April 13, 2015 - Hillary Clinton's Presidential Bid

  • 04/13/2015

Ricky Velez, Nia-Malika Henderson and Debi Mazar sit down with Larry to talk about Hillary Clinton's entry into the 2016 presidential race.

>> Larry: TONIGHTLY, HILLARYCLINTON'S RUNNING FOR

PRESIDENT -- UNSTOPPABLE FORCE,MEET IMMOVABLE OBJECT!

SHE KICKS OFF HER CAMPAIGN BYTELLING AMERICA, "IT'S YOUR

TIME."

AND BY "YOUR TIME," SHE MEANS"MY TIME"!

WHO WILL FIGHT HILLARY FOR THEDEMOCRATIC NOMINATION?

SERIOUSLY, WHO'S IN, BECAUSE SHEWILL CUT A BITCH.

SMILE LIKE YOU MEAN IT AND CLAWYOUR WAY TO THE TOP!

THIS IS THE "THE NIGHTLY SHOW"!

LET'S DO THIS!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)♪♪

>> Larry: YEAH!

THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

MAN!

WELCOME TO THE "THE NIGHTLYSHOW."

I'M LARRY WILMORE.

WHOO!

MAN!

BIG DAY YESTERDAY, THE MOSTPOWERFUL WOMAN IN POLITICS

RETURNED TO THE SCENE IN A BIGWAY.

WE HAVE BEEN EXPECTING TO HEARFROM HER, AND, WOW, SHE REALLY

CAME OUT STRONG.

>> I'M NOT A POLITICIAN.

I'M A QUEEN.

>> Larry: OK, THAT'S KHALEESI,FROM "GAME OF THRONES," BUT

HILLARY CLINTON ALSO ANNOUNCEDSHE'S SEEKING THE CROWN

YESTERDAY.

>> I'M RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT.

(LAUGHTER)>> Larry: LOOK, HILLARY'S NOT

THAT FAR OFF FROM KHALEESI.

I'M SURE SHE WOULD ALSO SAYSOMETHING LIKE THIS --

>> AND I WILL TAKE WHAT IS MINE.

WITH FIRE AND BLOOD I WILL TAKEIT.

(LAUGHTER)>> Larry: I SMELL A CAMPAIGN

SLOGAN!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> THAT'S RIGHT, I WILL TAKE IT

THIS DOES MAKE SENSE.

BOTH HILLARY AND KHALEESI FEELLIKE THEY HAVE A BIRTHRIGHT TO

THE THRONE AND FEEL LIKE THEIRKINGDOM WAS STOLEN FROM THEM A

FEW YEARS AGO.

THEY'VE BOTH BEEN THROUGH A LOT,STARTING WITH THEIR STRATEGIC

MARRIAGES TO HORNY WARLORDS.

THEY BOTH SPENT YEARS STRUGGLINGIN A LAND OF SPITEFUL, BARBARIC

HORSEPEOPLE.

BUT THE REASON THEY HAVEN'TASCENDED YET IS BECAUSE THEIR

RIGHTFUL BLOODLINE WAS DEPOSEDBY THE NATION'S MOST POWERFUL

GOLD-HOARDING DYNASTY.

YOU KNOW THEM, THE COLD,CALCULATING PATRIARCH WHO, FROM

THE SIDELINES, HAS BEENMANIPULATING HIS FAMILY INTO

POSITIONS OF POWER...

THE INEPT TORTURE-LOVING BULLYWHO FAMOUSLY CHOKED AT A

BANQUET...

AND THE HEIR-APPARENT SON WHOPEOPLE LIKE IN SPITE OF ALL THE

RED FLAGS AND WHO TRAGICALLYJUST LOST HIS RIGHT HAND.

(AUDIENCE REACTS)SO SAD.

I KNOW.

SAD.

THE BIGGEST COMPETITION RIGHTNOW, OF COURSE, IS THE DARK

HORSE FROM THE FRINGES, WHO HASTHE COURAGE OF HIS CONVICTIONS

BUT HAS BEEN TURNED CRAZY BYRELIGION.

(LAUGHTER)ALSO HODOR.

OKAY.

ENOUGH OF THAT.

PRETTY WELL SUMS IT UP.

ENOUGH OF THAT NERD-GASM.

LET'S ROLL CLINTON'S OFFICIAL,OFFICIAL NO-TAKE-BACKSIES

PINKY-SWEAR ANNOUNCEMENT.

>> I'M GETTING READY FOR A LOTOF THINGS.

A LOT OF THINGS.

IT'S SPRING, SO WE'RE STARTINGTO GET THE GARDENS READY AND MY

TOMATOES ARE LEGENDARY HERE INMY OWN NEIGHBORHOOD.

>> WAIT.

THIS WAS THE ANNOUNCEMENT?

WHERE WAS THE HILLARY?

I THOUGHT ANY MINUTE I WAS GOINGTO BE TOLD TO CONSULT A

PHYSICIAN IF MY ERECTION LASTSFOR LONGER THAN FOUR HOURS!

SO WHO ELSE DO WE HAVE INHILLARY'S IT'S-NOT-ME-IT'S-YOU

ANNOUNCEMENT?

>> MY BROTHER AND I ARE STARTINGOUR OWN BUSINESS.

>> Larry: OKAY.

WE'VE GOT THESE HISPANIC SMALLBUSINESS OWNERS.

IN THEORY, I'M A FAN OF BOTHHISPANIC PEOPLE AND THE CONCEPT

OF BROTHERS.

A COUPLE ASSEMBLING BABYFURNITURE.

I'M STRONGLY IN FAVOR OFATTRACTIVE PEOPLE HAVING BABIES

AND PUTTING THE BABIES INFURNITURE.

WELL DONE.

A YOUNG JOB HUNTER.

I CERTAINLY SUPPORT JOBS.

AND THE PEOPLE HUNTING THEM.

AND THAT THEY CAN BE YOUNG.

AWWWW, A BOYFRIEND AND AGIRLFRIEND HOLDING HANDS,

THAT'S -- A GAY COUPLE?!

YOU GOT ME HILLARY.

SEE, I THOUGHT IT WAS A STRAIGHTCOUPLE, BUT THEN THEY WERE GAY!

WHICH I LIKE!

BUT MY FAVORITE CHARACTER INHILLARY'S AD WAS THIS GUY.

>> BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, WE JUSTWANT TO TEACH OUR DOG TO QUIT

EATING THE TRASH.

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE)

>> Larry: WAIT.

ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL US THAT,AS PRESIDENT, YOU WILL PROMISE

TO KEEP DOGS OUT OF THE TRASH?

OKAY.

AS LONG AS YOU GET AROUND TOI.S.I.S., TOO, I'M COOL.

BESIDES TRASH DOG, YOU KNOW WHOALSO APPEARED IN THIS AD?

HILLARY CLINTON.

FROM POLITICS.

>> I'M GETTING READY TO DOSOMETHING, TOO.

I'M RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Larry: HMM.

OKAY.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO GET OUT OFTHIS?

THAT HILLARY IS JUST A WORKINGGRANDMA RENOVATING HER GAY

MARRIED KINDERGARTEN TOMATOESWHO WON'T STOP DOG-EATING THE

TRASH?

OKAY.

GIRL, I CAN TOTALLY RELATE.

I'M ON BOARD.

YOU SEE, HERE'S WHAT HILLARY ISTRYING TO DO.

SHE'S PRESENTING HERSELF TO USAS IF WE DON'T KNOW WHO SHE

ALREADY IS.

THAT'S WHY I'M OFFICIALLYCALLING HILLARY'S 2016 RUN THE

"ALLOW ME TO REINTRODUCE MYSELF"CAMPAIGN.

♪ ALLOW ME TO REINTRODUCEMYSELF ♪

♪ MY NAME IS HOV ♪♪ H. TO THE IZZO, CLINTON TO THE

WHITE HOUSE ♪♪>> Larry: THAT'S MY JAM.

THAT'S WHAT SHE'S DOING.

IT'S TRUE!

NOW WHY WOULD SOMEBODY ASESTABLISHED AS HILLARY SHY AWAY

FROM HER RESUME?

BECAUSE MUCH LIKE A DAY OFPROSTATE EXAMS, IT IS, HOW SHALL

I SAY, TAINTED.

SHE BRINGS UP BEING FIRST LADY?

YOU START THINKING ABOUTLEWINSKY.

SHE BRINGS UP BEING SENATOR?

SHE'S GOT TO DEFEND VOTING FORTHE IRAQ WAR.

SHE BRINGS UP BEING SECRETARY OFSTATE?

SHE'S GOT TO TALK ABOUTBENGHAZI.

HILLARY, IT'S OKAY.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO ACT ALL BRANDNEW.

WE UNDERSTAND.

WHEN YOU'VE DONE AS MUCH AS YOUHAVE, YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE SOME

MISTAKES. EVEN TOM HANKS MAKES A

CLOUD ATLAS EVERY ONCE IN AWHILE.

BUT SHE OBVIOUSLY IS WORRIEDABOUT THAT.

IN FACT, SHE'S ALREADY SCRUBBEDHER WIKIPEDIA PAGE.

VERY SMART!

GRANDMOTHER.

WOMAN.

LOVES HISPANICS.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS LADY'SDONE, BUT I LIKE HER.

LOOK, FIRST LADY SENATOR MADAMESECRETARY KHALEESI.

THE BOTTOM LINE IS, IF YOUREALLY WANT TO BE PRESIDENT,

YOU'VE GOT TO OWN EVERYTHING.

OWN IT.

OWN IT, GIRL. I AIN'T MAD ATYOU, HILLARY!

OH, AND MARCO RUBIO ANNOUNCEDTODAY HE'S ALSO RUNNING FOR

PRESIDENT.

NOW, TO MAKE MORE SENSE OUT OFTHIS HILLARY ANNOUNCEMENT IS

POLITICAL STRATEGIST AND SOCIALMEDIA CONSULTANT, MILES

THOMPSON.

>> MILES: GREAT TO BE HERE,LARRY.

>> Larry: OKAY.

I GOTTA ADMIT.

THIS ANNOUNCEMENT IS A LITTLECONFUSING TO ME.

WE DON'T EVEN SEE HILLARY FORTHE FIRST 90 SECONDS OF THE

VIDEO.

IT'S JUST RANDOM PEOPLE.

>> MILES: THAT WAS A CAREFULCHOICE THEY MADE, LARRY.

PEOPLE DON'T LIKE HILLARYCLINTON AS A PERSON OR WHAT

SHE'S DONE IN THE PAST, SO THEYDECIDED TO SHOW PEOPLE WHO

AREN'T HER.

>> Larry: BUT AT SOME POINT,SHE'S GOING TO HAVE TO COME OUT

AND FACE HER PAST, MILES.

SHE'LL HAVE TO TALK ABOUTBENGHAZI, FOR EXAMPLE.

>> MILES: UGH...

NO, SHE WON'T, THAT'S WHY SHE'SRUNNING THE CLASSIC KIBBLE N'

BITS SWITCH!

(APPLAUSE)>> Larry: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT BENGHAZI ANDHILLARY'S LIKE RUH ROH!

THIS PRECOCIOUS DOG ISDIGGING THROUGH THE TRASH!

>> Larry: YEAH, I WASWONDERING ABOUT THAT!

WHY DO YOU THINK THERE WAS A DOGIN THE VIDEO?

>> MILES: WELL, LET ME ASK YOUSOMETHING FIRST -- WHAT DID YOU

THINK WHEN YOU SAW THE DOG?

>> Larry: I WAS THINKING, BOY,HE IS GOING TO BE IN TROUBLE

WHEN HIS OWNERS FIND OUT WHATHE'S DONE!

PRETTY FUNNY, ACTUALLY.

>> MILES: I'M SORRY, WHAT WEREWE JUST TALKING ABOUT?

>> Larry: THAT NAUGHTY DOGGY.

MILES: EXACTLY!

AND YOU FORGOT ALL ABOUTBENGHAZI!

>> Larry: THAT IS SO GOOD!

(APPLAUSE)SHE'S GOOD!

>> MILES: LET ME SHOW YOU ONEMORE CLIP TO ILLUSTRATE MY

POINT.

SEE IF YOU CAN NOTICE ANYTHINGSTRANGE.

>> I'M GETTING READY TO DOSOMETHING, TOO.

>> MILES: DID YOU SEE IT?

>> Larry: SEE WHAT?

MILES: LET'S SLOW IT DOWNAND WATCH IT AGAIN.

(SLOWER AND SLOWER SPEAKING)>> VOTE FOR HILLARY!

IF YOU WANT THE DOG TO LIVE!

>> Larry: YEAH.

MILES: PRETTY GREAT.

>> Larry: VOTE FOR HILLARY IFYOU WANT THE DOG TO LIVE?

>> YEAH!

THAT'S CALLED A WINNING CAMPAIGNSLOGAN!

>> Larry: THAT'S MESSED UP.

>> LARRY, THE DOG!

>> Larry: I KNOW.

OKAY.

HE WAS ROOTING IN THE TRASH,OKAY.

(LAUGHTER)WHAT WERE WE TALKING ABOUT?

>> MILES: YOU WERE JUST SAYINGHOW WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> Larry: OH, YEAH.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)♪♪

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)♪♪

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Larry: WELCOME BACK TO THE

SHOW!

JOINING OUR PANEL TONIGHT WEHAVE OUR VERY OWN "THE NIGHTLY

SHOW" CONTRIBUTOR RICKY VELEZ;(APPLAUSE)

SENIOR POLITICAL REPORTER FORCNN, NIA-MALIKA HENDERSON, AND

STARRING IN TV LAND'S NEW SHOW"YOUNGER" ON TUESDAYS AT

10:00 P.M. AND IN THE UPCOMINGFILM "ENTOURAGE" THE LOVELY DEBI

MAZAR.

(APPLAUSE)AND WE'RE TALKING ABOUT HILLARY

CLINTON'S CAMPAIGN FORPRESIDENT.

I MADE THIS JOKE BUT

I THINK IT'S TRUE.

HILLARY HAS A LOT OFACCOMPLISHMENTS SHE FEELS LIKE

SHE CAN'T TALK ABOUT BECAUSE ITBRINGS UP UNCOMFORTABLE (BLEEP).

IT'S ALMOST LIKE HER CAMPAIGN ISTAKING OUT THAT MEN IN BLACK

WAND AND GETTING PEOPLE TOFORGET ABOUT THAT.

>> WHEN THE YOU LOOK AT THEFIRST AD, SHE IS TRYING TO

REDIRECT OUR ATTENTION TOSOMETHING ELSE AWAY FROM THE

MOST RECENT VERSION, I THINK, OFHILLARY CLINTON WHICH IS KIND OF

A CELEBRITY, SECRETARY OF STATE,FORMER FIRST LADY.

>> Larry: THAT AD IS ONLYABOUT GRANDMA.

>> YEAH, IT IS!

WHEN I WAS WATCHING IT, ITHOUGHT, AM I WATCHING THE RIGHT

THING?

AND THEN SHE POPPED UP AT THEEND.

BUT THIS IS WHAT THE CLINTONSDO.

DID WE LEARN NOTHING FROM BILL?

THEY DON'T FESS UP.

THEY WAIT A WHILE AND THEN THEYFESS UP.

>> Larry: BUT THIS IS BIZARRE.

WHEN SHE RAN IN 2008, SHE WASVERY CLEAR IN HER ANNOUNCEMENT.

SHE SAID, I'M GOING TO HELPMIDDLE CLASS AND THIS AND THAT.

HERE, I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WASGOING ON.

>> ALL THE DEMOGRAPHICS, IT'SLIKE THEY WENT THROUGH A

CHECKLIST AND EVERYBODY ISTHERE.

BUT YOU'RE RIGHT, I THINK, THATTHE WHOLE IDEA OF REDIRECTING

ATTENTION, AND IF YOU LOOK ATTHAT FIRST CAMPAIGN IN 2007, IT

VERY MUCH WAS ALL ABOUT HILLARYCLINTON.

>> Larry: WHEN SHE'S RUNNINGABOUT PRESIDENT, IT SHOULD BE

ABOUT HER.

I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH THAT.

I THINK SHE SHOULD RUNACCOMPLISHMENTS.

>> THE SECRETARY OF STATE, SHE'SBEEN TO MORE COUNTRIES THAN ANY

SECRETARY OF STATE IN HISTORY.

>> Larry: YOU GOING TO RUN ONA TRAVEL LOG?

>> MILLIONS OF MILES.

>> Larry: I HAVE BEEN TOTURKEY, VOTE FOR ME!

>> REINVENTION IS A GREAT THING.

IT CAN BE A NEW LOOK, IT CAN BEGET YOUR LOOK TOGETHER, YOUR

OUTFIT TOGETHER.

>> Larry: WHY DID YOU LOOK ATME WHEN YOU SAID LOOK?

THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION, THEJURY IS OUT.

WHEN YOU'RE PRESIDENT, YOU'RENOT SURE HOW YOU WILL BE JUDGED.

WHAT'S HIS APPROVAL RATING? 47,UNDER 50.

COULD BE HIGHER.

SO I DON'T KNOW IF SHE WANTS TO,YOU KNOW, ATTACH HERSELF, YOU

KNOW, BE THAT THIRD TERM OF THEOBAMA ADMINISTRATION.

HOW SOON DO YOU THINK BEFORE SHELOSES HER BLACK FRIEND?

(LAUGHTER)KEEP IT 100!

>> I THINK SHE'LL KEEP HER BLACKFRIENDS.

>> NO!

>> Larry: KEEP IT REAL.

>> SHE'S A BAD HORROR FLICK FROMTHE '80s!

THEY'RE GOING TO KILL OFF THEFIRST BLACK GUY IN THE FIRST TEN

MINUTES.

SHE DOESN'T WANT ANYBODY TO DOWITH HIM!

(LAUGHTER)>> Larry: IN THE FIRST HALF OF

THE CAMPAIGN!

>> SHE'S GOING TO LOSE AT LEASTHALF HER BLACK FRIEND.

>> Larry: OH, THE WHITEHALF?

>> SHE CAN'T RUN AWAY FROM OBAMABECAUSE SHE'S GOT TO HAVE THE

OBAMA COALITION AND THAT'S WHATOBAMA BRINGS.

SHE WILL BE OFF CAMPAIGNING WITHMICHELLE OBAMA.

>> Larry: WHEN RICKY WASTALKING ABOUT THE CLINTONS, IT

FRUSTRATES ME ABOUT THECLINTONS. I MET THEM LAST WEEK

THEY'RE SO LIKABLE BUT THEYALWAYS ALLOW (BLEEP) TO GET IN

THE WAY.

HILLARY, THE WHOLE THING,REMEMBER WHEN SHE WAS RUNNING

2008, SHE WENT UNDER FIRE IN THEHELICOPTER, TURNED OUT, THAT WAS

LIKE A BRIAN WILLIAMS THING, ANDLIKE BRIAN WILLIAMS SHE WAS

REPLACED BY A BLACK GUY.

SAME THING.

(LAUGHTER)BUT THEN THE WHOLE PHONE THING

HAPPENED WITH THE E-MAILS ANDSAID SHE HAD ONE DEVICE.

>> I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE EASIERTO CARRY JUST ONE DEVICE FOR MY

WORK AND FOR MY PERSONAL E-MAILSINSTEAD OF TWO.

>> Larry: OKAY, SO MAKESSENSE.

BUT TWO WEEKS EARLIER, THIS ISWHAT SHE SAID.

>> I HAVE, YOU KNOW, ANIPad, A MINI iPad, AN

iPhone AND A BlackBerry.

>> Larry: SERIOUSLY! IS SHEMAKING THINGS UP OR

IS SHE REALLY IS THE FORGETFULGRANDMA, WHICH ONE IS SHE?

>> LIKE A LOT OF POLITICIANS,SHE HAS A COMPLICATED

RELATIONSHIP WITH THE TRUTH.

AND SHE'S TRYING HER BEST.

>> Larry: BILL HAS A LOT OFCOMPLICATIONS.

>> LIKE A LOT OF POLITICIANS,HAS THE SAME TICK WHEN IT COMES

TO EXPLAINING THEMSELVES.

SHE HAS A LOT TO DO ON THISISSUE BECAUSE THE EMAIL ISSUE

ISN'T GOING TO GO AWAY.

I THINK THEY FEEL LIKETHEY'VE PUT THIS TO BED.

>> WHO HAS THEIR OWN SERVER?>> THAT'S ACTUALLY PRETTY COOL.

I ACTUALLY LIKE THAT.

>> PEOPLE WHO HAVE TWO CELLPHONES DEAL DRUGS.

I TRUST MY DRUG DEALER MORE THANI DO POLITICS.

>> Larry: SO THAT'S A GOODREASON YOU WOULD VOTE FOR HER.

>> HILLARY GOT THAT GOOD(BLEEP), LARRY.

>> Larry: EXACTLY! AND GETTINGTHEIR OPTICS IS SO IMPORTANT

IN RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT, TOO.RIGHT NOW, THIS MAKES ME LAUGH,

TOO, THEY'RE TRAVELING AROUNDTHE COUNTRY IN A VAN.

TRAVEL AROUND IN A VAN LOOKINGFOR YOUNG MILLENNIALS IS ALREADY

KIND OF CREEPY, AND IT'S CALLEDTHE SCOOBY-DOO VAN, WHICH IS

HILARIOUS.

>> I LIKE THE THOUGHT OF BILLCLINTON IN HIS DRIVEWAY SAYING,

WHERE'S MY VAN!

THE HIGH SCHOOL JUST GOT OUT!

(LAUGHTER)I LIKE IT.

>> Larry: IT'S A GOOD WAY TOEXPLAIN BENGHAZI --

(TALKING LIKE SCOOBY-DOO)RUH?? RENRHAZI??

BUT THE VAN, I DON'T LIKE THEWHOLE THING.

WHY DO WE HAVE TO KNOW SHE'S INA VAN, STOPPED IN PENNSYLVANIA

TO GET GAS.

STOP IN FERGUSON TO GET GAS,I'LL BE IMPRESSED.

PENNSYLVANIA DOESN'T DO ANYTHINGFOR ME.

I REMEMBER WHEN OBAMA WASELECTED, RACISM WAS OVER.

HOW YOU GUYS GOING TO FEEL WHENHILLARY'S ELECTED AND SEXISM IS

OVER.

YOU COOL WITH THAT? YOU'LL GETSCREWED TWICE

(LAUGHTER)YOU GOING TO BE COOL WITH PEOPLE

SAYING THAT?

>> POST-SEXISM?

>> Larry: WHEN HILLARY ISELECTED, DO YOU THINK IT'S GOING

TO HAPPEN?

>> I DON'T THINK SO.

I THINK WE'LL HAVE MORECONVERSATIONS.

IDENTITY POLITICS IS SOIDENTIFIED WITH THE OBAMA ERA.

I THINK WE'LL HAVE MORE OF THESECONVERSATIONS AROUND SEXISM.

>> Larry: WELL WE'LL SEE!HILLARY WILL RUN, EVERYBODY.

WE'LL BE BACK AND TALK MOREABOUT IT.

>> Larry: WELCOME BACK.

WE HAVE BEEN TALKING ABOUTHILLARY CLINTON'S ANNOUNCEMENT.

NOW I'D LIKE TO PLAY A NEW GAMEWE'RE CALLING "WHO YA GONNA

AKS?"

AND NO, IT'S NOT EBONICS.

IT'S AN ACRONYM THAT STANDS FORAID, KILL OR SQUASH.

IN OTHER WORDS, WHO ARE YOUGOING TO AKS TO HELP YOU OUT IN

A JAM.

SO I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU APROBLEM.

YOU TELL ME WHICH CLINTON YOU'REGONNA AKS TO HELP GET YOU OUT OF

IT AND WHY -- ARE YOU GONNA AKSBILL OR HILLARY.

WHO YOU GONNA AKS?

OKAY.

YOU REALLY NEED TO GET OUT OFYOUR BEST FRIEND'S WEDDING, WHO

ARE YOU GOING TO AKS?

>> I THINK HILLARY WOULD HELPME.

>> Larry: HILLARY WOULD BEBETTER WITH THAT?

>> I'M GOING WITH BILL.

I'M GOING TO AKS BILL BECAUSEHE'S A LITTLE MORE IMAGINATIVE

IN TERMS OF HIS -->> Larry: HE CAN DO THE

BILL-YAK.

"SHE JUST CAN'T MAKE IT!

SHE'S THROWING UP ALL OVER THECAR!"

>> I THINK HILLARY MIGHT HAVE AGOOD EXCUSE.

>> Larry: RICKY?

I THINK BILL.

HE'S GOTTEN OUT OF A LOT OF(BLEEP) BEFORE!

HE'S GOOD!

IT ALL DEPENDS ON WHATYOUR DEFINITION OF WEDDING IS!

>> Larry: YOU NEED TO RETURN APAIR OF PANTS TO MACY'S BUT

YOU DON'T HAVE A RECEIPTSO THEY'LL ONLY GIVE YOU STORE

CREDIT. YOU DON'T WANT STORECREDIT, YOU WANT THE CASH

WHO CAN GIVE YOU THAT CASH BACK?

WHO DO YOU AKS?

>> HILLARY.

>> Larry: WHY?

BECAUSE SHE'S PROBABLYRETURNED A FEW PANTSUITS --

(LAUGHTER)>> Larry: IT'S, LIKE, OH, GOD!

JUST GIVE IT TO HER, HERE COMESTHAT LADY!

YOU'RE STUCK IN CHOCOLATE CITY,YOU NEED THE FUNK, GOTTA HAVE

THAT FUNK -- I'M SORRY, YOUWOULD ASK GEORGE CLINTON.

I DON'T KNOW HOW THAT GOT INTHERE.

WHO'S GOING TO STARE DOWN PUTIN?

>> HILLARY.

SHE HAS THAT THOUSAND-YARDSTARE.

>> Larry: IF PUTIN'S IN THEROOM, I'M ASKING HILLARY TO COME

IN.

>> DIDN'T SHE ALREADY CALL HIM ANAZI.

>> Larry: BILL'S JUST GOING TOWANT TO PARTY WITH HIM.

>> YEAH. THEY'RE BOTH SHIRTLESSON HORSES HANGING OUT

>> Larry: YOU DON'T WANT TO GOIN THAT ROOM AFTER THEY HAVE

BEEN IN THERE!

(LAUGHTER)LAST ONE, YOU JUST KILLED A GUY

IN A HIT AND RUN ACCIDENT ANDYOU NEED SOMEONE TO HELP

DISPOSE THE BODY.

WHO DO YOU AKS? BILL OR HILLARY?

>> BILL.

>> Larry: BILL?

(LAUGHTER)I HAVE A JOKE ABOUT WHO THE BODY

IS BUT I'M NOT GOING TO DO IT!

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!

>> Larry: THAT'S ALL THE TIMEWE HAVE FOR TONIGHT.

I WANT TO THANK OUR PANELISTS --DEBI MAZAR, NIA-MALIKA HENDERSON

AND RICKY VELEZ.

GIVE THEM A NICE ROUND OFAPPLAUSE!

GIVE THEM SOME LOVE!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)FINALLY TONIGHT, AS THOSE OF YOU

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