Alien Imposters

  • Season 4, Ep 1
  • 09/24/2014

The survivors of an alien invasion find out whom they can trust, a drill sergeant sings an unconventional marching song, and a pop sensation answers questions from her fans.

[spaceship engines roar]

- WAIT, WAIT.

WE GOT TO BE CAREFUL HERE.

THIS PLACE IS CRAWLINGWITH THEM.

WHAT WAS THAT?- WHAT?

- COVER ME.

- GUYS! HEY, GUYS!

HEY, GUYS.OH, THANK GOD.

HEY, WE STARTEDA COMMUNITY OF SURVIVORS.

Y'ALL COME LIVE WITH US.

- WAIT.HOW DID YOU KNOW?

- COME ON.

REDNECK WANTS US TO MOVEINTO HIS COMMUNITY?

US?LET'S GO.

- GUYS, OVER HERE!

OH, THANK GOD THERE ARE OTHERS!

- WOULD YOU LETME DATE YOUR DAUGHTER?

- OF COURSE!

- OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD.OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD.

AAH!PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!

MY BEST FRIEND IS BLACKAND I LOVE JAY-Z,

AND MY FAVORITE MOVIEIS THINK LIKE A MAN.

- SHE'S GOOD.- COME WITH US.

- OKAY.- STAY CLOSE.

- OKAY.- WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

- EMILY.both: OF COURSE IT IS.

[tense dubstep music]

- HEY, HEY, HEY!DON'T SHOOT!

DON'T SHOOT!

- WHAT DO YOU THINKABOUT THE POLICE?

- WELL,I LOVE THEIR THIRD ALBUM.

- AAH! AAH![stammers]

I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY!

NO MONEY!

[screaming]

[continues screaming]

- OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD.

THANK GOD YOU GUYS SHOWED UP.

I GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.

IT'S A SILVER LEXUS.

JUST PULL IT RIGHT UP FRONT,

AND DON'T SCUFF THE PAINT,ALL RIGHT?

I JUST HAD IT BUFFED.

- WAS HE AN ALIEN, TOO?

- YEP.

- GAVE UP MY GIRLFRIENDAND MY FAMILY.

all: GAVE UP MY GIRLFRIENDAND MY FAMILY.

- TRADED 'EM IN FOR AN M-16.

all: TRADED 'EM IN FOR AN M-16.

- AFGHANISTAN, PAKISTAN,YEMEN, IRAQ.

all: AFGHANISTAN, PAKISTAN,YEMEN, IRAQ.

- I DON'T CAREIF I EVER COME BACK.

all: I DON'T CARE IF I EVERCOME BACK.

- FROM POOR FAMILIES,HOW FAR WE ROAM.

all: FROM POOR FAMILIES,HOW FAR WE ROAM.

- SO THE RICH KIDSCAN JUST STAY AT HOME.

all: SO THE RICH KIDSCAN JUST STAY AT HOME.

- WHEN I COME HOME WITH PTSD...

all: WHEN I COME HOMEWITH PTSD...

- THE VA HOSPITALWON'T CARE FOR ME.

all: THE VA HOSPITALWON'T CARE FOR ME.

- I'LL PROBABLY END UP HOMELESSOUT IN THE DARK...

all: I'LL PROBABLY END UPHOMELESS OUT IN THE DARK.

- TO GET PLAYED ONSCREENBY MARKY-MARK.

WHAT?

- WELCOME, JOHNSON FAMILY.

NOW, WE ALL KNOW WHY WE'RE HERE.

COUSIN DELROY'SGETTING MARRIED...

all: MM-HMM.

- TO A MAN.

WHICH IS CRAZY.- MM-HMM.

- AND WE'RE IN SUPPORT, AND, UH,WE JUST NEED A LITTLE HELP

WITH THE PARTICULARSOF A GAY WEDDING.

WHAT I'VE DONEIS I TOOK THE INITIATIVE

TO GET MY FRIEND GARY IN HERE,

WHO'S--I MEAN,HE'S NOT REALLY MY FRIEND.

HE'S A COWORKER OF MINEWHO HAPPENS

TO BE A ACTIVE MEMBEROF THE HOMOSEXUAL COMMUNITY,

AND HE'S GONNA GIVE USSOME ADVICE ON,

YOU KNOW, WHA--WHAT TO DO.

SO, GARY, WHA--WHAT CAN--WHAT CAN WE EXPECT?

- ALL RIGHT.

WELL, FIRST OF ALL, GUYS,

THANKS SO MUCHFOR HAVING ME HERE,

AND I THINK IT'S REALLY AMAZING

WHAT YOU GUYS ARE DOINGFOR YOUR COUSIN DELROY.

REALLY, I JUST WANTED TO SAY,BASICALLY, THAT A GAY WEDDING

IS JUST LIKE A STRAIGHT WEDDING.

YES? YES, SIR.

- SO THEN DO THE MENWEAR DRESSES AND THEN

THE WOMEN WOULD WEAR SUITS?

- NO.NO, NO, NO.

YOU WOULD JUST WHEREEXACTLY WHAT YOU WOULD WEAR

AT A--AT A STRAIGHT WEDDING.

- NOW, NONE OF US ARE GAY,SO I ASSUME

THAT WE WOULD ALL SITTHEN IN THE STRAIGHT SECTION.

- THE STRAIGHT SECTION?- YEAH.

- OH, THE STRAIGHT SECTION.

HE MEANS AS OPPOSEDTO THE GAY SECTION.

- NO, NO, THERE'S--THERE'S--THERE'S NO SECTIONS, GUYS.

- BUT THE GAY PEOPLE...- NO, NO, NO.

WHAT--YOU WOULD JUST SIT--- AND THEN THE STRAIGHT?

- NO, LARRY, LARRY, LISTEN TO MEJUST FOR A SECOND.

- BUT THEN THE AISLE.- YOU WOULD JUST--

YOU WOULD JUST SITON THE SIDE OF THE PERSON

THAT WERE FRIENDS WITHOR THAT YOUR FAMILY'S MEMBERS,

JUST LIKE IN A STRAIGHT WEDDING.

- SO WE JUST GUESS WHO'S GAY.

- OR NOT.YOU COULD JUST--YEAH.

- WE'LL GUESS WHO'S GAY.

- OKAY.GUESS WHO--

- WHEN IN THE CEREMONYDO WE SIN OVER THE RAINBOW?

- WELL, YOU DON'T.YOU DON'T.

THIS IS A RELIGIOUS CEREMONY,SO YOU--

YOU WOULDN'T BE SINGING THATDURING THE SERVICE.

- OH, ALL RIGHT.- YOU DONE WITH THE QUESTIONS?

- NO, I'M JUST ASKING.

- I'M NERVOUS 'CAUSEI CAN ONLY DO JAZZ HANDS

FOR ABOUT THREE MINUTES 'FOREMY HANDS START TO CRAMP.

- OH, SIR, I DON'T THINKANYONE'S GONNA EXPECT YOU--

I DON'T THINK ANY--I DON'T THINK ANYONE'S GONNA

EXPECT YOU TO HAVETO DO JAZZ HANDS.

- NOW CAN WE SEE THE PONY SHOWFROM THE STRAIGHT SECTION?

OR ARE WE WAYIN THE BACK SOMEWHERE?

- MA'AM, AGAIN,THERE'S NO STRAIGHT SECTION.

WHAT IS A PONY SHOW?

- YOU KNOW,WHEN Y'ALL GO LIKE THIS.

- NO, THERE WON'T BE--

THERE WON'T BE ANY OF THISDURING THE CEREMONY.

- OH. OH.

- WHEN DO WE SIN YMCA?

- OH.- SIR, NOT DURING THE CEREMONY.

- OKAY.

- WHAT ABOU MACHO, MACH MAN?- NO.

- I DON'T KNOWWHERE TO BUY NO GAY PRESENTS.

- WELL, I-I DON'T KNOWWHAT A GAY PRESENT IS.

USUALLY, WHAT COUPLESDO IS THEY JUST--

THEY JUST REGISTER AT A STORE...

- HUH.

- LIKE A STRAIGHT COUPLE WOULD.

- THE GAY STORE, OR--- JUST A REGULAR STORE.

- WHERE DO YOU GET THE EUROSTO BUY GAY GIFTS?

- ARE YOU SAYING EUROS?

YOU WOULDN'T--YOU WOULDN'T USE EUROS.

- NO, IT'S--IT'S--IT'S A GOOD QUESTION, FINNEY.

WE--WE SHOULD MAKESOME EYE CONTACT

SO WE MAKE SURE THATTHE COMMUNICATION'S HAPPENING.

- YEAH.- I THINK HE WANTS TO KNOW

IS IT, LIKE, A--YOU KNOW,A DIFFERENT CURRENCY?

OR IS IT MORE LIKE CAMEL CASH?

- NOPE, JUST GOOD, OLD-FASHIONEDU.S. DOLLARS, YEP.

- DO WE HAVE TO PARTICIPATEIN THE ANAL SEX?

- OH!- OR CAN WE JUST WATCH

AND CHEER IN A FIREMEN'S HAT?

- NO, THERE'S NO ANAL SEXAND NO FIREMAN'S HAT.

- OH, OKAY.- IT'S CUNNILINGUS.

- IS THAT A QUESTION, SIR?

- WHEN DO WE GET TO SING IT'S RAINING MEN,

HALLELUJAH, IT'S RAININGMEN?- YOU DON'T.

- SO THERE'S NO GAY HYMNSIN THE CEREMONY?

- SIR, THERE'S NO SUCH THINGAS A GAY HYMN.

- WHAT?- WELL, DOES THE FAKE PRIEST

LOOK LIKE A REAL PRIESTOR LIKE A NUN?

- IT'S GONNA BE A REAL PRIEST.- OR...

- NO, THERE'S NO "OR."

- IS IT A SEXY BOAT CAPTAIN,

THEN HE TAKES HIS CLOTHES OFF?

all: OHH.- WHAT? NO. NO.

- DO WE THROW SOMETHINGOTHER THAN RICE?

- LIKE WHAT, SIR?

WHAT WOULD YOU THROWOTHER THAN RICE?

- I DON'T KNOW.I DON'T KNOW.

COUSCOUS.SKITTLES.

- GUYS, A GAY WEDDING IS JUSTLIKE A STRAIGHT WEDDING, OKAY?

IT'S EXACTLY THE SAME.

- WELL, WHEN THEY KISS, IS ITOKAY TO STAND UP AND SAY, "EW"?

- NO, IT'S NOT BECAUSE IT WOULDBE--THAT WOULD BE HOMOPHOBIC.

- THIS FROM THE MANWHO WON'T ALLOW GAY HYMNS

AT THE GAY WEDDING.

- OKAY, BUT LIKEA INVOLUNTARY GASP.

- I WOULD JUST, I GUESS,TRY TO CURB THAT BEHAVIOR.

- OKAY.I'LL--I'LL LOOK AWAY THEN.

- OH, MY GOD.- NOW, IS RUPAUL GONNA BE THERE?

- NO, I DON'T THINKDELROY KNOWS RUPAUL.

- UH, NEIL PATRICK HARRIS?- NO.

- OOH, DOOGIE.

- WHAT IF YOU DON'T WANTYOUR PICTURE ON THE INTERNET?

- THIS IS RIDICULOUS!- EXCUSE ME, GARY.

"RIDICULOUS."IS THAT A GAY TERM?

- OKAY, YEP.I'LL SHOW MYSELF OUT.

- OH, HE'S A LITTLE TESTY,ISN'T HE?

- NAH, HE CAN GO.- GOOD LUCK.

- WE JUST TRYING TO FIND OUTHOW IT GO.

- LET'S GO, STEFAN.

- I THINK WE PRETTY MUCH GOT IT.

[applause]

ALL RIGHT.- RIGHT THIS WAY.

COUPLE INTRODUCTIONSAND WE'LL GET YOU OUT OF HERE.

THIS IS JOHN O'ROURKE.- NICE TO MEET YOU, JOHN.

- MR. IAN ROBERTS.- NICE TO MEET YOU.

- PETER ATENCIO.- ALL RIGHT, NICE TO MEET YOU.

- JEROME SMITH.

- COME ON, BROTHAH.WHAT'S UP, FAM?

[chuckling]

YOU KNOW THIS.- HEATH WILLIAMSON.

- NICE TO MEET YOU.

- MARY WOODBURY.- NICE TO MEET YOU.

- JAY MARTEL.- NICE TO MEET YOU, SIR.

- TASHA ROBINS.- COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.

[chuckling]MMM!

FEEL THAT?- EMILY GEORGE.

- NICE TO MEET YOU.- DARRELL STOKES.

- COME ON.WHAT'S UP, FAM?

HOW YOU DOIN'?- ALL RIGHT.

- NEVER FORGET ABOUT THAT,'CAUSE THAT'S ALL WE GOT.

NICE TO MEET YOU.NICE TO MEET YOU. ALL RIGHT.

AHH...BRING IT IN,BRING IT IN!

STARTED FROM THE BOTTOM,NOW WE HERE.

- YEAH!

- NICE TO MEET YOU.ALL RIGHT.

NICE TO MEET YOU.ALL RIGHT.

NICE TO--

- 1/8TH BLACK.

- AFTERNOON, MY OCTOROON.

COME ON, BRING IT IN THERE.TUCK THAT.

- I'M IN THERE, DOG.I'M IN THERE, DOG.

- YOU TUCKING IT?- I'M IN THERE DOG.

- YOU TUCKING IT IN THERE?- I'M IN THERE.

- LET YOUR TUCK GO.- I'M IN THERE, DOG.

- LET YOUR TUCK GO.YOU TUCKING IT?

- MY TUCK.I'M IN THERE.

I'M IN THERE.I'M IN THERE.

- ALL RIGHT.NICE TO MEET YOU, MAN.

UH, NICE TO MEET YOU.

OH, MY GOODNESS, LOOK AT THIS.

OH, SHE IS SO BEAUTIFUL.

MMM!

I WANT ANOTHER ONE.

THERE YOU GO.PRECIOUS, BEAUTIFUL.

BEAUTIFUL.WHAT'S HER NAME?

- THIS IS LIVIA ROOGEY.- OKAY.

NICE TO MEET YOU,MISS ROOGEY.

ALL RIGHT.

COME ON...THERE HE IS.

BOOM!

- MR. PRESIDENT.

- ALL RIGHT, MAN.GOOD TO MEET YOU.

- HERE WE GO.RIGHT THIS WAY, SIR.

- [sighs]

- EXCUSE ME, SIR.

- WELL.- OH, WELL, WELL, WELL.

- FUCKING MEXICANS.

- OH, MAN, DO NOT GET ME STARTEDON THE MEXICANS.

- HEY, I WAS JUST SAYING.

THEY HOLD THE GODDAMN ECONOMYTOGETHER.

- YOU KNOW WHAT, MAN?DAMN STRAIGHT.

IF 12% OF THE MEXICANSTHAT LIVE IN THIS COUNTRY

STOPPED WORKING, JUST 12%,

THE USA WOULD SHUT DOWN.

- I DON'T EVEN CAREWHO HEARS ME.

- NOPE.

- [stammers] THEY WORKTHEIR ASSES OFF...

- MM-HMM.

- AND THEY GOT STRONGFAMILY VALUES.

- ESSENTIAL IMMIGRANTS.

- HEY, SPEAKING OF IMMIGRANTS,HOW ABOUT THEM ASIANS?

- MAN, FUCK,YOU KNOW WHAT, BROTHER?

YOU WANT TO LIGHT THAT FUSE?

THEN YOU BETTER STAND BACK'CAUSE I GOT SOMETHING

I WANT TO SAYABOUT THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS.

- YEAH, I GOT THREE WORDSFOR YOU:

"ESTUDIOUS," HARDWORKING,INDUSTRIOUS.

- DAMN STRAIGHT.

ASIANS ARE THE HIGHEST INCOME,BEST EDUCATED,

AND THE FASTEST GROWINGRACIAL GROUP IN THE U.S. OF A.

- MM. PLUS,GOT THE HIGHEST PERCENTAGE

OF COLLEGE GRADUATESIN THE COUNTRY--GOOD FOR THEM.

- AND I--MAYBE THISMAKES ME SOUND RACIST,

BUT THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS,THEY'RE GONNA SAVE THE COUNTRY.

- THERE IT IS.YOU--YOU WENT AND SAID IT.

- I JUST SAID IT.

I JUST CAME RIGHTTHE FUCK OUT AND SAID IT.

- IT WAS IN EVERYONE'S MIND.

- BUT I'M THE ONE...

both: WHO SAID IT.

- HEY, AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

WHILE WE'RE AT IT,I'M GONNA BREAK MY SPINE,

TIP-TAP, DANCING-WANCING,

PRANCING AROUND THE ELEPHANTIN THE ROOM.

- YEP.

- BLACKS.- FUCKING BLACKS.

- BUH-LACKS.- FUCKING BLACKS.

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DONEDONE DID?

YOU OPENED UP THE FLOODGATESNOW, MY FRIEND.

RELEASED THE KRAKEN.

- GODDAMN VICTIMS

OF INSTITUTIONALIZED"RACE-MISME."

- AND DESPITE ALL THAT,THEY OVERCAME THE SLAVERY

AND THE SEGREGATION JUST TOBECOME CEOs AND ENTREPRENEURS.

- AND HEY, ONE OF 'EMIS THE GOSH-DARN PRESIDENT.

- AND, I MEAN, THAT'S JUST TRUERIGHT THERE.

THAT'S JUST HISTORICAL FACT,MAN.

YOU CAN'T EVEN ARGUE THAT.

- OH, HOW 'BOUT THE INDIANS?

- FUCKING NATIVE AMERICANS.

- I DON'T KNOWIF I COULD GET IN TROUBLE

THESE DAYSFOR SAYIN' SOMETHING LIKE THIS,

BUT THEY WERE HERE FIRST.

- IT MAY BE UNPOPULAR,BUT IT'S TRUE.

- WE CAME TO THIS COUNTRY,AND WE STEAMROLLED ON IN,

AND WE GENOCIDED THEM.

I MEAN, HELL,WE OWE 'EM SOMETHING.

- THERE YOU GO.

I GOT TO TELL YOU, MAN,

THAT'S NOT BADFOR A NON-ALCOHOLIC BEER.

- NOT BAD AT ALL.ALL RIGHT.

I GOT TO GO HOME,TAKE CARE OF MY KIDS.

- HOW MANY OF 'EM YOU GOT NOW?

- JUST ADOPTED THE 11TH.- OH!

- CAN'T HELP MYSELF.

- MAN, THAT'S ALWAYSWHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU VOLUNTEER

FOR THE EARTHQUAKE RELIEFIN HAITI.

- YEP, YEP, YEP.- AND WHAT YOU GON' DO?

- WHAT YOU GON' DO?

YOU KNOW, MY WIFE MAKES 2/3OF WHAT I MAKE.

- WHAT?Y'ALL GOT THE SAME JOB, MAN.

THAT'S JUST PATENTLY UNFAIR.

- THAT'S RIGHT.WE'RE BOTH LIBRARIANS.

- [belches]

- YOU ALL RIGHT?- I'M OKAY.

[upbeat pop music]

- ♪ WHOA, WHOA

♪ YOU'RE A SUPERSTAR [cheers and applause]

♪ YEAH, WHAT EVERYBODY'SWAITING FOR IS WHAT YOU ARE ♪

♪ WHOA, WHOA

- HEY, WHAT UP, Y'ALL?WELCOME BACK TO HCL.

WE ARE IN HOLLYWOOD.I GOT THE ANSWERS,

AND THE ANSWERS THIS MORNINGIS MOTHER MAJESTY.

THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE,MOTHER MAJESTY.

- THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.

[cheering]- YEAH.

NOW, BEFORE THE BREAK,WE HEARD YOUR SONG, UH,

SHE-NOMENON FROM THE NEW HITALBUM, GIRL ARMY.

- OH, YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.- YEAH.

- WELL, THANK YOU SO MUCH,SCRATCH.

YOU KNOW, THIS WHOLE ALBUM

IS ABOUT GIRLS AND EMPOWERINGGIRLS AND, YOU KNOW,

KIND OF JUST SHOWING GIRLS THATTHEY CAN BE STRONG AND POWERFUL

AND DO WHAT THEY WANT TO DO

AND NOT WHAT THE MEDIASAYS THEY NEED TO DO.

- ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.THAT'S DEEP. THAT'S DEEP.

NOW WE GOT SOME, UH,YOUNG FEMALES HERE

WHO HAVE SOME QUESTIONS FOR YOU.

IS THAT OKAY?- OH, IT'S ALWAYS OKAY.

- ALL RIGHT.- IT'S ALWAYS OKAY.

I ALWAYS WANT TO HEARFROM MY GIRL ARMY.

- HI, MAJESTY,IT IS SO COOL TO MEET YOU.

- THANK YOU SO MUCH.

I THINK YOU'RE BEAUTIFULJUST LIKE THAT.

- UM...YEAH.

SO, OKAY, LAST WEEK,

I TOOK YOUR ADVICEFROM YOUR SONG GET SOME,

AND I "FLAUNTED ITTILL HE WANTED IT,"

BUT I ENDED UPLOSING MY VIRGINITY

TO A GUY THAT I DON'T KNOW.

- YOU SEE, IT IS TIME FOR GIRLSTO TAKE BACK THEIR POWER

NOWADAYS 'CAUSE IT'S YOUR BODYAND IT'S YOUR MIND,

AND IT--YOU SHOULD USE THATTO FEEL SEXY AND EMPOWERED.

- OKAY. OKAY, YEAH, YEAH,BUT NOW I'M PREGNANT.

- MIRACLES.NEXT QUESTION.

- OH.

HI. HI, MAJESTY.I'M CASSIE.

I THINK YOUR ALBUM ROCKS.

- THANK YOU SO MUCH, CASSIE.

I THINK YOU SHOULD NEVER CHANGEYOUR SKIN.

- OKAY.

SO IN YOUR SONG FRIDAY NIGHT FREAK DOWN...

- THANK YOU SO MUCH, CASSIE.

- YOU SAY, "BEND IT OVER,TOUCH THE GROUND,

HE'LL RIDE YOULIKE HIS MERRY-GO-ROUND."

- YES, I DO.

- IS THAT ABOUT BUTT SEX?

- WHAT IT'S ABOUT, CASSIE, IS USRECLAIMING OUR BODIES AS WOMEN

BECAUSE, YOU KNOW,FOR A LONG TIME, BEING SEXY

WAS ABOUT BEING SEXY FOR A MAN.

BUT THIS IS ABOUT BEING SEXYFOR YOURSELF.

- WHOO!

- BUT I'VE GOT HERPESIN MY BUTT.

- OKAY, LET'S CHANGE TRACKSFOR A SECOND.

WE GON' GO TO COMMERCIAL.

WHEN WE COME BACK,MOTHER MAJESTY

IS GOING TO UNFURL HER NEW SONG.

WHAT IS IT ABOUT?- OH, OKAY.

IT'S A--IT'S KIND OF A LOVE SONG,

AND IT'S ABOUT FINDING STRENGTHAFTER HAVING YOUR HEART BROKEN.

- ALL RIGHT.WE GON' GO TO COMMERCIAL.

WHEN WE COME BACK,MOTHER MAJESTY

WITH WHO GOT NEXT ON THIS BLACKBERRY PIE?

[crowd cheering]

- HERE'S YOUR DRESSING ROOM,YOUR MAJESTY.

- THANK YOU SO MUCH.- YEAH.

- [sighs]

THAT'S RIGHT, GIRLS.

BEING OVERLY SEXUAL AND BEINGSTRONG ARE THE SAME THING.

IT'S THE SAME THING.[laughs]

IT'S THE SAME THING.

[laughing maniacally]

GIRL POWER!

[coughing]

GOD, I THINK I'M ALLERGICTO THIS MAKEUP.

[belches]NOW WHY WOULD I BURP?

THAT'S WEIRD.