We Be Ballin'

  • 04/13/2011

The guys will stop at nothing to get tickets to a sold-out basketball game.

SHORTEST TO TALLEST.

MAKE ME LOOK COOL, PLEASE?

- COURSE.- DO MY BEST.

- ALL RIGHT.

WHO ARE THOSE OLD DUDES?

- CAN YOU TOUCH YOUR ELBOWSBEHIND YOUR BACK?

- SWEETIE, NO.

- WHY DON'T YOU GO GET1980s JOCK STYLE

ON THOSE DUDES, PLEASE.

- ALL RIGHT.- THANK YOU.

OOHOO HOO, DERS EFFECT.

- CAN I HELP YOU?

- YEAH, YOU CAN GET MEANOTHER BEER.

- HA HA. ACTUALLY, WE CAN'TBECAUSE WE RAN OUT OF BEERS

TEN MINUTES AGO.

SO WHY DON'T YOU GUYSTELL THAT STORY WALKIN',

CHRISTOPHER.

HO HO HO HO!YEAH. SLAM.

WHAT'S UP, CHELSE?

- FYI, JERK-OFF,WE LIVED IN THIS HOUSE

FROM '88 TO '92 SO WE'VE GOTA LIFETIME PARTY PASS.

YOU KNOW THE DEAL.BEER IT UP.

- ALL RIGHT, I DON'T THINKYOU GET IT, GRANDPA.

- NO?- I SWAM VARSITY IN COLLEGE.

I WENT 20 POINTIN THE 50, OKAY?

- MM-HMM.- I CAN FIGHT WITHOUT BREATHING.

- YEAH. AND I TRIED OUT

FOR THE HIGH SCHOOLWRESTLING TEAM.

AND GUESS WHAT,I ALMOST MADE IT TOO.

BUT THEY SAID BEING A MASCOTWAS MORE MY SKILL SET.

[stomps foot]GO PATRIOTS. RIGHT?

- SO WHEN YOU GUYSARE 69ING IT,

DOES CAPTAIN CAVEMANCRANK IT IN THE CORNER?

- OHO HO HO, OKAY.

IF WE DO THIS,THERE'S GONNA TWO HITS.

ME HITTING YOU

AND KID ROCK'S BAWITDABAPLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND.

DERS, YOU HAVE THAT CUED UP,RIGHT?

- YEAH.- MM-HMM.

CLIPPERS TICKETS.FREE FREE FREE!

- CLIPPERS TICKETS? AY, CARAMBA. YES!

[man speaking Spanish]

- HELLO, AMIGO.WHAT'S THE DEAL?

- IT'S A CONTESTTO WIN CLIPPER TICKETS

AND A GIFT CARDAT JAMBA JUICE.

YOU EVER HAVE THAT RAZZMATAZZWITH THAT IMMUNITY BOOST?

- OKAY, SORRY, UM,WHAT'S THE CONTEST?

- WHOEVER HOLDS THEIR BREATHTHE LONGEST

IN THAT HORCHATA TANK WINS.

[man speaking Spanish]

- CAN'T BELIEVE YOU KEEPYOUR SPEEDO IN THE TRUNK, DUDE.

- YEAH, WELL, NEVER KNOWWHEN THERE MIGHT BE

A SWIM-ERGENCY.- OOH. I LIKE THAT.

- WAIT A SECOND,SO WHAT IS HORCHATA, EXACTLY?

- IT'S LIKE A REFRESHINGMEXICAN LEMONADE.

OH. NO, NO, NO. THIS IS NOTWHAT I THOUGHT IT WAS.

OH, MY--SMELLS LIKE--THAT SMELLS LIKE CAT FARTS.

THAT SMELLS EXACTLY LIKEA CAT'S FART.

YOUR TIME TO SHINE.PHYSICAL CHALLENGE.

- I DON'T THINK I WANTTO DO IT ANYMORE.

- OH, COME ON.YOU GOT THIS, BOY. YEAH!

- LET'S GO, DERS.- ESCALADE. ESCALADE.

ESCALADE. ESCALADE.WHEW.

- HEY, HEY, COMO TE LLAMAS?

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?- ANDERS HOLMVICK.

- AHAI! LET'S GIVE IT UPFOR ANDREAS!

- YEAH!- YEAH! ANDREAS! YEAH!

- YEAH!- ANDREAS, LET'S GO!

- [retches] OH, MY GOD.

- 20 POINT. COME ON, BUD.YOU GOT THIS!

- I NEVER WENT 20 POINT.- SUCK IT UP, DUDE!

MY THIRD LOVE'S ON THE LINE.LET'S GO!

- SHE DIDN'T EVEN KNOWYOU EXISTED.

- DID THE WORLD KNOWLUDACRIS COULD ACT?

- WHAT?- HUH? 2 FAST 2 FURIOUS, BRO.

HE MURDERED IT.START THE CLOCK. START IT.

- GO, DERS!- WHAT'S THE TIME TO BEAT?

- HEY, YOU CAN'T HOLD HIM UNDER,GRINGO.

THAT'S AGAINST THE RULES.- OKAY.

- ARE YOU CRAZY?- CRAZY IN LOVE, ANDERS.

BLAKE, LET'S GO!- WHAT--WHAT ABOUT--?

- BLAKE, YOU'RE MY BEST FRIENDIN THE WORLD

AND I NEED YOU HEREWITH ME NOW. LET'S GO!

- HELLO?[dog barks]

[crowds cheering on TV]

HO HO.[rubbing hands together]

OH, YEAH, BABY.OH, YEAH. YEAH!

- YO, BLAKE.WHICH PUKA SHELL NECKLACE?

CLASSIC? SHARK TOOTH?- I DON'T KNOW.

- DID YOU GET THE TICKETS?- I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

- WHAT HAPPENED?

- LOOK, I DIDN'T GETTHE TICKETS, OKAY?

- LOOK AT ME.

JESUS. YOU SAW DICK,DIDN'T YOU?

DIDN'T YOU?- YEAH.

IT WAS MONTEZ'S.AND HE SAW ME.

AND THERE WAS A LOT OF SCREAMINGAND RUNNING AND I JUST--

- SHHHHHH. IT'S OKAY.IT'S OKAY, BRO.

WHO CARES? GET IN HERE.

WE'VE ALL SEEN PENISES

WE WEREN'T SUPPOSEDTO SEE, RIGHT?

WHEN I WAS IN THE BOY SCOUTS,

I ACCIDENTALLY SAWRYAN COE'S PENIS

ON A CANOEING TRIP.

- REALLY?- YEAH.

I COULDN'T LOOK AT HIM.HE COULDN'T LOOK AT ME.

WE WERE BEST FRIENDS, BRO,AND WE COULDN'T EVEN BE

IN THE SAME ROOM TOGETHER.

YOU KNOW WHY?- WHY?

- 'CAUSE THERE WAS AN IMBALANCEIN OUR RELATIONSHIP.

- SO WHAT'D YOU DO?- I FOUND A BALANCE, DUDE.

I SHOWED THAT KID MY PENIS

AND RESTORED ORDERTO THE UNIVERSE.

IT'S CALLED THE BOY SCOUTRULE OF "D"s.

AND IT ALWAYS WORKS.

YOU'VE GOT TO SHOW MONTEZYOUR PENIS.

- THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSETO ME.

Loading...