Extended - Thursday, September 25, 2014 - Uncensored

  • 09/25/2014

Nikki Glaser, Michael Kosta and Julian McCullough learn about a Christian rewrite of the "Harry Potter" books, list #DongFoods and provide taglines for Kickstarter campaigns.

RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNET

HEADLINES, IT'S RAPID REFRESH.

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)

THERE IT IS.

GEEKOLOGIE TURNED US ON TO THIS

MADDENING STORY.

SO, THERE'S THIS LADY WHO

DECIDED TO TAKE IT UPON HERSELF,

JUST GO AHEAD AND REWRITE THE

HARRY POTTER BOOKS.

(AUDIENCE GROANING)

UH, SUCK IT, J.K. ROWLING,

'CAUSE HERE'S HER EXPLANATION.

SHE SAID, QUOTE, "MY LITTLE ONES

HAVE BEEN ASKING TO READ THE

HARRY POTTER BOOKS, AND OF

COURSE, I'M HAPPY FOR THEM TO BE

READING, BUT I DON'T WANT THEM

TURNING INTO WITCHES."

>> OH.

(LAUGHTER)

>> HARDWICK: BUT WITHOUT A SHRED

OF IRONY IN HER VOICE.

(LAUGHTER)

SO, UH, PLEASE TURN ON MY

READING LIGHT.

>> OH.

(LAUGHTER)

>> WOW.

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

>> HARDWICK: HERE IS AN EXCERPT

FROM THE SOON-TO-BE CLASSIC WORK

OF COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT.

(LAUGHTER)

THIS IS WHAT SHE WROTE.

"'NO, AUNT PETUNIA,' HE UTTERED

WITH CHILDLIKE WISDOM.

'EVOLUTION IS NOT REAL, AND I'M

GOING TO HOGWARTS.'

'NO, NO, HARRY,' AUNT PETUNIA

SCREECHED DESPERATELY.

'I HAVE AN IDEA.

YOU CAN HAVE A SECOND BIRTHDAY

TODAY.

WHY, YOU LIKE BIRTHDAYS, RIGHT?'

'BIRTHDAYS ARE NOT OF GOD,'

HARRY VERBALLY... HARRY

VERBALIZED, KNOWINGLY, AND

LOOKED DOWN AT HIS AUNT WITH AN

INNOCENT WISDOM.

'YOU TRIED TO CORRUPT ME, BUT IT

DID NOT WORK.

BUT I FORGIVE YOU, AUNT PETUNIA,

BECAUSE OF LUKE 23:34.'"

(LAUGHTER AND GROANING)

WHICH BY THE WAY...

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)

WHICH, BY THE WAY, IS

ESSENTIALLY A JESUS SPELL.

>> RIGHT.

(LAUGHTER)

>> HARDWICK: NOW, THE LUNATIC

AUTHOR CALLING HER BOOK "HARRY

POTTER AND THE HOGWARTS SCHOOL

OF PRAYER AND MIRACLES"... IS

WHAT SHE'S CALLING IT.

AND WHERE DOES THIS KID GET

SWORDED, INTO LIKE RAVEN CHRIST?

LIKE, WHAT'S THE HOUSE?

THIS IS TERRIBLE.

I'M ANGRY.

I'M SO ANGRY, I'M GONNA TAKE

THIS WIZARD HAT OFF, AND I'M

GONNA ASK YOU GUYS TO GIVE ME

THE TITLE OF THE NEXT BOOK IN

THIS SERIES.

NIKKI GLASER.

>> UH, HARRY POTTER AND MY KIDS

ARE FUCKED.

(LAUGHTER)

>> AH, YES.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS. POINTS.

>> UH, HARRY POTTER AND THE

HANDSY YOUTH MINISTER.

>> HARDWICK: YES. POINTS.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHTER, GROANS)

>> HARDWICK: JULIAN.

>> UH, HARRY POTTER AND THE

STEADILY RISING FEVER BECAUSE WE

DON'T BELIEVE IN DOCTORS.

(LAUGHTER)

>> HARDWICK: YES. POINTS.

WELL DONE.

>> THAT'S A BIG BOOK.

A COPY OF THAT BOOK...

>> HARDWICK (GRUNTING): WHAT ARE

YOU TALKING ABOUT?

(LAUGHTER)

(GRUNTS)

(LAUGHTER)

>> THERE'S JUST ONE MORE.

>> HARDWICK: OH, FUCK.

>> THERE IT IS. YES.

>> PEOPLE JERK OFF TO HARRY

POTTER, RIGHT?

>> OH, ABSOLUTELY.

>> HARDWICK: I CALL MY DICK

HAGRID.

(LAUGHTER)

BECAUSE IT TAMES MAGICAL HAIRY

CREATURES!

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

(AUDIENCE WHOOPING)

THE SIMS GAMES HAVE A HISTORY OF

ATTRACTING RABID FANS WHO MODIFY

THE GAME TO REFLECT THEIR

VARIOUS ICKY DESIRES.

THE FOURTH GAME IN THE SERIES

HAS BEEN OUT FOR A FEW WEEKS

NOW, AND KOTAKU IS REPORTING

THAT A FAMOUS SIMS HACKER WHO

DEFINITELY HAS A JOB HAS

RELEASED A PACK OF FORBIDDEN

MODS.

WHAT OF THESE FEATURES IS

INCLUDED IN THE FORBIDDEN MODS?

A...

(LAUGHTER)

NIKKI GLASER.

>> UH, TEEN PREGNANCY.

>> HARDWICK: THE CORRECT ANSWER

IS, IN FACT, TEEN PREGNANCY!

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

>> LOVE IT.

>> HARDWICK: AND...

JUST 'CAUSE IT'S THURSDAY AND

YOU'RE GOOD, LET'S SEE THAT.

PREPARE TO BE UPSET AND

CONFUSED.

THERE THEY GO, IN THE BED,

THEY'RE UNDER THE COVERS.

OH, HEARTS, AT LEAST THEY'RE IN

LOVE. AND HE'S DONE!

NOW SHE'S PEEING, AND FUCKIN'

THE GOOD WIFE JUST WALKED IN FOR

SOME REASON AND SHE'S PREGNANT

AND SHE'S TELLING HIM AND SHE'S

VERY HAPPY AND HE'S LIKE, "YOU

JUST RUINED MY FUCKIN' PROM.

WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME THAT?"

BY THE WAY, THE FORBIDDEN MOD

HERE ALSO INCLUDES POLYGAMY AND

INCEST, SO THE WORLD IS A

TOILET.

SO FOR BONUS POINTS, WHAT IS THE

NAME OF A MISSION FOR YOUR TEEN

PREGNANCY SIM? NIKKI GLASER.

>> UH, TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE

EXPECTANT-MOTHER PARKING AT

WALMART?

>> HARDWICK: YES. PERFECT.

YEAH. TRUE. POINTS.

MICHAEL KOSTA.

>> UM, WHATEVER THE MISSION IS,

MISSION ABORT, MISSION ABORT.

>> HARDWICK: HEY!

SURE. POINTS.

JULIAN.

>> UH, SWALLOWING THE BITTER

PILL OF A DREAM DEFERRED.

(LAUGHTER)

>> HARDWICK: POINTS. GOOD. NICE.

>> IT'S TOO YOUNG.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, IT IS.

>> IT'S TOO YOUNG.

>> HARDWICK: TREMENDOUS NEWS FOR

COLLEGE STUDENTS WHO'D RATHER

SKIP CLASS TO GET HIGH AND WATCH

IRON MAN 2 ON FX AGAIN, IGN IS

REPORTING THAT THE UNIVERSITY OF

BALTIMORE IS OFFERING A CLASS

THAT WILL STUDY THE SUPERHERO

FILMS OF THE MARVEL CINEMATIC

UNIVERSE! (GASPS)

BY ODIN'S BEARD!

WHAT A RAD CLASS!

LOOK AT THAT!

>> WOW.

(LAUGHTER)

>> HARDWICK: THE MEDIA GENRE'S

MEDIA MARVELS WILL EXPLORE HOW

THE MARVEL FILMS OFFER INSIGHT

INTO OUR MODERN CULTURE.

SO, COMEDIANS, SINCE I ALL KNOW

YOU GUYS WOULD'VE WANTED TO TAKE

THIS CLASS, WHAT WOULD THE TITLE

OF YOUR MARVEL THESIS PAPER BE?

MICHAEL.

>> THOR-- I'M NOT GAY, BUT...

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

HE'S, UH, USING ODIN'S BEARD...

AS A DISGUISE.

JULIAN.

>> UH, HULK'S DICK-- WHAT I

THINK IT LOOKS LIKE.

(LAUGHTER)

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

BY THE WAY...

(APPLAUSE)

IF YOU HONESTLY BREAK DOWN WHAT

THE HULK IS, HE'S ESSENTIALLY AN

ANTHROPOMORPHIC BONER.

LIKE, THAT'S ALL... THAT'S

ALL...

>> DO YOU ONLY GET ERECT WHEN

YOU'RE ANGRY?

>> HARDWICK: YES!

(LAUGHTER)

YEAH. THAT'S HOW I HAVE TO GET

HARD.

>> OH, OKAY.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH. OH, YOU'RE

VERY SWEET-- CAN YOU PUNCH MY

DICK? PUNCH IT.

>> TELL ME YOU VOTED FOR MITT

ROMNEY.

(LAUGHTER, GROANING)

>> HARDWICK: YOU WOULD LIKE IT

WHEN IT'S ANGRY?

UH...

>> IS THERE SAD MUSIC WHEN IT'S

DONE?

>> HARDWICK: YEAH.

>> I CAN'T WHISTLE.

>> HARDWICK: WHEN IT'S FLACCID,

I JUST CALL IT BRUCE BANNER.

(LAUGHTER)

IF THIS WERE A NERDIER CROWD,

THAT WOULD'VE KILLED.

(LAUGHTER)

IT'S NOW TIME FOR TONIGHT'S

HASHTAG WARS.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE, WHISTLING)

AMAZON JAPAN IS SELLING A

COOKBOOK OF SOME QUESTIONABLE

CULINARY DELIGHTS.

CONDOM DISHES I WANT TO MAKE FOR

YOU.

(GROANING)

THIS BOOK OF 11 RECIPES INCLUDES

CONDOM FRUIT PARFAITS, CONDOM

ESCARGOT AND BUTTER, AND SOME

HASH SWALLOWED ON THE WAY BACK

FROM AMSTERDAM, SO IN HONOR OF

THEIR CULINARY INGENUITY,

TONIGHT'S HASHTAG IS: DONGFOODS.

>> YEAH!

>> YEAH!

>> HARDWICK: YEP, WE MADE IT,

GUYS.

WE HAVE ARRIVED.

(APPLAUSE)

WE ARE REALLY MATURE.

(LAUGHTER)

BUT EXAMPLES OF THIS WOULD BE:

SCROATMEAL.

(LAUGHTER)

>> GOOD.

>> HARDWICK: SHAFT SACK-ARONI

AND CHEESE.

(LAUGHTER)

OR CUP-O-BALLS.

>> CUP-O-BALLS.

>> HARDWICK: I'M GONNA PUT 60

SECONDS ON THE CLOCK. AND GO.

JULIAN.

>> REESE'S PENIS BUTTER CUPS.

>> HARDWICK: YES. POINTS.

NIKKI.

>> BONE ME.

>> HARDWICK: YES. POINTS.

UH, MICHAEL.

>> PENIS A LA VODKA.

>> HARDWICK: YES. POINTS.

JULIAN.

>> THE WHOPPER.

>> HARDWICK: YEP.

HOPE SO.

YEAH. POINTS. NIKKI.

>> UH, SIX-AND-A-HALF-INCH SUB,

TOASTED.

>> HARDWICK: OKAY, GOOD. POINTS.

JULIAN.

>> UH, FULL MONTY CRISTO.

>> HARDWICK: YES. PERFECT.

POINTS. MICHAEL.

>> APPLE PIE A LA CHODE.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH. POINTS.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

YOW! GODDAMN IT!

EW! (GROANS)

NIKKI.

>> UH, STUFFED DICK IN BREAST.

>> HARDWICK: YES. POINTS.

JULIAN.

>> A TUR-DICKEN.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH. TUR-DICKEN

POINTS.

WAIT A MINUTE, THAT ALSO HAD

"TURD" IN IT. NEVER MIND.

NIKKI.

>> UH, IN-N-OUT-N-IN-N-OUT.

>> HARDWICK: NICE. POINTS.

(LAUGHTER)

NIKKI.

>> NEVER-ENDING BREAD DICKS.

>> HARDWICK: YES. POINTS.

(LAUGHTER)

BREAD DICKS!

(WHOOPING, APPLAUSE)

NEVER-ENDING BREAD DICKS.

(APPLAUSE, WHOOPING CONTINUE)

THE NEXT TIME I GO TO A

RESTAURANT THAT SERVES THOSE,

I'M JUST GONNA PUSH MY HEAD DOWN

ONTO THE...

THANKS FOR THE BREAD. AAH...

IT'S TIME TO PLAY KICKSTART THIS

KICKSTARTER.

NOW...

IF NEVER NEVER LAND IS WHERE

DREAMS ARE BORN, KICKSTARTER IS

WHERE WE FIND OUT IF THEY'RE

GONNA LIVE OR NOT.

I'M GONNA SHOW YOU, UH, A

PROJECT THAT'S TRYING TO GET

FUNDED ON KICKSTARTER.

FOR 250 POINTS, I NEED A TAGLINE

FOR ME TO SELL IT.

OKAY, FIRST ONE:

WHAT'S FOR YOU?

BY DORIS.

>> I TURNED THIS GROOMED DOG FUR

THAT WOULD BE GARBAGE ANYWHERE

ELSE IN THE WORLD...

IN THIS HANDBAG.

>> YES.

>> YES.

>> HARDWICK: DOGS ARE MOSTLY

ALIVE.

(BELL DINGS)

TAGLINE... NIKKI.

>> OH, UM, ONE DAY I WAS

CRAMMING MY PHONE AND KEYS INTO

MY DOG'S BUTTHOLE, AND A LIGHT

BULB WENT OFF.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

JULIAN.

>> DO YOU NEED A CARRY-ON THAT

GUARANTEES YOU THE WHOLE ROW?

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

NICE.

ALSO SEE MY SELECTION OF

PUSSY HAIR BACKPACKS.

>> CHRIS, HER...

HER ACTUAL PURSE THAT SHE USES

ISN'T EVEN ONE OF HER PURSES.

IT'S A DIFFERENT PURSE.

>> HARDWICK: YES, RIGHT UNDER

HERE IS A DOG WITH A BALD PATCH,

LIKE, RIGHT...

>> UH, YEAH, YEAH, FOLLOW ME TO

BACK ROOM-- THE HAIR IS HUMAN.

>> HARDWICK: NEXT ONE.

NEXT ONE, THIS CRAFTY GRANNY...

HOW ABOUT THIS CRAFTY GRANNY?

>> SO THE NAME OF THIS SHOW IS

HOLLY POLYESTER, LOCAL

GRANDMOTHER, QUILTS GIANT

PENISES.

AND INCLUDED IN THE SHOW ARE

GONNA BE THESE LARGE PENISES.

(BELL DINGS)

>> HARDWICK: NIKKI.

>> UH, KICK START MY DICK ART.

>> HARDWICK: (LAUGHS) OH!

YOU KNOW, IF I WERE... IF I WERE

SITTING DOWN, I WOULD STAND UP.

>> THANK YOU.

>> HARDWICK: I'M GIVING YOU A

STANDING OVATION AND I'M ALREADY

STANDING-- POINTS.

MICHAEL.

>> UH, THE SOFTEST PENIS YOU'LL

EVER HOLD.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

JULIAN.

>> UH, TIRED OF FUCKING YOUR

OTHER FURNITURE?

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

POINTS.

>> NOW, WHICH ONE HERE IS THE

GIANT PENIS PILLOW?

>> HARDWICK: I GOT TO GIVE YOU

100 POINTS FOR THAT, MICHAEL.

>> OH, I GET POINTS.

>> HARDWICK: NEXT ONE: THIS

ENTREPRENEURIAL FAN OF THE

INSANE CLOWN POSSE WANTS TO

CHANGE THE WAY JUGGALOS FIND

THEIR FAVORITE SODA.

>> IF YOU HAD OUR APP, YOU'D BE

ABLE TO FIND SOME FAYGO.

IMAGINE-- NO MATTER WHERE YOU'RE

AT, WALKING BY AND GETTING A

TING ON YOUR PHONE SAYING, HEY,

THERE'S SOME FAYGO UP IN THIS

MOTHERFUCKING STORE, NINJA.

>> HARDWICK: HEY, IT'S ANOTHER

ONE OF THOSE DICK PILLOWS.

UH...

(BELL DINGS)

NIKKI.

>> FINALLY-- AN APP MORE

DETESTABLE THAN THE KIM

KARDASHIAN GAME.

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

>> YAY.

>> HARDWICK: MICHAEL.

>> FOR WHEN YOU NEED TYPE 2

DIABETES RIGHT NOW.

>> HARDWICK: JULIAN.

>> BECAUSE NOT EVERYONE HAS THE

PSYCHIC ABILITIES OF RALPHIE

MAY.

>> HARDWICK: I'M-I'M GONNA GIVE

YOU POINTS.

I'M GONNA GIVE YOU POINTS.

NEXT ONE: HOW ABOUT THIS CANDIED

CONFECTION?

HOW ABOUT THIS CANDIED

CONFECTION?

>> HELLO, MY NAME IS ROD, AND I

AM THE INVENTOR OF THE EDIBLE

LOLLIPOP STICK.

YES, YOU HEARD ME CORRECTLY.

YOU CAN NOW EAT YOUR LOLLIPOP

AND THE STICK ATTACHED TO IT.

YOU ASK HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?

(BELL DINGS)

>> HARDWICK: WHY DID YOU STOP IT

THERE?

NIKKI GLASER, WHAT IS YOUR

ANSWER FOR THIS KICKSTARTER?

>> UH, HELP FUND MY PLAN TO LURE

CHILDREN INTO MY SAUNA.

>> YES.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

>> VERY... VERY MOIST IN THERE.

>> HARDWICK: UH, JULIAN.

>> (LAUGHING)

>> HARDWICK: I'M A GRANDMA, I

MADE THESE PILLOWS THAT LOOK

LIKE DICKS.

>> WHERE ARE MY GRANDKIDS?

UM...

>> HARDWICK: AND YOU JUST SEE,

LIKE, A LITTLE BIT OF MOVEMENT

FROM INSIDE THE PILLOW.

>> YEAH, YEAH.

FOR-FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE STILL

HUNGRY AFTER THE BLOW JOB.

>> HARDWICK: OKAY, POINTS.

POINTS, GOOD.

LAST ONE:

THIS COFFEE TABLE BOOK THAT'S

ALREADY BEEN, UH, FUNDED AND

FEATURED ON SITES SUCH AS THE

HUFFINGTON POST.

>> WHOA.

>> IT'S A BOOK OF DRAWINGS OF

VAGINAS DRAWN BY GAY MEN.

>> YES.

>> IT'S A BOOK THAT YOU PUT ON

YOUR COFFEE TABLE, AND WHEN YOUR

FRIENDS COME OVER, THEY TURN THE

PAGES AND THEY SAY, "OOH, LOOK

AT THAT VAGINA."

>> HARDWICK: I'M SORRY, I'M

SORRY, I'M SORRY, I'M LOOKING

FOR SOMETHING, I'M LOOKING FOR

SOMETHING.

>> GET HIGHER, HIGHER, HIGHER.

>> HARDWICK: WHAT?

>> HIGHER.

DOWN, DOWN, FURTHER DOWN.

OVER... NO, NO, NOT THERE.

>> HARDWICK: I DON'T KNOW, I

DON'T KNOW.

>> MAN...

>> RIGHT THERE.

>> MAN, "BOYZ N THE HOOD" DID

NOT HOLD UP.

>> HARDWICK: OH, YES, POINTS!

NICE JOB.

NICE JOB, JULIAN MCCULLOUGH.

>> OH, THERE WE GO.

I ASKED YOU

GUYS TO COME UP WITH A CATCH

PHRASE FOR A STUFFED LION IN AN

ANTI-DRUG T-SHIRT THAT ACTUALLY

WAS STUFFED FULL OF DRUGS.

LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GUYS WROTE.

NIKKI GLASER.

>> I GUESS I NEVER REALLY

RECOVERED AFTER WATCHING MY DAD

GET THROWN INTO A STAMPEDE BY MY

UNCLE SCAR, BUT, YOU KNOW,

HAKUNA MATATA.

>> HARDWICK: YUP.

>> IT'S A WONDERFUL PHRASE.

>> HARDWICK: YUP, UH...

JULIAN.

>> UH-OH, OMAR COMING.

>> HARDWICK: MICHAEL KOSTA.

>> I'VE BEEN UP SIX DIFFERENT

NICARAGUANS' ASSES.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT.

>> THAT'S HOW THEY TALK!

MAKE IT COMPLICATED.

MAKE IT COMPLICATED.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

NOW, WRITING THE WRONG THING

ONLINE CAN END A RELATIONSHIP,

BUT WHAT IF YOU HARNESS THAT

POWER FOR EVIL AND USE IT TO END

THE RELATIONSHIP YOU WANTED OUT

OF ANYWAY BUT YOU'RE TOO LAZY TO

BE A GODDAMN GROWNUP ABOUT IT?

COMEDIANS, I WANT YOU TO COME UP

WITH AS MANY FACEBOOK STATUS

UPDATES AS YOU CAN THAT WOULD

MAKE SOMEONE BREAK UP WITH YOU.

I'M GONNA PUT 60 SECONDS ON THE

CLOCK.

LET'S BEGIN.

(BELL DINGS)

NIKKI.

>> JUST GOT A NEW PIXIE HAIRCUT.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)

MICHAEL.

>> MY GIRLFRIEND'S MOM IS SUPER

FUCKABLE.

>> HARDWICK: OKAY, GOOD. POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)

NIKKI.

>> THREW OUT ALL MY YOGA PANTS

AND REPLACED THEM WITH ROMPERS.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)

JULIAN.

>> DOES SEXUAL INTERCOURSE COUNT

AS CHEATING?

ASKING FOR MYSELF.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)

YES, JULIAN AGAIN.

>> UH, HOW DO I HIDE THESE

UPDATES FROM COURTNEY?

>> HARDWICK: OKAY, POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)

NIKKI.

>> I DON'T GET NORM MACDONALD.

>> HARDWICK: OH, A-A COMIC WOULD

BREAK UP WITH YOU.

YEAH, TOTALLY.

>> BOYS LOVE NORM MACDONALD.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS, POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)

JULIAN.

>> SEEKING MINION OF LESHRAC

MAGIC CARD FROM THE ICE AGE

EXPANSION SET FOR MAGIC: THE

GATHERING.

IT'S A 5/5 BLACK DEMON WITH

TRAMPLE.

>> HARDWICK: OKAY, POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)

ALL THE GIRLS I KNOW WOULD FUCK

THE SHIT OUT OF YOU FOR THAT.

NIKKI.

>> UH, JUST HAD TO GET MY MOUTH

WIRED SHUT AFTER THAT ACCIDENT.

(AUDIENCE OOHING)

>> HARDWICK: WHAT ARE YOU OOHING

ABOUT?

>> SHE CAN'T GIVE BLOW JOBS

ANYMORE.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH. ALL RIGHT.

(BELL DINGS)

MICHAEL.

>> LOVE FOX NEWS.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS. POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)

NIKKI.

>> LETTING MYSELF GO!

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)

MICHAEL.

>> ANY ADVICE FOR HIDING A

PREGNANCY?

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)

JULIAN.

>> THINKING OF TRYING STAND-UP

COMEDY.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS. POINTS.