February 3, 2016 - North Korean Satellite & Realistic Barbie

  • 02/03/2016

North Korea announces its plan to launch a satellite, and Larry discusses Mattel's new line of realistic Barbie dolls with Wendy Williams, Rory Albanese and Grace Parra.

Thank you very much.You're too kind.

-Please have a seat.-(crowd chanting "Larry!")

Thank you. Very nice.

-(chanting continues)-Tha... Thank...

-(chanting stops abruptly)-Oh, thank you.

"No, y'all, I ain't finished.

"'Larry.' All right.

Now we can sit."

Thank you very much, sir.Appreciate that.

Welcome to The Nightly Show. I am "Larry."

Got a great show.

Ms. Wendy Williams on the showtonight, you guys.

(cheering and applause)

I love that woman.

We're gonna find outhow she doin' tonight.

Okay, so, um... All right, guys,so we've talked about the fact

that, um,this is Obama's last year,

and that, you know,he just doesn't give a (bleep)

what people think about himanymore.

Or as we like to call it,Obama-don't-care, right?

Right? Yeah. Like, he's signingan executive order on guns,

opened ties with Cuba.

He's just letting brothers outof jail, right?

He's got Michelle rapping.All that stuff, right?

Okay. Right. Okay.

And now this.

REPORTER: Well, President Obama used his first visit

to a mosque in the United States today to try

and correct what he calleda hugely distorted impression

of Muslim-Americans.

Ooh...

The so-called secret Muslimvisited a mosque.

Ladies and gentlemen,that's right:

he's reached absolute zeroon the (bleep) Scale.

(cheering and applause)

Zero.

But this is so rich!I mean, think about this.

The president is tryingto undistort the impression

that Americans have of Muslims

when many Americans havethe distorted impression

that the president is a Muslim.

Oh, land of the free, homeof the brave, I love you. Ah.

It's just rich.

All right, moving onto tonight'stop story, uh,North Korea istak...

is taking its crazy (bleep)into space.

There are new concernsover North Korea

and its secretiveweapons program.

The so-called Hermit Kingdom

has indicated that it will launch a satellite.

A satellite?

Man, this must be huge newsin North Korea,

almost as huge as the newsthat Kim Jong-un

won the Iowa caucus.

He did. He did.

So unexpected.

Okay, so when is the launchexpected to happen?

North Korea now notifyinginternational organizations

it does plan to launcha satellite

sometime between February 8and February 25.

Sometime between February 8and February 25.

It's a satellite launch, nota vague promise to grab a drink

with an ex-coworkeryou never liked.

Sorry, Doug.A brother's just been real busy.

Sorry, man. Sorry.

North Korea's launch timing might intentionally coincide

with the birthday of Kim Jong-un's father,

the late Kim Jong-il.

His birthday is rightin the middle of this, uh...

this launch windowon the 16 February.

North Koreaquite often celebrates,

uh, the date of his birth.

This could well be, uh,to mark that occasion.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Yep, launching a missile is oneway to honor your dead father.

Or, or, or you could feedthe people of your country

that your dead dad starved.

Just... Launch or lunch.

You know. It's your call.

I'm just sayingdon't be so Il, Un.

All right? Okay.

They're launching a satelliteinto space.

Okay, what's the worstthat could happen?

REPORTER: The major U.S. worry: it's all a cover

for a bigger effort.

MARCUS NOLAND: The North Koreans call it a satellite launch,

but-but let's not kid around.

This is an-an attempt to build

an intercontinental ballisticmissile that is capable

of carrying a nuclear warhead

to the United Statesor other destinations.

Hold on a second, Kim Jong-un.

Are you still mad at usfor that Seth Rogen movie?

I mean, can't you just kill him?

Look, I know what I saidsounds horrible,

but Jonah Hill's still around.

America can-can get by with justone lovable schlub. Trust me.

All right, obviously,this is a serious situation.

Kim Jong-un,he's still such a wild card,

and we're not quite surewhat he's really capable of.

I mean, today's blustercould be tomorrow's disaster.

And the scariest part of this iswe don't really have anyone

who can really talk to him.In fact, the only American

who has spentany real time with him

is former NBA starDennis Rodman. Well...

lucky for us,he's back on the show tonight.

So please welcome Nightly Show North Korean Envoy

-Dennis Rodman, everybody.-All right. Yeah. Okay.

Oh, oh, all right. All right.

-Okay. Yeah, all right. Oh.-Thanks, Dennis.

-Now, not many people have seenKim Jong-un up close, -Yeah.

so what you can tell usabout him?

Uh, uh, uh,he's a good guy, Larry.

-He's a good guy.He's a good guy. -Okay.

He's Rocket Man.♪ Rocket Man

(singing gibberish sounds)

Elton John.

R.I.P., that guy.

-Yeah, good guy.-Um, Elton John didn't die.

(laughing)

Who-who am I...who am I talkin' about?

Oh, oh, D-David Bowie.David Bowie.

Sam Bowie's dad. Yeah.

Sam Bowie's dad,was picked before Jordan.

-No, no, no, no, no. -Historywill show that was a good pick,

-Larry. That was a good pick.-Okay, all right.

I think you're off topic here.What about Kim Jong-un?

No. You-you tell me. You...

-you... No, no. Uh-uh! -No,you're our envoy to North Korea.

-You... No. No. -This is...this is not how this works.

No. You tell me.

Could you please tell usabout Kim Jong-un?

Thank you.The "please" was very nice.

All right, you're welcome.

-All right, what should we know?-Uh, o-okay, okay.

-Okay. -So this guy,he wants to launch a rocket

-for Daddy Jong's birthday.That's very sweet. -All right.

-Very sweet. Yeah. -No,that's not... that's not sweet.

This could be the startof a nuclear standoff.

-It's-it's just a drill.-All right.

Drill, baby, drill,you know? Okay.

Uh, uh, Phil Jacksonmade us run drills,

-so I told Kim Jong to do that.-Right.

Just keep USA on their toes.

Wait. Hold on. You told himto launch the missile?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

-(laughter)-Yeah. Oh, yeah.

-He-he wants to get the USA'sattention, Larry. -Okay.

-So, you know, okay, okay.-All right.

-You're in the club. You're inthe club. -I'm in a club.

And you see a beautiful girl,

and you walk over,you give the opening line.

-All right.-The green line.

Like, I used to havea lot of exotic birds,

but my wombat ate those birds.

-Right. -Now the birds...the birds are dead.

Now, it's a good line,

but for some reason,that doesn't work.

(laughter)

I don't... I don't know.I don't know.

I'm shocked.

So what's the best wayto get her attention?

What's best way?

I don't know. Send her a drink?

No, you blow up the club, Larry.(laughs)

Now you have her attention,

and when she closes her eyesat night, she sees you forever.

Forever.

This is the worst metaphor ever.

No. Wrong.

It-it sounds likewhat you're describing

is total nuclear annihilation.

Okay, maybe, but...

(laughter)

You forgot one thing.

What?

Kim Jong-un is a good guy.

-(laughter)-He's a good guy!

Okay, Dennis Rodman, everyone.We'll be right back.

-Yeah.-He's not a good guy!

Hi, I'm Holly Walker

keeping Black History 100for The Nightly Show.

Congresswoman Shirley Chisholm was the first black candidate

for president of the United States.

And-- fun fact--during her campaign,

she survivedthree assassination attempts.

And she didn't even getthe damn nomination!

Oh. Happy Black History Month.

Welcome back.

Now, with Black History Monthunderway,

one of blistory'smost notorious figures

has reemerged in the news.

MAN: More than 20 yearsafter the O.J. Simpson trial

captivated America,a new miniseries is bringing

one of the most followed legaldramas back into the spotlight.

That's right, it's been 21 yearssince the O.J. trial.

The white Bronco chase isold enough to legally drink.

(laughter)

Now, this trial was importantbecause it came on the heels

of the Rodney King riots in L.A.

and exposed a massiveracial divide in America.

White people thought he did itand booed his acquittal.

Black people thought he did it,but cheered for his acquittal...

(laughter)

...because for the first timein history,

the rich white guy defenseworked for a brother.

But do Americanshave enough hindsight

to clearly revisitthe O.J. trial?

Here with her in-depthcultural analysis

is our very own Grace Parra.

-(applause and cheering)Hi. Hi, Larry. Hello. Hello.

I am in Hollywoodwhere everyone's buzzing

about the American Crime Story premiere.

Yup, meet TV's hottestnew fictional character,

O.J. Simpson.

♪ Nightly! Nightly!

(laughter)

Um, Grace, O.J. Simpsonisn't a fictional character.

-Oh, you're right, Larry.He's so much more. -Yeah.

Football player,suspected criminal

and TV's newest heartthrob.

-(laughter)-Did somebody say McDreamy?

(laughter)

No. No, no, no, no, look, Grace,

we didn't want a fluffy,red carpet piece.

We have real questionsabout how America views

the O.J. trialtwo decades later.

You are right, Larry,and the biggest question

on every viewer's mind--

will this Simpson hunkbe acquitted?

♪ Nightly! Nightly!

-(laughter)-No.

Look, the answer is, yes,he will be acquitted.

-We... -Uh, uh, buh, buh, buh,cool it, Larry.

We have a "no spoiler" policyhere on Nightly! Nightly!

-This...-(laughter)

This is not Nightly! Nightly!, Grace. Please.

Okay, look, O.J. himselfwas a very complicated figure,

so do you think this serieshelps us better understand him?

It sure does, Larry,thanks to star Cuba Gooding Jr.

The Oscars may be#SoWhite, but I...

(sniffing) ...smell an Emmyfor this Snow Dogs man.

♪ Nightly! Nightly!

(barking)

-(panting)-Grace, stop it, please.

I don't even knowwhat you're doing right now.

-(laughter)-Look, this series isn't just

some frivolouscelebrity spectacle, and...

-You are right. It is the darkand complex... -WILMORE: Yes.

...origin storyof the Kardashian sisters

that Hollywood'sbeen waiting for.

-No.-(laughter)

No, nobody cares about them.

They only appear becausetheir dad, Robert Kardashian,

was O.J.'s defense attorney.

But what will he think

of his son-in-law Kanye'snew album release?

The jury is still out.

♪ Nightly! Nightly!

(laughter)

What is that dance?

No, the jury has been infor over 20...

Stop that, Grace!Please, stop it. Look...

-Loud and clear.-Grace, no. I really wanted

to have a substantiveconversation about race.

Can you please give me an answerthat's not entertainment-based?

Um... Um...

Uh, pr-probably not? Um...

(laughter)

N-No one's, um, asked, uh, me,but, oh, okay, I'll try.

-I'll try.-Okay, good, good. Thank you.

Now, the thingI'm trying to point out is

that the O.J. trial exposedserious racial tensions

in America at the time,and I'm wondering

if you thinkthis FX series highlights

some of the trial's impacton race.

(laughter)

Yes, Larry, it, uh, definitelyexposed the underlying tension

of the race for the ratings!

♪ Nightly! Nightly!

(laughter)

What are you doing?!

I'm sorry.It's literally all I know.

Literal one-trick pony.

I just want to talkabout an historical touchstone

that drove a wedge between whiteand black Americans.

And you've done nothingto convince me

that we're even to grapplewith the O.J. trial,

not to mentionthe Rodney King beating,

or any other moments in the...

♪ Nightly! Nightly!

-Yes! -(laughter) -Why am Ibeing "nightly-nightlyed" now?

-That's all the timewe have tonight, Larry. -I...

Join me next timewhen we predict

casting for the newMenendez brothers movie.

Spoiler-- I think they did it.

(laughter)

Not helpful at all.Grace Parra, everybody.

-We'll be right back.-(cheers and applause)

This is not helpful.What are you doing?!

-(applause & cheering) -Welcomeback. I'm here with my panel.

First up, Nightly Show contributor Rory Albanese.

(cheers and applause)

And Nightly Show contributor Grace Parra.

-(cheers and applause)-ALBANESE: Yeah. -WILMORE: Yeah.

And she's an author, performer,entrepreneur, and the host

of her own daily daytimetalk show, Wendy Williams. Yeah.

-How you doing? Thank you.-(cheers and applause)

And for everyone at home,join our conversation right now

on Twitter @NightlyShowusing the hashtag #Tonightly.

Okay, I'm very excitedabout this topic,

'cause there wassome controversy recently.

It was announced--you guys heard about this--

that Barbie would now comein different body shapes.

-WILLIAMS: Mm-hmm.-Uh, uh, they said...

People and studies have said

Barbie represents unrealisticbody mages for girls,

so in an effortto reflect real women,

Barbie would nowalso be available

in curvy, tall,and petite sizes,

I guess is what they're saying.

-WOMAN: Yeah!-PARRA: Yeah.

WILMORE:All right. Is this necessary?

That's my question.

-Yes.-Oh.

-Yeah.-Necessary?

-It is.-WILMORE: Mm-hmm.

The thing about the tall one is

that I hopeshe's not tall and thin.

I hope she's tall and meaty...

-WILMORE: Yeah.-PARRA: Right, right.

...'cause that representsa lot of us. -WILMORE: Yeah.

I think they shouldcall her Meaty Barbie.

-Larry... -That's whatthey should call her.

That's how you sell those dollsoff those shelves, Meaty Barbie.

Meaty Barbie,I think, would sell.

Yeah, I mean, it feels like...it's-it's a weird thing,

because you think about it,like, why stop there?

You know what I mean?Like, there's other...

like, Barbie's missing so manyother realistic components,

-like nipples. Full nipples.-Pregnant Barbie.

-You know...-Inverted Nipple Barbie.

Inverted Nipple...Just, like, it's like, she...

-There's so many... -WILMORE:Inverted Nipple Barbie?

There's so many other thingsabout her that are wrong.

-You know what I mean?-Or lacking, like underarm hair.

-Yeah, yeah.-I was the first kid in my class

-to get underarm hair. -Orunder... Or underarm wobble.

-Sure!-Okay?

-It's like, Barbie, hello?-But you're right...

You're right that, like,at some point, when do you...

-when you stop with the real?-Yeah, I mean, it feels like

it's a good thing but there'sa part of me that feels like,

isn't the whole fun of beinga kid that you can live

in a fantasy world,that everything's great?

And then, like, when you hit 18,

you get hit with a sledgehammerof reality, you know?

Why-why... why hit kidswith that... 'Cause then part...

Then you start to go, well,you know, if you want it to be

realistic, get herthe out of the Dreamhouse.

You know what I mean?Like, she should probably...

she should probably havea smaller, like, a split-level

-Like, Barbie's Trailer? -Yes!-...in Levittown, you know.

-She's not gonna beliving in Malibu. -Yes!

And Ken's really around anymore,you know what I mean?

-Right! -He's, like, you know...She's building IKEA furniture.

You know what I mean.It's like... Why stop...

why stop with the...why stop here, you know?

Is-is this an adult concernor a child concern?

Like, does this feel like

-it's more adults thinkingthat this is and issue? -Yes.

-Or do kids really careabout it? -I think that adults--

and I'm a parent,so I can say this--

a lot of us,because we're working so hard,

we don't have a whole lotof time, some of us,

to devote to our children,and so we rely

on Justin Bieber,

Selena Gomez...

-Oh, my God.-...Barbie,

you know, and McDonald'sto raise our kids.

-That's a... -ALBANESE:That... I'm not gonna say...

-That explains a lot.-PARRA: It does explain a lot.

That is a... that is a listof horribles right there.

-But a lot of...-Selena's not horrible.

-A lot parents are up to stuff.-Yeah.

-And they don't have the time.-Uh-huh. -Yeah.

Do you think dollshave to look like you?

Did you ever feel that as a kid?

-Did you play with dollswhen you were growing up? -No.

Did... Oh, neverplayed with dolls at all?

-PARRA: Amazing, amazing.-Really? -I-I...

-Uh, Larry, sore subject,I mean... -I know, I know.

No, no, just 'cause...No, no, not sore, but I just

never played with dolls

and I never hung picturesof, like, Keith Partridge

or-or, you know,The Silvers-- remember them...

-Oh, absolutely, big Afros,yeah. -...on my wall.

I-I actually did play withBarbies, but because I am

a wee Mexican who wasspawned from the loins

of two other wee Mexicans,I never saw Barbie

as being attainable.She was always, you know,

like a mythical beastlike a unicorn or...

-A beast. A beast.-Or... Yeah.

Just completely,completely unrealistic.

Yeah, you know what-whatwas interesting, I saw

some little girls-- they weregiving them the other Barbies.

Like, I don't know why they allhave to be Barbies.

-Can't they just have differentnames? -Right.

Because one girl said,"This isn't Barbie!"

and started crying, 'cause,well, yeah, you're right,

-they changed Barbie.-Yeah.

-It's like they're trying totrick the little girls. -Right.

-We get attached to name brands.-But why couldn't they just

have different names?Why do... why do they

-have to all be Barbie?-Meaning, like, Curvy Barbie

shouldn't be Barbie,she should be, like, Rhonda

or something like that,you know what I mean?

-Right, right. -Exactly.-Right, and then it's like...

-That's my point. -Yeah.-Yeah, and then you're like,

"You know, Rhonda... She...Rhonda's got her own problems."

-You know what I mean?Let's not... -WILMORE: Exactly.

She's got...Rhonda has her own issues

-that are different from Barbie.-Barbie's doing fine.

-Barbie's got the Dreamhouseand she's got Ken. -Exactly.

-That's all I'm saying.-But Rhonda's got someone named,

like, you know, Cur...or, like, Carl or something,

-you know what I mean?-PARRA: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He, like, you know, he fi--he fixes the Jeep for Ken.

-You know? He's like, youknow... -When Ken's not around

-to take care of things. -I feellike that's a more fun...

-I-I agree, I... That's a morefun world. -Personally, Larry,

I think you could actuallycall the petite Barbie

Grace Parra, 'cause I don't knowif you guys saw this...

-Oh, yeah! -This is amazing,this is amazing. -This is...

So, a few friends have sent mepictures of...

WILMORE: Look at this,look at this! That's hilarious.

And...

Mattel, I'm stillwaiting on my ten percent.

WILMORE: That is hilarious.Okay, actually,

do you-do you thinkthis is an issue with boys?

'Cause I think it was The Guardian or somebody

-drew up, like, some toys forboys. -ALBANESE: I love this.

Let's take a look at what theylook... We didn't do this.

Th-They did this.

ALBANESE:And-and wait, just to be...

WILMORE:Like, I like the dad bod toy.

-WILLIAMS: The one on the wayright? -Yeah.

ALBANESE: That literally lookslike our entire writing staff.

WILLIAMS: Who is the one inthe pink tank top? Who is that?

WILMORE: I have no idea.I have no idea.

-I think he's Douche Ken.-Caitlyn. -PARRA: Yes, yes.

-Does he have breasts?-I have no idea.

Boys don't care about theirbody image. Like, like...

-Yeah, boys don't care...-Well, hold on a minute.

-Don't speak on boys' behalf.-Okay. Okay, boy.

We... I... We don't care.But I just... I feel like...

I just want to be clear thatI feel like I had to say that.

-I had to say that.-Yeah, I agree.

Boys might care aboutpenis size, though.

-So if there werelittle dolls... -On a doll?

Well, I don't know!

-Yeah, I mean... -No, a boy'llmake the whole doll a penis.

-I mean, we don't...-That's true, that's true.

I also feel like Kenis not, like...

I don't think there's anythingabout Ken that anybody likes.

-I don't think anyone likes Ken.-No. -No, nobody likes Ken.

'Cause he seems like hisparents, like, hooked him up.

You know? Like, he's,like, he doesn't seem...

It doesn't seemlike he worked for it.

You know what I mean?It feels like...

Like, who waxes their chest?Come on, Ken.

-Right. Right, right, right.-You know what I mean?

Who's, like, who's gotthat kind of time?

Ken has perfect hair,perfect teeth.

-Perfect girlfriend.-He waxes. -I don't like him.

-I don't like him, either. Yeah.-ALBANESE: I like that guy.

PARRA: You likeDad Bod McGoo over there.

Yeah, I like the guy...the dad bod guy who looks like

-he makes pickles inWilliamsburg. -Exactly.

I like that guy.

Wendy, would youhave Ken on your show?

-Um... yes.-Mm, that's a great choice.

-WILMORE: Oh.-But just to ask the questions.

Not to be downwith the Ken side.

-Mm-hmm.-I'm not... You know,

-I-I can'tdeal with the Ken doll. -Yeah.

I mean, how did heget along for so long

without... with no genitals?I don't understand that.

-I don't know.-I don't know.

-I just don't get it.-It's a really...

WILMORE: You talk aboutwhite privilege...

-PARRA: You don't even need apenis to get everything in life.

-You don't even need...-That's how easy it is...

That's how easy it isto be a white guy.

You don't even need balls.Just...

That's what the message isto our children, yeah.

Oh, God. We'll be right backright after this.

ANNOUNCER: If you live in the New York City area

or are planning to visit, grab some free tickets

to The Nightly Show.

Okay, thanks to my panelistsRory Albanese, Grace Parra

and Wendy Williams.Now, we're almost out of time,

but before we goI'm gonna Keep It 100.

100 for you guys.Okay, tonight's question

is from @BusterTiberiusB.Okay.

They ask, uh, "Who would yourather take a cross-country

car road trip with,Kanye or Sarah Palin?"

#Tonightly #KeepIt100.

I cannot standeither of these people.

-Come on, man.-To be...

No, this is a horr...I wouldn't want to do a trip

-with either of them.Here's the thing... -Oh. -Oh.

Um, no, I wouldwant to kill Kanye

and I... if I waswith Sarah Palin,

I would want someone to kill me.

-No. -So neither of them.How about that? -Weak.

-All right, thanks for watching.-Weak. -(groaning)

Don't forget... What, what?Who would you go with there?

Don't forget to ask me

-your Keep It 100 questionson Twitter. -Weak tea.

Good nightly, everyone.Give me the weak tea,

I don't care.I don't care.

-♪ -(cheering, applause)

MAN: Ooh, sorry.