The Farnsworth Parabox

  • Season 4, Ep 13
  • 06/08/2003

The crew ventures into a parallel universe accidentally created by the Professor.

FARNSWORTH: Oh, Lordy Lou! Help!

Ooh! Ah!

( snoring )

( shouting ):I know you've rejectedme a lot before

but frankly,I wasn't sure

we were rightfor each other, either.

But now I am,so how about a date tonight?

Sorry, I think I, uh,I think I left my toaster on.

FARNSWORTH:Buddha! Zeus!

God! One of you guysdo something!

Come on, Leela.

What's the real reasonyou won't go out with me?

Help, Satan, you owe me!

Look, um, I'm embarrassedto admit this

but you've forced me to.

I can't go out tonightbecause...

( rumbling stops )

I have sweaty boot rash!

No spluh.Why do you think

I'm sitting over herein the stink-free zone?

( laughs )

So, will you go outwith me?

Good news, everyone.

I'm still technically alive.Yes.

But I need you to disposeof this crazy-ass experiment

that almost killed me.

You'll have to throw itinto the sun itself

for only the thermonuclearinferno of the sun

has enough energy to ensureits total destruction.

I could hit it with a shovel.

That's not good enough.

This one time, I pounded a guy

into the groundlike a stake with a shovel.

Yes, yes.

So what's inthe box already?

No peeking!

( yelping )

I don't knowwhat's in there

but I'm sure our minds

would be unableto comprehend it.

Oh! You hurt my collator!

I don't care.

Listen well.

No matter what happens

no matter how greatyour curiosity

you are forbiddento look in this box.


Pretty tantalizing, though.

FRY:Whatever's in there

it's the only thingI've ever wanted.

In my experience,boxes are usually empty

or maybe with a little cheesestuck to the top

and one time, pepperoni.

What a day that was!

( warbling scream )

Give me the box!

Scram, you lousygreen snakes!

( all yelling )

Here, Leela, take this

and use it to shootthose guys.

Right.If they try to look in the box.


Let's just forget about the box.

The Professor saidto stay away.

Fry, how can yoube so naive?

He was joking.Get it?


That's whatmakes it so funny.

( laughs )

Okay, he wasn't joking.

Now shut up and follow me.

( hissing )

FRY:Oh, it's hot.

The butter in my pocketis melting.

( whirring )

( whirring )

( snoring )

( chuckles )

( whirring )

We thank you, Bender

for the giftwe're about to receive.

( both gasp )

Tangled-upChristmas lights.

We can take shiftsuntangling them.

And unlabeled booze.

Wide mouth, too.

( grunting )

That ought to keepthose dopes occupied.

I can guard the real boxin peace

now that no one'scurious about it.

( humming )

( forced humming )

Well, I got through the nightand no one looked in the box--

not even me, the personwho gave up her whole evening

to watch it.

A whole evening of TV gone.

What a mockery of justice

that I can't takeeven a little tiny peek.

( sighs )

I need coffee.

Okay, heads-- I look.

Tails-- I don't.

Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Heads!

I mean... all right, then.

No. I have a duty not to look.

Then again, I promisedthe coin I would.

Oh, it's deep.

Deeper than a small boxshould be.

( yells )

( grunts )

Ouch! My lawyerwill hear about this.

( door opens )

FRY:Leela, what have you done?


What do you mean,why was I looking in the box?

I meant you hair.It's all differenty.

Bender, is that you?

You know it.Large and in charge.

Leela? Oh...

There's a woman for you.

Always dyeing her hair

instead of notlooking in a box.

I didn't dye my hair.

This is how I always look.

No, that's how you always look.

( both gasp )

This throws my entire perceptionof reality into question.

Clone, robotor long-lost twin?

Taking all bets.

I also offer video poker.

It's some guy wearinga Leela costume.

Get him.

Hold it.

You have this all wrong.

I just fell into the box

and then I fell out somehow.

You shut up, sir.

No, wait. I've got it.

I know what's in the box.

Oh, I've been as dumb as Fry.

Am not.

It contains

a parallel universe

and when you create

a parallel universe,

it's almost alwayspopulated by evil twins.

Now look, I am not evil.

My loan officer said so.

Oh, you'd like usto believe that

wouldn't you, Leela?

Or should I say,Evilla?!

Aw, this is awful.

Somewhere there'sa more evil Bender than me.

I do my best, damn it!

Leela-- thegood Leela--

I want youto snoop

around the other universe

and find outhow evil they are.


I tell you, they're not evil

but don't be confused--they are jerks.

( grunts )


( martial arts yell )

Come out of your universewith your hands up.

( grunting, groaning )

Oh, wow, it's likethat drug trip

I saw in that movie

when I was onthat drug trip.


I must have createda parallel universe.


I created your universe.

All you created wasmy fist parallelto your face.


Look, it doesn't matterwho created what.

The important thing is...

( martial arts yell )

We're exactlythe same.

I know all her moves.

Therefore, I've gotthe upper hand.


Now, now, perfectlysymmetrical violence

never solved anything.

Let's recapwhat's happened so far.

As you can see,I accidentally created

a box containingyour universe.

While I, ina simultaneous blunder

created a box containing your universe.

This is getting confusing.

Why don't we callour universe "Universe A"

and this universe"Universe B"?

Hey, why can'twe be "Universe A"?


Yeah!It's thebest letter!

We called it first.

Besides, this placekind of feels

like a "B," you know?

All right, you can becrummy "Universe A"

and we'll be"Universe One."

Or "The Mongooses."

That's a coolteam name.

"The Fighting Mongooses."

Wait a second.

If everyone is identical

why did our Leela lookinto the box

and your Leela didn't?

Well, to be honest,I tossed a coin.

It came up tails,so I didn't look.

That's weird.

Mine came up heads,so I did.


Apparently, thekey differencebetween our universes

is that coin flips haveopposite outcomes.

That explainsFruity here.

I tossed a cointo pick my finish.

Foghat Gray.

Hey, bite my gloriousgolden ass.

You people and yourslight differences disgust me.

I'm going home.

Where's that blue boxwith our universe in it?

Oh, you'd liketo get back

to your evil universe,wouldn't you

and destroy your boxwith our universe inside it?


I would never do such a thing

unless you were already havingbeen going to do that.


You heard me.

In any case,I've hidden the box

and it will remain hidden

until I'm convincedyou're not evil.

Everyone, keep an eyeon your evil counterpart.

And you all do the same.

Um, can Fry and I watchour parallel selves together?

We have plans tonight.

You guys are dating?

Oh, no, no.

We're married.

I got my eyeon you, boy.

Don't even thinkabout it, lunch pail.

You'd be dead beforeyou hit the ground.

Good point.

What do you say wejust hit a strip joint?

I was waitingfor one of usto say that.

( both cheering )

Bender A, you're aprince among robots.

Can you forgive mefor distrusting you?

Aw, I can't stay mad atwhat is essentially me.

I love me.

( both chuckling )

This is so great!

I always wantedan imaginary friend.

I'm not imaginary;I'm parallel.

We're exactly the same,right down to the...

Splech! Is thatpink nail polish?

Is that notpink nail polish?

The Professor's right--you are evil...

and shallow.

I am not evil.

So, Fry, Leela,how'd you two get together?

Funny story.

I asked Leela outa million times

but she just keptrejecting me.

I'd make up stuff like"I have sweaty boot rash"

or "I have to meetthe President."

( chuckling )

Oh, man,you never heard such excuses

but, like a dope,I believed her.

Looking back on it now,it's kind of funny.

It sure is.

Right, Leela?

Funny.Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Then one night, whenFry asked me out

the only excuseI could think ofinvolved ghosts.

I knew he wouldn't buy it.

So, I did what I alwaysdo in those situations.

Oh, Lord.

I flipped a coin.

It came up headsand we went out.

You mean, youflipped a coin, too

and it was tails?

So, that's why you saidyou had to meet that ghost.

You really missed outon something, Leela.

That datewas magical.

One year later, I gave Leelaa diamond scrunchy

and we were married.


One year later,

I got beat upat a Neil Diamond concert

by a guy named Scrunchy.

( grunting )

( grunting )

( grunting )

( grunting )

Well, thatwas pointless.

Say, I hope you won'tthink it "evil" of me

to ask how you gotthat stylish head wound.

Oh, this old thing?

I was experimenting to seeif I could remove my own brain.

Of course.

I had the same idea.

I flipped a coin to decideif I should proceed

but it came up tails,so I didn't.

How'd it go?

Well, gettingthe brain outwas the easy part.

The hard part wasgetting the brain out.

( crazy laughter )

( chuckling ):Oh, you.

( flies buzzing )

So, tell meabout yourself.

Well, don't look into it

but I'm a respectedinternal medicine doctor.

Ooh, a can!

( slurping loudly )

As for me,I design mansions

then live in them.

( sobbing ):I'm lying.

I'm an appalling failure.

( sobbing ):Me, too.

A big fat one.

And those coworkers--

always looking downon us Zoidbergs.

What are theyfrom Nob Hill?

They're all alike--

"Stop spraying mewith ink, Zoidberg.

"Put on pants, Zoidberg.

Don't touch our fancy box,Zoidberg."

Ooh, that box!

Too good for us, is it?

Bah! Someday they'll watch

from down in the gutter,they will

as King Zoidberg caressestheir fancy box.

You know, maybe a certainblue lobster saw

where Professor hid the box.

( chuckling deviously )

( chuckling )

Good news,everyones.

After carefullyreading the Scriptures

we've concludedthat none of us are evil.

Yes, the Bible isthe real "good news."

Anyhow, you're all freeto go back to your own universe.

What's going on here?

Why aren't you allout destroying theProfessor's box?

Hermes, aren'tyou curious

about the factthat there's twoof everybody?

No. Now, like my Grannyused to say

back in her tarpaper shackon Montego Bay--

"If you want a box hurledinto the Sun

you got to do it yourself."

Your granny cango to hell.

I've hidden the boxso no one can destroy

the home universeof my handsomefriend, here.

Oh, go on.

Wait a second.

If your Hermes was

about to destroy the boxcontaining our universe...

Then your Hermes...

Oh, my.

ANNOUNCER: And sure enough...

( Hermes humming )

Like Granny said

"If you want a box hurledinto the Sun

you got to do it yourself."

Right. Good thingProfessor B there

hid it inthe coelacanth tank.

No one but a crazy lobsterwould look there.

It's gone!

( radio static )

All hail Zoidberg

the king with the box.

( loud smooching )

Now it's my turn maybe?

The box says no.

ANNOUNCER: Meanwhile, in Universe A

Hermes A heads toward the sun... A.

"Item one: box."


"Item two: sun."

( sizzling )

That's a big check.

If I know parallel Hermes,he's at the sun by now.

Our universe is doomed!


Now, don't give up yet,you crybabies.

The box is gone,but we still have

one preposterously slim hope.

Is it a kindof hair spray?

No! We must attempt to make

another box containingour universe. Doy.

( electronic buzzing and zapping )

( Professors yelling )


is that your universesin there?

Nope. Too cold.

Hmm. All women.

I'll put this one asidefor later.

( Leela screaming )

Oh, mon, it's hopeless.

We'll never findyour universe in time.

Plus, this box is stuckon my fat head.

Yes, it's the Apocalypse,all right.

I always thoughtI'd have a hand in it.

I'm not sad...

because I finally foundsomeone as great as me.

It's like I always say:

"Make new friends,but keep the old.

One is silver..."

( voice breaking ):"And the other's gold."

( loud clunk )

( both sobbing )

Why with the long faces?

( gasps ):The idiots have the box!

I think she means you.

Grab them!

( Zoidbergs whimpering )

You coward! Wait for me!

Blug! Which onedid they go into?

Oh, let's all ask each other!

That'll solve this problem!

We'll each have to searcha universe.

Everyone grab a lengthof wire first

so you can find your way back.



Did you seetwo smelly lobsters?

We didn't seeanything...


Yo, uh, did two shellfishin scrubs go by?

Hell, no.Shut up.

Beat it, jerk!

Uh, have you robotversions of you guys

seen any extra Zoidbergsaround here?

( mechanically ):Negative.Will you go out with me?

Uh, access denied.

( chalk squeaking )

Hey, pal, look what I snaggedfrom the leprechaun universe.

Yeah, leprechaun universeis fine...

if you haven't seenpirate universe.

( gasps ):Faith and begorra!


Quick! Into another box!

There aren't anyin this universe,there aren't.

Hey, you, whatwith the no boxes?

Baby, they're somewhere.

Everything's,like, somewhere.

Place is kind ofau naturel right now.

There they are!

( both gasp )


Dig it, all of youfitting in this box

is, like, seriously freaked up.

Nonsense! Why, there'sa whole universe in there.

Dude, there's a universein all of us.

Right on,Professor Freaksworth!

Get a job!

We've got the box!

Everyone pull your wires!

( grunting and gasping )

( all yelling )

Hurry! Back to Universe A!

( grunting )

( all grunting )

Hermes! Don't pressthat button!


Bye, Leela.Bye-bye.So long.

So long, Your Majesty.

There but for the flipof a coin go we.

So, um, Leela, seeing howthe universe wasn't destroyed

uh, you want to catchan ape fight?

You know, together?

Well... I guess you deserveone more flip.

So? Heads or tails?

You know, let'sjust say it's heads.


BOTH PROFESSORS:One, two, three... pull!


That space-time eversion

has given us theirbox, and vice versa.

So what you think you justexplained to us is that...

Correct! This box containsour own universe!

( all gasp )

Sweet honeybee of infinity!

( people grunting and gasping )

Bender, quit destroyingthe universe.

But... Oh!

Yes, all that isand ever shall beis in that box.

And the box itselfis probably worthsomething, too.

We must cherish it

as we cherish every momentof our lives.

( sighs )

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