October 20, 2015 - Toddlers with Guns & Wealth Therapy

  • 10/20/2015

American toddlers shoot people on a weekly basis, and Larry discusses wealth therapy for the beleaguered rich with Jeff Daniels, Rachel Feinstein and Joe Budden.

>> Larry: WHOO.

WELCOME TO "THE NIGHTLY SHOW."

I'M LARRY WILMORE.

I LOVE YOU TOO, BABY.

MAN, GREAT SHOW TONIGHT.

WE HAVE JEFF DANIELS AND RAPPER JOE BUDDEN ON THE PROGRAM

TONIGHT.

ALL RIGHT HOW MANY OF YOU SAW THE STAR WARS TRAILER LAST

NIGHT?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> Larry: I WAS SO EXCITED I

CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS SO RIDICULOUS.

I BLACK-REACTED TO IT.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT?

A LOT OF YOU MAY NOT KNOW WHAT BLACK-REACTED IS.

IT'S BASICALLY A SUDDEN UNCONTROLLABLE PHYSICAL RESPONSE

OFTEN INVOLVING RUNNING OR FALLING OVER TO MAGIC, THE

OCCULT OR DOPE ASS [BLEEP].

THAT'S PRETTY MUCH WHAT IT IS.

I'LL GIVE AN EXAMPLE.

I'LL GIVE AN EXAMPLE.

HERE'S SOME BLACK-REACTING TOMAGICIAN DAVID BLAINE.

OPEN IT.

>> Larry: BLACK-REACTING.

BUT IT WASN'T JUST ME WHO BLACK-REACTED TO THE STAR WARS

TRAILER.

ONE OF THE STARS OF STAR WARS HIMSELF BLACK-REACTED BY

WATCHING HIMSELF IN THE TRAILER.

>> OH! WHAT!

WHAT! WHAT!

>> Larry: HOW AWESOME WAS THAT?

RIGHT?

THAT WAS AWESOME.

BLACK-REACTING.

IF ANYONE ELSE BLACK-REACTED TOTHE STAR WARS OR HAVE RANDOM

BLACK-REACTS SEND THEM TO THE SHOW AT #BLACKREACT AND YOU

DON'T HAVE TO BE BLACK.

IT'S MORE ABOUT THE REACT THAN THE BLACK.

IT'S TIME TO DO SOMETHING THAT MAY CAUSE THE NRA TO

BLACK-REACT.

WE'RE GOING TO NATIONALLY CONVERSATE ABOUT GUNS.

GOOD NEWS FOR GUN CONTROL ADVOCATES.

CONGRESS IS TAKING UP A BAN ON ASSAULT WEAPONS AND UNIVERSAL

BACKGROUND CHECKS -- JUST KIDDING YOU GUYS.

YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN YOU GUYS WERE LIKE, WHAT?

YOU WERE GOING TO BLACK-REACT.

YOU WERE GOING BLACK-REACT.

THAT'S NOT HAPPENING.

BUT THERE ACTUALLY IS SOME POSITIVE NEWS.

>> JURORS FIND A STORE LIABLE FOR THE SALE OF GUN USED IN

SHOOTING OF MILWAUKEE POLICEOFFICERS.

>> Larry: YOU'RE SAYING THAT'SIMPOSSIBLE. A GUN STORE CAN'T

LEGALLY BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FORSELLING A GUN THAT WAS USED IN A

CRIME ACCORDING TO THEPROTECTION OF LAWFUL COMMERCE IN

AN ARMS ACT PASSED IN 2005 BYPRESIDENT QUICKDRAW McGRAW.

YOU WOULD BE CORRECT.

SO WHAT DID THE STORE DO THAT WAS SO OUT OF THE ORDINARY.

>> YOU'RE WATCHING AN ILLEGALGUN SALE. THAT MAN IS BUYING

THE GUN FOR THIS SUSPECT WHO WAS 18.

TOO YOUNG FOR THE PURCHASE.

>> Larry: OH, THE ILLEGALGUN SALE IS ON VIDEO.

ONCE AGAIN IF WE DO MORE SHOOTING WITH CAMERAS MAYBE

WE'LL HAVE LESS SHOOTING WITH NONCAMERAS.

POSSIBLY.

NOW, THE GUN STORE'S FORCED TO PAY $5 MILLION IN DAMAGES

BECAUSE THEY SOLD GUNS USED IN ACRIME WHICH IF YOU'RE GOING TO

TAKE THE SIDE OF GUNS SEEMS PRETTY UNFAIR.

ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU LOOK AT A CHART FROM THE DEFINITELY REAL

FOUNDATION FOR GUN STUDIES.

THEY'RE THE BIGGEST PERCENTAGE 42% OF CRIMES SAYS SO RIGHT

THERE.

ALL RIGHT.

LET'S BE HONEST.

THAT'S WHAT GUNS ARE FOR, RIGHT?

ACTUALLY I'M VERY HAPPY THIS IS THE FIRST STEP TO WHAT MAY LEAD

TO ACTUAL GUN CONTROL LEGISLATION.

WE'RE JUST TRYING TO STOP BAD THINGS FROM HAPPENING AND I'M

TRYING TO STAY POSITIVE BECAUSE MAYBE THIS IS A SIGN THINGS ARE

GETTING BETTER WITH GUNS.

>> SHOCKING FINDINGS FROM THE WASHINGTON POST ABOUT A

TODDLER-INVOLVED SHOOTING.

EVERY WEEK A TODDLER IS SHOOTINGTHEMSELVES OR SOMEBODY ELSE.

>> Larry: YOU HAVE TO BE [BLEEP]KIDDING ME?

TODDLERS?

I CAN'T EVEN -- YOU KNOW, THIS STORY IS TOO SAD.

I HAVE TOO MANY EMOTIONS THAT AREN'T QUITE APPROPRIATE FOR A

LATE-NIGHT COMEDY SHOW. THE ONLY WAY I CAN EXPRESS THEM IS IN

THE NIGHTLY SHOW DESPAIRBOOTH. GIVE ME A SECOND.

HEY EVERYBODY.

HI, I'M MIKE YARD.

I'M SORRY, LARRY JUST NEEDS A FEW MINUTES IN THE NIGHTLY SHOW

SOUNDPROOF DESPAIR BOOTH.

HE HAD TO USE IT LAST WEEK WHEN THE DODGERS LOST.

GO METS.

SO YOU GUYS SEE THAT STAR WARS TRAILER, DID YOU CHECK THAT OUT?

THAT WAS AWESOME.

DID YOU SEE THE BROTHER BLACK REACT THOUGH?

THAT'S HILARIOUS.

I CAN WATCH A MOVIE OF HIM REACTING TO STUFF.

AND HE'S DONE.

>> >> Larry: HI, MIKE.

>> HI, LARRY.

>> Larry: ALL RIGHT.

WHEW.

I HAD TO GET THAT OUT.

WHAT WAS I SAYING?

OH, YEAH.

THE WASHINGTON POST WAS ONLY COUNTING SHOOTINGS YOUNGER THAN

THREE. JUST LAST WEEKEND A 6YR OLD SHOT HIS BROTHER WHILE

PLAYING WITH A GUN HIS FATHER KEPT ON THE REFRIGERATOR.

SHOULD WE JUST CHALK THIS UP TO,HOW DID JEB EXCLAMATION MARK

PUT IT?

>> STUFF HAPPENS.

>> Larry: OH, YEAH. THANKS,ASSHOLE,

I FORGOT.

THANKS FOR REMINDING ME.

OR SHOULD WE BE CONCERNED THAT ACCORDING TO THE LAW CENTER TO

PREVENT GUN VIOLENCE CURRENTLY MASSACHUSETTS IS THE ONLY STATE

THAT REQUIRES GUN OWNERS TO KEEPALL TYPES OF GUNS LOCKED UP.

MASSACHUSETTS, THIS IS IMPRESSIVE

I THINK I CAN ALMOST FORGIVE YOUFOR CHEATING YOUR WAY TO THE

SUPER BOWL.

THAT'S HOW IMPRESSED I AM RIGHT NEW.

I'M IMPRESSED WITH MASSACHUSETTS.

I TELL YOU WHAT, AT THE END OF ALL THIS I HAVE TO ASK ONE

QUESTION FOR THE NRA, GUN ACTIVISTS AND ANYONE STANDING IN

THE WAY OF GUN REFORMS, SO WHAT'S NEXT?

WHENEVER THERE'S A MASS SHOOTINGIN AMERICA YOU SAY WELL, THIS

WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED IF EVERYONE HAD GUNS.

BY THAT RATIONALE WE CAN SOLVETODDLER SHOOTINGS BY ARMING

EVERY TODDLER. WHAT'S NEXT?SEND THEM TO FIREARMS

CLASS? MAYBE CALL IT GUN-BOREE.T HEY CAN LEARN SONGS LIKE OLD

McDONALD HAD A GLOCK. IF YOU'REHAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT POP A

CAP.SO WHAT'S NEXT?

WOULD IT BE EASIER TO PASS TODDLER CONTROL.

TODDLER BACKGROUND CHECKS ANDLIMITS ON THE HIGH CAPACITY

VAGINAS THAT KEEP PUMPING OUTTODDLERS.

THAT'S AN EASY ONE I KNOW HOW MUCH THE GOP LOVES TO LEGISLATE

WOMEN'S VAGINAS. ARE THEFREQUENT DEATHS OF CHILDREN JUST

THE COST OF DOING BUSINESS INYOUR VERSION OF AMERICA?

IT'S A YES OR NO ANSWER AND THE ANSWER'S NOT YES.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> Larry: WELCOME BACK.

A MAJOR ISSUE IN AMERICA RIGHT NOW IS INCOME INEQUALITY.

SPECIFICALLY THE 1% OF AMERICA VERSUS THE 99% BUT ACCORDING TO

SOME THERAPISTS THE REAL VICTIMSOF INEQUALITY ARE THE RICH.

ACCORDING TO THE GUARDIAN THEY CLAIM THE SITUATION HAS GOTTEN

WORSE FOR THE WEALTHY.

WORSE?

YOU'RE SAYING -- YOU'RE SAYING THEY'RE NOT HAPPY IN A SYSTEM

DESIGNED FOR THEIR HAPPINESS?

THAT'S LIKE BUYING A RIBBED FOR YOUR PLEASURE CONDOM AND THEN

BEING UPSET YOU'RE BEING PLEASEDBY RIBBING.

THAT'S WHAT YOU PAID FOR.

HERE'S SOME OF THE WEALTHIEST'S CONCERNS ABOUT BEING WEALTHY

NOT KNOWING IF YOUR FRIENDS ARE FRIENDS WITH YOU OR YOUR MONEY.

FEELING ISOLATED FROM THE REST OF SOCIETY AND THE AWKWARDNESS

OVER WHO SHOULD PAY FOR DINNER.

AS OPPOSED TO THE AWKWARDNESS OFWONDERING IF YOU'LL EVEN HAVE

DINNER.

HMM.

OKAY. THEIR CONCERNS MAY SEEMTRIVIAL TO US, BUT

IT'S NOT LIKE THE THERAPISTS ARE

COMPARING THE WEALTHY TO OTHER MINORITY STRUGGLES EXCEPT WHEN

THEY DO.

I'M NOT NECESSARILY COMPARING ITTO WHAT PEOPLE OF COLOR HAVE TO

GO THROUGH BUT SINGLING OUT THE 1% IS REALLY MAKING A VALUE

JUDGMENT ABOUT A PARTICULAR GROUP AS A WHOLE.

NECESSARILY -- NO, PUTTING NECESSARILY DOESN'T HELP IT'S

LIKE SAYING I'M NOT RACIST BUT -- BUT NOTHING.

YOU'RE RACIST, OKAY.

HERE TO TALK ABOUT THE PHENOMENON OF RICH GUILT IS ONE

THE RICHEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD GILROY LEOPOLD DANFORTH VI AND

HIS THERAPIST TIMOTHY J.WASHBORNE

WHAT DOES RICH GUILT MEAN TO YOU?

>> WHEN I BOUGHT THIS APARTMENTBUILDING AND I IMMEDIATELY

EVICTED EVERYONE WHO LIVEDTHERE.

>> Larry: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?

>> MY BUILDING.

WHY THEY'RE LIVING IN MY BUILDING MAKES NO SENSE.

I DON'T GET THAT.

AND PEOPLE YELL AT ME FOR THAT, LARRY.

>> Larry: HE'S GETTING YELLED ATJUST LIKE THOSE LITTLE BLACK

SCHOOL CHILDREN IN ALABAMAWHO JUST WANTED TO LEARN.

>> Larry: GUYS, THAT'S NOT THE SAME THING AT ALL.

>> DON'T YOU THINK LITTLE BLACK SCHOOLCHILDREN SHOULD HAVE THE

SAME CHANCE TO GO TO THE SAME SCHOOL AS EVERYONE ELSE, LARRY.

>> Larry: SURE BUT THAT'S A FALSE EQUIVALENT.

>> HERE'S WHAT YOU'RE NOT GETTING.

BEING RICH USED TO BE GREAT FOR YOUR SELF ESTEEM. MY GRANDPAPPY

HAD ALL MEMBERS OF CONGRESSIN HIS POCKET AND NOBODY MADE

HIM FEEL LIKE HE WAS DOINGSOMETHING WRONG.

>> YOU'RE SO BRAVE.

GILROY REALLY IS A MODERN DAYROSA PARKS.

>> THAT MAKES A LOT OF SENSE BECAUSE I JUST BOUGHT A BUS

COMPANY.

>> Larry: GUYS, THESE ARE AWFUL ANALOGIES.

YOUR LIVES HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THE POOR PERSON.

HAVE YOU IT MADE.

>> LARRY, TRUE STORY HERE.

>> Larry: OKAY.

>> I CAN'T EVEN GO TO AFRICA ANDHUNT AND KILL AN ENDANGERED CAT

WITHOUT SOMEONE WRITING A THINKPIECE ABOUT IT ON "HUFFPO."

LIKE WHAT'S THE POINT OF KEEPINGAFRICA AROUND.

>> Larry: HERE WE GO.

>> CAN I SAY SOMETHING?

>> Larry: PLEASE.

>> THE INTERNET HAS TRAPPED HIM.

IT'S LIKE HE'S IN A JAPANESE INTERNMENT CAMP.

>> Larry: NO, YOU CAN USE THESE ANALOGIES.

IT'S NOTHING LIKE A JAPANESEINTERNMENT CAMP.

>> Larry: WHY DON'T YOU GIVE YOUR MONEY AWAY AND THEN YOU

WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ALLTHIS GUILT THAT YOU'RE FEELING?

>> I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE QUESTION.

>> HE WAS BORN THIS WAY.

>> IT COMES A LOT OF BRAVERY TO COME OUT OF THE CLOSET AS A

RICH PERSON IN 2015.

>> Larry: IT'S NOT LIKE GAY PEOPLE COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET

AT ALL.

>> TO BE FAIR I HAVE A DIFFICULTTIME GETTING OUT OF MY CLOSET

JUST DUE TO THE TUXEDO MAZE ALONE.

>> GILROY LEOPOLD DANFORTH AND HIS THERAPIST, EVERYBODY.

>> Larry: I'M HERE WITHMY PANEL, RACHEL FEINSTEIN.

RACHEL. HIS NEW ALBUM "ALL LOVELOST"

DROPS THIS FRIDAY RAPPER JOEBUDDEN AND YOU CAN

SEE HIM IN STEVE JOBS IN THEATERS EVERYWHERE THIS FRIDAY

ACTOR JEFF DANIELS. AND YOU CANJOIN OUR CONVERSATION ON TWITTER

WITH THE HASHTAG TONIGHTLY.

THERE'S A LOT OFINNAPROPRIATE ANALOGIES GOING

AROUND THE LASTEST IS WITHWEALTH THERAPISTS. FOR EXAMPLE,

ONE WEALTH THERAPIST COMPAREDBIGOTRY TOWARD RICH PEOPLE TO

RACISM LIKE THERE'S BIGOTRYTOWARDS RICH PEOPLE.

IT'S JUST PLAIN OLD GOODFASHIONED HATIN'.

WHY DO YOU THINK RICH PEOPLE ARETRYING TO GET SO MUCH EMPATHY.

>> BEING RICH IS NOT A PROBLEM.

IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM IT MEANS YOU HURT.

LIKE YOU GET SORES FROM BEING RICH. YOU DON'T GET RICH BURNS.

YOU NEVER HEAR SOMEONE SAY OH,I'M RICH IT HURTS.

VERY CONFUSING.

I'M NOT SURE.

>> Larry: DO YOU THINK AMERICANSHATE RICH PEOPLE NOW?

DOES IT FEEL LIKE THAT OUT THERE?

>> I KNOW ABOUT THE 99% AND ALLTHAT

I JUST THINK THEY'RE JEALOUS OF BEING -- EVERYBODY LOVES TO BE

AN UNDERDOG AND BE A VICTIM.

GET EMPATHY WHEN YOU'RE A VICTIM.

>> Larry: THEY WANT TO BE A VICTIM NOW?

>> THEY WANT TO BE A VICTIM.

WHITE PEOPLE OF TIRED OF MINORITIES BEING THE VICTIMS.

THEY'RE TIRED OF IT.

THEY WANT TO BE A VICTIM TOO.

>> IT'S NOT FAIR.

IT'S LIKE THEY CAN HAVE THEIR DELIGHT AND HAPPINESS AND HOT

TUBS AT LEAST THEY SHOULD GET THE EMPATHY AND SADNESS.

>> YOU CAN'T PURCHASE EMPATHY.

>> Larry: THEY'RE BUYING THERAPISTS.

HERE'S A QUOTE "OFTEN I USE AN ANALOGY TO PEOPLE THAT COMING

OUT OF THE CLOSET OF BEING RICH IS LIKE COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET

WHEN YOU'RE GAY." CAN YOUIMAGINE SAYING, MOM AND DAD,

I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING:I'M RICH.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

>> IT'S LIKE I THINK I [BLEEP]EDTOO MANY MODELS.

NO ONE FEELS SORRY FOR YOU.

>> THAT CAN BE PROBLEMATIC NOT THAT I KNOW.

>> I UNDERSTAND.

YOU'LL BE OKAY.

>> Larry: WHAT CAN RICH PEOPLE LEARN FROM RAPPERS.

RAPPERS KNOW HOW TO FLAUNT THEIRWEALTH.

THEY DON'T CARE.

>> WE HAVE TO TEACH SOME OF THESE GUYS HOW TO WRITE A VERSE.

>> Larry: ANY FREESTYLEEXAMPLES?

>> FROM ME? NO, THEY HAVE TO PAYME.

>> THOSE THERAPISTS ARE MAKING SERIOUS MONEY.

>> IF THE CHECK CLEARS THERE'S ALWAYS MONEY FOR SOMETHING AND

MAYBE NOT IN THE FORM OF THERAPYBUT PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS

THROUGHOUT TIME.

LIKE RICH PEOPLE THROUGHOUT TIMEHAVE BEEN PRIVILEGED.

THEY USUALLY BROUGHT SOME PEASANT WORKER AROUND JUST TO

MAKE THEM FEEL RELATABLE.

IT'S LIKE IN DRIVING MISS DAISY,THEY ALWAYS HAVE SOMEONE AROUND

TO REMIND ME I'M SWEET BUT DON'TSTOP SHINING MY SHOES.

>> Larry: IT SEEMS NAZI GERMANY SEEMS TO BE THE BOUTIQUE

ANALOGY.

THE FUNNIEST ONE IS BEN CARSON -- THIS IS TRUE, GUYS.

THE WASHINGTON POST CALLED HIM THE BIGGEST FAN OF NAZI

METAPHORS IN POLITICS.

HE USED THE HITLER ANALOGY LIKE 13 TIMES SAYING MOST PEOPLE

DIDN'T AGREE WITH WHAT HITLER WAS DOING.

OKAY.

EXACTLY THE SAME THING CAN HAPPEN IN THIS COUNTRY IF WE'RE

NOT WILLING TO STAND UP FOR WHATWE BELIEVE IN.

>> I FEEL LIKE HE'S CRUSHING ON HITLER.

HE'S ACTING LIKE SOMEONE IN LOVE.

HE'S THINKING ABOUT HIM ALL THE TIME, HE'S BRINGING UP WHEN

NOBODY BROUGHT HIM UP AROUND HIM.

HE SEES HITLER EVERYONE.

I'M JUST SAYING, BEN CARSON, GETOFF HITLER'S [BLEEP].

>> IT'S MORE CONCERNING TO ME THERE'S PROBABLY A TEAM OF

PEOPLE INSTRUCTING BEN CARSON TOSPEAK THIS WAY.

>> KEEP GOING, BEN.

>> LIKE THE ANALYTICS ARE SHOWING A BIG SPIKE WHEN YOU

MENTION HITLER SO LET'S JUST KEEP THAT UP.

>> I DO FEEL LIKE A LOT OF THAT RHETORIC APPEALS TO A CERTAIN

PARANOID LOON AND THAT'S WHY THECRAZIER THINGS YOU SAY THE MORE

POPULARITY YOU GET.

IT'S LIKE I'M AS INSANE AS YOU AND EVERYBODY WHO MAKES BOMBS IN

THEIR MOTHER'S BASEMENT COMES OUT.

I'M NOT ACCUSING ANYONE OF LITERALLY DOING.

I'M JUST SAYING SOMETIMES WHEN YOU SAY CRAZY [BLEEP] IT EXCITES

PEOPLE.

>> THE NEW NORMAL IS YOU CAN SAYANYTHING.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BACK IT UP, YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE

ACCOUNTABLE.

YOU CAN SAY WHATEVER THE [BLEEP]YOU WANT.

YOU CAN SAY IT'S HITLER, NAZI GERMANY, OBAMA IS HITLER, WALK

AWAY AND GO LET ME SEE THE NEWS CYCLE.

DID I GET A SOUND-BYTE.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE ACCOUNTABLE.

>> Larry: I'M VOTING FOR YOU.

>> IT'S JUST WRONG.

>> I AGREE.

WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO SAY ANYTHING.

I DON'T WANT THE GUY RUNNING FORPRESIDENT TO BE ABLE TO SAY

ANYTHING.

I DON'T WANT TO LOOK AT A DEBATEAT A GUY NOT HELD ACCOUNTABLE

FOR WHAT HE'S SAYING.

>> Larry: YOU'RE RIGHT.

BEN CARSON COMPARED OBAMA CARE TO SLAVERY.

SOMEBODY TELL ME NAME ONE THING ABOUT MEDICAL CARE FOR PEOPLE

THAT IS LIKE SLAVERY?

PLEASE.

>> COTTON.

THERE WAS COTTON IN THE FIELD AND THERE'S COTTON IN THE

HOSPITALS.

>> Larry: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.