Monday, May 5, 2014

  • 05/05/2014

Jamie Lee, Jared Logan and Dan St. Germain guess which sad Kanye West meme got the most upvotes on Reddit, #RuinARapTrack and list ridiculous names for Kentucky Derby horses.

RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNETHEADLINES, IT'S RAPID REFRESH!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Chris: BREAKING NEWS?

KANYE WEST AND KIM KARDASHIANGOT MARRIED IN A SECRET CEREMONY

WE ALL KNEW ABOUT. BUT MOREIMPORTANTLY, KANYE GOT A TASTE

OF MARRIAGE WHEN HE DIDSOMETHING ONLY SHE WANTED TO DO,

AS EVIDENCE BY THIS HAPPENINGRIGHT HERE.

IT IS LIKE, OH, MAN, WE HAVE AKID TOGETHER AND EVERYTHING, WHY

DID WE HAVE TO GET MARRIED?

>> THIS PHOTO OF KIMYE GOING ZIPLINING AND COMMENCED THE

SAD KANYE MEME. WHICH OF THEFOLLOWING GOT THE MOST UVOTES?

>> A, SAD YEZUS SPENDING 40DAYS AND 40 NIGHTS IN THE DESERT

>> B, KANYE DROPPING A NEWRELEASE IN THE URINAL.

>> LET HIM FINISH, LET HIMFINISH!

>> C, SAD KANYE BEINGPRESENTED TO THE LION KING

>> CAN YOU FEEL THE LOVE ♪[ APPLAUSE ]

>> Chris: YES, JARED.

>> WELL GIVEN THE USUAL LEVEL OFDISCOURSE ON REDDIT, I'LL GO

WITH THE URINAL DUMP.

>> Chris: WELL THE CORRECTANSWER IS ACTUALLY A, THE

CORRECT ANSWER IS A, HE LOOKSLIKE HE JUST DISCOVERED LAMAR

ODOM'S BODY.

>> TWO WEEKS, GUYS, TWO WEEKS.

>> Chris: IT WAS A HUGE WEEKENDIN THE NBA PLAYOFFS, I AM TOLD,

THERE WERE FIVE GAME SEVENS ANDTHE ACTION WAS BUSTING OUT ON

VINE LIKE THIS CLIPPERS FANGIVING HERSELF A CHEST PASS

>> OH, THERE IT IS.

>> THEY ARE STILL THERE.

YEAH.

>> I DO THE SAME THING WITHMY BALLS ALL THE TIME.

>> WAIT A MINUTE, OH, THEY ARETHERE.

>> I MEAN, OH, THEY ARE.

I CALL THEM, YES, SOUTHERN TITS.

>> COMEDIANS, WHICH OF THESE 2NBA VINES GOT THE MOST LIKES, A,

THE RAPPERS MASCOT GETTINGCONSOLED BY DRAKE, OR B,

PENNY MARSHAL VERSUS WHATEVERWAS STUCK IN HER TEETH BACK

RIGHT BACK THERE.

>> OH, MY GOD.

>> RIGHT IN THERE.

THERE IT IS.

>> YES, JAMIE LEE.

>> PENNY MARSHAL.

>> THE CORRECT ANSWER IS, INFACT, PENNY MARSHAL!

>> I DIDN'T KNOW MICHAEL MOOREHAD A TWIN.

NOW IT'S TIME FOR TONIGHT'SHASHTAG WARS.

>> GET READY, BIG DAY FORHIP-HOP, SO TO CELEBRATE

GOOD HIP-HOP, LET'S MAKE SOMECRAPPY MUSIC. RUIN A RAP TRACK,

RUIN A RAP TRACK, SHARTED FROMTHE BOTTOM.

OR MY FAVORITE, THIS IS THE WAY-- THIS IS THE -- ♪

>> YES!

>> HE IS VERY ALLERGIC TO ALL OFTHOSE CATS THAT ARE ON HIM RIGHT

THERE.

HE IS GOING INTO ANAPHYLACTICSHOCK. 60 SECONDS ON THE CLOCK.

>> JARED LOGAN.

>> 99 PROBLEMS AND A HANDYSPREADSHEET TO HANDLE THEM ALL.

>> Chris: POINTS.

>> TITTY (BLEEP) THE POLICE.

>> JESUS WALKS IN SKETCHERSHAPEUP SHOES.

>> Chris: POINTS.

JARED.

>> MY MUMPS

>> JAMIE.

>> THE DONG THONG.

>> Chris: OH... I NEED ONE OFTHOSE, POINTS.

JARED.

>> STRAIGHT OUT OF COMCAST, I AMIN SALES.

>> Chris: POINTS!

>> DAN.

>> I'M SORRY LATOYA JACKSON, IAM FOR REAL.

>> Chris: POINTS.

YES, JARED.

>> IT IS HOT OUT THERE FOR ANIMP, DO YOU WATCH "GAME OF

THRONES"?

>> Chris: POINTS.

>> IT IS GETTING COLD IN HERE SOPUT ON A CABLE KNIT SWEATER

VEST.

AWWWW SNAP!CHAT.

SO SNAPCHAT HAD A MAJOR UPDATETHAT CAUSED TEENAGERS TO

OMG THEIR PANTS.

>> IT HAS INSTANT VIDEO AND TEXTMESSAGING, SO INSTEAD OF DICK

PICS, YOU CAN DESCRIBE THEM WITHEMOTICONS.

>> FOR 250 POINTS YOU CAPTIONTHE NEW PHOTO, YOU GUYS READY?

FIRST ONE, THIS IS GOT TO BE AHEARTBREAKER. THIS IS HOW TO BE

A HEARTBREAKER.

DAN.

>> GRANDPA'S COMING OUT PARTY.

YEAH, POINTS.

>> WAIT, THIS ISN'T GRINDR.

>> Chris: POINTS.

>> Chris: WOULDN'T IT BEGRAND-PER.

>> NEXT ONE.

>> DOUBLE PENETRATION, BECAUSEI'M A SLUT.

>> DAN.

>> QUIET, I CAN'T HEAR MYSELF(BLEEP).

>> Chris: POINTS.

>> I PLAY SHREK AT POORCHILDREN'S BIRTHDAY PARTIES.

>> Chris: OH, THAT IS CUTE.

>> ISN'T HE CUTE?

>> JUS THE TIP, PLEASE, I HAVE ASHALLOW COCHLEA.

>> Chris: POINTS, POINTS.

>> I'M KNOWN FOR INNER-EARREFERENCES

>> LAST ONE, #CHURCH CAMP.

>> JARED.

>> THIS IS MY EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE.

SO GOOD, POINTS!

[ APPLAUSE ]>> Chris: REAL GOOD.

>> HOW TO PACK SMART AND LOSEVISITATION RIGHTS.

THIS IS TWO FOR ONE.

THE GOOD FOLKS AT REDDIT -->> I LOVE A DEAL!

>> Chris: IT IS BETTER THAN ADEAL. THE GOOD FOLKS AT REDDIT

HAVE AN ENTIRE SUB REDDIT TO THEART OF COMBINED GIFTS, I WILL

GIVE YOU HALF A GIFT AND YOUHAVE TWO CHOICES, YOU HAVE TO

TELL ME THE SECOND HALF. FIRSTONE UP, OBI-WAN KENOBI

USING THE FORCE, TO CLOSE THEREFRIGERATOR WITH A CAT ON IT,

OR OPENING AND CLOSING THE DOOROF A CAR OF A CONFUSED ELDERLY

WOMAN.>>JAMIE.

>> I'M GOING TO GO WITH CAT.

>> Chris: LET'S FIND OUTTOGETHER, USING THE FORCE, OH!

>> OH! CAT, THERE IT IS.

>> YES!

>> HOW DID YOU GET THATSOMEONE WOULD DO SOMETHING ABOUT

A CAT ON THE INTERNET?

>> I KNOW, BRILLIANT.

>> Chris: MEW OR MEW NOT, THEREIS NOT TRY.

>> THANK YOU.

>> Chris: NEXT WE HAVE LUKEPICARD.

>> IS HE SHOOTING AT A DANCINGCHUNK FROM GOONEYS WHILE BULLETS

BOUNCE OFF OF HIM, OR CAUSING ANEXPLOSION OF THE KINGDOME.

>> SHOOTING AT A DANCING CHUNKWHILE BULLETS BOUNCE OFF OF HIM.

>> Chris: OH, SHOOT SHOOT SHOOTSHOOT SHOOT SHOOT.

[ APPLAUSE ]>> VERY NICE.

>> YEAH.

>> I GOT IT RIGHT AND I AMTURNED ON.

>> DO THE DANCE, DAN.

>> CALM DOWN, GLASS HOUSES.

>> ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

>> Chris: NEXT ONE. MORPHEUSTELLING NEO HE

HAS TO LET GO.

DOES IT APPEAR HE JUMPED OFF THEROOF AND LANDS ON A DUMPSTER, OR

DOES HE TAKE DOWN A FESTIVALSTAGE, INJURING DOZENS OF

PHISH FANS. >>JARED.

>> PHISH FANS.

>> Chris: LET'S FIND OUT.

>> I AM GOING TO JUMP NOW.

HERE I GO. I REGRET NOTHING! OH, BAM!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> HERE I GO.

I REGRET NOTHING!

>> I GUESS MORPHEUS TOOK THE REDPILL,

WHICH WAS LOADED WITH ANGELDUST.

>> HOW ABOUT THIS DAPPER HUNK?

>> DOES IT CUT TO MCMAHON DOINGA DOUBLE TAKE, OR CUT TO AN

EXCITED ANIME BOY WHO APPEARS TODRAW POWERS FROM HIS MUSCLES?

>> EXCITED ANIME BOY.

>> THE CORRECT ANSWER IS, INFACT, VINCE MCMAHON!

>> WAIT.

..

>> OH!

>> OH!

[ APPLAUSE ]>>

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT.

HOW ABOUT THIS GOLFER? THISGUY. DOES HE SWING A BALL THAT

APPEARS TO KILL A WHALE, OR DOESMAGNETO BECOME PLEASED WITH

HIMSELF AFTER BREAKING HIS CLUB.>> I THINK IT IS MAGNETO, LET'S

FIND OUT.

KENTUCKY DERPY.

[ APPLAUSE ]

>> ARE YOU GETTING WARMED UP? WHAT ARE YOU WARMING UP FOR,

JARED?

>> I AM GETTING MY BODY READYFOR THIS ROUND.

HE IS HAVING A SLOW STROKE.

>> HE SEEMS FINE, HE SEEMS FINE.

>> HELP HIM HIT THE BUZZER.

>> I SMELL PENNIES.

DO YOU GUYS?

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT.

WAS IT PENNY MARSHAL.

>> ALL RIGHT.

.. THIS WEEKEND WAS THE KENTUCKYDERBY, I WAS BORN IN LOUISVILLE,

KENTUCKY SO IN IS MILDLYIMPORTANT TO ME.

IT'S LESS OF A HORSE RACE ANDMORE OF AN EXCUSE TO GET DRUNK

AND WEAR OUTFITS AND POST IT ONSOCIAL MEDIA LIKE THIS GUY HERE.

OH!

>> SHUT UP, BITCH, I'M DRIVING!

>> LET'S GET SOME MORE WINEBOXES.

>> HASHTAG DERBY. THEWINNING HORSE BY THE WAY WAS

CALIFORNIA CHROME AND THE RACEINCLUDED A HORSE NAMED GENERAL

AROD AND CANDY BOY. I FEEL LIKEWE COULD COME UP WITH BETTER

HORSE NAMES THAN THAT.60-SECONDS ON THE CLOCK AND I

WANT AS MANY RIDICULOUS HORSENAMES AS POSSIBLE. GO!

>> JAMIE.

>> HAY, RIGHTS ACTIVIST.

>> Chris: POINTS.

JARED.

>> SECRETARIAT APPRECIATION DAY.

>> Chris: NICE, POINTS.

YES, JARED.

>> DAVID HASSLE-HOOF.

>> Chris: SO GOOD.

>> YES, THE FAMOUS GUY.

>> Chris: I'M SORRY, WAS HE ONHAY-WATCH?

>> HE WAS ON NIGHT HORSE RIDER.

>> Chris: SO GOOD!

>> HAY, THAT WAS GOOD!

>> Chris: POINTS. DAN.

>> CIRCUS (BLEEP)!

>> THAT IS ACTUALLY MY FAVORITEPINKBERRY FLAVOR.

>> Chris: POINTS.

JARED.

>> NAY-Z.

>> Chris: POINTS.

REAL GOOD, JAMIE.

>> GLUEY CK.

>> Chris: POINTS.

JARED.

>> MNAY SHYAMALAN.

>> THERE ARE A LOT A FAMOUSPEOPLE WITH NAY IN IT.

>> YOU THINK THE HORSE IS GOINGTO FINISH THE RACE AND

SOMETHING (BLEEP) AND WEIRDHAPPENS.

>> SEAN HOOFY COMBS.

>> YES.

SO GOOD, POINT.

>> Chris: JARED.

>> MONEY LAUNDERING SCHEME.

>> Chris: YEAH, OKAY.

I GET IT.

DAN.

>> JOY-LESS BEHAR.

>> Chris: NICE.

POINTS.

>> LASO COMIC STANDING

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