Extended - Thursday, January 15, 2015 - Uncensored

  • 01/15/2015

Whitney Cummings, David Koechner and Jeff Ross guess which breast-themed restaurant is real, list #ElderlyTVShows and troll celebrities in this extended, uncensored episode.

>> HARDWICK: RIPPED FROM TODAY'S

INTERNET HEADLINES, IT'S RAPIDREFRESH.

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)>> YES!

>> HARDWICK: HERE'S SOMETHINGTHAT'S ABSOLUTELY MORTIFYING ON

AN INTERNATIONAL LEVEL.

TURNS OUT, OUR AMBASSADOR TOFINLAND IS A GODDAMN WEIRDO.

(LAUGHTER)COMEDIANS, WHICH ONE OF THESE

GODDAMN WEIRDOES IS OURAMBASSADOR TO FINLAND?

A: THIS MEATBALL WITH THEPAINTED-ON MUSCLE SHIRT?

(LAUGHTER AND GROANING)B: NERDY JESSE PINKMAN? HMM?

(LAUGHTER AND GROANING)C: THIS SWASHBUCKLING STATESMAN?

(LAUGHTER AND GROANING)WHICH ONE OF THOSE IS OUR

AMBASSADOR TO FINLAND?

WHITNEY?

>> A.

>> HARDWICK: SHOCKINGLY, IT IS"A."

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)THAT IS...

THAT'S BRUCE ORECK, THE HEIR TOTHE ORECK VACUUM-CLEANING

FORTUNE.

>> WHICH IS WHY HE SUCKS.

>> HARDWICK: YES.

100 POINTS FOR WHITNEY CUMMINGS.

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)HE ALSO HAPPENS TO BE ONE OF THE

WORLD'S LARGEST MINERALCOLLECTORS, SO, WHEN HE'S NOT

WASTING TAXPAYER MONEY SO HE CANLUMBER AROUND HELSINKI PLAYING

DWAYNE "THE ROCK COLLECTOR"JOHNSON, HE'S SENDING OUT

OFFICIAL CHRISTMAS CARDS LIKETHESE.

>> WHAT?

>> HARDWICK: "HAPPY HOLIDAYS."

(APPLAUSE AND GROANING)>> REALLY?

>> HARDWICK: SO, COMEDIANS,ASSUMING THAT BRUCE ALMIGHTY IS

THE ONLY AMERICAN A LOT FINNISHFOLKS HAVE EVER MET, PLEASE GIVE

ME YOUR IMPRESSION, AS ANAVERAGE FINN, OF WHAT AMERICANS

ARE LIKE.

WHITNEY.

>> THEY THINK THAT ALL AMERICANSMASTURBATE TO THEMSELVES IN THE

MIRROR.

(LAUGHTER AND GROANING)>> HARDWICK: POINTS. POINTS.

(APPLAUSE)KOECHNER?

>> OH, I THINK THEY PROBABLYTHINK ALL AMERICANS ARE

MASTURBATORY.

UH, I GUESS ALL AMERICANSMASTURBATE TO THEIR SOUPED-UP

JET SKIS.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH. OH, YEAH.

YEAH, 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW...

(APPLAUSE)>> 'CAUSE THEY THINK WE'RE ALL

A BUNCH OF JERK OFFS.

>> HARDWICK: YOU WALK UP BEHINDIT.

THE JET SKI'S JUST SITTINGTHERE, WAITING TO HAVE SOMEONE

GET ON IT.

>> AND BRUCE WALKS UP AND SAYS,"HEY, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF

THIS?">> HARDWICK: YEAH. YEAH.

>> CHRIS, WHEN YOUR SHOW AIRS,THIS GUY IS FINNISHED.

>> HARDWICK: HEY! EXCELLENT.

(LAUGHTER, GROANING)100 POINTS FOR KECKS, 100 POINTS

FOR JEFF ROSS.

>> SO NOW THAT THEY'RE WATCHINGTHIS, THEY THINK ALL AMERICANS

MAKE PUNS.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: AND THEY WOULD BE

RIGHT, BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TOWATCH THIS GUY FINISH AT ALL.

(LAUGHTER)UH...

(APPLAUSE, SHOUTS)UH...

>> HE LOOKS LIKE A...

HE LOOKS LIKE A NICKELBACK SONGCOME TO LIFE.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, MOVING

ON.

MARVEL COMICS IS TEASINGSOMETHING HUGE ON ITS WEB SITE,

PROMISING THAT SOON THEY'LLMAKE, QUOTE, "THE ANNOUNCEMENT

TO END ALL ANNOUNCEMENTS."

THE INTERNET IS GOING WILD WITHSPECULATION.

COULD THE ULTIMATE'S UNIVERSE BEMERGING TO EARTH-616 TO CREATE A

COHESIVE REALITY?

WILL DOC OCK FREE HIMSELF FROMHIS TIME DISPLACEMENT TO FURTHER

TERRORIZE SPIDERMAN?

WILL CAPTAIN AMERICA AND THORGET IT OVER WITH AND JUST FUCK

ALREADY?!

(LAUGHTER, WHOOPING, APPLAUSE)WHILE...

TONY STARK FILMS IT WITH HISHELMET?!

(LAUGHTER)COMEDIANS, WHAT IS ONE POSSIBLE

ANNOUNCEMENT MARVEL COULD MAKEON TUESDAY? WHITNEY CUMMINGS.

>> THE FANTASTIC FOUR HAS ATHREESOME.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: SOMEONE'S LEFT OUT.

>> SOMEONE'S LEFT OUT.

THE THING IS LEFT OUT.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH.

YOU COULD PUT REED RICHARDS INANOTHER ROOM, BUT HE'LL JUST

REACH ALL THE WAY ACROSS...

(LAUGHTER)AND THEN DIDDLE YOU...

(APPLAUSE)>> OR MAKE IT LIKE SPIDERMAN IS

ON THE CEILING, LIKE, JUST, YOUKNOW, USING...

>> HARDWICK: SHOOTING WEBS,SHOOTING WEBS.

YEAH. POINTS. DAVID KOECHNER.

>> UH, SPIDERMAN HAS A NEWCATCHPHRASE: UH, WITH GREATER

POWER COMES LONGER LASTINGERECTIONS.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: HE'S TRYING TO

COMPLEMENT HIS INCOME AS AVITAMIN SALESMAN.

POINTS.

JEFF ROSS.

>> NEXT TUESDAY MARVEL WILLANNOUNCE THAT THE INCREDIBLE

HULK IS OUR NEXT AMBASSADOR TOFINLAND.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: POINTS. POINTS.

(APPLAUSE, WHOOPING)>> YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST.

>> HARDWICK: LET'S MOVE ON.

HUFFPO IS REPORTING ON A GROWINGTREND IN DINING:

THE BREASTAURANT.

WHILE SALES AT MOST MID-LEVELRESTAURANTS ARE STAGNATING,

SALES AT EATERIES WITH SEXY,SCANTILY CLAD WOMEN ARE

EXPERIENCING AN AUGMENTATION INTHEIR TOP AND BOTTOM LINE.

(LAUGHTER)THEIR BOTTOM LINE IS IN THE

DOUBLE-D DIGITS.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING IS THENAME OF ONE OF THE REAL

BREASTAURANT CHAINS THAT I WASTALKING ABOUT? A...

DAVID KOECHNER.

>> UH, I WISH IT WASWURSTKNOCKERS, BUT I'LL BET IT'S

MUGS 'N JUGS.

>> HARDWICK: THE CORRECT ANSWERIS IN FACT...

M... MUGS 'N JUGS.

♪ (WHOOPING, APPLAUSE)

>> WOW.

WOW.

>> HARDWICK: WHAT WE'RE SERVINGYOU, THIS IS WHAT WAS RIPPED OFF

BUT ON A CHICKEN.

LIKE, IT'S SO WEIRD.

BASICALLY, THEY'RE DISPLAYINGTHE HUMAN VERSION OF THE THING

YOU'RE EATING.

THAT'S SO BIZARRE.

AND WHAT A "FUCK YOU" TOCHICKENS.

UH, BY THE WAY, THIS RESTAURANTIS SO REDNECK, IT HAS A TORNADO

INSIDE.

(LAUGHTER)COMEDIANS...

(APPLAUSE)...PLEASE...

(WHOOPING)...PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR FAVORITE

DISH THAT'S SERVED AT THE MUGS'N JUGS BREASTAURANT. WHITNEY.

>> I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE THETURKEY BLUE BALLS. UH...

(LAUGHTER)...WITH SOME ICE-TEA-BAGGING.

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

(GROANS, APPLAUSE, WHOOPING)>> HARDWICK: POINTS. DAVID.

>> UH, CHRIS, I'M GONNA ORDERFOR THE TABLE. UH...

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: OH, OKAY.

YEAH, GO AHEAD, YOU'VE BEEN HEREBEFORE-- WHAT DO YOU WANT?

>> I'M... I'M GONNA HAVE THECHICKEN FINGERINGS...

(LAUGHTER)UM...

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE THE GRAVYMOTORBOAT...

>> OKAY.

>> AND I THINK YOU'RE GONNA HAVETHE DEEP-FRIED RESTRAINING

ORDER.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

>> WOULDN'T BE THE FIRST TIME.

THANK YOU.

>> HARDWICK: JEFF ROSS, WHATWILL YOU BE HAVING?

>> I'VE BEEN THERE ACTUALLY.

I HAD THE CRABS CAKES.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: GOOD. POINTS.

(APPLAUSE)>> I DON'T... I DON'T THINK

THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED AT ALL.

THAT IS NOT WHAT HAPPENED.

YOU GAVE THE CAKE CRABS.

(LAUGHTER)I REMEMBER THAT.

I REMEMBER YOU HAD TO HAVE SEXWITH THE CAKE.

>> IT WAS HIS BIRTHDAY.

>> IT WAS HIS BIRTHDAY.

>> IT WAS HIS BIRTHDAY.

UH, LOTS OF FROSTING.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: WAIT, WHY ARE WE

OUT BY THE DUMPSTER?

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

IT'S NOW TIME FOR TONIGHT'SHASHTAG WARS.

(CHEERING, WHOOPING)JANUARY 17, A DAY THAT WILL LIVE

IN INFAMY, WILL BE THE 66THANNIVERSARY OF THE AIRING OF THE

FIRST AMERICAN SITCOM, THEGOLDBERGS, WHICH PREMIERED ALL

THE WAY BACK IN 1949.

IN HONOR OF ALL THIS, TONIGHT'SHASHTAG IS: ELDERLYTVSHOWS.

ELDERLYTVSHOWS.

EXAMPLES MIGHT BE, UH, ROSEANNEOF GREEN GABLES OR...

GROIN PAINS.

(LAUGHTER)UH, I'M GONNA PUT 60 SECONDS ON

THE CLOCK. AND BEGIN.

YES, DAVID.

>> UH, WHAT'S HAPPENING?

SERIOUSLY, WHAT'S HAPPENING?

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

JEFF.

>> DOCTOR WHO? WHAT? HUH?

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

JEFF ROSS AGAIN.

>> HOUSE OF BINGO CARDS.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

KOECHNER.

>> WORLD WAR TWO AND A HALF MEN.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

WHITNEY CUMMINGS.

>> 30 ROCK HARD KIDNEY STONES.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

KOECHNER.

>> UM... TWO BROKEN HIPS.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

>> HEY! HEY!

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, JEFF.

>> UH, SHARTS AND RECREATION.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

WHITNEY.

>> THE DICK VAN LIMP SHOW.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

UH... JEFF ROSS.

>> 60 MINUTES LEFT TO LIVE.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

WHIT, WHIT, WHIT.

>> UH, DRY SEX IN THE CITY.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS!

(LAUGHTER)EXCELLENT.

IT'S TIME TO PLAY TROLL YOUR

LUCK!

♪ (CHEERING)

I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S SUPPOSEDTO...

ALL RIGHT, COMEDIANS, THIS ISTHE GAME THAT PUTS YOU IN THE

ROLE OF THE HATED TROLL ON THEINTERNET!

BUT BEFORE YOU, WE HAVE OURROTATING BOARD OF CELEBRITIES ON

TWITTER HERE.

WHEN YOU BUZZ IN, THE BOARD WILLSTOP ON ONE OF THESE CELEB'S

TWEETS.

FOR POINTS, YOU HAVE TO REPLY TOTHEM AS A MEAN, NASTY,

BLOCK-WORTHY TROLL.

BUT LOOK OUT-- IF YOU LAND ON AWHAMMY, YOU HAVE TO TROLL ONE OF

YOUR OWN TWEETS.

AW, DAMN.

(AUDIENCE GROANING, GASPING)ALL RIGHT, WHITNEY-- THAT'S NOT

THAT FUCKIN' EXCITING.

(LAUGHTER)ALL RIGHT, WHITNEY, THE BOARD IS

YOURS.

TROLL YOUR LUCK!

>> ALL RIGHT, I HAVE...

(AUDIENCE SHOUTING)>> HARDWICK: AND STOP ON...

GUY FIERI!

>> AW...!

>> HARDWICK: GUY FIERI-- HERE'SONE OF GUY FIERI'S TYPICAL

TWEETS.

(LAUGHTER)>> OKAY.

>> HARDWICK: I SWEAR TO CHRIST,IF I WERE GONNA WRITE A SKETCH

ABOUT A GUY FIERI TWEET, THAT'SWHAT I WOULD WRITE. UH...

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)>> WHAT DO YOU GOT?

>> I SHOULD SAY SOMETHING MEANBACK.

UM, OKAY, HEY, GUY, DON'T FILLUP TOO MUCH ON JOHNNY GARLIC'S.

UH, MAKE SURE TO SAVE SOME ROOMFOR THAT GUY FROM NICKELBACK'S

COCK.

UH... #PLEASERETWEET.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS FOR THEPLEASE RT.

>> (WHOOPS)>> HARDWICK: IT'S A VERY

EXCITING GAME BOARD-- I SEE ALOT OF VERY POPULAR FACES UP

THERE: SHIA LABEOUF, KIRSTIEALLEY, DR. PHIL...

UH, DAVID KOECHNER, IT'S GOTIME.

>> ALL RIGHT.

(CROWD CHEERING)>> BIG MONEY, BIG MONEY.

BIG MONEY.

(BELL DINGS)(DISTORTED BUZZING)

>> HARDWICK: STOPPED ON AWHAMMY.

>> I-I DON'T THINK THE SOUND'SRIGHT, I THINK IT GOES:

WHAMMY!

>> HARDWICK: WELL, NOW YOU GOTTO TROLL ONE OF YOUR OWN DUMB

TWEETS.

UH...

"JUST WANTED TO GIVE EVERYONE AQUICK UPDATE.

I AM GETTING FATTER.

"GOTTA PACK ON THE POUNDS BEFORESUMMER.

#AMERICAISBEAUTIFUL.

>> YEAH.

>> HARDWICK: THAT'S, UH, ONE OFKOECHNER'S TWEETS.

>> YEAH.

>> HARDWICK: SO NOW... YOU MUSTTROLL YOURSELF.

>> OKAY. HEY, GUY, TO GET MOREJACKED, MAYBE YOU CAN BECOME THE

AMBASSADOR TO THINLAND.

>> HARDWICK: YUP, ALL RIGHT.

I'LL GIVE YOU POINTS FOR THAT.

>> AND IN ADDITION TO TROLLINGYOURSELF, TRY TO CONTROL

YOURSELF.

>> HO, HO!

>> HARDWICK: HEY, THAT'S RIGHT.

>> WITH A POUT.

>> HARDWICK: WHAT ARE YOU...

ARE YOU TOUCHING BOOBS?

>> YEAH.

>> YEAH, YEAH, SORRY, I WASN'TREADY, I WASN'T READY.

I WASN'T READY, NOW I'M READY.

OH, WAIT, NOW... (LAUGHS)OH, YEAH, NOW...

YOU'RE... YOU'RE TOO TALL.

I HAVE TO JUMP TO GET MY BUTTRAISED UP.

>> THAT'S FINE.

>> HARDWICK: OKAY.

>> WE JUST TOUCHED BUTTHOLES.

>> HARDWICK: I-I JUST HAVE TO...

>> WHAT ARE YOU POINTING OUT?

>> HARDWICK: I'M TELLING YOUSOMETHING BECAUSE I'M YOUR

FRIEND AND I ADORE YOU AND NOONE ELSE WILL TELL YOU 'CAUSE

THEY'RE NOT YOUR FRIEND.

IT'S NOT A BOOG, YOU DON'T HAVEA BOOG HANGING OUT.

>> WHAT IS IT?

>> HARDWICK: THERE'S JUST SOMELIPSTICK ON YOUR TEETH.

>> OH!

WAIT, YOU KNOW WHY?

>> HARDWICK: I KNOW WHY.

>> I-I GOT INVISALIGN.

>> HARDWICK: OH.

>> AND... OH, MY GOD, THERE'S ALOT.

>> HARDWICK: I'D SAY IT'S VERYVISALIGN.

>> AND I'M... AND I'M NOT AMBITIOUS ENOUGH TO

TAKE IT OUT FOR THIS SHOW.

SORRY, NO DISRESPECT TO YOU.

>> HARDWICK: NO, NO, PLEASE,THAT'S OKAY.

>> NOW I KNOW WHY I COULDN'TCOME BEFORE.

>> OH, NO.

>> CAN I... CAN I TELL JEFF WHYHE COULDN'T COME BEFORE?

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, PLEASE.

>> OR CAN I TELL... OKAY.

>> THAT WAS ME IN A WIG.

>> I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW THAT,I KNEW, I KNEW, I KNEW.

>> OH, HOLD ON, HOLD ON, JUSTFOR THE GUYS OUT THERE WHO...

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, YEAH,PUT IT IN, PUT IT IN.

>> ...WANT TO JERK OFF TO MELATER.

>> HARDWICK: STRAIGHTEN THOSETEETH, YEAH.

>> THANK YOU, YOU ARE... YOU AREA TRUE FRIEND.

I'M... EVERYONE WAS GONNA THINKI SOME KIND OF, LIKE, HERPES

SIMPLEX ON MY TEETH.

>> HARDWICK: OH, MY GOD, WHITNEYCUMMINGS HAS TOOTH HERPES.

HOW DO YOU EVEN GET THAT?

>> IT'S TOOTH CHLAMYDIA, I DON'TKNOW.

>> CHRIS, JUST TO ENHANCE THEGUYS' AT HOME EXPERIENCE, THEY

ACTUALLY HAVE... THERE'S AVELVET-LINED INVISALIGN AS WELL,

RIGHT?

>> HARDWICK: NO, THERE IS NOT.

>> THAT YOU'LL SLIP ON LATER.

>> NO, THERE-THERE'S ACTUALLY AVAGINA-LINED INVISALIGN.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH.

I THINK IT'S JUST CALLED AVAGINA, RIGHT?

WHY WOULD YOU HAVE TO... WHYWOULD YOU HAVE TO LINE SOMEONE'S

MOUTH WITH VAGINA TISSUE?

WHY WOULDN'T YOU JUST...

>> IT'S 'CAUSE IF I DON'T WANTTO BE SLUTTY AND HAVE SEX WITH

THEM.

>> HARDWICK: THAT'S NOT SLUTTY,THAT'S GENEROUS, IN MY BOOK.

>> THAT'S... (LAUGHS)>> VAGINA, OF COURSE, KNOWN AS

THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH.

>> HARDWICK: OH...

YEAH.

>> UNLESS... UNLESS JEFF ROSS'DICK IS IN IT.

>> I LIKE IT.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, JEFFROSS, THE BOARD IS YOURS, MY

FRIEND.

(CROWD CHEERING)(BELL DINGS)

AND STOP... ON DR. PHIL MCGRAW.

DR. PHIL SAID, "YOU DON'T KNOWWHAT YOU DON'T KNOW. #..."

HE FUCKING HASHTAGGED HIS OWNNAME.

THAT'S WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW, PHILMCGRAW.

>> WHAT AN ASSHOLE.

>> HARDWICK: UH, YES, TROLLAWAY, JEFF.

>> OH, DR. PHIL, WHY DO YOU LOOKLIKE DAVE KOECHNER'S FATHER?

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, WHITNEY,THE BOARD IS YOURS.

TROLL YOUR LUCK.

(CROWD CHEERING)>> OKAY.

(BELL DINGS)(DISTORTED BUZZING)

>> HARDWICK: OH!

>> AW.

>> HARDWICK: STOP ON A WHAMMY.

THAT MEANS WE HAVE TO SHOW ONEOF YOUR TWEETS.

(DISTORTED BUZZING)"SLEEP IS MY BOYFRIEND."

>> OH, MAYBE THAT'S WHY YOU'VENEVER HAD A BOYFRIEND MORE THAN

EIGHT HOURS.

>> HARDWICK: HEY, POINTS, GOOD.

WELL DONE.

TROLL THYSELF.

>> THAT'S A GOOD ONE.

FUNNY.

>> HARDWICK: DAVE KOECHNER,WOULD YOU CARE TO TROLL YOUR

LUCK?

(CROWD CHEERING)(BELL DINGS)

>> HARDWICK: AND STOP ON...

I CAN'T SEE WHO THAT IS.

>> ANN COULTER.

>> HARDWICK: OH, THAT'S, OH...

OH, YEAH, STOP ON ANN COULTER.

>> IT LOOKS LIKE FREDDIEMERCURY.

>> HARDWICK: I GOT TO BE HONEST:I THOUGHT IT WAS A WHAMMY.

UH... I DIDN'T KNOW, FROM HEREIT SORT OF LOOKED LIKE...

HER TWEET IS, UH, "STILL WHITE!

I MET SANTA AGAIN TONIGHT.

HE'S STILL WHITE."

>> OH, NOT AT ALL RACIST.

UM...

THAT'S NOT SANTA, THAT'S SATAN,WHO HAS COME TO COLLECT ON THE

DEAL YOU MADE.

SORRY IT DIDN'T WORK OUT LIKEYOU'D PLANNED.

AND YES, SATAN IS WHITE.

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

POINTS.

>> HOW ABOUT... SATAN'S WHITE,BUT HIS DICK IS BLACK.

GOOD LUCK.

>> HARDWICK: WELL, JEFF ROSS,IT'S TIME ONCE MORE TO TROLL

YOUR LUCK.

(CROWD CHEERING)(BELL DINGS)

(DISTORTED BUZZING)>> HARDWICK: STOP ON A WHAMMY.

>> MY TWEET?

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, YOU HAVETO... WE HAVE TO TROLL ONE OF

YOUR TWEETS.

UH, JUST, UH...

A TURTLE EMOJI.

>> WHY DID... WHAT'S THE STORYBEHIND THAT?

>> WELL, WHITNEY, I WAS WRITINGA TH...

>> STONED, YOU WERE STONED.

>> I WAS STONED AT 4:00AM AND IHAD A NEW IPHONE.

>> HARDWICK: NOW YOU'RE GONNAHAVE TO TROLL YOUR OWN TWEET.

UH, SO, GO AHEAD AND TROLLYOURSELF.

>> SMOKE SOME MORE POT, YOU FATFUCK.

>> HARDWICK: OKAY, POINTS.

BEFORE THE BREAK, I BROUGHT UPTHE STORY OF A MAN WHO HAD MITT

ROMNEY'S LOGO TATTOOED ON HISFUCKIN' FACE.

AND THEN I ASKED YOU HOW ITCOULD BE EVEN WORSE.

LET'S SEE WHAT YOU CAME UP WITH.

WHITNEY CUMMINGS, WHAT DID YOUDESIGN?

>> WELL, I WAS THINKING THAT IFHE GOT BUTTHOLES TATTOOED...

ON HIS ENTIRE FACE...

LIKE, DIFFERENT-SIZED BUTTHOLES,YOU KNOW?

THAT HE WOULD ACTUALLY LOOK LIKELESS OF AN ASSHOLE.

>> HARDWICK: OKAY.

THAT... I LIKE YOUR LOGIC ONTHAT.

>> IT LOOKS FINE.

>> HARDWICK: UH, DAVE KOECHNER.

>> I WAS THINKING, UH, MAYBE IFHE MADE IT TRIBAL...

AND THEN JUST WAIT IT OUT ANDHOPE THEY MAKE ANOTHER HANGOVER

MOVIE.

>> HARDWICK: RIGHT, OKAY.

OKAY.

>> GOOD ONE.

>> HARDWICK: JEFF ROSS.

>> WELL, HE COULD JUST KEEP ITSIMPLE.

>> HARDWICK: JESUS.

COME ON.

TIME FOR OUR NEXT GAME, YAHOOANSWERS.

YAHOO ANSWERS.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)WELL... WOW, THIS IS, UH...

SORT OF WEIRD ANDTELEPORTATION-AL.

I SEE THAT ALL OF A SUDDEN WE'REJOINED BY STAR OF THE NEW SHOW

BACKSTROM, PREMIERING JANUARY 22ON FOX, RAINN WILSON IS HERE?

BR-BROUGHT HIS OWN PODIUM?

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)>> THAT'S RIGHT.

(HONKING)>> HARDWICK: I SEE THAT... I SEE

THAT YOU BROUGHT YOUR OWNPODIUM, TOO?

>> YES, I DID.

HANDCRAFTED IN MY GARAGE.

>> HARDWICK: THAT'S GREAT.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.

>> WELL, THE GAME IS CALLEDYA-HOO ANSWERS, CHRIS, AND...

>> HARDWICK: YAHOO, GRANDPA.

THANK YOU.

>> YA-HOO?

>> HARDWICK: WHAT ON EARTH AREYOU DOING HERE @MIDNIGHT?

>> OKAY, I WROTE THIS LINE.

"WELL, THE GAME IS CALLED YAHOOANSWERS, AND I PLAY A DETECTIVE

ON MY NEW TV SHOW WHO HAS ALLTHE ANSWERS.

HASHTAG..."

(HONKING)SO THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.

SHAMELESS PLUG.

>> HARDWICK: I GOT TO BE HONEST,THAT'S-THAT'S PRETTY BAD

WRITING.

>> THAT'S TERRIBLE.

>> HARDWICK: THIS IS... BUT...

I MEAN, I'LL TELL YOU THISTHOUGH, RAINN, I ADORE YOU AND

WE'VE BEEN FRIENDS A LONG TIMEAND THIS IS COMPLETELY

UNPRECEDENTED IN @MIDNIGHTHISTORY, BUT WE'RE GOING TO

ALLOW A FOURTH CONTESTANT HERE.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)>> MAKE IT RAINN.

>> HARDWICK: HERE'S HOW THISWORKS: I'M GONNA SHOW YOU A

REAL QUESTION POSED BY A REALDUMMY ON YAHOO ANSWERS, AND YOU

HAVE TO BUZZ IN WITH YOUR FUNNYANSWERS.

UH, PUT YOUR ANSWERS WHERE YOURMOUTH IS.

60 SECONDS STARTING NOW.

WHAT IS THE SADDEST PLACE ONEARTH?

WHAT IS THE SADDEST PLACE ONEARTH?

WHITNEY.

(HONKING)>> UH, INSIDE THAT HORN.

UM, NO, I THINK THE SADDESTPLACE ON EARTH, JUST SINCE I

TRASHED GUY FIERI EARLIER, I WASTHINKING THAT, UH, MAYBE IT WAS,

LIKE, HIS SINK WHEN HE WASFROSTING HIS OWN TIPS.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, POINTS.

THAT'S VERY... A VERY SAD PLACE.

(BELL DINGS)UH, DAVID KOECHNER.

>> A C-COMIC BOOK STORE ON PROMNIGHT.

>> HARDWICK: OKAY. POINTS.

(AWWING)HE'S NOT WRONG.

(BELL DINGS)JEFF.

>> UH, THE FINNISH AMBASSADOR'SOFFICE.

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

RAINN, DO YOU HAVE ONE?

WHAT'S THE SADDEST PLACE ONEARTH?

>> ANYWHERE AROUND... IN ALOCATION AROUND WHERE JEFFREY

ROSS IS.

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

POINTS.

I'LL HAVE TO WRITE YOUR...

>> THANK YOU, RAINN.

>> GEOGRAPHICALLY.

I SHOULD JUST LEAVE.

>> NO.

>> NO, NO. STAY.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)>> YEAH!

>> HARDWICK: NEXT ONE, NEXTQUESTION, IS RAINN WILSON

(DWIGHT FROM THE OFFICE) DEAD?

WHITNEY CUMMINGS.

>> UH, NO.

NO, HE'S NOT, ACTUALLY.

I SAW HIM ON HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARDTHE OTHER NIGHT TRYING TO GET A

BLOWJOB FROM ANDY DICK.

>> HARDWICK: UH, POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)DAVID KOECHNER.

>> IT HAPPENED.

>> UH, IN BIOLOGICAL TERMS, YES,BUT IN CAREER TERMS, YES.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)JEFFREY ROSS.

>> RAINN IS STILL ALIVE, BUTSEVERAL WOMEN HE'S BEEN DATING

HAVE DISAPPEARED.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

RAINN WILSON.

IS RAINN WILSON, DWIGHT FROM THEOFFICE, DEAD?

>> WELL, HE'S DOING A SHOW ONFOX, SO YES.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)UH... NEXT QUESTION.

WHEN DOES THE ANGEL ENTER THEWOMB?

(BELL DINGS)LET'S START WITH JEFF ROSS.

>> AFTER SIX JACK AND COKES.

>> HARDWICK: UH, POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)WHITNEY CUMMINGS.

>> UH, ANGEL ENTERS THE WOMBAFTER HE'S DONE WITH HIS SHITTY

MAGIC SHOW IN VEGAS.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

>> NICE. THAT WAS A GOOD ONE.

(BELL DINGS)>> HARDWICK: DAVID KOECHNER.

>> UH, CHRIS, WHAT IS RIGHTBEFORE THE COME?

>> HARDWICK: OH...

SO IT'S JUST, LIKE, RIGHT THEREON THE... POINTS.

>> WHOA...

>> HARDWICK: UH, RAINN.

>> DID HE SAY "COME"?

>> HARDWICK: YEAH.

>> AFTER ANGEL-INGUS?

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

POINTS.

>> POINTS!

ANOTHER YAHOO ANSWER QUESTION.

WHAT TO DO WITH $20 WORTH OFBACON?

(BELL DINGS)JEFF ROSS.

>> USE IT TO GET PAULA DEEN WET.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)POINTS. WHITNEY.

>> I'M GONNA SAY IF YOU HAVE $20WORTH OF BACON YOU JUST SHOULD

START BUILDING YOUR OWN PIG.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH. OKAY, POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)DAVE KOECHNER.

>> UH, IT'S AN EXCELLENT HORSD'OEUVRE FOR, UH, CHRIS

CHRISTIE.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

RAINN WILSON, WHAT TO DO WITHBACON?

>> THROW IT AT A COP AND WATCHTHE GAMES BEGIN.

>> HARDWICK: OKAY.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)(BELL DINGS)

OKAY.

>> CATCHING UP.