@midnight
Season 1

Monday, January 20, 2014

  • Season 1, Ep 01009
  • 01/20/2014

Arden Myrin, Al Madrigal and Rob Huebel create bad reality show titles, figure out whether cats are rich or poor and think of free stuff to give away on Craiglist.

>> RIPPED FROM TODAY'SINTERNET HEADLINES

IT'S RAPID REFRESH!

>> THE FIRST COMEDIAN TO BUZZ INWITH THE CORRECT ANSWER GETS 100

POINTS.

>> IT IS MARTIN LUTHER KINGTODAY AND WHILE MOST HONORED

THIS DAY PEACEFULLY SOME OF USWERE MADONNA.

THAT PROVES HOW FAR WE HAVEN'TCOME AFTER INSTAGRAMING THIS

PHOTO OF HER SON ROCCO IN WHICHSHE USED THE N WORD IN HER HASH

TAG, THAT IS THE CORRECTREACTION.

>> SHE LATER APOLOGIZED SAYINGIT WAS USED AS A TERM OF

ENDEARMENT THE TOWARD MY SON WHOIS WHITE.

WHICH IS DOUBLY WORSE.

>> HOWEVER, BEFORE THAT HERINITIAL APOLOGY MISSED THE MARK,

WHAT WAS MADONNA'S INSTAGRAMCOMMENT IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWING

THE INCIDENT.

>> WAS IT A, MY TWO ADOPTED KIDSDON'T MIND WHEN I USE THAT WORD

# NOT STORY # HATERS.

>> SORRY.

IN BRITAIN THAT WORD IS TOTALLYOKAY LIKE (BLEEP), (BLEEP).

>> C.

OKAY.

LET ME START THIS AGAIN.

# GET OFF OF MY DICK, HATERS!

>> I DON'T KNOW, WHICH ANSWER,GUYS? WHICH ONE DO YOU THINK IT

IS?

>> C, CHRIS, YOU ARE CORRECT.

>> YES.

IT IS C! # THIS GET OFF OF MYDICK, HATERS.

>> SHE COULD HAVE GOTTEN OFFTHIS GRACEFULLY.

I AM NOT RACIST, DO YOU KNOW HOWMANY BLACK GUYS I HAVE (BLEEP).

HOW CAN I BE RACIST WHEN I HAVE(BLEEP) SO MANY BLACK GUYS.

>> HER VAGINA GETS -->> SHE IS CLEARLY NOT A RACIST.

>> I MEAN, WHITE PEOPLEVOLUNTARY REALIZE THERE IS ONLY

ONE TIME YOU CAN USE THE N WORDAND THAT IS ABSOLUTELY NEVER.

>> NEVER!

>> HERE IS ONE WHICH MEANSAMERICAN CORPORATIONS TRIED TO

FIND WAYS TO USE DR. KING'SLEGACY FOR PROFIT.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING REALCORPORATE TWEETS RECEIVED THE

MOST FAVORITES.

THESE ARE ALL REAL.

THIS IS FROM AD ZZZ COIL.

>> TODAY IS THE DAY FORDREAMING.

HAPPY MLK DAY.

>> HA, HA, HA.

>> WHY NOT STOP THERE.

>> # IT MARTIN LUTHER KING DAYQUILL.

>> STEVE FROM AT ARBY'S, HAPPYMLK DAY, HATS OFF TO MARTIN

LUTHER KING AND HIS DREAM.

OKAY.

ARBY'S.

>> STEVE, FROM PORN HUB, HAPPYMLK, BE SURE ONLY TO USE THE

EBONY CATEGORY TODAY IN HONOR OFHIS DEATH.

>> FOR REAL, PORN HUB.

>> # FOR REAL.

ARDOIN.

>> I AM GOING TO GO WITH D.

>> BECAUSE I THINK THEY ARESELLING ROAST BEEF AND THEY DARE

TO DREAM.

>> WHAT IS THE CORRECT ANSWER.

>> IN FACT.

PORN HUB.

PORN HUB.

BY THE WAY, THEY LATER TWEETEDAN APOLOGY TWEET, MLK WOULD HAVE

EVERYONE WANTED TO WATCH THEINTERRACIAL CATEGORY TODAY AT #

IT IS TIME FOR TONIGHT'S #WARS.

[ APPLAUSE ]>> WELL, AFTER YOU WATCH

SHERLOCK LAST NIGHT I AM SUREYOU CHECKED OUT THE NEW SEASON

OF KEEPING UP WITH THEKARDASHIANS.

>> SHERLOCK IS TOO SMART.

I NEED SOME BRAIN SORBET.

>> IN HONOR POSSESS THE WORLD'SWORST REALITY SHOW TONIGHT'S #

IS WORSE REALITY SHOW.

EXAMPLES OF.

YES.

>> GOOD.

>> OH, IT IS ABOUT TIME.

WHY I DON'T CARE WHO I TAKEDOWN.

>> EXAMPLES OF THIS MIGHT BEAMERICAN MIDOL, THE

NAP-PRENTICE, SEWAGE WARS, THOSEARE EXAMPLES OF WORSE REALITY

SHOWS, YOU CAN PLAY ALONG WITHUS AT THE ADMITTED NIGHT TWITTER

ACCOUNT.

30 SECONDS AND GO.

>> KEEPING UP WITH THESANTORUMS.

>> YES.

GREAT.

>> YES, HUEBEL.

>> FINDING BIGFOOT'S FALSE -->> YOU FIND THE BIGFOOT AND I

FOLLOW THE TRAIL.

>> YES.

>> THE TIJUANA DONKEY SHOW.

>> THAT WOULD BE A REALLY BADREALITY SHOW.

>> YES.

>> ARDOIN.

>> DON'T YOU THINK YOU CANDIAPER MICKEY ROURKE?

>> YOU THINK YOU CAN BUT YOUCAN'T, THE WHOLE SEASON.

>> WE CAN'T DO IT.

>> YES, HUEBEL.

>> CUPCAKE WHORES.

>> OH, I HAVE ONE OF THOSE, MYFRIEND.

>> YES, ARDOIN.

>> THE BIGGEST LOSER ABOUT AREALLY FAT BOB SLEDDER.

>> THAT IS BRILLIANT.

>> I LOVE IT.

>> AL.

>> DANCE UNCLE.

>> CREEPY, A CREEPY SHOW.

>> OH, AH, AH, AH, AH.

>> OH, NO.

>> THE AMAZING RACIST.

>> A STORY OF -->> MADONNA'S WORLD TOUR.

IT IS TIME TO PLAY NAME THATVINE.

[ APPLAUSE ]>>

>> YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THATGAME IS BECAUSE WE HAVEN'T

PLAYED IT YET SO SHUT UP.

>> VINE IS A PLACE TO GO WHERETHEY GO TO REMEMBER MOMENTS THEY

WANT TO FORGET.

>> I AM GOING TO SHOW YOU A VINEAND IF YOU THINK OF A TITLE THAT

MAKES MYSELF AND THE AUDIENCELAUGH YOU WILL GET 250 POINTS.

ALL RIGHT.

LET'S US BEGIN.

>> THIS ONE YES, ALLEN.

>> WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DOABOUT IT?

>> SUES CITY, SUES OR MEN,PICKUP ARTIST.

.. ALL RIGHT, NEXT ONE.

DID ANYONE ELSE FEEL A DEEPSADNESS AFTER THAT?

>> ARDEN?

>> GOLLUM GOES TO REHAB.

[ APPLAUSE ]>> THAT IS ACTUALLY MY MANAGER,

SO -->> I WILL JUMP TO THE NEXT ONE.

>> GET OUT OF MY FACE.

>> HUEBEL.

>> DON'T YOU EVER TALK ABOUT ME!

>> SO YOU ARE SAYING THAT IS -->> RICHARD SHERMAN.

>> WELL DONE, RICHARD SHERMAN ISA SEATTLE SEA HAWK.

>> IT LOOKS LIKE A TRAIN OF --..

>> I DON'T THINK YOU GET POINTSFOR THAT, ARDEN.

>> IT IS TIME FOR OURNEXT GAME, RICH CAT, POOR CAT.

>> OH, MY GOD!

[ APPLAUSE ]>> IF YOU WATCH OUR SHOW AT ANY

LENGTH YOU KNOW THERE IS NOW ATUMBLR WHERE PEOPLE POST

PICTURES OF CATS, BECAUSE THEYHAVE A LOT OF FREE TIME AND

STUFF TO PUT AROUND THEM.

I SHOW A PICTURE AND SHOW IT ISFROM A CASH CAT OR A CAT BEING

HUMILIATED SOMEWHERE ELSE ON THEINTERNET.

>> 250 CATS YOU SAY RICH OR POORCAT.

>> HERE IS THE FIRST ONE.

>> READY?

>> RICH CAT, POOR CAT.

>> AL?

>> POOR CAT.

>> YES.

THAT SAT POOR CAT.

>> OH!

>> THAT IS A POOR CAT!

>> OH!

>> I WONDER IF THE LADY CAUGHTTHE CAT.

>> WITH THE SCRATCH MARKS ALLOVER HER FACE.

>> I AM GETTING MARRIED.

>> SHE GETS TO MARRY THE CAT.

>> SO ARE WE TO BELIEVE SHE HADTHAT STRAPPED AROUND HER LEG A

MINUTE AGO?

>> THE ENTIRE TIME.

>> YES. THE ENTIRE TIME.

>> ALL RIGHT.

NEXT ONE.

>> RICH CAT, POOR CAT.

>> POOR CAT?

>> YES.

THAT IS POOR CAT.

MEOW!

>>>> GROUND CONTROL TO MEW-JER

TOM.

>> I HATE MYSELF.

>> THAT LAST CAT, I HAVE NEVERDONE COCAINE BUT IF I DID I

WOULD LIKE TO BUY IT FROM THATLAST CAT.

>> THE NEXT ONE.

>> RICH CAT, POOR CAT.

>> YES.

>> ARDEN.

>> I AM GOING TO GO POOR CATBECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE A TABBY.

>> IT IS A MISDIRECT THIS IS, INFACT, A VERY RICH CAT.

>> WHOA!

>> OH, MY GOD!

>> WHOA!

>> YOU MEAN THAT CAT IS SINGLE?

>> OKAY, FIRST OF ALL THERE AREJUST SOME TWENTIES AND SINGLES

SO THAT IS REALLY ABOUT $300.

>> $300 AND A POOR LOGO.

>> THAT IS QUITE A FEW.

>> HOW DID YOU GET THE CAT TOSTAND THERE?

>> THAT CAT ALSO KILLED TWOWOLVES.

>> IT IS TIME FOR FREE ONCRAIGSLIST, FREON CRAIGSLIST!

>> IF ANYONE EVER SAID YOU CAN'TGIVE THOSE THINGS AWAY THEY HAVE

NEVER BEEN ON CRAIGSLIST.

COUNTLESS FREE ITEMS AVAILABLEON THEIR WEB SITE DAILY JUST FOR

THE TAKING, UNFORTUNATELY THEYARE ALL THINGS NOBODY IN THEIR

RIGHT MIND WOULD WANT.

I WANT YOU TO NAME AS MANY FREEITEMS YOU WOULD GIVE AWAY ON

CRAIGSLIST AND IF IT MAKES USLAUGH, 250 POINTS.

>> 60-SECONDS ON THE CLOCK.

>> GO.

>> HUEBEL.

>> PARTS FROM FAMOUS PEOPLE THATI KNOW.

>> THAT YOU ALREADY KNOW, YES.

>> YES, AL.

>> COMPLETE DVD SET OF HUMANGIANT, UNOPENED.

>> OH, MAN, ARE YOU OKAY, ROB?

>> THERE IS ONLY ONE DVD SOTHAT'S ALL RIGHT.

>> ARDEN.

>> STAINED WEDDING DRESS,UNUSED.

>> OH, THAT MAKES ME SAD BUT ITGIVES YOU POINTS.

WELL DONE.

>> YES, ARDOIN.

>> ARDEN.

>> SURVIVOR DOES NOT CLICK WITHSURVIVING MEMBERS OF FAMILY.

>> IS THAT FREE?

>> THAT'S FREE.

>> YES, ROB HUEBEL.

>> KARATE BOARDS, BARELY BROKEN.

>> DID YOU BREAK THEM?

>> I DID THAT, YES.

>> ALMOST BROKEN.

>> YES, ROB HUEBEL.

>> A DREAM CATCHER I STOLE FROMA DEAD GUY.

>> YOU.

>> YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THATCOMING.

>> ARDEN.

>> TELETUBBY, TUB SLIGHTLY USED,GREAT PARTY ITEM.

>> I THINK THAT WOULD APPEAR ONONE OF THESE BABIES.

>> FINALLY, AL.

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