Tuesday, February 18, 2014

  • 02/18/2014

Tom Lennon, Natasha Leggero and Brett Gelman check out Miley Cyrus's tour, come up with dirty names for cities and countries and play "The Price Is Right" with eBay items.

THIS HAPPENED ON SI.COM TODAY.

IN HONOR OF THE 50TH ANNIVERSARY

OF THE SPORTS ILLUSTRATED

SWIMSUIT ISSUE, THEY UNVEILED A

SPECIAL COVER-- THEY'RE NOT

WEARING SWIMSUITS.

THERE'S A LITTLE PIECE OF ONE

RIGHT THERE.

BUT IT'S THE NON SWIMSUIT ISSUE.

SO WE ARE TIRED OF DEALING WITH

MODELS WHOSE ACTUALLY MOVE,

BLINK, AND OCCASIONALLY WOULD

EAT, SO THEY RELEASED THIS COVER

OF BARBIE ON THE COVER.

THIS IS ULTIMATELY WHAT THE REAL

HOUSEWIVES ARE ALWAYS TRYING TO

ACHIEVE, BUT THERE IS LESS

PLASTIC ON THIS ONE.

AND THIS IS A 55-YEAR-OLD I

WOULD ACTUALLY (BLEEP).

THEY EVEN SHOT A BEHIND THE

SCENES VIDEO OF THE PHOTOSHOOT

WHICH DOESN'T AT ALL SEND THE

RIGHT MESSAGES TO YOUNG WOMEN.

LISTEN.

>> SHE'S IN SOME WASY THE

PERFECT MODEL.

SHE DOESN'T BLINK, SHE DOESN'T

MOVE, SHE TAKES DIRECTION.

>> FINALLY A MODEL THAT CAN POSE

AND TAKE DIRECTIONS WITHOUT

THAT PESKY HUMANITY AND HER

OPINIONS GETTING IN THE WAY.

(LAUGHTER)

AND STILL, THE GUY MANAGED TO

SAY, "IN SOME WAYS SHE'S

PERFECT."

STILL MARGINALIZING, STILL

MARGINALIZING.

COMEDIANS, PLEASE NAME THIS

BARBIE.

TOM LENNON?

>> FITS UP YOUR BUTT WHILE YOU

READ THE SWIMSUIT ISSUE BARBIE.

>> Chris: NATASHA LEGGERO.

>> ONLY OPENS HER MOUTH TO THROW

UP BARBIE.

>> Chris: BRETT GELMAN.

>> THE THANK JESUS I'M STILL

WHITE BARBIE.

TODAY'S INTERNET HEADLINES, LET

US BEGIN WITH RAPID REFRESH.

AMERICA'S TWEETHEART MILEY CYRUS

OPENED HER-- I HATE MYSELF--

2014 BANGERZ TOUR... YEP, THAT

LOOKS ABOUT RIGHT.

BANGERZ WORLD TOUR THIS WEEKEND.

>> MY STUFF JUST KICKED IN.

>> Chris: WELL, EVERYONE ELSE

SEES THOSE AS THREE NORMAL

PEOPLE, TOM.

WHAT DO YOU SEE?

WHAT DO YOU SEE BESIDES WHAT'S

INSIDE H.R. PUFFENSTUFF'S BALL

SACK?

SO SHE OPENED THE BANGERZ WORLD

TOUR WITH THIS THIS WEEKEND, AND

FANS HAVE BEEN POSTING PICTURES

AND VIDEOS ALL OVER THE WEB.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING IS A REAL

PART OF MILEY'S TOUR CAPTURED BY

FANS ON THE INTERNET?

NATASHA?

>> IT'S GOT TO BE A.

>> Chris: IT'S ACTUALLY ALL OF

THOSE THINGS!

IT'S EVERY ONE OF THEM.

>> WHAT?

WHAT?

>> Chris: ALL OF THESE THINGS

ARE CORRECT.

CAN WE HAVE SOME IMAGES OF THAT?

THAT IS VERY APPROPRIATE,

WATCHING MILEY CYRUS THROW UP

MILEY CYRUS.

THERE'S NO WAY THIS HASN'T BEEN

MEMED WITH, LIKE, 95 DICKS ALL

AROUND IT.

(LAUGHTER)

MOVING ON, NEW ORLEANS HOSTED

THE NBA ALL STAR GAME THIS

WEEKEND, AND THIS CLIP OF THE

GAME WENT VIRAL.

>> THAT'S THE FIRST TIME AND THE

LAST TIME HE SAW HIS DAUGHTER.

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT, I'M GOING

TO GIVE YOU POINTS FOR THAT,

BRETT GELMAN.

BY THE WAY, THIS VINE IS

ACTUALLY NOT FROM ALL-STAR

WEEKEND.

THE BIGGEST TELL IS THAT WHEN

THE BABY FELL DOWN SHE DIDN'T

CRY FOUL.

ALSO, SHE'S A BABY.

COMEDIANS, WHICH OF THE

FOLLOWING IS A REAL HASHTAG

IN THE CAPTION ON THIS VINE?

IS IT:

TOM LENNON?

>> ALL OF THEM.

>> Chris: NO.

THE CORRECT ANSWER IS...

(LAUGHTER)

YOU KNOW, EVEN FROM A STRUCTURAL

STANDPOINT, YOU KNOW ON THIS

SHOW WE NEVER DO ALL OF THE

ABOVE TWICE IN THE SAME SHOW,

TOM.

NEVER!

YOU'VE BEEN IN THE MEETINGS!

THE CORRECT ANSWER IS A,

#SHEWASN'TREADY.

JUST LIKE...

OKAY, COMEDIANS, THIS IS A

CHANCE FOR BONUS POINTS, TOM.

WHAT WOULD YOU CALL THAT

SIGNATURE CROSSOVER?

>> STRAIGHT UP CHILD ABUSE PICK

AND ROLL.

>> Chris: OKAY I WILL GIVE

YOU POINTS FOR THAT.

NICE JOB.

NATASHA?

>> KAREEM ABDUL JABABY.

>> CHRIS: YES, WELL DONE,

POINTS.

BRETT?

>> SIDS.

SUDDEN INFANT DUNK SYNDROME.

>> Chris: OH, POINTS!

IT'S TIME FOR TONIGHT'S

#HASHTAGWARS.

>> DUE TO THE SOCHI OLYMPICS, WE

ARE TALKING ABOUT COUNTRIES THAT

WE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW EXISTED.

SO WITH THAT IN MIND, TONIGHT'S

HASHTAG IS #DIRTYGEOGRAPHY,

#DIRTYGEOGRAPHY.

EXAMPLES WOULD BE #GULFOFSEXICO

OR #NIPPLESTITALY.

OR

#VIETNAMNOMNOMNOMONTHEMTITTIES.

I AM PUTTING 60 SECONDS ON THE

CLOCK RIGHT NOW.

AND GO.

TOM.

>> #SHAVEDNETHERLANDS.

>> Chris: POINTS.

POINTS.

NATASHA?

>> #HUNGARYFORDICK.

>> Chris: POINTS.

TOM?

>> #BUTTSWANA.

>> Chris: POINTS!

WELL DONE.

NATASHA?

>> #GANGBANGLADESH.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS!

BRETT GELMAN.

>> #JIZZRAEL.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: VERY RESPECTFUL, YES.

POINTS.

YEAH, FRED?

>> #AMSTERDAMITISAIDDON'TPISSON

ME.

>> Chris: THAT WOULD BE VERY

DIRTY, YES.

POINTS.

TOM?

>>

#ECUALEAVEYOURPANTIESATTHEDOOR.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS.

NICE.

NATASHA?

>> #BELIZENUTS.

>> Chris: POINTS.

I LOVE THIS ONE SO MUCH.

TOM?

>> #BOTSWANALEGGERO.

>> Chris: OH, VERY DIRTY.

YES, WELL DONE, POINTS.

TOM LENNON?

>> #CHAD.

>> Chris: POINTS.

NATASHA?

>> #TIMBUK2GIRLSONECUP.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS.

COMEDIANS, IT IS TIME TO PLAY

YOUR FAVORITE EBAY-BASED GAME

SHOW PARODY, EBAY PRICE IS

RIGHT!

COMEDIANS, COME ON DOWN.

OH, GOOD, YOU'RE ALREADY HERE.

WE ARE GOING TO SHOW...

(LAUGHTER)

WE'RE GOING TO SHOW YOU A

SELECTION OF FANTASTIC ITEMS

FROM POPULAR ONLINE AUCTION SITE

EBAY, AND THE COMEDIAN WHO COMES

CLOSEST TO THE ACTUAL EBAY BUY

IT NOW PRICE WITHOUT GOING OVER

WILL WIN A BRAND-NEW POINTS!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

BY THE WAY, IF YOU BID

A DOLLAR YOU'RE A (BLEEP)

COWARD.

LET'S LIVE A LITTLE.

WAIT, I'M SORRY.

I JUST LIKE THE CHARACTER

YOU'RE DOING.

WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

WHERE ARE YOU FROM?

>> GREG.

>> Chris: GREG, WHERE ARE YOU

FROM, GREG?

>> SPACE.

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT, LET'S

BEGIN.

WE'RE GOING TO GET STARTED WITH

AN INFLATIBLE UNICORN HORN FOR

CATS.

YOUR CAT MAKES A SHOW OF BEING

REGAL AND IN CONTROL, BUT YOU

CAN TURN THAT ALL AROUND WITH

THIS INFLATABLE UNICORN HORN FOR

CATS.

OKAY, ON THE BOX THE CAT SEEMS

INTRIGUED, BUT...

TOM LENNON, HOW MUCH IS THE BUY

IT NOW PRICE?

(AUDIENCE YELLING SUGGESTIONS)

>> OKAY.

SEVEN DOLLARS.

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT, SEVEN

DOLLARS.

SEVEN DOLLARS IS THE BID BY TOM

LENNON.

THE CROWD MADDER AT YOU THAN

THAT CAT IS THAT THAT HORN IS ON

HIS HEAD.

NATASHA LEGGERO, I'D COME

CLOSER, BUT I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH

CABLE.

QUIET!

IT LOOKS LIKE IT DOUBLES AS A

DILDO FOR THE LONELY CAT WOMAN.

I'M GOING TO... $14.99.

>> Chris: $14.99 IS THE BUY IT

NOW PRICE.

BRETT, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO ASK

YOU TO LEAN IN CLOSER TO THIS

MICROPHONE.

>> YES.

I'M GOING TO SAY $10,000.

EMPTY THE BANK ACCOUNT, EMPTY

THE BANK ACCOUNT.

>> Chris: $10,000.

ALL RIGHT.

SEVEN DOLLARS FROM TOM, $14.99

FROM NATASHA, $10,000 FROM

BRETT.

ACTUAL BUY IT NOW PRICE

OF INFLATABLE UNICORN HORN FOR

CATS IS $5.95!

EVERYONE WENT OVER, BUT TOM WAS

CLOSEST.

I'VE GOT TO SAY, THE RULES WERE

WITHOUT GOING OVER, SO NO POINTS

FOR ANYBODY.

THAT'S HOW THAT (BLEEP) WORKS.

>> I REALLY THOUGHT IT WAS

$10,000.

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT.

OUR NEXT ITEM IS RUSTY METAL

THINGS.

THE SELLER SAYS, "I DON'T

RECOMMEND HANDLING THEM TOO

MUCH, AND I'M NOT RESPONSIBLE IF

YOUR DUMB ASS CUTS OPEN YOUR

HAND AND RUBS IT ALL OVER THE

THINGS."

RUSTY METAL THINGS.

TOM LENNON, HOW MUCH FOR BUY IT

NOW?

(AUDIENCE YELLING SUGGESTIONS)

THEY'RE REALLY TRYING.

>> THESE RUSTY METAL THINGS WERE

THE INSPIRATION FOR THE MUMFORD

AND SONS RECORD "BOX OF RUSTY

METAL THINGS."

I'M GOING TO SAY COST OF

SHIPPING ONLY.

>> Chris: OKAY.

WHICH IN THIS CASE WOULD BE...

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

>> I'M THINKING THREE DOLLARS.

>> Chris: THREE DOLLARS, OKAY.

THREE DOLLARS FOR TOM LENNON.

NATASHA?

THE CROWD ONCE AGAIN BARELY ON

YOUR SIDE.

NATASHA, WHAT ABOUT YOU?

>> THIS LOOKS LIKE... THIS

LOOKS...

(AUDIENCE YELLING SUGGESTIONS)

>> Chris: WHAT IF DREW CAREY DID

THIS?

>> TWO DOLLARS.

>> Chris: TWO DOLLARS.

>> ALSO IT KIND OF LOOKS LIKE AN

ABORTION KIT FROM BEFORE ROE

VERSUS WADE.

>> Chris: THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN

GOOD BRANDING.

BRETT?

>> YEAH, I'M GOING TO GO WITH

$12,000 OR $13,000.

>> Chris: OKAY.

BRETT'S GOING WIHT $12,000 OR

$13,000.

ACTUAL BUY IT NOW PRICE OF RUSTY

METAL THINGS IS FIVE DOLLARS!

TOM LENNON HAS GOTTEN THE

POINTS!

A VERY SPECIAL MOMENT FOR YOU.

BUT YOU ACTUALLY HAVE NOT WON

THE GAME YET, TOM.

I'M SO SORRY.

OUR NEXT ITEM UP FOR BID IS A

BRAND-NEW CAR!

I'M KIDDING, I'M KIDDING.

IT'S NOT, IT'S NOT, IT'S NOT.

IT'S THE OPPOSITE OF THAT.

IT'S ONE OF MY OLD PRESS KITS

FROM 1998.

THIS ORIGINAL VERY LIMITED PRESS

KIT INCLUDES A NICE GLOSSY EIGHT

BY TEN, AS WELL AS A ONE-PAGE

BIO AND FOUR PAGES OF ARTICLE

REPRINTS.

AND IT'S ALL HELD WITHIN A GRAY

FOLDER.

I BOTH REMEMBER AND REGRET THESE

THINGS.

>> WERE YOU READING A SPIDER-MAN

COMIC WHILE YOU GOT YOUR

HIGHLIGHTS?

>> Chris: I'LL GIVE YOU 100

POINTS FOR THAT, NATASHA.

I KNOW, THOSE WERE JUST...

>> I'VE NEVER SEEN A GUY WHO'S

SO OBVIOUSLY GETTING HIS (BLEEP)

SUCKED WHILE HE'S DOING HIS HEAD

SHOT.

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT.

TOM LENNON?

>> WELL IT ALSO FUNCTIONS AS A

CURE FOR VAGINAL DRYNESS.

>> Chris: IT DIDN'T WHEN I HAD

THAT FACE.

>> $35.

>> Chris: WHAT?

$35?

THAT'S MORE THAN RUSTY METAL

THINGS.

NATASHA?

>> I'M GOING TO SAY $67.

>> Chris: $67!

BRETT, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

>> I AM GOING TO SAY...

(AUDIENCE YELLING SUGGESTIONS)

A MOUNTAIN OF COCAINE AND A

BOTTLE OF TEARS.

>> Chris: ACTUAL BUY IT NOW

PRICE OF MY OLD PRESS KIT IS

$19.99!

EVERYONE WAY OVERESTIMATED MY

VALUE IN THE MARKETPLACE.

TOM, THIS IS YOUR GAME TO LOSE

AT THIS POINT.

IF YOU DON'T WIN THIS... I MEAN,

YOU'RE REALLY FAR AHEAD.

>> I'M FREAKING OUT, MAN!

I AM STARTING TO FREAK OUT A

LITTLE BIT.

>> Chris: IT WOULD BE THE CHOKE

OF THE CENTURY IF YOU CAN'T

BRING HOME THE...

>> KEEP THAT WINE COMING.

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT.

WELL, THANKS TO CARFAX.COM YOU

ALWAYS KNOW WHEN A CAR YOU WANT

TO BUY HAS BEEN IN AN ACCIDENT.

BUT THERE'S A LOT OF OTHER

DETAILS THAT YOU AS A CAR OWNER

MAY NOT WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW

ABOUT YOUR CAR THAT WOULDN'T

SHOW UP ON CARFAX.

SO COMEDIANS, I WANT YOU TO NAME

AS MANY THINGS YOU WOULDN'T WANT

PEOPLE TO KNOW ABOUT YOUR CAR.

I'M GOING TO PUT 60 SECONDS ON

THE CLOCK, AND GO.

TOM?

>> APPEARED ON GHOST HUNTERS.

>> Chris: POINTS.

NATASHA?

>> I'M A SQUIRTER.

>> Chris: POINTS.

WAIT, YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT...

YOU'RE PLAYING THE GAME NOW,

RIGHT?

>> YEAH.

>> Chris: OKAY, GOOD.

TOM?

>> APPEARED IN HERBIE FULLY

LOADED.

>> Chris: WAIT, OKAY.

POINTS FOR THAT, BUT DIDN'T YOU

WRITE HERBIE FULLY LOADED?

OKAY, TAKE THOSE

POINTS AWAY.

THAT'S FOR HERBIE FULLY LOADED.

>> THAT'S FAIR, THAT'S FAIR.

>> Chris: THAT'S FAIR.

>> THAT'S FAIR.

>> Chris: YEAH.

BRETT?

>> THE GPS ONLY LEADS YOU TO MY

MOTHER-IN-LAW'S HOUSE.

>> Chris: WHAT?

I'VE GOT TO GIVE YOU POINTS--

THE CROWD REACTED.

NATASHA?

>> TECHNICALLY A RAZOR SCOOTER.

>> Chris: POINTS.

TOM?

>> HOOTIE BUMPER STICKER IS NOT

REMOVABLE.

>> Chris: BRETT GELMAN?

>> IT LIKES TO HIT PEOPLE WHEN

I'M DRUNK.

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