Hashtag FOMO

  • Season 2, Ep 5
  • 02/11/2015

Abbi and Ilana go in search of the perfect party.

Um...

(groaning)

You know what, I think thatthis, um...

this is going to bethe opportunity for me

to hang out with Trey

and just like, finally spillthe beans that, like,

I wanna be aninstructor-slash-trainer.

Hell yeah, dude,carpe damn.

And it's notgoing to be weird

because you'll be tellinga friend and not a boss.

Exactly.

And tonight, I can alreadytell it's gonna be

so much morefun than a nose piercing.

Hey.

Hey.

Abbi, put those away.

I'm kidding,you're at a party, come on.

We should do something awesomefor Trey's birthday--

Are weextremely early?

Nope, you'rethe last to arrive.

Hey, guys,look who's here.

We have to go.Okay, we just got here.

I'm embarrassed tobe here.

Ilana, you'rebeing... intolerant.

(gasps)

Trey.

I love your place.

You know what, also,we brought wine,

so I'm gonna goopen it in the kitchen.

(Trey)Abbi, come on,join the party, jump in.

Psych!

The Narnia of Partias is stillout there

and we'regoing to find it.

Did you justsay "Narnia of Partias"?

Do you guys know that,that play "Rent"?

Yeah.Like, I don't understandhow they thought

that they just didn't needto pay rent, like, at all.

I know,it's like, it sucks,

but everybody hasto pay rent.

Yeah.Rent?

And also, I could totallybe on Broadway.

I'd be like...

500, 25--(phone vibrating)

Oh, my God.

You guys, hold on,Trey is calling me.

I'm ways drunk, I can'tpick up.

I'm going to decline.

Oh no.(Trey) Abbi?

Oh God.

Hello?

Abbi, I just saw anInstagram of you at a party

with a drink onyour head.

I... it was...

a Throwback Thursday picthat I put up.

But it's Friday.

I'm just stupid.

And I'm in the hospital.(Ilana)Beep.

That's my life machine...Beep, beep.

going.Beep.

Gotta do something.

Beep.I'm hooked up to--

There's tubes.Beep, boop.

My doctor's right hereif you want to talk to him.

Good, hello?

Hello, hello,this is Dr. Rotreiller, MD.

Are youa specialist?

I'm more of a generaljack-of-all-trades style doctor.

What's going on withthe tapeworm?

Is itstill in her... butt?

It's still in her anus.

(exhales)

It iscrowned and-and breeched.

What do you think herrecovery time is going to be?

We don't know whether it'll bea few days or a few hours,

but it's gonna--we're gonna get it out of there.

And it's gonnaget gone.

Sorry, no offense,are you a nurse

or areyou a real doctor?

What--

I, uh...they're calling me.

I gotta go get the worm--is-- taken out.

Call me when you're done, I guess.

Bye. Abbi, all right, bye.

My bad, I'm sorry.

That guy did notsound qualified.

All right,I'm sorry, you guys.

Sorry to make you wait.

Okay.

Ready to fall.

(guests)Fall away.

Falling.

Ooh, whoa, oh.

(laughing)

I'm a dentist, not a doctor.

I don't know how to deal withhigh-pressure situations.

Don't worry...Lincoln, nothing matters.

Yeah, it's fine.

What just happened?

It's a blackIrish goodbye.

He always does it.

(swing music playing)

♪ Forget your troublescome on get happy ♪

♪ You better chaseall your cares away ♪

♪ Shout hallelujah come onget happy ♪

♪ Get readyfor the judgment day ♪

♪ The sun is shining come onget happy ♪

♪ The Lordis waiting to take your hand ♪

♪ Shout hallelujah come onget happy ♪

♪ We're goingto the promised land ♪

♪ We're heading acrossthe river ♪

♪ To washyour sins away in the tide ♪

♪ It's all so peacefulon the other side ♪

♪ Forget yourtroubles come on get happy ♪

Isn't Val the best?

You never know when she'sgoing to drop by,

but when she does,we save on electricity

'cause she lights upthe whole room.

How long has Valbeen coming in here?

Oh, for overa hundred years.

What?

No, I'm just kidding,it's more like three years.

Oh.

How did I not know that whenAbbi gets blackout drunk

she becomes Val?

My FOMO'sthrough the damn roof.

Oh?

What's a FOMO?

I gotta call Jaime, he's notgonna believe this.

No.

No, no, no,there's no reception down here,

but who needs phones whenyou get Val?

Aren't youa hot diggity-diggity-dog

and a scallywag to boot?

(laughing)

Well, hello there,baby doll.

Baby doll?

Of course I have been missingout on this for years.

You're always worried aboutmissing out on life.

You neverbother to actually live.

Uh... doy.

Eight ball,corner pocket.

Ooh, yeah.

Jeez!(man)Oh, great shot.

Ooh-hoo!

Johnny, you cad.

I forgot you were the bestkisser in town.

Except formy main squeeze.

I'm yourmain squeeze?

Yeah.

You're my favorite little Jewythis side of St. Louie.

Whoa.

Oh my God, dude.

Ooh.

What is this?

A diamond?

I love diamonds.

(gasps)

(laughing)

Val Bar is Narnia!

♪ Wake up, sleepyhead