Brian Posehn & Doug Benson

  • Season 1, Ep 4
  • 03/12/2013

Anthony takes a closer look at celebrities' kids and uncovers the lighter side of necrophilia; Brian Posehn and Doug Benson defend their tweets.

NOW, LET'S GET RIGHT INTO IT

WITH THE "BEST WORST THINGOF THE WEEK."

OF ALL THE AWFUL NEWS STORIES,THIS ONE'S MY FAVORITE.

NOBODY PUTS BABYIN A COFFIN.

A BABY INFECTED WITH THE VIRUSTHAT CAUSES AIDS

APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN CUREDOF THE DISEASE.

IT'S LIKE MAGIC.

NOW, GUYS, IT'S IMPORTANTTO NOTE THE DIFFERENCE

BETWEEN HIVAND AIDS.

AIDS ISTHE FUNNIER ONE.

[laughter]

- I HAD HIV ONCE,BUT THEN--

[laughter]

BUT THEN I GOT TO DRAWFOUR MORE SCRABBLE TILES,

AND IT WAS FINE.

- YEAH.- WITHOUT A DOUBT, THOUGH,

BABY AIDS ISTHE CUTEST AIDS THERE IS.

- BY FAR, BY FAR.

- I'M JUST WAITINGFOR AN AIDS-CURED HAM.

- OH.THAT SOUNDS DELICIOUS.

- THAT'S--[laughs]

- I WANT TO KNOWABOUT THE OTHER BABY

THAT GAVE THAT BABY AIDS.

- [laughs]

ALL RIGHT, NOW,WE'RE ALL COMEDIANS HERE.

HOW IS A BABYBEING CURED OF AIDS

GOING TO AFFECTYOUR ACT NOW?

YOU KNOW, WHAT IS NOWTHE GO-TO FUNNY WAY

FOR A BABY TO TAKEA DIRT NAP?

LIKE, I'M GONNAGO ON A LIMB

AND SAY SUICIDE BY COP.

- PUT THAT GUN DOWN, BABY.

- [laughs]

- UH, BENJAMIN BUTTONINGWOULD BE ANOTHER WAY.

- THAT'S A GOOD ONE.THAT'S A FUNNY ONE.

- FUN WAY FOR BABIES TO GO.

- YEAH.MOB HIT?

- MOB HIT'S GOOD.MOB HIT'S GOOD.

- WHEN A BABY'SIN A MOB HIT,

DOES IT SLEEPWITH THE GUPPIES?

- [laughing]

- JUST THOUGHT OF THAT.

[laughter]

- TYING INTOYOUR EARLIER BIT,

A BABY SHARK ATTACKWOULD BE TERRIFIC.

- BABY SHARK ATTACKWOULD BE GREAT.

LITTLE--LITTLE, ADORABLE FRENZY.

- TINY.

TINY, LITTLE,ADORABLE BABY SHARKS.

- YEAH.- I JUST WANT TO HUG 'EM.

- AND NOW FOR OUR SEGMENT"CULTURE CLUBBING,"

IT'S TIMEFOR "DATING BLOOPERS,"

WHERE WE LOOKAT THE LIGHTER SIDE

OF DATING SHENANIGANS.

WELL, DON'T JUST LIE THERE.

THAT'S WHAT THE CORPSEIS FOR.

AN ILLINOIS COUPLE IS CHARGEDWITH MURDERING TWO GUYS

AND THEN HAVING SEXON TOP OF THE BODIES.

[audience groans]YEAH.

- I'M NOT SURE I WANT TO MAKEJOKES ABOUT THIS STORY.

I'M NOT REALLYNECRO-FEELIN' IT.

[laughter and applause]

- YES!

YES!

I THINK TWO DEAD CORPSESIS MORE JUST LIKE

THE ULTIMATE JAPANESEBODY PILLOW.

- YEAH, THEY'RE NOTTHAT WEIRD.

- NO.

- [laughing]

- NO, THEY'RE COOL.

- THEY PUT BAGS ON THE HEADSOF THE BODIES,

WHICH I WOULD DO TOO,'CAUSE WHEN I'M TRYING

TO MAKE LOVE TO MY LADY,

I DON'T WANT SOME DEAD,CREEPY, STARING EYES AT--

LOOKING AT ME.

- YEAH.- I DON'T NEED THAT.

- BUT INSTEADOF PUTTING BAGS ON THEM,

WHY DON'T YOU JUST DOONE OF THOSE?

KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

- AND YOU KNOW SHE TAKES ITIN THE BUTT.

NO--- ON TOP OF THE DEAD BODIES?

- HOLD ON.- YEAH.

- BECAUSE WHEN YOU'RE HAVING SEXON TOP OF DEAD BODIES,

YOU'VE RUN OUT OF THINGSTO DO.

- WHAT THEY DIDIS LIKE GROUP SEX

BUT WITH HALF THE CHATTER.

- [laughs]

- THIS BRINGS METO A GAME

I WANT TO PLAY WITH YOU GUYS.- OKAY.

- IT'S CALLED"CORPSE ORGY: HOT OR NOT?"

I'M GONNA GIVE YOUTHE DEAD BODIES--

- OH, THAT OLD GAME.- YEAH.

WE'VE ALL PLAYEDTHE HOME VERSION.

- [laughing]YEAH, YEAH.

- LET'S DO IT ON TV.

I'M GONNA GIVE YOUTHE DEAD BODIES AND THE ROOM

AND THEN SHOW YOU A PICTUREOF A WOMAN.

YOU TELL ME WHETHER OR NOTYOU WOULD HAVE SEX WITH HER

ON TOP OF THE BODIES,ALL RIGHT?

YOU GUYS READY?

- OKAY.- ALL RIGHT.

THERE'S YOUR BODIES.- MM-HMM.

- AND I'M GONNA SET THE MOODFOR YOU GUYS.

FIRST, KATE UPTON.

- OH, YEAH.

YES!

- YEAH.

[audience cheering]

- I'D HAVE SEX WITH HERON A THOUSAND CORPSES.

- I WOULD HAVE SEXWITH A THOUSAND CORPSES

TO GET TO HER.

- [laughing]YES.

- I'D HAVE SEX WITH KATE UPTONON TOP OF MY MOM.

DEAD OR ALIVE.

- [laughing]

- YEAH.- YEAH.

- THAT IS--THAT IS IMPRESSIVE.

UP NEXT, QUEEN LATIFAH.

KEEP IN MIND,SHE'S ROYALTY.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?YES OR NO?

- CAN I DO THE CORPSESINSTEAD?

- [laughing]

OF COURSE YOU CAN,

ONCE SHE'S FINISHEDCHEWING ON 'EM.

[audience groans]

DOUG, YOU'RE EXCITED.WHAT DO YOU GOT?

- I DIDN'THAVE ANYTHING REALLY.

I WAS JUST GONNA SAY,SHE SEEMS LIKE A NICE LADY.

- SHE DOES.- BUT, UH--

- ALL RIGHT, UP NEXT,IT'S OUR JESELNIK OFFENSIVE

TWOFER TUESDAY,ABBY AND BRITTANY.

ABBY AND BRITTANY,WHAT DO YOU THINK?

YES OR NO?- OH, MAN.

- [laughing]

- UH, I HAD TO ACTUALLY LOOK UPWHO THEY WERE.

- REALLY?- AND THE ANSWER IS YES.

- YEAH.- THE ONE--

THE ONE ON THE LEFT.

- ARE THERE--ARE THERE TWO HOLES?

- NO IDEA.- FINE.

- I'M SURE THEIR LAWYERSWILL TELL YOU.

- NO, THERE ARE TWO HOLES,BUT TWO FRONT HOLES?

- I DON'T KNOW.

I THINK ANYTHING GOESWITH THESE TWO LADIES.

- I WOULD HAVE SEXWITH THEM

JUST BECAUSE THE LESS WEIRDASPECT OF THE STORY

WOULD BE THE CORPSE THING.

- [laughing]

NOW IT'S TIME TO PUTA NOOSE AROUND YOUR NECK

AND KICK OUT THE CHAIR.

IT'S "DEFENDING YOUR TWEET."

[cheers and applause]

YOU TWEETED IT.

NOW I'M GONNA READ ITAND ASK YOU TO DEFEND IT

IN FRONT OF ALL THESE PEOPLE.

DOUG, YOU ARE FIRST.

ON JANUARY 8TH,YOU TWEETED THE FOLLOWING.

DOUG, DEFEND YOUR TWEET.

HOW HIGH WERE YOUWHEN YOU WROTE THIS?

- HOW HIGH WAS I?

HOW HIGH WASTHE FLIGHT ATTENDANT

WHEN SHE GAVE MEA FLY SWATTER?

WHY WOULD SHE EVEN THINKSOMEONE'S ASKING FOR THAT?

- I DON'T KNOW.

HOW MANY TIMES DID YOU ASK HERFOR THE FLY SWATTER?

- [laughing]

I HAD COTTON MOUTH.

I NEEDED A LOTOF FLY SWATTER.

- ALL RIGHT, BRIAN.- ALL RIGHT.

- THIS IS ONE OFMY FAVORITE TWEETS EVER.

ON SEPTEMBER 19TH,YOU TWEETED...

[laughter and applause]

BRIAN POSEHN,DEFEND YOUR TWEET.

- ALL RIGHT.LET ME SET THE SCENE.

- [laughs]- PLEASE.

- SO I'M REWATCHING THE MIST.

- [laughs]

- AND I'M MASTURBATING.

AND MARCIA GAY HARDENCOMES ON.

- WHAT HAPPENS THEN?- I WROTE THE TWEET.

- [laughs]

BUT SHE DOES GET SHOTIN THE HEAD.

- I WAS LIKE, "I GOTTA STOP."- YOU GOTTA PAUSE.

- YEAH, YEAH.- GOTTA PAUSE AND TWEET THIS.

- I'LL BE BACKTO YOU, BUDDY.

- [laughs]

- THIS ISTOTALLY TWEETABLE.

- WELL, YOUR PENISSOUNDS PATIENT.

WELL, THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCHFOR BEING HERE TONIGHT.

CATCH BRIAN'S HOUR SPECIAL THE FARTIST,

AVAILABLE NOW ON NETFLIX,

AND SUBSCRIBE TOTHE DOUG LOVES MOVIES PODCAST

ON ITUNES.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACKWITH MORE SHOW.

[cheers and applause]

[funky techno music]

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