Extended - Thursday, September 15, 2016 - Uncensored

  • 09/15/2016

Jeff Tweedy, Jen Kirkman and David Koechner give out "Game of Thrones" Emmys, list #OneWordOffSongs and send awkward NASA transmissions in this extended, uncensored episode.

THE EMMYS ARE THIS WEEKEND.

ONE NIGHT A YEAR WHENHOLLYWOOD'S MOST BEAUTIFUL GET

TO MAKE IT ALL ABOUT THEM FOR ACHANGE.

EARLIER THIS WEEK, @MIDNIGHT WONOUR SECOND EMMY, UH, FOR...

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)...OUTSTANDING CREATIVE

ACHIEVEMENT IN INTERACTIVESOCIAL MEDIA.

UH, THANK YOU SO MUCH FORWATCHING THE SHOW.

THANK YOU TO THE ACADEMY FOR...

I'M NOT GONNA DO THE ACCEPTANCESPEECH NOW.

THAT'D BE CRAZY.

THAT'S ME AND MY WIFE RIGHTTHERE.

UH, SHE IS...

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)SHE'S MAKING A MENTAL NOTE TO

GOOGLE DIVORCE LAWYERS, UM...

"THE GAME OF THRONES" CREW WASSOMEWHERE DOWN THE RED WEDDING

CARPET JUST WAITING TO WIN NINEMORE CREATIVE ARTS EMMYS TO

BECOME THE MOST AWARDED DRAMA INHISTORY WITH 35 TROPHIES.

(LAUGHING): FUCKING TAKE IT DOWNA NOTCH, "GAME OF THRONES."

(LAUGHTER)JUST... YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH.

UH, AT THIS POINT, THE EMMYSSHOULD JUST CHANGE ITS NAME TO

"THE GAME OF THRONES AWARDSHOW" AND JUST CHOP OFF ALL THE

LOSERS' HEADS.

SO, COMEDIANS, WHAT AWARD WOULDTHEY GIVE OUT AT "THE GAME OF

THRONES" EMMYS?

JEN KIRKMAN.

>> UM, FOR THE DANKEST DINKLAGE.

>> HARDWICK: YES, YEAH.

VERY GOOD.

POINTS. POINTS.

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)UH, JEFF TWEEDY.

>> BEST "GAME OF THRONES."

>> HARDWICK: YES. POINTS.

POINTS.

KOECHNER.

>> BEST PORNWHEN-YOU'RE-IN-A-PINCH AWARD.

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)

>> HARDWICK: WELL, POINTS.

>> YOU'VE GOT TO BE READY.

YOU'VE GOT TO BE READY.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: YEAH.

(CHEERING, WHOOPING)AND NOW ZOOMING TO THE MEAT OF

THE PROGRAM, LET'S PLAYTONIGHT'S #HASHTAGWARS.

(CHEERING)TONIGHT IT'S VERY COOL TO HAVE

JEFF HERE.

WILCO'S A FANTASTIC BAND.

YOU SHOULD SEE THEM LIVE IF YOUGET THE CHANCE.

SO, COMEDIANS, NOT EVERY SONGCAN BE A HIT, WHICH IS WHY

TONIGHT'S HASHTAG IS#ONEWORDOFFSONGS.

EXAMPLES MIGHT BE:♪ GET OUT OF MY CAR

GET INTO MY CAR. ♪UH, I'M GONNA PUT 60 SECONDS ON

THE CLOCK, AND BEGIN.

JEN KIRKMAN.

>> UM, "I AM TRYING TO BREAKYOUR FART." COME ON.

>> HARDWICK: HEY! PERFECT!

POINTS.

THAT'S A WILCO SONG. LOOK IT UP.

>> IT'S A WORKING... WORKINGTITLE.

DAVE KOECHNER.

>> THIS ONE'SSEMI-AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL.

UH, "STARTED AS A BOTTOM."

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, POINTS!

(LAUGHTER)JEFF TWEEDY.

>> "OB-LA-DI-AL-QAEDA."

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, POINTS.

(LAUGHTER)POINTS.

KOECHNER.

>> "CAME ON EILEEN."

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

(LAUGHTER, SHOUTS)YEAH, JUST CHANGING THE TENSE

REALLY DOES...

YEAH, JEN.

>> "NOTHING COMPARES 2 JEWS."

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, POINTS.

(LAUGHTER)DAVE KOECHNER.

>> "HEY. HIT MY BABY ONE MORETIME."

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, POINTS.

(LAUGHTER)JEFF TWEEDY.

>> "SWEET HOME WILLIAMSBURG."

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

(LAUGHTER)JEFF.

>> "DEVIL WENT DOWN TO HOOTERS."

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS!

POINTS. ALSO LOOKING FOR A SOULTO STEAL. JEN.

>> UH, "SMELLS LIKE TEENSCROTUM."

(LAUGHTER, SHOUTS)THANK YOU.

(APPLAUSE, WHOOPING)>> HARDWICK: JEFF TWEEDY.

>> "DUDE LOOKS LIKE A DUDE."

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, POINTS!

PERFECT! BEAUTIFUL!

THIS WEEK MARKS THE 40TH

ANNIVERSARY OF NASA'S UNVEILINGOF THE SPACE SHUTTLE,

ENTERPRISE.

HERE'S THE CAST OF STAR TREK ONHAND FOR THE CEREMONY IN 1976.

DRESSED IN THE CLOTHES YOURPARENTS WORE TO THOSE

WIFE-SWAPPING PARTIES THEY HADTO GIVE UP AFTER YOU CAME ALONG

AND RUINED THEIR LIVES FOREVER.

THERE MA... THERE HAVE BEEN MANYMEMORABLE TRANSMISSIONS FROM THE

GREAT BEYOND.

FROM "HOUSTON, WE HAVE APROBLEM" IN 1970 TO 1999'S

UNFORGETTABLE "HOUSTON,WHAZZUP?"

SO, COMEDIANS, I'D LIKE YOU TOGIVE ME AS MANY EQUALLY ICONIC

SPACE TRANSMISSIONS AS POSSIBLE.

I'M GONNA PUT 60 SECONDS ON THECLOCK, AND BEGIN.

KIRKMAN.

>> HOUSTON, THIS SOUNDSTAGE ISSO UNREALISTIC.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THESE IDIOTS AREBUYING IT.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, POINTS.

UH, JEFF TWEEDY.

>> OH, MAN, I'M SO FUCKED UP ONPOWDERED VODKA.

(LAUGHING)>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

DAVE KOECHNER.

>> HEY, GUYS, CAN YOU SEND UPSOME CONVERSATION CARDS?

TURNS OUT ME AND LARRY HAVENOTHING IN COMMON.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

DAVE KOECHNER.

HEY, GUYS, IT SMELLS LIKE CATPISS UP HERE, AND I DON'T THINK

THERE ARE ANY CATS.

>> HARDWICK: UH, POINTS.

THE ACRO-CATS IN SPACE!

JEFF TWEEDY.

>> HOUSTON, HAVE YOU CONSIDEREDMOVING TO AUSTIN?

>> HARDWICK: POINTS!

(CHEERING)KEEPING IT WEIRD, DAVE KOECHNER.

>> HEY, GUYS, FOUND THE CAT PISSSMELL.

TURNS OUT LARRY'S GOT A CATPISS-SCENTED AIR FRESHENER IN

HIS SPACE SUIT.

>> HARDWICK: UH...

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)YOU...

YOU TRAVELED ABOUT THE DISTANCETO SPACE AND BACK.

I'LL GIVE YOU POINTS.

KIRKMAN.

>> UH, I'VE DEFINITELY BEEN UPHERE AND SEEN NO MEN ON MARS OR

WOMEN ON VENUS.

THAT BOOK IS BULLSHIT.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT.

POINTS. KOECHS.

>> HEY, GUYS...

>> HARDWICK: WHAT'S, UH...

WHAT'S LARRY DOIN'?

>> TURNS OUT LARRY STEPPED INDOG SHIT RIGHT BEFORE HE CAME ON

THE SPACE SHUTTLE.

COME ON, GUYS.

WAS THERE A DOG ON THE PLATFORM?

I MEAN...

COME ON, GUYS.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)I WANT TO KNOW...

>> HOW'D YOU KNOW IT WAS GONNABE LARRY?

IT'S...

>> HARDWICK: I WANT TO KNOW MOREABOUT SPACE LARRY.

>> I'LL TELL YOU... I'LL TELLYOU MORE ABOUT SPACE LARRY.

>> HARDWICK: WHAT? REALLY?

YES, DAVE.

>> HEY, GUYS, UH...

LISTEN, THIS IS THE THIRD TIMEI'VE CAUGHT LARRY JERKING OFF IN

THE ESCAPE POD.

AND I'M BEGINNING TO SUSPECTIT'S NOT A MISTAKE.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT.

>> REALLY NEED TO CATCH A RIDEHOME EARLY.