Fozzie Bear, John Hodgman and Kristen Schaal celebrate Beyonce Day, list #BoringBlockbusters and dream up new business ventures for the unemployed Muppets.
Attention people who arenot ready for this jelly.
You better get ready
because the governorof Minnesota proclaimed
Monday the 23rd is Beyoncé Day!
-(applause and cheering)-Or...
-Yeah!-Or Beyonce-Day, I guess.
Yeah, I think that works.
Beyonce-Day. I like Beyonce-Day.I feel like we need
some sort of m... Jack,can you play that regal music
for when the queen walks out?
(man humming "Rule Britannia")
-(laughter)-I said play it.
-I didn't say do itwith your mouth. -(laughter)
The holiday was started to honor
Ms. Cé's positive messageto girls,
teaching them that they, too,can be single ladies,
independent women,and superstars
who exploit their husband'spossible infidelity
-to take his ass to Red Lobster.Uh... -(laughter)
Everyone online is thrilledabout the chance
to celebrate allour queen of queens.
And if you're not,then you might be
Becky With the Good Hair,and you probably should run.
So, comedians, how did youcelebrate Beyonce-Day?
Well, I put my husbandin an elevator
and I let Solangeslap him around
for all the bad thingshe's done.
-That was a great way to go.-(applause)
-Fozzie Bear?-Yeah, not me.
I hang the lightson the Beyoncé tree,
and I leave out cookiesand lemonade for Jay Z.
All right. Perfect. It's theperfect way to celebrate.
-(applause and cheering)-John Hodgman.
I'd spend itwith Beyoncé, yeah,
just drinking baby blood
-at illuminati headquarters,you know. -(laughter)
It's now timefor tonight's #HashtagWars.
Summer blockbuster seasonis upon us,
that special time of yearwhen the nation's movie theaters
remind peopleover and over again
to turn off their dang phones.
I always hate that partbefore a movie where they say,
"Please silenceyour cell phones,"
and then I have to pick upmy phone and go, "Silence!"
But it has to be done.
Now the Tumblr, gunsreplaced with selfie sticks,
imagines: what would happenif movie characters
dropped their gunsand decided to snap a selfie
mid-action, like Schwarzeneggerin Terminator 2,
-uh, right here?-(laughter)
This is the perfect wayto make a blockbuster movie
as boring as the guy whocan't put down his selfie stick,
which is why tonight's hashtagis #BoringBlockbusters.
#BoringBlockbusters.Examples might be:
The Muppets Take Pilates,
T. the Terrestrial.
-Uh, I'm gonna put...-(laughter)
I'm gonna put...
Ah, see?It's a little bit of a thinker.
Oh, Muppets Take Pilates!
Uh, I'm gonna put 60 secondson the clock, and begin.
-John. -Mission: Achievable.
-Kristen Schaal. -Meh Max.
-Fozzie Bear. -The Jungle PDF.
-Hodgman. -Ah, Never Mind, There's Nemo.
-All right, points.-(laughter)
-Kristen Schaal. -Captain America: A Civil Discussion.
-Fozzie.-My button's not working!
-(laughter)-SCHAAL: That's not a movie.
That's not my answer!That's not my answer!
Uh, Angry Birds...
Who Take a Deep Breath Before Speaking.
-Yes, points. Points.-(laughter)
-Fozzie. -Failure to Lunch.
Ant, Comma, Man.
-Points. Very good. Points.-(laughter)
Uh, A Godfather.
A Godfather II.
It's time for The MuppetsTake Unemployment.
The Muppets Take Unemployment.
Wait a minute.Hey, stop.
Why are you clapping? You don'teven know what you're cla...
You're clapping for the factthat ABC canceled The Muppets!
Yeah, you can suck it, ABC,unless I can work for you.
But... there's one thing I know:
it's that the Muppetswill be back on TV and movies
and the Internet and otherfuture forms of entertainment
that we haven't even inventedyet until the end of time.
And I say that is fantastic.
So let's do some brainstorming.
I would like youto give me the names
of as many futureMuppet projects as you can
that hopefully will get made.
I'm gonna put 60 secondson the clock. And begin.
-Kristen.-Uh. Dr. Bunsen Honeydew
in The John Hodgman Story.
All right. Points.
Yes, I see it!
Pigs in Space:
the Fork Awakens.
All right, points.
Uh, an Animal House remakewith Animal!
Yes, points. Fozzie.
Miss Piggyin Silence of the Hams.
All right, perfect.
A new HBO political comedycalled Meep.
Oh, perfect! So good!
So good. Fozzie.
Um, anything,as long as I have a job.
Yeah, points. Points.