Tuesday, October 29, 2013

  • 10/29/2013

The contestants look through a Tumblr devoted to cats who roll in cash.

RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNETHEADLINE IT'S TIME FOR "RAPID

REFRESH."

I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU A QUESTIONWITH THREE POSSIBLE ANSWERS.

THE FIRST TO BUZZ IN GETS 100POINTS.

THE N.B.A. SEASON STARTS TONIGHTENDING A BUSY OFF-SEASON EXPECT

FOR NEW YORK NICK J.R. SMITH.

WHAT PICKUP LINE DID HE USE TOFLIRT WITH A FEMALE FAN.

YOU TRYING TO GET THE PIPE?

B, CAN I HOLLA AT YOUR GINA?

OR C, SUP?

MEET AT CHEESECAKE FACTORY.

NIKKI GLASER.

>> C?

>> NO THE CORRECT ANSWER IS A.

>> NO WAY!

>> YES!

>> I LOVE IT!

>> HE'S PLUMBING HIS PENIS-->> I CALL MY VAGINA THE

CHEESECAKE FACTORY.

THAT'S WHY I THOUGHT-- THAT'SWHY I THOUGHT IT WAS C.

>> WELL, I'VE HEARD-->> I CALL VAGINAS TRYINAS.

>> THE "X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTUREPAST" TRAILER WAS RELEASED AND

HOLY CRAP IS THE INTERNETEXCITED THE TRAILER EVOKED

DISTURBINGLY SEXUAL RESPONSESFROM THE TWITTER VERSE.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING REALTWEETS WAS FROM A FEMALE FAN.

THE XMAN TRAILER IS OUT AND I'MAT SCHOOL.

( BLEEP ) ME IN THE ASS.

I WONDER IF THE MARKET RESEARCHPEOPLE ARE LIKE WHERE DO WE PUT

THAT ON A CHART?

B, JUST WATCHED THE TRAIL FOR"X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST," BE

RIGHT BACK WHILE I JUICE FOR JOYIN THIS WHOLE FOODS CHECKOUT

LINE.

C, JUST WATCHED THE NEW X-MENTRAILER AND I THINK I JUST TOOK

A ( BLEEP ) OUT OF MY DICK.

I THINK.

I THINK I DID.

YOU'D KNOW.

PATTON.

>> I HAVE TO BOW OUT OF THISROUND.

THE SECOND ONE'S MINE.

( LAUGHTER )SORRY.

>> YEAH, IT'S NOT FAIR.

>> YOU'RE NOT EVEN GOING TO TAKEA GUESS?

>> NO, NO, NO.

>> NIKKI.

>> LADIES FIRST.

>> I'M GOING TO DEFINITELY SAYA.

>> YES, THAT IS THE CORRECTANSWER.

IS THAT AN APPROPRIATE RESPONSEGEE WHEN, WHEN YOU'RE AT SCHOOL

AND MISS SOMETHING WANT TO GET( BLEEP ) IN THE ASS.

>> GIRLS DON'T TAKE ( BLEEP )OUT OF THEIR DICKS BECAUSE THEY

DON'T HAVE DICKS.

DICKS.

>> DRIKS LIKE THAT.

>> IF A VAGINA IS A CHEESECAKEFACTORY, SHE WANTS TO GET

( BLEEP ) IN HER DENNYS.

>> TO BE FAIR.

NO, HER OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE.

>> AAHH!

>> THIS BABY IS GONE!

>> IT'S OVER THE GREEN MONSTER.

>> THESE MISOGYNISTS ARE GOINGTO THE WORLD SERIES OF HATE.

IT'S TIME FOR TONIGHT'S HASHTAGWARS.

BAM.

I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU GUYS AHASHTAG AND I WANT YOU TO BUZZ

IN WITH AS MANY TWEETS THAT FITTHE HASHTAG.

IN HONOR OF THE NEW X-MENTRAILER COMING OUT TONIGHT'S

HASH TACK IS#LAMECOMICBOOKCHARACTERS.

THESE MIGHT BE LIKE THE FLASHER.

OR SCAT WOMAN, OR THE HUMANPORCH AND HIS ARCH NEM SISHES

THE WIDLER.

I'M GOING TO PUT 60 SECONDS ONTHE CLOCK.

YOU BUZZ IN WHEN YOU HAVEANSWERS.

>> WOLVER LISTERINE.

>> CENTRUM SILVER SURFER.

>> AQUA MAN.

>> THIS MAN KNOWS HIS AUDIENCE.

>> THANK YOU.

>> NIKKI GLASER.

>> CAT LADY.

>> POINTS, YES.

>> SENSITIVE BOYFRIEND.

>> IS THAT YOU IN THAT SWEATER?

POINTS.

>> GARFIELD.

>> THE POWER OF HATING MONDAYS.

POINT, SURE, I'LL GIVE YOU THAT.

NIKKI.

>> THE BLACK WIDOW-- IT'S LIKE AWOMAN WHO LOST HER HUSBAND.

>> AND SHE'S AFRICAN AMERICAN.

>> YES.

>> TEAM LANTERN.

>> IT'S ON HIS PEENS OR HISPEENS IS SHAPED LIKE A LANT

INNER.

HIS PENIS TURNED INTO A LANTERN.

>> SOR-- HIS REAL NAME IS ZOR,BUT HE HAS A CLIPS.

>> ONE MORE.

>> GEORGE CLEAN'S VERSION OFBATMAN.

TWEETS THROUGH TIME.

CIVILIZATION HAS BEEN AROUND FORLITERALLY THOUSANDS OF YEARS,

YOU GUYS.

>> NOT ACCORDING TO THE BIBLE.

EARTH IS ONLY 6,000 YEARS OLD,THANK YOU.

GO AHEAD WITH THE CATEGORY.

>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERYMUCH.

UNFORTUNATELY, TWITTER WAS NOTAROUND FOR MOST OF CIVILIZATION,

SO I'M GOING TO NAME ANHISTORICAL EVENT AND I WANT TO

YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU WOULD HAVETWEETED ABOUT IT.

IF YOUR TWEET IS FUNNY YOU WILLGET 250 POINTS.

FIRST ONE, "TITANIC" SINKS,REMEMBER THAT HILARIOUS EVENT.

>> THIS CHICK JUST LET HERBOYFRIEND DROWN SO SHE COULD

STRETCH OUT ON THIS FROZEN PIECEOF WOOD.

LO LO LO.

>> NEXT ONE, PRESIDENT LINCOLNSHOT.

>> I DID A TRIBUTE--@JOHNWILKESBOOTH, ASSASSINATE MY

( BLEEP ).

>> YES!

POINTS!

NEXT ONE, THE SALEM WITCHTRIALS.

>> DOING WARM-UP AT THE GOODYPROCTOR TRIAL NEXT WEEK.

TEXT WIMPY-POO FOR TICKETDISCOUNTS.

>> WITCHY-POO.

>> WITCHY-POO.

>> PATTON OSWALT, POINTS.

>> NICE.

>> I FEEL LEFT OUT.

WYATT, I THOUGHT WE WEREROASTING THESE WITCHES BY MAKE

FUN OF THEM.

MAYBE GOT LOST IN TRANSLATION?

#WHOGOTMARSHMALLOWS.

>> POINTS.

THE NEXT ONE, THE INVENTION OFFIRE.

>> FAKE.

>> POINTS!

POINTS!

AS WE NOW MOVE ON TO OUR NEXTGAME, COMEDY CLUB/STRIP CLUB.

COMEDY CLUB/STRIP CLUB.

YELP IS A PHENOMENAL RESOURCE IFYOU'RE LOOKING FOR A LAUGH OR A

SAD OR A GYRATING CRY.

COMEDIAN-- WAIT.

NOT A SAD.

I HAVE A SAD NOW.

COMEDIANS, FOR 250 POINTS,PLEASE TELL ME IF THE FOLLOWING

LINES FOR ONE-STAR YELP REVIEWSARE FOR A CRAPPY COMEDY CLUB OR

CRAPPY STRIP CLUB.

HERE'S THE FIRST ONE, "NOBODY,AND I MEAN NOBODY IN OUR GROUP

URINATED ON THEMSELVES."

>> COMEDY CLUB?

>> LET'S FIND OUT.

THAT WAS, IN FACT, A COMEDYCLUB.

THE AMERICAN COMEDY CLUB.

THE AMERICAN COMEDY CLUB IS INSOOND YAIG, CALIFORNIA.

THE NEXT ONE, THE GIRL WITH THEJACKED UP TEETH DID NOTHING BUT

COMPLAIN ABOUT HOW SHE DIDN'TWANT TO BE THERE.

>> STRIP CLUB?

>> YES, THAT'S A STRIP CLUB.

IN LINCOLN PARK.

MICHIGAN.

>> THAT COULD BE SOMEONE'S ACT,THOUGH.

"I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE."

>> OKAY, HERE'S THE NEXT ONE--ALSO THERE ARE POLLS THAT GET IN

THE WAY OF YOUR VIEW DEPENDINGON WHERE YOU SIT.

NIKKI GLASER.

>> THE COMEDY CLUB.

>> THE AMERICAN COMEDY CLUB INSAN DIEGO, AGAIN.

>> AGAIN!

WHO BOOKS THAT?

>> IT'S THE AMERICAN COMEDYCLUB, UNCLE SAM.

>> DON'T APPRECIATE POLISHPEOPLE GETTING--

>> NO, YOU'RE MISUNDERSTANDING.

>> WHAT YEAR IS IT?

>> YOU'RE MISUNDERSTANDING.

IT'S A POLISH GUY SHE'S GRIEBDGRINDING AGAINST, SPINNING

AROUND.

>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

FOR THOSE WHO LIVE UNDER ACATLESS ROCK TODAY IS NATIONAL

CAT DAY WHICH APPARENTLY SOME ONTWITTER REALIZED IT COMES

EARLIER AND EARLIER EVERY YEAR.

BUT THIS IS THIS WEEK.

I'VE BEEN PLANNING IT FOR WEEKS.

IN HONOR OF NATIONAL CAT DAY,LET'S PLAY RICH CAT/POOR CAT.

THERE IS A-- YOU CAN ALL HAVECHEESEBURGERS.

I'M SORRY.

I HATE MYSELF.

THERE IS NOW A TUMBLR WHEREPEOPLE POST RIDICULOUS PICTURES

OF CATS SURROUNDED BY MONEYCALLED CASH CAT BECAUSE PEOPLE

HAVE WAY TOO MUCH FREE TIME ANDOUR ECONOMY IS FLUSH WITH MONEY.

SO I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU APICTURE AND YOU GUYS HAVE TO

TELL ME IF IT'S FROM CASH CATSOR SOME OTHER ABSURD THEMED

CATALOG WHERE THEY DON'T HAVEANY MONEY.

SAY RICH CAT OR POOR CAT WHEN ISHOW THE PICTURES.

THIS IS AN ADORABLE GUY.

RICH CAT OR POOR CAT.

>> FAMILY MONEY, RICH CAT.

>> THAT IS A RICH CAT.

CHECK THIS OUT, DAMN!

THAT IS THE M.I.A. OF CATS.

>> NO!

>> I'M SO GLAD I GUESSED RIGHT.

THAT CAT WOULD MURDER ME.

>> WHAT SEASON OF THE WIRE ISTHAT FROM?

>> THAT'S OMAR'S BEST FRIEND.

>> OH, YEAHITIOUS THIS BLACK ANDWHITE PAUL OF FLUFF?

>> POOR CAT.

>> THAT'S FROM CATS THAT LOOKLIKE HITLER.

KITTLER.

>> KITTLER.

>> ALL RIGHT, HOW ABOUT THISNEXT GUY WITH ONE EYE?

RICH CAT/POOR CAT?

>> RICH.

>> YEAH, DON'T WORRY.

HE'S LODED.

LOOK AT THAT.

AND A GRENADE.

WHAT?

IS THAT ALL FOREIGN MONEY?

OH, MY GOD.

>> HOLD ON, WHAT CAMERA AM ILOOKING INTO ONE RIGHT NOW.

JUST FILM ME, RIGHT THERE.

YOU'RE FORGIVEN BIN LADEN.

THERE, GO AHEAD.

>> GOOD GOD.

>> THAT CAD CATIS SO EVIL ITSHOULD BE STROKING ANOTHER

LITTLE WHITE CAT.

>> IT'S LIKE THE JASON BOURNE OFCATS.

THIS NEXT ONE, THIS HAIRLESSCAT... RICH CAT/POOR CAT?

>> POOR CAT.

>> THAT IS A POOR CAT.

THAT'S FROM CATS THAT LOOK LIKEPUTIN.

BAM!

THERE IT IS.

I MEAN, WITH THE TIE-- IF OURSHOW WAS ON IN RUSSIA I'D BE

JAILED FOR NINE YEARS FOR THAT.

>> I THOUGHT IT WAS CATS THATLOOK LIKE MY CHEESECAKE FACTORY.

LAUGHTER )>> I HAVE A QUESTION.

DOES THE CHEESECAKE FACTORYMATCH THE APPLEBEE'S.

OR IS IT SEPARATE?

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