CC Presents: Rene´ Hicks

  • Season 4, Ep 3
  • 12/17/2000

AND YOU ARE MY PEOPLE.

THAT'S RIGHT.

'CAUSE JUST LIKE YOU, I DON'T

THINK I'M GONNA BE GETTING AN

INVITATION TO JOHN ROCKER'S

HOUSE, EITHER.

(LAUGHTER)

YOU KNOW, WHEN HE WAS DESCRIBING

THE PEOPLE WHO RIDE THE NUMBER 7

TRAIN, I THOUGHT HE WAS

PERSONALLY TALKING ABOUT MEMBERS

OF MY FAMILY!

I'M LIKE, "WAIT A MINUTE.

I CAN TALK ABOUT 'EM, BUT HOLD

UP, BUDDY BOY."

'CAUSE I DO HAVE SOME VERY

STRANGE PEOPLE IN MY FAMILY.

THEY ALL GATHERED TOGETHER AT MY

GRANDFATHER'S 85th BIRTHDAY

PARTY.

LET'S START WITH HIM.

HE'S LOSING IT.

HE GIVES ADVICE, MAKES NO SENSE.

HE'S LIKE, "RENE, SHOW BUSINESS

IS A DOG-EAT-DOG WORLD.

MAKE SURE YOUR DOG AIN'T

ANOREXIC.

(LAUGHTER)

ANOTHER THING, REMEMBER,

BEAUTY'S ONLY SKIN DEEP.

JUST DON'T TELL THAT TO AN UGLY

PERSON."

(LAUGHTER)

AND WHAT REALLY GOT HIM STARTED

WAS MY COUSIN TELLING THE WHOLE

FAMILY THAT HE'S GAY.

MY GRANDPA'S LIKE, "THAT BOY

AIN'T GAY.

HE'S JUST LAZY.

(LAUGHTER)

EVEN A DOG LICKS HIS OWN BALLS."

(LAUGHTER)

DO YOU THINK HE STOPPED THERE?

OH, NO.

HE GOES ON.

"THAT'S JUST LIKE THAT RICKY

MARTIN BOY.

HE AIN'T GAY.

HE PUERTO RICAN.

(LAUGHTER)

PUERTO RICAN MEN DANCE LIKE THEY

GAY.

BUT THEY NOT.

NOW, YOU SEE A WHITE GUY DANCING

LIKE THAT, OH, YEAH.

THEN HE IS GAY.

(LAUGHTER)

HE'S SUCKING THE BIG PICKLE."

(LAUGHTER)

I'M LIKE, "GRANDPA, YOU ARE

PREJUDICED AGAINST GAY PEOPLE."

HE'S LIKE, "I AM NOT

HOMOGRAPHIC.

(LAUGHTER)

I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT NOBODY.

I'M JUST TALKING ABOUT WHAT I'M

TALKING ABOUT."

THE MAN HAS GONE STARK RAVING

MAD.

AND I THINK THAT IS WHY MY

GRANDMOTHER IS SHRINKING.

SHE'S 82 YEARS OLD, PEOPLE,

AND SHE'S SHRINKING, EVERYTHING

EXCEPT HER HUGE REAR END.

PEOPLE, IT ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE

SHE IS SHRINKING INTO HER BIG

BEHIND.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

THERE'S JUST A HEAD SITTING ON

TOP OF A BUTT WITH A COUPLE OF

LEGS STICKING OUT.

(LAUGHTER)

SHE'S JUST A LITTLE OLD BUTT

LADY.

THAT'S ALL SHE IS.

OH, YOU PEOPLE ARE GOING TO HELL

FOR LAUGHING AT MY GRANDMA.

YOU THINK THAT'S OKAY?

AND THEN ALL THE UGLY RELATIVES

SHOWED UP.

OH, YEAH, THE HALF-LIZARD,

HALF-MOOSE LOOKING PEOPLE.

EVERY FAMILY HAS 'EM.

IF YOU'RE NOT LAUGHING RIGHT

NOW, YOU ARE THE UGLY FAMILY.

(LAUGHTER)

YUCK IT UP.

YUCK IT UP.

UGLY BABIES ARE THE WORST.

AND DON'T YOU GO, "OH."

'CAUSE THAT MEANS YOU HAD AN

UGLY BABY AND GAVE IT AWAY.

(LAUGHTER)

YOU'RE JUST FEELING GUILTY.

SEE, PARENTS WHO HAVE UGLY

BABIES, THEY INSIST UPON SHOWING

THEM TO YOU, EXPECTING YOU TO

COMPLIMENT THEM.

BUT WHEN YOU GET UP CLOSE WITH

THAT BABY, IT'S SHOCKING.

YOU'RE LIKE, "OH, IS THAT YOUR

BABY?

LET ME SEE-- OH, MY GOD!

(LAUGHTER)

IS THAT YOUR BABY?

CUTE?

YES, IT IS.

CUTE AS A...AS A RAT'S ASS.

THAT'S AN UGLY BABY, LADY.

(LAUGHTER)

COULD YOU PUT THE BLANKET BACK

OVER HIS FACE?

HE'S SCARING MY PIT BULL."

(LAUGHTER)

AND WHAT'S WITH THE WOMEN

BREAST-FEEDING THEIR BABIES OUT

IN PUBLIC?

I GO TO SHEA STADIUM WITH MY

COUSIN TROY AND HIS WIFE ROWINA,

WHO IS JAMAICAN.

SHE STARTS BREAST-FEEDING

THE BABY RIGHT IN THE BLEACHERS.

PEOPLE ARE STARING.

SHE GETS THE ATTITUDE.

(IN JAMAICAN ACCENT)

"WHAT YOU LOOKING AT?

THIS IS TOTALLY NATURAL."

(LAUGHTER)

I'M LIKE, "OH, YEAH, ROWINA?

IS IT PERFECTLY NATURAL TO HAVE

YOUR BREAST UP ON THE BIG

SCREEN?"

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

"YOUR BOOB IS 10 FEET TALL.

(LAUGHTER

OH, MY GOD, NOW THEY'RE

ADVERTISING 'GOT MILK'

UNDERNEATH.

OH, MY GOD."

OH, THAT'S TOTALLY NATURAL.

THAT'S TOTALLY NATURAL.

AND MY COUSIN, TROY, HE HAS A

TWIN BROTHER, JACOY.

JACOY IS A CRACK ADDICT.

YEAH.

HE'S ALWAYS TRYING TO BORROW

MONEY FROM YOU.

HE'S LIKE, "YO, CUZ.

WHY DON'T YOU LET ME HOLD 20?

I PAY YOU BACK."

I'M LIKE, "WHY?

BECAUSE YOUR FULL-TIME

OCCUPATION IS THAT OF A

CRACKHEAD.

AND LENDING A CRACKHEAD 20 BUCKS

IS LIKE LOANING OUT ONE OF YOUR

GOOD KNIVES TO O.J. SIMPSON.

YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO SEE IT

AGAIN.

(LAUGHTER)

THAT'S WHY."

(APPLAUSE AND WHISTLES)

AND WHAT KIND OF NAME IS JACOY,

ANYWAY?

BLACK PEOPLE, YOU MUST STOP

NAMING YOUR KIDS THIS CRAZY

STUFF!

AND PLEASE, WHITE PEOPLE, DON'T

YOU LOOK AT ME LIKE YOU DON'T

KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

(LAUGHTER)

YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN INTRODUCED

TO BLACK WOMEN.

THEY WALKED AWAY.

YOU'RE LIKE, "OKAY, NOW.

ONE WAS CHANDELIER.

(LAUGHTER)

AND THE OTHER WAS CHLAMYDIA?"

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

I GOT A 10-YEAR-OLD NEPHEW

WALKING AROUND TELLING ME HE'S

IN A GANG.

YEAH.

HE'S GOT THAT DO-RAG ON.

BUT APPARENTLY HE IS UNAWARE

THAT THE COLOR OF THE DO-RAG

INDICATES WHAT GANG YOU'RE IN.

HE'S WEARING A BROWN DO-RAG.

I'M LIKE, "WHAT GANG ARE YOU

IN-- U.P.S.?

(LAUGHTER)

DRIVE-BY DELIVERIES IS WHAT YOUR

LITTLE BAD ASS IS GONNA BE

DOING."

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND GANG

VIOLENCE.

IT IS TOTALLY CRAZY.

BLACKS KILLING BLACKS, LATINOS

KILLING LATINOS.

IF GANG MEMBERS HAVE TO KILL,

KILL CONSTRUCTIVELY.

KILL SOME KU KLUX KLAN.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

THAT'S RIGHT.

DON'T KILL PEOPLE IN THE 'HOOD.

KILL PEOPLE WEARING THE HOOD.

(LAUGHTER)

I TELL YOU, WE WOULD HAVE A LOT

LESS GANG VIOLENCE IF WE HAD

SOME PARENTAL CONTROL.

YOU GOT TO DISCIPLINE THESE

KIDS.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

YOU GOT TO.

THEY NEED IT.

THEY WANT IT.

(APPLAUSE)

AND NOT THIS TIME-OUT BULL,

EITHER.

I THINK YOU WHITE PEOPLE STARTED

THIS STUFF.

(LAUGHTER)

'CAUSE I ASKED ONE OF MY WHITE

GIRLFRIENDS WHERE SHE GOT THIS

FROM.

SHE'S LIKE, "WELL, RENE, I READ

IT IN A BOOK.

EXPERTS GAVE ME THEORIES AND

PRINCIPLES ON HOW TO DISCIPLINE

CHILDREN."

MY MOM HELPED RAISE 5 KIDS.

SHE DIDN'T HAVE TO READ A BOOK.

OH, SHE HAD SOMETHING LIKE

TIME-OUT.

IT WAS CALLED KNOCKOUT.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

(WHOO!)

AND YOU KNOW, MY PARENTS,

THEY CONTROLLED WHAT WE WATCHED

ON TV.

SHE WOULD NOT LET US WATCH

CERTAIN THINGS.

I SAW MY LITTLE NEPHEWS, NIECES

WATCHING TALK SHOWS, AND YOU

KNOW WHAT?

I REALIZED THEY'RE STARTING TO

RUN OUT OF FREAKS ON THOSE TALK

SHOWS.

HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT?

THEY ARE.

'CAUSE THEY COPY EACH OTHER'S

SHOWS, CHANGE ONE WORD AND

PRETEND LIKE IT'S A NEW SHOW.

LIKE I SAW ONE SHOW.

IT WAS, LIKE, "DEVIL

WORSHIPERS."

AND THEN ANOTHER ONE, LIKE A

WEEK LATER, "TEENAGE DEVIL

WORSHIPERS."

I'M WAITING FOR SPRINGER TO COME

ALONG AND TOP EVERYBODY.

"DYSLEXIC TEENAGE DEVIL

WORSHIPERS."

(LAUGHTER)

YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES THEY HAVE

SERIOUS TOPICS ON THE TALK

SHOWS.

I SAW ONE ON AIDS.

IT ACTUALLY SAID THAT BLACK

FEMALES ARE THE FASTEST RISING

INFECTION RATE.

THAT SCARED ME.

AND I DECIDED THAT, HEY, UNTIL I

FIND SOMEBODY THAT'S WORTH DYING

FOR, I'M ABSTAINING FROM SEX.

THAT'S RIGHT.

I AM CELIBATE, AND IT AIN'T

EASY!

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

I NOW KNOW WHY CATHOLIC NUNS ARE

SO DAMN MEAN.

(LAUGHTER)

I, TOO, WISH TO HIT PEOPLE WITH

A RULER FOR NO APPARENT REASON.

(LAUGHTER)

AND IT IS NOT EASY HERE IN

NEW YORK, EITHER, WITH ALL THESE

DIFFERENT FLAVORED MEN WALKING

AROUND WITH YOUR SHIRTS OFF

TRYING TO TEMPT ME!

AND YOU GUYS, YOU PRETEND LIKE

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE

WORD "CELIBATE" MEANS.

I TOLD ONE GUY I WAS CELIBATE.

HE WAS LIKE, "WELL, I'M A

SAGITTARIUS.

OUR SIGNS ARE COMPATIBLE."

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

ANOTHER GUY SAID, "CELIBATE?

IS THAT LIKE SOME SORT OF

VEGETARIAN?"

I SAID, "WELL, WE DO HAVE

SOMETHING IN COMMON IN THAT

TONIGHT NEITHER ONE OF US WILL

BE HAVING MEAT."

OKAY?

YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYING?

(APPLAUSE)

I RAN INTO ONE DUMB, DUMB, DUMB

GUY TALKING ABOUT, "SELL-A-BIT,

SELL-A-LOT.

JUST TELL ME HOW MUCH IT COSTS."

(APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER)

(CROWD CHEERING LOUDLY)

I HAVE PLENTY OF TIME TO HAVE

SEX BECAUSE I HEARD THAT A WOMAN

DOES NOT REACH HER SEXUAL PEAK

UNTIL SHE'S 35-- A MAN, 18.

I HAVE A PLAN.

WHEN I START TO HIT 35,

I'M GONNA START PATROLLING

HIGH SCHOOLS.

(LAUGHTER)

THEY GET OUT AT 3 O'CLOCK.

I ALREADY CALLED TO CHECK.

I'M GONNA LOAD UP MY CAR WITH

BEER, FOOD, AND A SONY

PLAYSTATION.

I'M GONNA GET ME SOMEBODY,

SOMEBODY SPECIAL.

(LAUGHTER)

TIME.

PEOPLE IN ENGLAND TALK FUNNY,

AND NOT JUST THAT ACCENT.

BECAUSE THEY SAY THINGS THAT WE

SAY, BUT THEY DON'T MEAN THE

SAME THINGS AS WE MEAN WHEN WE

SAY IT.

LIKE I'M GOING OFF TO MY HOTEL

ROOM.

THE DESK CLERK GOES, "LOVE, WHAT

TIME IN THE MORNING WOULD YOU

LIKE FOR ME TO KNOCK YOU UP?"

(LAUGHTER)

"EXCUSE ME?

I HARDLY KNOW YOU.

(LAUGHTER)

AND I DON'T RECALL READING THAT

SERVICE IN THE TRAVEL BROCHURE."

I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND IN ENGLAND

"KNOCK YOU UP" MEANS "WAKE YOU

UP."

AND THEN A WOMAN SAYS TO ME,

"EXCUSE ME, BUT DO YOU HAVE A

RUBBER I CAN BORROW?

I PROMISE TO BRING IT BACK."

(LAUGHTER)

WHAT KIND OF FREAKS LIVE HERE?

I'M LIKE, "I DON'T HAVE ONE,

BUT IF I DID, YOU COULD KEEP IT.

I KNOW ENGLAND'S INTO RECYCLING,

BUT THAT IS RIDICULOUS."

(LAUGHTER)

I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND THAT A

RUBBER IN ENGLAND IS AN ERASER.

THE MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT WAS

WHEN I GOT THIS DESSERT MENU

HANDED TO ME, AND I OPEN IT TO

FIND SOMETHING CALLED "GREAT BIG

SPOTTED DICK."

(LAUGHTER)

THAT'S WHAT IT SAYS, SIR.

RIGHT THERE.

YEAH.

JUST READING IT KIND OF MAKES

YOU FEEL GAY, DON'T IT?

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

YEAH.

HUH?

YEAH.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

YEAH.

YEAH.

AND, OF COURSE, IF YOU ARE GAY,

IT JUST MAKES YOU FEEL HUNGRY.

OKAY?

(LAUGHTER)

ANYWAY, I WAS JUST...

IT ACTUALLY SAYS--

CHECK THIS OUT-- "LOADS FOR

TWO.

ENOUGH FOR 3 OR 4 TO SHARE."

NOW, THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS A LOT

OF DICK.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY HAVE IN

ENGLAND?

JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES.

APPARENTLY IN AMERICA WE HAVE

GOTTEN SO GOOD AT HIDING FROM

THESE PEOPLE...

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

THAT THEY HAD TO GO TO A WHOLE

OTHER CONTINENT JUST TO SELL

THEIR QUOTA OF WATCHTOWERS.

YOU KNOW WHAT AMAZES ME ABOUT

THE JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES?

THEY DON'T CELEBRATE ANY

HOLIDAYS.

DID YOU KNOW THAT?

NO CHRISTMAS, NO THANKSGIVING,

NO VALENTINE'S DAY.

THEY DON'T LET THEIR KIDS

CELEBRATE HALLOWEEN.

I THINK THIS IS A MISTAKE,

BECAUSE WOULDN'T

TRICK-OR-TREATING FOR A LITTLE

JEHOVAH'S WITNESS KID BE LIKE A

TRAINING EXERCISE?

(LAUGHTER)

"GO ON.

RING THE DOORBELL.

I KNOW YOU DON'T KNOW WHO LIVES

THERE.

RING IT-- EVEN THE ONES WITH THE

LIGHTS THAT ARE OFF.

THEY'RE HOME.

GO RING IT!"

(LAUGHTER)

THEY HAVE JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES

IN ENGLAND, BUT THEY DO NOT HAVE

LATINOS.

I GREW UP IN A LATINO

NEIGHBORHOOD IN CALIFORNIA.

ANY LATINOS IN THE HOUSE?

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

YEAH.

I MUST HAVE LATINOS.

'CAUSE THERE'S NOT THAT MUCH

DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BLACKS AND

LATINOS.

LATINOS ARE JUST BLACK PEOPLE

WITH STRAIGHT HAIR.

LET'S BE REAL.

LET'S BE REAL.

BLACK PEOPLE NEED LATINOS

BECAUSE THEY HELP TAKE THE

PRESSURE OFF OF US.

IF THERE WERE NO LATINOS, THE

POLICE WOULD BE MESSING WITH US

24-7.

"WHO THEY CHASING?

JOSE?

OH, GOOD.

BREAK TIME.

BREAK TIME."

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

I LOVE WALKING THROUGH A LATINO

NEIGHBORHOOD BECAUSE LATINO MEN

WILL SHOW APPRECIATION FOR A

WOMAN THAT'S LOOKING GOOD--

HELL, SHE DON'T EVEN HAVE TO BE

LOOKING THAT GOOD.

OKAY?

OKAY?

(LAUGHTER)

AND THEY DO IT WITH IMAGINATION.

THEY DON'T JUST THROW OUT SOME

LAME-ASS PICKUP LINE.

OH, NO.

THEY DO IT WITH SOUND.

(CACKLING AND KISSING SOUNDS)

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

WHOA.

JUNGLE LOVE, YES.

AYE, POPPY, AYE.

♪ (MUSIC PLAYS)

MISSISSIPPI WHEN I GOT STOPPED

BY THE POLICE.

OH, I WAS SCARED, PEOPLE.

I'M NOT GONNA LIE.

BECAUSE IN THAT WHOLE TOWN,

THE WHOLE TIME I WAS THERE,

I DID NOT SEE ANY OTHER BLACK

PEOPLE.

I DIDN'T EVEN SEE A BLACK DOG.

(LAUGHTER)

I WENT TO A RESTAURANT.

THEY DIDN'T EVEN HAVE PEPPER.

(LAUGHTER)

AND IT WAS A CHINESE RESTAURANT.

AND YOU COULD TELL NO CHINESE

PEOPLE HAD EVER BEEN THERE,

'CAUSE I LOOKED AT THE MENU.

"SWEET AND SOUR GRITS" IS NOT

CHINESE FOOD.

(LAUGHTER)

IT'S NOT.

THEY DIDN'T EVEN GIVE ME A

FORTUNE COOKIE.

THEY GAVE ME A BISCUIT WITH A

HANDWRITTEN NOTE SHOVED IN THE

MIDDLE.

"NO, THANK YOU, SCOOTER.

NO, THANK YOU."

AND THEN THE POLICEMAN HAD THE

NERVE TO WALK UP TO THE CAR AND

GO, "HO, HO, HO.

YOU COLORED PEOPLE SURE LOVE TO

DRIVE FAST."

COLORED?

I SAID, "EXCUSE ME, SIR,

BUT I AM MAHOGANY-AMERICAN."

(LAUGHTER)

WHITE PEOPLE LOOKING AROUND

GOING, "DID THEY CHANGE THEIR

NAME AGAIN?

I DIDN'T-- I DIDN'T GET A MEMO.

DID YOU?"

(APPLAUSE)

I JUST DID THAT TO MESS WITH HIM

BECAUSE OF COLOR-- BECAUSE

AREN'T WE ALL COLORED?

ALL OF US ARE COLORED.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

ALL OF US ARE COLORED.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

IF SOMEBODY COMES UP TO YOU AND

THEY'RE TRANSPARENT, RUN!

IT'S A FRICKING ALIEN!

GO!

(LAUGHTER)

AND I THINK IT'S A TAD BIT

HYPOCRITICAL OF BLACK PEOPLE

TO HAVE NAMES THAT YOU CAN'T

CALL US ANYMORE BUT WE STILL

HAVE IN THE NAMES OF

ORGANIZATIONS THAT REPRESENT US.

"THE UNITED NEGRO COLLEGE FUND."

"OH, YOU CAN'T CALL US A NEGRO,

BUT WE WILL ACCEPT YOUR

DONATION."

(LAUGHTER)

I BELIEVE THAT IT IS NOT WHAT

YOU CALL ME, IT IS WHAT I ANSWER

TO.

AND YOU KNOW AFTER ALL THAT TIME

THAT I SPENT IN MISSISSIPPI,

I REALIZED THAT I'M AFRAID

WE HAVE NOT COME AS FAR AS

WE SHOULD AS A COUNTRY WITH

THE GAINS THAT WE SHOULD BE

MAKING CONSIDERING HOW GREAT A

COUNTRY WE ARE.

'CAUSE NOT ONLY DID I HAVE THAT

INCIDENT WITH THE IGNORANT

POLICE, BUT I GO INTO A CORNER

GROCERY STORE, GET READY TO WALK

IN.

THERE'S A SIGN ON THE DOOR THAT

SAYS, "NIGER, WHEN THE SUN DON'T

SHINE, I BETTER NOT SEE YOUR

BLACK BEHIND."

WELL, THAT DIDN'T STOP ME,

'CAUSE I DON'T ANSWER TO THAT.

I WALKED UP IN THERE ALL THE WAY

TO THE COUNTER, TO THE OWNER.

I SAID, "HEY, YOU SEE THAT SIGN

OUT THERE?

WELL, THE WORD 'NIGGER' IS

SPELLED WITH TWO Gs, YOU STUPID

ASS!"

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I DON'T EVEN RESPOND TO THAT

WORD.

BECAUSE IF YOU DO, YOU GIVE

THE RACISTS THE POWER.

AND I HAVE FINALLY FIGURED OUT

A WAY TO TAKE THE STING OUT OF

THAT VILE AND HATEFUL WORLD.

MY SOLUTION: CHANGE THE MEANING.

ATTACH IT TO SOMETHING GOOD,

SOMETHING EVERYBODY LOVES.

SNACK FOODS.

THAT'S RIGHT.

THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU KNOW YOU LOVE TORTILLA

CHIPS, POTATO CHIPS, CORN CHIPS.

WHY NOT "NIGGER CHIPS"?

IT SOUNDS LIKE A SNACK FOOD.

(LAUGHTER)

AND I'M GONNA MAKE SOME TASTY

FLAVORS.

"CHEESE NIGGERS."

(LAUGHTER)

"ONION AND GARLIC NIGGERS."

FOR MY LATINO FRIENDS, "NACHO

NIGGERS."

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

DON'T WORRY, BLACK PEOPLE.

THERE WILL BE NO "BARBECUED

NIGGERS" 'CAUSE I DON'T LIKE

THE WAY THAT SOUNDS.

WE DRAWING THE LINE THERE.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT.

NO "BARBECUED NIGGERS."

DON'T WORRY.

(LAUGHTER)

AND I'M GONNA MAKE THEM SO

DELICIOUS THAT THE ONLY TIME

ANYBODY'S EVER GONNA GET UPSET

WHEN THEY HEAR THAT WORD AGAIN

IS WHEN THEY'RE AT A PARTY AND

THEY DON'T HAVE NONE.

"WHAT?

NO NIGGERS?

YOU CAN'T HAVE A PARTY WITHOUT

NIGGERS!

OH, YOU GOT CRACKERS?

NOBODY WANTS CRACKERS AT A

PARTY."

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

(WHISTLING AND CHEERING)

REMEMBER THIS, MY PEOPLE:

LAUGHTER BRINGS US TOGETHER.

WE NEED A LOT MORE LAUGHTER IN

THIS WORLD AND A LOT LESS OF

THE STUPID CRAP THAT DIVIDES US.

THANK YOU.

YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN GREAT.

MY PEOPLE!

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

♪ (MUSIC PLAYING)

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