY HAS

BEEN IN AN ACCIDENT THERE AREOTHER DETAILS YOU AS A CAR OWNER

YOU MAY NOT WANT PEOPLE TO KNOWWHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR CAR ON

CARFAX, NAME AS MANY PEOPLE YOUDON'T WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW ABOUT

YOUR CAR.

60-SECONDS AND GO. TOM.

>> APPEARED ON GHOST HUNTERS.

>> Chris: POINTS.

NATASHA.

>> I AM A SQUIRTER.

>> Chris: POINTS.

WAIT, YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT THEGAME NOW, RIGHT?

>> YES.

>> Chris: TOM.

>> APPEARED IN HERBIE FULLYLOADED.

>> Chris: WAIT, OKAY. POINTSFOR THAT BUT DIDN'T YOU WRITE

HERBIE FULLY LOADED?

>> Chris: TAKE THOSE POINTSAWAY.

THAT'S FOR HERBIE FULLY LOADEDTHAT IS FAIR.

>> THAT IS FAIR.

>> Chris: THAT IS FAIR.

BRETT.

>> THE GPS ONLY LEADS YOU TO MYMOTHER-IN-LAW'S HOUSE.

>> Chris: I HAVE GOT TO GIVEYOU POINT THE CROWD REACTED

NATASHA.

>> TECHNICALLY A RAISE, RAZRSCOOTER.

>> Chris: HOOTIE BUMPERSTICKER IS NOT REMOVABLE.

>> Chris: GELMAN.

>> IT LIKES TO HIT PEOPLE WHEN IAM DRUNK.

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