April 20, 2016 - Susan Sarandon

  • 04/20/2016

New Jersey considers treating menstrual cramps with marijuana, and Larry discusses Hillary Clinton's New York primary win with Susan Sarandon, Mike Yard and Rory Albanese.

Yes.Thank you very much.

Thank you very much.Please... please, have a seat.

Thank you. So kind.

This is an unbelievablecrowd tonight. I appreciate it.

Welcome to The Nightly Show. Thank you.

I am Larry Wilmore.Man, we have a great show.

Susan Sarandonon the show tonight.

-I'm very excited about that.-(cheering, applause)

So excited. Can't wait.

So, uh, yesterdaywas the New York primary.

So, let's check inwith the effort

of de-negrofythe White House, you guys.

See what's happeningwith the Unblackening.

(hums a tune)That's my favorite song.

It was an exciting night,you guys.

And like King Kong on topof the Empire State Building,

CNN went totally ape (bleep).

Tonight the winnersof the New York primary

will havetheir victories displayed

on one of the world'smost famous landmarks.

Once CNN projects winners,the lights will change

to correspond to the colors

that CNN is usingto represent each candidate.

Mm-hmm. Mm. Nice.

Yes, and Tapper went onto explain that CNN

would turn, uh, the Empire StateBuilding dark blue for Hillary,

uh, coral color for Cruz

and a unicorn for Bernie.

Makes sense.Yeah, makes sense.

Pretty good.

Of course, it turned outto be a huge,

luxurious nightfor Donald Trump,

as he easily crushedKasich and Cruz.

So, after CNN calledthe election, they immediately

went to work doing journalism.

That's a joke, you guys.That's a joke.

That's a joke, okay?

Actually, they changed the colorof the Empire State Building.

TAPPER: CNN has projectedDonald Trump will be the winner

of the New YorkRepublican primary.

We are turning the,uh, Empire State Building,

uh, the dark crimson,the red, uh,

that signifies Donald trump.

Yes, Trump won and New York'smost famous building

turned dark crimson blood red.

As was prophesied.

-Now...-(cheering, applause)

I don't get that.

Uh, after CNN

pulled their little Empire StateBuilding gimmick,

uh, they went intofull analysis mode.

The fact thatit's being called so early

suggests, uh, a very,very strong victory.

Absolutely. First,can I just say I feel like

I'm in a Nora Ephron movie.

Is Dana Bashtrying to get Jake Tapper

to make out with her? Hmm.

So, Trump claimedat least 89 delegates

despite previously statingthat the primary system

was rigged in Ted Cruz's favor.All right.

So, how many delegatesdid system rigger Ted Cruz

pick up in New York?

Ted Cruz with a grand totalof zero.

Zero in a statewhere he did campaign.


You guys are happy.

Yeah, New York Values Man,zero delegates.


Man, the primary systemmay be rigged,

but apparentlynot for his pleasure.

Thank you very much.Thank you very much.

Uh... Thank you.

An-And speaking of gratuitoussex references-- this is true--

Ted Cruz said thisin his speech last night.

You may have been knocked down.

But America has always been best

when she is lying downwith her back on the mat.

(audience exclaiming)


Yeah, and... and let me just say

Brazil at her bestface down, booty up.

You know? Just, and...And let-let me...

No, let me say,I like France standing over me

with her stiletto heels...

pressed into my junk.Let... You know.

In. (grunts)

All right, on the Democraticside Hillary Clinton,

the frontrunner,had a big night.

There's no place like home.

Yeah, man, that's right.

Hillary won her home state.

Uh... no, not Illinois, no.

No, no, not Arkansas.

No, not the ice kingdomof Arendelle.


Yeah, New York, there you go.

That's the home state, yeah.

And, uh, judgingby the delegates,

Hillary's, uh, primary campaignhas been on point.

And what better way to celebratethan, well, pointing?

ALICIA KEYS:♪ Yeah, I'm in New York

JAY Z:♪ Hey, uh-huh

KEYS: ♪ Concrete junglewhere dreams are made of ♪

♪ There's nothing you can't do

JAY Z:♪ Yeah

Uh, you know, the...I am curious--

who was on the receiving endof all that pointing?

♪ Concrete junglewhere dreams are made of ♪

♪ There's nothing you can't do

♪ Now you're New York

Wow. Man.

She must be really confident

to be acknowledgingthose guys, man.

I got you.Yeah, I got you.

In fact, she made it clearto all of New York

that when it comes to theirbacks, she's doing her best.

New Yorkers, you've always...

you've always had my back.

And I've alwaystried to have yours.

I... I've always tried to have yours?

That's not what somebodywants to hear, right?

I love you and I've alwaystried to love you.


By the way, that wasJake Tapper's response

to Dana Bash. I'm just saying.Just putting it out there.

-WOMAN: Aw.-What...

The budding CNN romance, yes.

Now, speaking tohis supporters last night,

Bernie Sandersbrought up the prospect

that it might not have beena fair fight.

I am really concernedabout the conduct

of the voting processin New York.

Ho-Hold on, hold on,i-is Bernie being arrested?

What's go... I'm concernedfor his safety, man.

He lost one state,all of a sudden...

What, is he workingon a loading dock?

What's going on there?

Yo, Bernie,the Boar's Head truck is here.

you want to lend a hand

or you gonna talkto the press all night, huh?

Jesus Christ.

All right, so, Bernie's big beef

is that New York'sprimary was closed, all right?

Just like the upcoming primariesin Pennsylvania,

Maryland, Connecticutand Delaware.

Now, when we saythese primaries are closed,

we mean, like, really closed.

REPORTER: You can't vote early or even by absentee ballot

without an excuse. Registration deadlines closed

in March, and switching parties had to be done last year.

Okay, so if you'rean independent who wanted

to register as a Democrator Republican, you had to do so

by, like, October 9of last year.

That was a long time ago,you guys.

Leonardo DiCaprio's latestgirlfriend wasn't even born yet.

I'm not making that up.

That's a fact.

I don't make this stuff up,you guys.

So here's the deal. So,thousands of people yesterday

were either told they couldn'tvote or had trouble voting.

Now, that might not seemlike a big deal until you learn

that oneof the people inconvenienced

was a celebrity. Yes.

Martha Stewart tweeted,

"When I went to vote yesterday, I was not in the records

and had to fill out extensive forms."

Um, Martha, um,

no offense, um,

but you are an ex-con.

You know. Um...

Maybe not an outrage that yougot to fill out an extra form.

Not that big a deal.

I wouldn't call thatdisenfranchisement.

But, so overall, uh, everythingpoints to a Hillary-Trump battle

in the fall and a Bash-Tapperromance in the spring.

We'll be right back.

-(cheering and applause)-Welcome back!

Now, a writer famously said

a woman needs a room ofone's own to tell her stories.

It was eithernovelist Virginia Woolf

or Law & Order's Dick Wolf.I don't remember.

But, uh, either way, Nightly Show's own Holly Walker

took it to mean she needed herown segment to talk about women

and stuff. So here it is.

-♪ -(birds chirping)


Welcome to my lady time.

It's a special time,usually once a month.

Sometimes more often.

And sometimeswhen I'm wearing white pants.

Tonight I'm in the tub.

Why? To talk about somethingthat's even dirtier

than me. New Jersey.

REPORTER: New Jersey Democratic assemblyman Tim Eustace wants

to add menstrual cramps to the list of ailments approved

for medical marijuana.

(cheering and applause)



Looks like those marijuanarestrictions are really...

cramping their style.

♪ Yeah...


Ladies, we all knowwhy it'd be great

to hotbox our hot boxonce a month.

But play the clip anyway.

Rather than giving women opioidsor painkillers,

which is the usual treatment,uh,

this would be a-a less harmful,

less addictive drug.

That's right.Some of us are taking opioids

and painkillers every month.

I know what you're saying.

What are we, NFL players?


(cheering and applause)

Mmm. Mmm, that's good.

It is a little crazy.

Especially because in 2014,

opioid overdosescaused more than 14,000 deaths.

The only women left living largefrom that

are the CEOSof big pharma companies.

Oh, wait.

Big pharma doesn't havefemale CEOs.



Another joke foiledby systemic sexism.

(cheering and applause)


Mmm, that's good.


So why do lawmakers have a...

have to write a specialexemption for menstrual cramps?

It all comes down to one narc.

Governor Christie has long opposed the use

of medical marijuana.

That's right. Governor Christiehates medical marijuana

almost as much ashe hates governing New Jersey.

(cheering and applause)

Oh, this?(chuckles)

The trick is to stay aheadof the pain.

Cut it offbefore it gets too bad.


Bye-bye, cramps.

Hello, blackouts.(chuckles)



So if you are in pain,how can you get pot right now?

Right now in the state, a doctor must prove a patient

has a debilitating medical condition with chronic pain.

Excuse me?

What's more chronic than a painthat comes every (bleep) month?

-(cheering and applause)-Ugh!

But Chris Christie would ratherI take traditional medicine.

(chuckles)Don't worry,

I'm not operatingheavy machinery.

For another hour.



But the best partabout the celebrity...

the best part about...the best part about this

is the celebritywho inspired the legislation.

Lawmakers noted Whoopi Goldberg's collaboration

with the maker of organic marijuana edibles

designed, in part, to ease cramps.

That's right!

Whoopi Goldbergis selling pot-infused creams,

chocolates, and bath salts!

(cheering and applause)


Good on you, Whoopi!

Way to act, sister!


Get it?

Uh, Sister Act.


And-and she collaboratedwith another woman.

That makes it a Sister Act 2.


I bet those creams arehow Stella got her groove back.


-(sighs) The Color Purple. -Uh, Holly, Holly.

Holly, um, I really apologize.

I mean, I know this is yoursegment, but, um, are you okay?

Oh, yeah. I am feelingmuch better, thank you.

But you know what?I am getting a little hungry.

-WILMORE: All right.-(laughter)

I think I'm gonna make myselfa snack.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,no, no, no, no! Holly!

Holly, stop.That's dangerous, Holly.

Don't do that.That's dangerous. Don't.

Yeah, not any more dangerousthan this (bleep).

-(laughter)-WILMORE: No, no.

(applause and cheering)

Well, let's call it a tie, okay?

I hope my lady time wasas good for me as it was for me.

-(laughter)-See you next time.

(applause and cheering)

No, Holly, wait!

-Ugh. We'll be right back.-(applause and cheering)

-(applause and cheering)-Hey, welcome back.

I'm here with my panel.

First up-- Nightly Show contributor Rory Albanese.

(applause and cheering)

Nightly Show contributorMike Yard.

(applause and cheering)

And her new movie The Meddler

premieres in New York and L.A.this Friday, April 22nd,

and opens nationwidethroughout May--

the legendary Susan Sarandon.

(applause and cheering)

And for everyone at home,join our conversation right now

on Twitter @NightlyShowusing the hashtag #Tonightly.

No, you're right.You're right, Rory.

So, the New York primarywas yesterday,

and Trump and Hillarywere the victors.

And my question is,does this look like

finally what we're goingto see in the fall?

Do you thinkit is Hillary at this point?

You're a big Bernie supporter,right?

I cannot say those words.

WILMORE: You cannot say thewords, right. You, um...

-(applause and cheering)-Um... -YARD: Hell, yeah.

WILMORE: Hillary did sayin her speech. She said

there is more that unites usthan divides us.

Did she get specific about that?'Cause I'd be curious.

WILMORE: She did not. She didnot get specific about it.

Uh, but, uh... so do you thinkit's up to her

to woo the Bernie supporters,

or should the Bernie supportersjust jump on the Hillary train?

If she can get 'em, but

she's gonna havea whole lot of wooing.

'Cause, remember,these people were ready

to vote for a socialistbefore you.

-WILMORE: Yeah. Yeah. -You knowwhat I mean? (applause & cheers)

SARANDON: Yeah, but not only...not only that.

-So many of these people weren'tDemocrats. -WILMORE: Mm-hmm.

You had so many independents,so many working families.

YARD:Yeah, I couldn't vote.

So many green, you know?

So they don't wantto vote Democrat.

It was him that brought them in.


So, her platformis so different than his.


To assume that they're justgonna roll over is really naive.

-Mm-hmm. -I mean, I thinkthat you have to say something.

I mean, if you careabout the environment,

then she's gonna have to say,

you know,"I'm against fracking,

-even though I..."-(applause and cheering)


"Even though, you know,I've been selling it all over

"as the Secretary of State,even though..."

You don't think Hillary...?

-"...GMOs I've beenselling all over." -Yes.

-Got to... -WILMORE: But youdon't think Hillary will say

what she will have to say?She's pretty good at that.

-(laughter) -YARD: I mean,she carries hot sauce.

-(laughter)-WILMORE: She's pretty good.

SARANDON:I know, and...

She's willing to do anythingto get a vote.

I don't even carry hot sauce.

She jumped on that $15 minimumwage after she was against that.

-WILMORE: Yeah. -She suddenlywas up there signing it.

So, I understand you're saying

we can't necessarilytrust what she said.

Maybe if we get the transcriptsof those speeches.

-WILMORE: Mm-hmm.-(applause and cheering)

-Both of 'em.-Because I'm...

You know, I'm sure that she'sgetting rid of Citizens United.

That's probably what she wastalking about, right?

-WILMORE: Yeah.-So, get money out of politics.

But don't you feel, though...don't you feel at some point,

if the national electionis Trump versus Hillary,

just on the, like, you know,just for, like,

for humanity,you just vote for...?

Right? You know what I'm saying?

'Cause it's, like, even ifyou're are a Bernie supporter,

I get it, you know, and, like,you know, Hillary could pander.

-WILMORE: Yeah.-You know, she could, like,

use that Wall Street moneyto buy a bunch of chain wallets,

hand them out in Brooklyn.You know what I mean?

-And, like, win people over.-Chain wallets?

-That's old, man. -Well, I knowwhat you guys like, but, uh...

But, no, I'm saying, butI feel like just now unfor...

Right now, yes,it's Democrat versus Democrat,

but once you're inthat national election,

-and it's Trump versusHillary... -WILMORE: Yeah.

...and the option isDonald Trump running America...

-WILMORE: Mm-hmm.-...like, don't you just feel

like, at that point,like a pair of socks?

You just vote for it.Like, "I don't care what it is."

-WILMORE: Right. -Like, "I justcan't... It can't be that guy."

-Doesn't it feel like that?-YARD: I don't know, man.

-I mean, you know, peoplethat supported Bernie... -Yeah.

...are not peoplethat play the game.

-(whooping, shouting) -ALBANESE:Yeah, but what do you do?

-WILMORE: It is... -They'renot afraid to blow (bleep) up.

-That's all I'm saying.They're not afraid to... -Yeah.

And maybe we needto blow this bitch up.

-(laughter)-Maybe we need to. I'm sorry.

Maybe that's what we need to do.I'm sick of false choices.

I'm sick of false choices.Two people I hate--

I got to pick one.That's ridiculous to me!

-SARANDON: There's a...-(cheering, applause)

SARANDON: I thinkthere's a John F. Kennedy quote

that basically I'm paraphrasing,but says,

those that put downa peaceful revolution

are making sure that there'sa violent revolution.

-WILMORE: Yeah. -So this wasour peaceful revolution.

Well, let me ask you a question.Is this revolution

a referendum on the Obama years?

I believe it's a revolutionagainst the system.

I mean,Obama's part of the system,

but I think the systemis bigger than Obama.

And people are sick of the waythe game's played.

See, I mean,this is a (bleep)...

Aah! It's so (bleep)frustrating.

-But wait, hold on.-(laughter)

But how is... but how is Bernienot part of the system?

He's been a senator for,like, over 30 years.

-That's the system.-SARANDON: Because he's...

because he's not ownedby anybody to begin with.

He doesn't take moneyfrom anybody.

And every single timethat we voted wrong,

whether it was a trade deal...

ALBANESE: Yeah, he voted right.I get it, yeah.

-Yeah, the war... -But he'sstill part of the system.

YARD:Except for the crime bill.

We can't let him slideon that one.

Trump is the guywho's not part of the system.

-Bernie is part of the sys...-Yeah, that's-that's...

that's another partof my frustration

is that this dudeis taken seriously, dude.

-Like, come on.-SARANDON: But maybe, you know,

they don't want a third party,

but the DNChas made it very clear

that they don't letany progressives in, you know?

So maybe it's timeto have a third party.

-(cheering, applause) -Yeah.-YARD: Maybe it's time...

WILMORE: Well, I... I thinkyou hit on something there.

I think America--now, I said this, actually,

almost about ten years ago--we've been ready

for a third partyfor a really long time.

There are so many...In fact, maybe a fourth

-and a fifth party. -YARD:How about we try no party...

-Not even a third party...-how about we try no party,

and just votefor the best people?

-How about we do that?-SARANDON: Yeah.

WILMORE: Because the best peopleare never gonna run.

I don't know, one ofthe best people-- I'm sorry,

I'm giving away my...One of the best people ran

-and is losing right now, so...-But, you know,

the Democratic Partyis not a progressive party.

The last time the DemocraticParty was a progressive party

was when LBJ was president.

-Since then...-SARANDON: Try FDR.

Well, no, LBJ wasa progressive president, right.

I think he waskind of pushed into it.

I mean, he voted a lotof fabulous legislation, yeah.

-If you sign it, then youdid it, you know. -That's true.

You got to give him creditfor it, right.

If you don't sign it,then I think it's different.

But we didn't havethe Koch brothers.

-Yeah.-We didn't have all these people

just messingwith the whole system.

-Right.-You know, it's impossible now,

and you're asking the congressthat's benefitting from all

of this to vote against it,and that's never gonna happen

unless you get a Bernie Sandersin-- there's never gonna be...

-(whooping, applause)-WILMORE: Well, we'll see.

ALBANESE: I don't know.I mean, I feel...

I feel like the problem is evenif a guy like Bernie gets in,

'cause I feel likeeverybody said this about Obama.

What happens is,the minute a Democrat gets in,

the Republicansjust spend all of their time

making sure that personcan't do anything.

SARANDON: You have to votein the midterm elections.

Nobody votesin the midterm elections.

-Nobody wants to do that.-Yeah.

YARD: That's the problemWe just want to complain...

And nobody wants to votein the midterms.

You got to votein your local elections,

vote in your midterm elections--

-Eat your vegetables.-that's how you make change.

-(cheering, applause) -Yes.That's how you make change.

But, now, I'm saying,you got to start reading,

-you know what I mean?-Exactly.

You got to, like, load stuff.Come on.

WILMORE:This is America--

we just want it all to work!

-(laughter)-All right, we'll be right back.

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