The Best F#@king News Team examines third-party candidates, Jordan Klepper puts Donald Trump fans to the test, and Emily King performs songs from her album "The Switch."
let's turn nowto the presidential race.
Hillary Clintonversus Donald Trump,
the Batman v. Superman of American politics,
in that it has left Americavery disappointed.
The majority of voters continueto hold unfavorable views
of both candidates.
REPORTER: A remarkable 58% of registered voters
now say they are dissatisfied with the choice before them.
This election, for many people,is who do you hate the least.
The unlikable crookor the unlikable clown?
That was, uh, unnecessary.
The unlikable clown?
Who likes clowns?You can just say "the clown."
You don't needto say "unlikable."
It's unnecessary. Uh...
And that's what's so weirdabout this election for me,
because when itcomes to everything
except presidential candidates,
Americans have the most choices,
You know? For more thingsthan anyone else in the world.
Like, I can walk intoa supermarket-- any supermarket
in America--and choose from literally
400 different kinds of yogurt.
I don't even thinkpeople realize how weird it is
to have this manytypes of yogurt--
every texture, every size.
Fruit on the bottom,fruit mixed in,
sometimes fruit you don't evenknow where it's hiding --
It just sneaks up on youwhile you're eating.
You're just like,"Mmm, that... Aah, kiwi, kiwi!"
And yet, when it comesto selecting America's leader
for the next four years,you're stuck with two choices:
Hillary Clintonand Donald Trump.
Or, to put that in yogurt terms,
vanilla andsriracha baboon anus.
But... but, as muchas voters complain
about neither of these choicesbeing appealing,
come November 8,a decision has to be made.
So, for more on,uh, more insight
on America's,uh, difficult choice,
we turn to our election analysts
Hasan Minhaj, Desi Lydicand Adam Lowitt, everybody.
Thank you so muchfor joining, guys.
Uh, Hasan, let's start with you.
How does a dissatisfiedvoter decide
between Hillary Clintonand Donald Trump?
Well, it's easy,Trevor-- you don't.
Why choose betweenCoke and Pepsi
when you can have Diet Shasta?
I'm talking about Libertariannominee Gary Johnson.
Uh, I'm sorry, Hasan-- who?
Trevor, Johnson is anexperienced entrepreneur,
he's former governorof New Mexico,
and he's so legit that he callshimself Honest Johnson.
H... Honest Johnson sounds like
the worst porn name ever.That's...
Okay, well, I think we need somemore honesty in the bedroom.
Oh, you know what, Hasan, Ihave heard about this candidate.
I mean, uh, this is the same guy
who's really open about smokingweed all the time, right?
I don't know if Americanswant their president
to be highin the Situation Room.
Hey, look, if America hada president who smoked weed
maybe we wouldn't be so quickto go into war all the time.
Like, imagine if George Bushwould have been high--
would we have gone into Iraq?
I think you stillwould have gone in,
just a lot slower.
Yeah, but Gary Johnsonis against gun control.
Yeah, that's whatbeing a libertarian means--
no government anywhere.They won't raise my taxes,
regulate my businesses or tellmy I can't marry a sasquatch.
O-Okay, you know, uh...That-that last...
Did you say "sasq..."This is ridiculous.
Uh, uh, Desi, surely you don'tagree with this madness.
No. First of all,good luck finding a sasquatch
that's single, okay?And secondly,
I don't want a presidentwho I share a weed dealer with.
There's a perfectly goodcandidate out there
who happens to be a woman,
and I am with her.
Of course-- Hillary Clinton.
No. Dr. Jill Stein.
Hillary doesn't own her.(short chuckle)
You see, Trevor,the Green party nominee
is pledging to move Americato 100% renewable energy
and cancel all student debt.
She's the perfectprogressive candidate.
If Hillary and Bernie had sex
and someone watched it,
that personwould be Dr. Jill Stein.
Are you kidding me?
A candidate who's skepticalabout vaccines?
Oh, is someone afraid of polio?
O-okay, look, uh,maybe-maybe Hasan is right
about the vaccines,and Desi is right
that Hasan's beinga little bitch about it,
um, but that's notthe only thing, Desi.
Dr. Stein is alsovery suspicious of Wi-Fi.
There's a video makingthe rounds now-- it's being,
uh, reported out--i-in which you appear to say
that, uh, broadbandInternet access in schools,
Wi-Fi, uh, is somehow having
an adverse health effecton children's brains?
Many countries, in-includingthe European regulatory agency,
have seen fit to protect,um, vulnerable people
from, uh...from that sort of-of, uh...
I am not saying that the scienceis done on this,
rather that the sciencehas just begun.
So, Desi, your reply to that?
I don't... I don't know what'sso strange about that, Trevor.
Dr. Jill Stein is just sayingshe wants to do more research
-on Wi-Fi.-And how am I supposed
to research Wi-Fi without Wi-Fi?
Aw, someone doesn't havean unlimited data plan?
I-I don't, actually. Uh...
C-C... Hello?Can I please say something?
Please, Adam,go-go ahead, go ahead.
Yeah, are we really havingthis conversation,
Honest Johnson or Dr. Dial-Up?
You know? Like, everyone knowswho America needs,
-Sorry, who?-Who? -Who?
Just roll the clip.
REPORTER: Former CIA operative Evan McMullin
launching an independent bid for the White House.
McMullin is being funded and helped
by GOP members unhappy with Trump.
That's a real choice there,Trevor.
Adam,are you supporting McMullin
because you guys lookexactly the same?
So all bald people look aliketo you, huh?
Yeah, actually,to be honest, they do.
I think so, too.It's crazy, right?
I once got mistakenfor Ving Rhames.
Well, well, th-thank you so muchto our panel.
We-we came into this discussiontalking about two candidates.
We came out realizingthere were actually five people
who could become presidentof the United States.
-And so...-(others protesting)
-H-Hold on, hold on.-Uh, hold on, Trevor.
I said you can vote for Gary Johnson,
but there is no wayhe can win this election.
Voting Gary Johnsonis as useless
as me getting TSA PreCheck--
I'm still gettingthat random search.
Yeah, yeah.I think Jill Stein is great,
but the truth isAmerica is a two-party system,
so voting for Jill Stein
is like throwing penniesin a wishing well--
it's fun to saywhat you wish for,
but that doesn't meanit's gonna come true.
Yeah, I don't even remembermy guy's name.
-Who? -The-the guyyou were talking about earlier.
-You mean Ving Rhames?-A-All right, you know what,
uh, we're gonna haveto cut it there.
Thank you so muchfor wasting everyone's time.
Uh, give it up for thecorrespondents one more time,
Earlier this week, Donald Trumpproposed a bold new program
to manage immigrationinto the United States.
We should only admitinto this country
those who share our valuesand respect our people.
I call it extreme vetting.
I call itextreme, extreme vetting.
It's like he really thinks themore "extremes" he puts on it
the more votes he'll get,you know?
"We're down six points in Ohio,so extreme vetting.
"Check again.How many? How many? Seven.
The big question is, uh,how widely shared
are the values that Trump speaksof amongst Trump supporters?
Well, we sent Jordan Klepperto find out.
KLEPPER: Donald Trump's new ideological screening test
will weed out extremists with...
Extreme viewsabout religion such as...
It's oppression of women,gays and non-believers.
KLEPPER: That's right. Trump wants prospective Americans
to embrace religious freedom, gender equality and gay rights.
At a recent rally in Wisconsin, his fans were on board.
I am for extreme vetting. I am.
I think it is a good idea.
Think that's a good idea?
Of course.He forgot one thing.
Just make 'em eat some bacon.
KLEPPER: These guys were pumped about
America's values of tolerance so
I knew they'd pass Trump's test with flying colors.
Fill in the blank for me.
Two men getting married is...blank.
I should answerit's legal in the United States.
Oh, it's legal,but I don't like it.
It's importantto believe in our...
you know, to have respectfor everyone's religion.
-So you respect Christianity?-I do.
Can a woman be president?
The presidency is a man's job.
I have women are qualifiedto be president.
No. A femalehas more hormones.
She could start a warin ten seconds
if she has hot flashes,whatever-- boom!
Haven't all warsbeen started by men?
Do you think a gay coupleshould have the same rights
-as a het...?-No, I don't.
I really don't.I don't think it's fair.
To the gay couple?
Well, no, but,
the regular couple--they work so hard, you know.
And the gay couple--they want more.
Do you...? When you say more,do you mean equal?
Yeah, they want equal in that.
-And that's just too much?-Yeah.
-No, that's the wrong answer.Sorry. Hold on. -Ah.
Turns out Trump's ideology test
was going to be harder than I thought.
Whenever I hear "president,"I think of man.
It's a man's job.
What's the r...?I may be...
No. Yeah, well, no.
You're votingagainst your own interests.
That's it. Thank you very much.
These extreme nations-- theydon't treat women with respect.
We treat womenwith respect here.
Yes, we do, be...
-That's an American ideal.-Yup.
Tell me about your shirt.
-What's it say?-It says... (laughs)
(laughs)But not like Monica.
So we were talking abouttreating women with respect.
It's an American ideal
that we treat womenwith respect, so...
You got to give me the backof that shirt one more time.
That's too much fun.
Trump that bitch!
(laughs) We don't even seethe irony in it.
I love it, right?
As passionate as these guys were,
they just weren't passing Trump's ideological test.
Luckily, there was still time to study.
This will just help youprep for the test
so if you take it again,you'll be more welcome here.
Uh, this is a DVD of the thirdseason of Will & Grace.
-Okay. -It's really likableand not too gay, gay people.
This one is gonna be goodfor you.
This really like, uh,humanizes women.
-Okay?-(laughs) 'Cause us feminists--
-we have so much workto be done. -(Klepper laughs)
-You know?-You a feminist?
-No. -KLEPPER: Obviously, extreme vetting was necessary
to weed out extremists,
but until the plan was in place, were any of us safe?
Are you afraid the extremistsare already here right now?
They could be anywhere.
They could be right here.
-They could be.-Yeah.
-Like that guy or that guy.-They could be over there.
-They could be that guy,or this guy. -Anybody.
-It could be anybody.-It could be anybody.
(majestic band melody)
- My favorite momenthas gotta be Kerri Strug
landing that vault with a broken foot.
- I just remember beinga kid and watching
the Dream Team and seeing Larry Bird play
with Magic and Jordan, just thinking if I got good
at basketball, I could have some black friends, maybe.
- My favorite athlete is Michael Phelps,
'cause he proves you could smoke weed
and still be successful.
- My favorite Olympic story of all time
is Eric the Eel.
Eric the Eel was...
I don't, wait.
Can you understand me with my accent?
- [Voiceover] I actually have no idea what you're saying.
- Oh, I thought so.
So, maybe we can put subtitles?
(inspirational brass band ensemble)
(awe-inspiring orchestral score)
- [Voiceover] Equatorial Guinea, Eric Moussambani.
- [Voiceover] Up, up, up
- [Voiceover] Oh, goodness, me.
- [Voiceover] Oh, no.
- [Voiceover] And heat one of
this Men's 100 Meters Freestyle
and here we haveEric Moussambani
of Equatorial Guinea.
- [Voiceover] This guy doesn't look as though
he's gonna make it.
- [Voiceover] Now I am convinced this guy
is gonna have to get hold of the lane rope
in a minute.
- [Voiceover] Ajen, I'm notsure he's gonna make it, is he?
- [Voiceover] Yeah, he is, you see this is the Olympics.
He's got 17,000 people shouting for him.
- [Voiceover] Eric Moussambani of Equatorial Guinea,
wins heat one of the Men's 100 Meters Freestyle.
Well, I thought I'd seen everything
in the Olympic swimming pool.
(triumphant band movement)
- [Voiceover] How do you feel?
- Bitch, I'm tired.
(rousing final trumpet blast)