Tuesday, September 23, 2014

  • 09/23/2014

Jessimae Peluso, Brent Morin and Steve Rannazzisi learn about a new feature on Netflix, caption strange engagement photos and conduct a Reddit AMA with a three-breasted woman.

RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNETHEADLINES, IT'S RAPID REFRESH!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Chris: NETFLIX IS YOUR NUMBERONE SOURCE FOR GREAT ORIGINAL

PROGRAMMING, WHOLE SEASONS OF TVSHOWS AND THOUSANDS UPON

THOUSANDS OF DIRECT DVD SHARKMOVIES STARRING WASHEDUP

NINTIES ACTORS WHO CLEARLY NEEDMONEY FOR THEIR RAVENOUS

COCAINE HABITS.

I SEE NO OTHER REASON WHY THEYWOULD DO THOSE.

NETFLIX LAUNCHED A STRANGE NEWADDITION TO ITS SERVICE TODAY,

WHAT IS IT?

>> HI-TRAVOLTAGE. NO MATTER WHATYOU'RE WATCHING, NETFLIX WILL

RANDOMLY INSTERT SHOTS OF JOHNTRAVOLTA DANCING.

B, SPOIL YOURSELF, A PAGETHAT BROADCASTS RANDOM OUT OF

CONTEXT SPOILERS.

C, WET FLIX. A SUPERCUT OFMOVIE CHARACTERS PEEING IN THEIR

PANTS THAT'S BECOME POPULAR ONWATER SPORTS WEBSITES.

YES, STEVE.

>> C BECAUSE I WANT IT TO BEREAL. THAT WOULD BE AWESOME.

>> Chris: WE ALL DO, STEVE.

BUT THE CORRECT ANSWER ISACTUALLY B, SPOIL YOURSELF, A

PAGE THAT BROADCASTS RANDOMOUT OF CONTEXT SPOILERS.

LET'S SEE HOW IT WORKS.

DANA!

>> I LOVE YOU THOMAS J. PUT HISGLASSES ON.

>> Chris: NO!

WHY DID THOSE BEES HAVE TOSTING HIM TO DEATH!

AFTER SURVIVING BEING HOME ALONEIN NEW YORK, THEN HE DIES BY

BEES?

DEATH BY BEES IS TERRIBLE!

BUT LET'S SEE IF NETFLIX HAS ANYSPOILERS FOR THIS EPISODE OF

@MIDNIGHT.

>> IT'S TRUE I'M YOUR REALBORTHER. NOT ONLY THAT, ALSO

YOUR REAL MURDERER!

>> Chris: WOW, I JUST SAW MYOWN DEATH.

WELP, I HAD A GOOD RUN.

COMEDIANS -- THAT IS A GOOD WAYTO DIE.

FOR BONUS POINTS GIVE ME ANOTHERSPOILER FOR THIS EPISODE OF

@MIDNIGHT. BRENT.

>> AFTER THE SHOW YOU ARE GOINGTO ASK ME TO MOVE IN FOR FREE,

TO LIVE WITH YOU.

>> Chris: WELL.

AND THE WAY I'LL DO THAT IS BYSAYING, "BRENT, I'M OUT OF

LEMONS.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Chris: POINTS.>> DON'T DO IT, STEVE!

>> Chris: NEXT ONE, SELFIE IS ANAPP THAT ALLOWS YOU TO RECORD

24 SECODNS OF VIDEO OF YOUFSELFAND POST IT TO PEOPLE WHO FOLLOW

YOU.

YOU GUYS, IT'S LIKE FACEBOOK ORINSTAGRAM OR TWITTER OR 4 VINES.

THE IDEA BEING THAT THIS APPWILL ALLOW YOU TO HAVE FACE TO

FACE CONVERSATIONS, WHICHACTUALLY ARE NOT FACE TO FACE

CONVERSATIONS BUT STILL GIVESYOU THE BUFFER OF ACTUALLY

NOT HAVING TO COMMUNICATE WITHANYONE DIRECTLY.

SO LET'S DO A BETA TEST HERE.

LET'S SAY BEN HERE LEFT YOU ACONVERSATION LIKE THIS ONE.

>> CAN YOU RESPOND TO THIS WITHLIKE THE MOST INTERESTING RANDOM

FACT THAT YOU CAN COME UP WITHOR THAT YOU KNOW OFF HAND, LIKE

SOMETHING THAT YOU BRING UP ATPARTIES.

>> Chris: OH, HE DOESN'T GO TOPARTIES.

I KNOW, I WAS THAT KID. I DIDN'TEITHER.

COMEDIANS, WHAT IS THE SELFIEREPLY YOU WOULD GIVE BACK TO

THIS GUY, JESSIMAE.

>> I AM GOING TO TELL HIM HE ISGOING TO DIE A VIRGIN.

JUST KIDDING, I WILL BLOW HIM.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Chris: POINTS!

IT'S NOW TIME FOR TONIGHT'SHASHTAG WARS.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Chris: IF YOU'RE NOTICING ANIP IN THE AIR AND THE LEAVES

ARE CHANGING COLORS, THAT'SBECAUSE YOU LIVE SOME PLACE

OTHER THAN LOS ANGELES.

BECAUSE IT IS HOT AS (BLEEP) ANDWE DON'T HAVE SEASONS HERE RIGHT

NOW.

BELEIVE IT OR NOT, TODAY ISOFFICIALLY THE FIRST DAY OF

FALL, SO WITH THAT IN MINDTONIGHT'S HASHTAGS IS

#ITSFALLBECAUSE.

EXAMPLES MIGHT BE, RED SOXFANS LOOK DISAPPOINTED.

OR TEEN MOMS ARE STARTING TOSHOW.

>> HA, HA! THAT WAS GOOD!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Chris: I AM GOING TO PUT60-SECONDS ON THE CLOCK.

STARTING NOW, AND GO.

BRENT.

>> IT IS FALL BECAUSE I REALIZEI AM DRESSED LIKE A LEAF.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS. STEVE.

>> MY WIFE IS STARTING TO GROWHER WINTER BUSH.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Chris: POINTS.

POINTS.

BRENT.

>> IT IS FALL BECAUSE THE LOVEOF MY LIFE IS GETTING MARRIED.

>> AH.

>> I AM A NICE GUY.

>> Chris: BRENT MORIN.

>> EVERY WHITE GUY IS STARTINGTO DRESS MORE AND MORE LIKE

HARRY STYLES.

>> Chris: YES.

POINTS.

STEVE.

>> I HAVE MORE TIME TO SMOKE POTBECAUSE MY KIDS GO TO SCHOOL.

>> Chris: YEAH, POINTS.

JESSIMAE.

>> IT IS FALL BECAUSE I CAUGHTJASON BIGGS (BLEEP)ING A PUMPKIN

PIE.

>> Chris: HEY -- NICE POINTS.

STEVE.

>> I HAVE TO PRETEND TO CAREABOUT STRANGER'S FANTASY

FOOTBALL TEAMS.

>> Chris: YES.

OF COURSE.

OF COURSE YOU DO! OF COURSE YOUDO! POINTS.

THAT IS A CURSE.

JESSIMAE.

>> IT IS FALL BECAUSE NOW I HAVETO PUT ON A SCARF WHEN I

MASTURBATE IN PUBLIC.

IT IS TIME TO PLAY DISENGAGED.

DISENGAGED.

EVEN I'M NOT THAT (BLEEP)INGEXCITED ABOUT THIS.

THAT SEEMED EXTRA OVER THE TOP.

I'M MEAN, I'M HAPPY BUT --

(AUDIENCE MEMBER WOOS)NO.

THE TUMBLR BAD ENGAGEMENTPHOTOS COLLECTS SOME OF THE

WORST NUPTIAL IMAGES EVERCAPTURED.

BUT FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH, IT'SOBVIOUS THAT THESE GROSS

WEIRDOES BELONG TOGETHER.

COMEDIANS I'LL SHOW YOU A BADENGAGEMENT PHOTO AND FOR 250

POINTS YOU'LL GIVE ME THECOUPLE'S CAPTION.

>> FIRST UP, HOW ABOUT THESEPARK BENCH LUCHADORES.

BRENT.

>> PELASE JOIN US AT THE MOSTTERRIFYING WEDDING YOU'LL EVER

BE AT.

>> Chris: POINTS. STEVE.

>> ONCE OUR GREEN CARDS COMETHROUGH WE CAN TAKE THESE MASKS

OFF.

>> Chris: POINTS TO STEVERANNAZZISI.

NEXT ONE.

HOW ABOUT THIS CLASSY GESTURE?

THAT IS THE WEDDING SHOCKER,APPARENTLY.

STEVE.

>> MAN WITH VAGINA FINALLY FINDSLOVE.

>> Chris: POINTS.

JESSIMAE.

>> THAT IS ACTUALLY ME FLASHINGTHE SHOCKER BECAUSE MY JAILBIRD

HUSBAND GOT SENTENCED TO THEELECTRIC CHAIR.

>> THAT'S JUST A JOKE. IT IS NOTREAL!

>> Chris: NO, NO.

>> IT IS NOT REAL!

>> CONGRATULATIONS.

>> Chris: JESSIMAE, THAT WASGREAT.

I AM GIVING YOU POINTS.

I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU GUYS SAY.

SHOCKER, ELECTRIC -- OH, PERFECT.

NEXT ONE THE CAPED CRUSADER ANDHIS THE BLUSHING BRIDE.

>> OH, BOY.

STEVE.

>> BATMAN RESCUES PUSSY FROMTREE, RIGHT?

>> Chris: POINTS.

JESSIMAE.

>> WOMAN MARRIES MAN WITH SOULPATCH, THINKS HE IS BATMAN,

WOMAN STILL MISSING.

FAMILY JUST WANTS HER BACK.

IT'S TIME FOR OUR NEXT GAMEDRESSED FOR THE JOB YOU WANT,

NOT THE JOB YOU HAVE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Chris: NOW, BEFORE THEINTERNET, YOU HAD TO GO TO A

COSTUME PARTY OR IBIZA TO SEEPEOPLE DRESSED INAPPROPRIATELY.

NOW THANKS TO SITES LIKEPINTEREST AND BLOG SPOT YOU

DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE THE HOUSE TOSEE PEOPLE LETTING THEIR FREAK

FLAGS FLY.

WE'VE FOUND A COLLECTION OFFOLKS ON THE INTERNET, SOME

DRESSED APPROPRIATELY, OTHERS,NO.

SO I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU A PHOTOOF A PERSON WE CUT OUT OF A

PICTURE AND FOR 250 POINTSYOU TELL ME IF THEY ARE DRESSED

APPROPRIATELY FOR THEIRSITUATION THEY'RE IN, OR NOT.

FIRST ONE, LOOK AT THISSWASHBUCKLER.

HE IS DRESSED APPROPRIATELYOR NOT APPROPRIATELY?

BRENT?

YES.

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT.

>> I'M TAKING A RISK HERE.

>> HE IS.

>> Chris: AY, SAYS LEMON BEARD!

LET'S FIND OUT.

YES! TOTALLY APPROPRAITE! WAIT AMINUTE!

EXCEPT FOR THIS ONE KID WHO'SLIKE, GET ME THE (BLEEP) OUT OF

HERE, MAN!

>> WHAT THE HELL KIND OF FAMILYIS THIS?

>> THEY TRIED TO DRESS ME UPLIKE A PARROT.

>> THAT LOOKS LIKE STEVE.

>> THAT'S MY KID, WHAT ARE YOUDOING?

>> DAD IS SMOKING POT AT HOMEAND NOW -- (BLEEP) IT.

>> WE HAD A MOMENT.

>> Chris: THIS MENACING ORC.

THIS MENACING ORC, APPROPRIATELY OR NOT

APPROPRIATELY? BREANT -- SORRY,STEVE.

>> APPROPRIATELY, BECAUSE HE ISOBVIOUSLY A BOUNER AT THE

STANDARD HOTEL, RIGHT?

>> YEAH.

>> Chris: YOU HAD A BADEXPERIENCE THERE?

>> YEAH.>> Chris: YEAH, ME TOO.

LET'S FIND OUT.

YES.

NOT APPROPRIATELY.

>> OH, NO.

>> Chris: SHOPPING AROUND.

WHAT AISLE ARE TURKEY LEGS ON.

>> I GOTTA GET TAMPONS FOR THEMISSUS.

>> Chris: NEXT ONE.

THIS MYTHICAL BEAST, OH, WHATMAJESTIC CENTAUR.

JESSIMAE. IS HE DRESSEDAPPROPRAITELY.

>> ABSOLUTELY.

>> Chris: LET'S FIND OUT.

>> ABSOLUTELY.

>> Chris: NO! YES!

>> YES -- OH, HE IS, YES, YES,HE IS VERY APPROPRIATELY THERE.

>> HE IS A MENTOR, A MENTOR, HEIS A MENTOR.

>> A CENTAUR.>> MY MENTOR.

>> I'M HALF ANIMAL, I NEED AHALF ANIMAL TO CONTROL ME.

AND A FATHER FIGURE.

>> Chris: HE'S MENTORING OTHERCENTAURS.

YOU GET POINTS FOR THAT.

>> THANK YOU.

>> WHEN I SHAVE MY CHEST ANDBACK, THAT'S HOW I FEEL.

>> THIS IS REALLY JUST A MADE-UPGROUP FOR FARMERSONLY.COM.

AS WEGO TO THE NEXT GAME, ASK ME

ANYTHING.

>> Chris: YESTERDAY, WEBROUGHT YOU PERHAPS THE MOST

IMPORTANT AND MOST ALLEGED STORYOF OUR TIME, A WOMAN CLAIMED SHE

HAD PLASTIC SURGERY TO GIVEHERSELF THREE BOOBS.

AND NOT TO OVERSTATE THEOBVIOUSLY, BUT, YES IN IS FROM

TAMPA.

BUT THIS WAS A HOAX.

WE KIND OF FELL FOR IT YESTERDAYBECAUSE WE WANTED IT TO BE TRUE.

NONETHELESS IN THE STYLEOF A REDDIT AMA, I AM THE THREE

BOOBED GIRL, ASK ME ANYTHING,60 SECONDS AND GO.

BRENT.

>> WHERE DID YOU GO TO COLLEGE?

>> Chris: POINTS.

STEVE.

>> DO YOU NOW HAVE MORE TITSTHAN TEETH?

>> Chris: YES. POINTS.

JESSIMAE.

>> IS VICTOR'S SECRET THAT YOUDIDN'T HAVE A DAD?

>> Chris: POINTS.

JESSIMAE.

STEVE.

>> I AM THE MAN WITH TWO DICK'S.

YOU WANT TO TITTIE (BLEEP).

>> Chris: POINTS. HEY, SURE.BRENT.

>> I HAVE ONE DICK. YOU WANT TOTITTY (BLEEP)?

>> Chris: POINTS. JESSIMAE.

>> ARE YOU PLANNING ONBREAST-FEEDING ALL THREE OF YOUR

ILL LEGITIMATE CHILDREN?

>> Chris: YES.

>> POINTS , POINTS. STEVE.

>> SHE HAS TO CALL THEM THETHREE AMIGOS, RIGHT?

>> Chris: YEAH, OF COURSE.POINTS, POINTS.

BRENT.

>> ARE YOUR CUP SIZES A, B ANDC?

>> Chris: HEY, HEY, NICE.POINTS!