Thursday, January 9, 2014

  • Season 1, Ep 1004
  • 01/09/2014

Kurt Braunohler, Kristen Schaal and Mike Lawrence browse unorthodox YouTube workout videos, create Chinese video game titles and try to make Chris cringe.

RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNETHEADLINES, IT'S "RAPID REFRESH."

THE FIRST COMEDIAN TO BUZZ INWITH THE CORRECT ANSWER GETS 100

POINTS.

IT'S ONE WEEK INTO 2014, WHICHMEANS CALENDARS ARE OFFICIALLY

ON CLEARANCE, WHICH OF THEFOLLOWING CALENDAR CONCEPTS DID

SOMEONE ACTUALLY ATTEMPT TO FUNDON KICKSTARTER?

A. CATS CHEWING LINGERIEB. LADIES OF THE ARAB SPRING

C. A KANYE WEST PUG CALENDARGET YOUR ORDERS IN NOW.

>> KURT BRAUNOHLER?

>> LADIES OF THE ARAB SNRING NO.

THE CORRECT ANSWER IS THE KANYEWEST PUG CALENDAR, A CALENDAR

FULL OF KANYE WEST HANGING OUTWITH PUGS.

>> ONLY WORK BOUND II.

>> OH, MY GOSH, POINTS, MIKELAWRENCE.

MOVING ONTHIS WAS PAINTED BY MARCEY HAWK,

AN ABSTRACT ARTIST FROM SOUTHERNCALIFORNIA WHO SELLS HER WORK ON

ETSY. WHAT MAKES THESE PAINTINGSSPECIAL?

A. SHE GETS HER PIGMENT FROMCRUSHED UP PLACENTA.

YEAH, JUST FEEL THAT FOR ASECOND.

B. SHE ONLY PAINTS WHILE ONAMBIEN

C. SHE PAINTS WITH HER BOOBS.

>> MIKE LAWRENCE?

>> I'M GOING TO GO WITH C BUTWHOEVER BOUGHT THAT IS GOING TO

REGRET THAT.

>> WELL, YOU'RE GOING TO TO GETPOINTS.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

SHE DOES PAINT WITH HER WEEKS EHERE IS HER PAGE.

THIS ONE IS ENTITLED MOTOR BOAT!

>> IT'S TIME FOR TONIGHT'S

#HASHTAGWARS.

I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU A HASHTAGAND I WANT YOU TO BUZZ IN WITH

TWEETS THAT FIT THE HASHTAG.

FOR EACH CORRECT EXAMPLE YOU'LLGET 100 POINTS.

IN HONOR OF SUNDAY NIGHT'SGOLDEN GLOBES, WHICH ARE LIKE

THE OSCARS BUT WITH AN OPEN BAR,TONIGHT'S HASHTAG IS.รน

#LESSERAWARDSHOWSEXAMPLES: THE TODDLER'S CHOICE

AWARDS.

THE SAGGIES.

THE PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC OF CHINANO CHOICE AWARDS

I'M PUTTING 60 SECONDS ON THECLOCK.

STARTING NOW!

>> GOLDEN SHOWER GLOBES.

>> FINE.

MIKE?

>> THE SOPHIE'S CHOICE AWARD.

>> WHERE THERE ARE NO WORN YOURWINNERS.

POINTS.

>> SAG PANERA AWARDS.

>> INDIAN FOOD.

NICE.

>> KRISTIN?

>> YOUR MOM LOVES IT -- WHAT?

>> YOU JUST MADE SOME GUY GASP NBACKGROUND.

I DON'T KNOW WHY.

>> KURT?

>> POLICE ACADEMY AWARDS.

>> FOR ANY OF THE POLICE ACADEMYFILMS?

YES.

POINTS.

>> MIKE LAWRENCE.

>> THE CHRIS BROWN PEACE PRIZE.

>> AS IN WHICH PIECE OF YOURFACE DO YOU HAVE TO PICK-OFF OF?

POINTS.

IT'S TIME TO PLAY "WORK IT OUT."

IT'S THE NEW YEAR, AND LOTS OFPEOPLE ARE USING THAT AS

MOTIVATION TO GET FIT AND STARTWORKING OUT.

BUT LET'S BE HONEST:IT'S WAY EASIER AND MUCH MORE

FUN TO JUST WATCH WEIRD ANDUNSETTLING WORKOUT VIDS ON

YOUTUBE.

COMEDIANS, I'M GOING TO SHOW YOUA FEW SECONDS OF A REAL EXERCISE

VIDEO, YOU NAME THE EXERCISE.

IF I LIKE IT, YOU GET 250POINTS.

HERE IS THE FIRST ONE.

>> SQUEEZE YOUR ABS.

[LAUGHTER]>> 2 --

>> MIKE LAWRENCE?

>> THE GOVERNMENT WHEN ITRILOGGING ON TO THE OBAMA CARE

WEB SITE.

>> VERY POLITICAL.

I'LL GIVE YOU POINTS FOR THAT.

NEXT ONE, BREATHING FACESTRETCHING LADY.

>> DEAD MAN'S B.J.

>> THE POINTS, POINTS.

>> THAT'S REALLY ACCURATE.

>> HERE IS THE NEXT ONE.

>> MIKE LAWRENCE?

>> OVER THE COUNTER THUG.

TIME FOR THE NEXT ROUND OF"PHOTOBOMBS: CREEPY OR CUTE?"

COMEDIANS, I'M GOING TO SHOW YOUA PHOTOBOMBED PICTURE THAT'S

GONE VIRAL, AND FOR 250 POINTS,YOU HAVE TO TELL ME IF IT WAS

PHOTOBOMBED BY SOMETHING CREEPYOR SOMETHING CUTE.

LOOK AS THIS YOUNG VACATIONER INHAD A VANITY POSE.

>> I WILL SAY CUTE BECAUSE WHATA FUN DAY.

>> LET'S FIND OUT.

IT'S CREEPY!

>> SHE'S DOING THE OLD CLASSIC,LOOK, I BURST HER.

>> I THINK THE SOUND SHE ISMAKING IS -- HA, HA, HA:

Q: THIS HAPPY UNSUSPECTINGCOUPLE.

WHAT COULD BE GOING ON BEHINDTHERE?

>> KURT?

>> CREEPY.

>> LET'S FIND OUT.

>> MY NIGHTMARE!

IT WAS FAR MORE CREEPY THAN IANTICIPATED!

>> >> I THINK IT'S CUTE!

>> YOU THINK IT'S CUTE?

>> YES.

>> HIDE AND GO SEEK.

MIKE LAWRENCE, BRAVO.

>> THAT IS WAY MORE RESPECTFULTHAN THE RACIST THING I WAS

GOING TO SAY -- WHICH ONE OF YOURUBBED THE LAMP.

>> DEFINITELY.

>> NEXT?

>> LOOK AT THESE TWO LOVE BIRDS.

THEY'RE ADORABLE.

THE OLD BUILDINGS.

>> I'M GOING TO PUT MY MONEY ONCUTE.

>> LET'S FIND OUT.

>> OH, NO.

IT'S THE OPPOSITE OF CUTE.

I CALL THIS PICTURE I SHUT[BLEEP] OUT CIRQUE DU SOLEIL.

>> I CALL IT CARROT TOP GETSOLD.

>> YEAH, THAT IS HORRIFYING.

NEXT ONE?

LOOK AT THIS CASUAL DINER HERE.

>> THIS IS WHAT'S HAPPENING -->> MIKE?

>> I'M GOING TO GO WITH CUTE.

>> LET'S FIND OUT.

CREEPY OR CUTE?

>> CREEPY!

>> THAT CAN'T BE REAL!

THAT CAN'T BE REAL!

SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE TRYING TOFIGHT THE GOONIES.

>> ALL BY HERSELF.

>> WHAT ARE YOU KIDS DOINGTHERE.

>> WAIT.

I JUST LOOKED AT IT.

RING, RING -- SEVEN DAYS!

>> OR DAMN IT.

>> THAT'S NOT A PHOTOBOMBING.

THEY'RE OBVIOUSLY TAKING HERPICTURE BECAUSE THEY SEE THAT

SHE'S CREEPY.

>> SHE'S MAKING THE FACE LIKELOOK AT WHAT IS GOING ON BACK

HERE AND THIS IS A WOMAN IS LIKEGODDAMNIT, AGAIN?

>> WHO DARES DISTURB MY SLUMBER.

>> YOU GET ALL DRESSED UP FOR ANICE MALT AND EVERYBODY IS

TAKING PICTURES OF YOU.

>> GODDAMNIT NOW WE'RE ALL GOINGTO BE HAUNTED BY THAT WOMAN.

BEFORE THE BREAK, I TOLD YOUTHAT CHINA IS LIFTING A 14-YEAR

BAN ON SELLING VIDEO GAMECONSOLES AND I ASKED YOU TO TELL

ME WHAT THE NAME OF THE FIRSTVIDEO GAME RELEASED IN CHINA

SHOULD BE.

LET'S SEE WHAT YOU SAID.

KURT BRAUNOHLER?

>> GRAND THEFT: HUMAN RIGHTS.

>> IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE IT'SHORRIBLE.

>> KRISTEN SCHAAL?

>> LOW-FAT FOR DADDY, BABY GIRLSOLDIERS: LEFT FOR DEAD, BABY

GIRL SOLDIERS.

>> I LIKE PLAYING THAT ON WII.

>> THE SWEET AGATHA CHRISTYDRESS MAKES IT ALL SO CHARMING.

>> IT'S JUST A BLOUSE.

>> WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?

YOUR LEGS ARE GREEN.

>> I'M DISTURBED BY THE WINDOW.

SHE'S TRYING TO DISTRACT ME SO ILOSE.

>> IT'S NOT WORKING.

>> ALL RIGHT.

MIKE LAWRENCE?

>> ANGRY BIRDS.

I MEAN TECHNICALLY IT'S NOTRACIST.

TECHNICALLY NOT RACIST.

>> I THINK IT'S ACTUALLYTECHNICALLY RACIST.

>> WAIT, COULD I SAY -- DON'TTRY TO DEFEND YOUR RACISM BY

PAWNING IT OFF ON KRISTEN SCHAALAND HER GREEN PANTS.

THIS IS A TOUGH ONE.

I DON'T KNOW HOW DO -- I THINK IJUST GIVE YOU ALL A THOUSAND

POINTS E.

>> YEAH!

>> IT'S LIKE A CHINESE NEW YEAR.

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