Everyone for Themselves!

  • Season 4, Ep 8
  • 06/09/2016

Amy can't get her ob-gyn to say "vagina," shares doubts about her baby with her Lamaze class and tries out an extremely casual new dating app.

Hi there, Amy.

How are you today?Good.

Okay, so I am just gonnagive you a quick breast exam.

Go ahead and lay backand relax.

Okay.

So, have you had any newsexual partners

since the last time I saw you?

Oh, nnn...

What do youconsider sex?

Penetration or...?

Well, no, there's all kindsof different kinds of sex.

Okay, then, yes, a bunch,but we used a condom.

Their call.Okay, great.

So I'm gonna have youput your feet in the stirrups

and I want you to slide all theway to the end of the table

so that I can take a lookat your pussy.

All the way down.

Like, slide your pussyall the way down

to the end of the table.

Okay.

When was the last time you werebleeding out of your pussy?

Um, two weeks ago.

Can-- Can you notrefer to it as that?

Oh, I'm sorry.

When were you menstruating out your pussy?

No, the um...

The-- Can you not say...

"pussy"?

Oh, yeah, sure, fine.Whatever.

Okay, so I'm gonna taketwo fingers,

I'm gonna put 'emin your hair pie.

I'm gonna feel around, applysome pressure to your ovaries

and check you outfor beav cancer, okay?

Listen...Oh, did I press too hard?

I apologize.

No.Okay, well,everything feels fine,

so now I'm just gonna go aheadand clamp your clam open

and then swab aroundthe inside of your tuna taco

and I'll have youon your way.Yeah, no.

Can you just usethe clinical term for vagina?

I don't-- I don't see what's sohard about just saying vagina.

I don't understand.

Are you referring to yoursausage wallet?

Sausage wallet?You know, your lizard mouth.

Does it really feel normalto you to refer to it this way?

I-- That would be like aproctologist calling a butt a--

(gagging)Butt?

(wretching)

Oh, God.I'm sorry.

I think I got some in yoursteaming hot pocket.

I'll get--let me clean that up.

You know her as my favorite liveperformer of all (bleep) time,

give it up forMiss Bridget Everett!

♪♪

If you're gonna let somebodylove you,

you gotta let themlove you all the way.

Even if you've beenworking all day

and you got that two-showpussy cooking...

You like that shit?You sick (bleep).

♪ I hope you're hungry ♪

♪ The snack bell just rang ♪

♪ It's like the firstsummer peach ♪

♪ Work on the thing ♪

♪ Oh watch it dripdown your chin ♪

♪ Ooh she getting juicy ♪

♪ Make this bitchgo crazy ♪

♪ Like her name is Gary Busey ♪

♪ Gonna lift upmy skirt ♪

♪ Show you where my (bleep) is ♪

♪ Whip out your tongue ♪

♪ Gimme 30 lashes ♪

♪ Eat it eat it ♪

♪ Eat iteat it ♪

♪ Eat it eat it ♪

♪ Eat iteat it ♪

♪ Eat it eat it ♪

Are you catching on yet,mother (bleep)?

♪ Eat it eat it ♪

♪ Make that cream ♪

What you got down therein your panties, honey?

What you got down there, huh?

Huh?

♪ Short onelong one ♪

♪ It doesn't matter ♪

♪ Just suck onthis bean ♪

♪ Feel it getting fatter ♪

♪ You've had a bad day ♪

♪ You're feeling like shit ♪

♪ You wannabeat something up boy ♪

♪ Beat up this (bleep) ♪

♪ Here's the combinationto my lovely lady locker ♪

♪ She'll popin your mouth ♪

♪ Like Orville Redenbacher ♪

♪ Eat it eat it ♪

♪ Eat iteat it ♪

♪ Eat it eat it ♪

Put your hands up, bitch, yeah!

♪ Eat it eat it ♪

♪ Eat iteat it ♪

♪ Eat it eat it ♪

♪ Make that cream ♪

There comes a time in everyyoung fella's life

when he becomes a man.

Your timeis now.

♪ Snack club ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Snack club ♪

♪ It's what for dinner ♪

♪ Snack club ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ You eat ityou eat it ♪

♪ Then you beat it up ♪

♪ Eat it eat it ♪

♪ Eat iteat it ♪

♪ Come on and eat it eat it ♪

♪ Eat it eat it ♪

♪ Eat iteat it ♪

There's a little bit more.

♪ Eat it eat it ♪

You're almost home.

♪ Eat it eat it ♪

♪ Eat iteat it ♪

One more!

♪ Eat it eat it ♪

♪ Eat iteat it ♪

♪ Eat it eat it ♪

♪ You eat it you eat itthen you beat it up ♪♪

God bless New York City!