The Route of All Evil

  • Season 5, Ep 3
  • 02/19/2008

Cubert and Dwight's new delivery company drives Planet Express out of business.

( loud belch )

Mmm! The ingredientsare cooked,

and they've picked up some ofyour natural robot flavorings.

Time to add the yeast.

Yeast? You mean...

I'll have a life-formgrowing inside me?

( voice breaking ):It's so beautiful.

( blows nose )

( phone ringing )

Talk to me.

This is Professor Farnsworth.

I have an important deliveryfor you and your dumb crew.

You must deliver a pizzato Dogdoo Eight,

a planet at the edgeof the universe.

( Professor's voice ):Sorry I can't come downto say good-bye,

but I'm busy inventinguseless junk.

And I smell bad.

( both giggling )

( giggling continues )

( video game beeping )


( groans )

If you were my kids,

you'd get quitea talking-to...

from your father...

when he got homefrom the senate.

Oh, bother!What have they done now?

Those pork dumplingssent us on a fakepizza delivery!

The address wason Dogdoo Eight,

but the universeends right afterDogdoo Seven.

Child-mon, is this true?

Yeah, but why areyou mad at us?

Your dummy brigadewasted a week on anobviously fake mission.

Plus, they're making bootlegbeer inside company property.

Lies! Lies and slander!

( loud belch )

Accusing gentle Benderof a misdeed?

That's the last straw!

You boys have beenunderfoot long enough!

You jerked the wordsright out of my mouth.

We're their fathers,and it's high timeswe acted like it.

Ooh-hoo-hoo!Here comes violence.

( clears throat )

Get a job,you lazy kids.

Uh... I guess,if you want children beaten

you have to do it yourself.

Business is down,so I have filed papers

to have you all reclassifiedas slaves.

( wheel squeaking )

PROFESSOR:Well, well,

if it isn't our littlemunchkin moguls.

Would you just...

What's the trouble, men?

Need some penny rollsfor your profits?

Actually,thanks to Dwight'sbrilliant accounting

and my unaccountablebrilliance, ( snorts )

our paper route now hasover a million customers!

We're finally makingmore money than you guys!

Aren't youimpressed now, Pops?

Aren't you?Aren't you? a small way, yes.

But you still don't haveyour own building

or conference table or...

or one of those things.


Our dads are never impressed,no matter what we do.

Maybe we shouldstart a fire.

If we really wantto impress them

we'll have to crush them--with strategy...

"Dwight Lightning."

Very well, but I get toname the next strategy.


on The Real World--"The Sun."

( man screams )

I'm burning to death!

Oh! You know how much

an apartmentthat big would cost

on the sun?

People, as you know,our young sons

have becomegreat successes

in the very samefield as us.

Yay!That's great!All right!

Naturally,we're humiliated.

That's why we need you,our loyal crew

to make Planet Express800% more profitable.

We'll startby slashing salaries.

And, this time,I mean really slashing.

Uh, guys, I don't know howto tell you this

so I'll just let Fryblurt it out thoughtlessly.

We don't workfor you anymore!

( gasps )What?!

Dwight and Cubert

made us a better offer.

We're paperboys now.


We got papersto stuff, team.

Hut two, hut two!

Yes, sir.Right away.

We're on it,Mr. Farnsworth.