Premium Blend
Season 5

Gardell, Armisen, Tucker, Houston

  • Season 5, Ep 502
  • 10/12/2001

David Alan Grier hosts Comedy Central's original stand-up series featuring Bryan Tucker, Sharon Houston, Billy Gardell and Fred Armisen.

DAVID ALAN GRIER>>

WHAT'S GOIN' ON NEW YORK?

HOW ARE YOU GUYS FEELING?

YOU'RE PUMPED UP.

EVERYBODY'S IN THE FLOW.

WELL, THAT'S NICE.

THAT'S GREAT.

I'M GLAD YOU'RE ALL HYPED UP.

'CAUSE I'M ACTUALLY--

I'M GOING THROUGH A LITTLE THING

MYSELF.

I'M NOT FEELING TOO GOOD.

WE MIGHT AS WELL GET THIS OUT.

YOU GUYS KNOW I'M FROM L.A.

HOME OF THE NBA CHAMPIONSHIP

TEAM LAKERS.

(AUDIENCE BOOING)

WHAT HAPPENED?

WHAT HAPPENED?

WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT TO ME.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LOVE?

WHAT'S THE NAME OF YOUR LITTLE

TEAM HERE?

THE KNICK--

THE KNICK KNOCKS?

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

TALK TO THE PLAYERS, OKAY?

'CAUSE THEY GOT TO WIN GAMES.

YOU JUST DON'T WIND UP

IN THE FINALS.

YOU GOT TO WIN SOME GAMES!

YOU DO.

YOU DO.

MY FAVORITE PLAYER IS

SHAQUILLE O'NEAL.

HE'S LIKE SUPERMAN.

YOU KNOW HIM.

(LAUGHTER)

KOBE, GIVE ME THE BALL, MAN.

KOBE, GIVE ME--

I'M LOOKING RIGHT AT YOU, MAN.

GIVE ME THE BALL, MAN.

ALL RIGHT.

ACTUALLY, THE DREAM FINAL WOULD

BE THE KNICKS AND THE LAKERS.

THAT'S LIKE MY DREAM--

MAYBE NEXT YEAR.

SO LET'S KICK THIS SHOW OFF.

NOW, THE FIRST PERFORMER IS

WOW!

NICE TO SEE EVERYBODY.

YOU WANT TO KNOW A LITTLE BIT

ABOUT ME.

RECENTLY I GOT MARRIED.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

UM...

WHERE WE WENT FOR OUR HONEYMOON

WAS CANADA.

THE MOST ROMANTIC COUNTRY

IN THE WORLD.

AND, AH, I JUST WANT TO TELL YOU

THAT IF YOU'RE GONNA GO FOR A

ROMANTIC WEEKEND WITH YOUR

HUSBAND, YOUR WIFE, YOUR

BOYFRIEND, GIRLFRIEND,

DON'T STAY AT A BED AND

BREAKFAST.

BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW

THIS, BUT WHEN YOU STAY IN THE

BED AND BREAKFAST, THE PEOPLE

WHO OWN IT STAY THERE WITH YOU.

IT'S THEIR PLACE.

YOU KNOW?

AND IT WAS REALLY AWKWARD

FOR ME AND MY WIFE--

WE'VE BEEN MARRIED A DAY--

WE GO UP, YOU KNOW,

IT'S OUR HONEYMOON.

IT'S LIKE THIS MATRONLY

OLD WOMAN--

SHE'S LIKE 80 YEARS OLD--

SHE'S LIKE, "OH, WHAT ARE YOU

KIDS GONNA DO TONIGHT?"

I WAS LIKE, "WELL, UM, I THOUGHT

WE MIGHT GO FOR A ROMANTIC

DRIVE.

AH, HAVE A NICE DINNER.

AND THEN COME BACK AND SCREW

IN YOUR HOUSE."

I, AH--

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

I LIVED HERE IN NEW YORK

FOR FIVE YEARS.

BEFORE THAT, I LIVED DOWN

IN THE SOUTH.

ANYBODY ELSE FROM THE SOUTH?

(CHEERING)

MY PEEPS.

UM...

I, AH--

YEAH.

I LIKED LIVING IN THE SOUTH.

I LIKE LIVING IN NEW YORK.

THE THING IS IN NEW YORK...

A LOT OF STUFF TO DO.

IN THE SOUTH, NOT A LOT TO DO.

THE BIG THING TO DO DOWN THERE

IS THE STATE FAIR.

YOU EVER GO TO THE STATE FAIR?

MY FAVORITE PART ABOUT THE STATE

FAIR IS THE FREAK SHOW.

YOU EVER SEE THAT?

WHERE THEY HAVE, YOU KNOW, LIKE

"THE WOMAN WITH NO HEAD."

YOU KNOW?

OR LIKE "THE LIZARD BOY."

YOU KNOW?

BUT WHERE I CAME FROM IN RURAL

NORTH CAROLINA WAS KIND OF

DIFFERENT.

IT WAS LIKE, "BEHOLD.

A WOMAN THAT CAN DO MATH."

YOU KNOW?

(LAUGHTER)

"AND SEE...

A MAN WITH ALL HIS TEETH."

(LAUGHTER)

AND LOOK, A JEWISH FELLA.

EVERYBODY'S LIKE, "OH, MY GOD."

I HAD SOME FREE TIME THIS

SUMMER.

I SAW A FEW MOVIES.

NOT A LOT OF GOOD MOVIES

OUT THIS SUMMER.

I HATE TO SAY.

YOU KNOW WHAT, THOUGH?

NO MATTER HOW BAD A MOVIE IS--

WHEN YOU LOOK IN THE PAPER

AT THE AD--

THEY ALWAYS HAVE REVIEW THAT'S

HIGHLIGHTED THAT ALWAYS MAKES

THE MOVIE SOUND GREAT.

YOU KNOW?

NO MATTER WHAT YOU GO SEE.

I WENT TO GO SEE A MOVIE THIS

SUMMER--

AND I PROMISE YOU THIS IS TRUE--

I'M LOOKING IN THE TIMES AND

PLACES IN THE PAPER.

AND I READ THIS AD AND IT WENT

VERBATIM LIKE THIS...

"I LAUGHED SO HARD,

MY GUMS BLEED."

GOOD LORD.

THAT'S NOT A REVIEW,

THAT'S A SYMPTOM.

THAT'S WHAT THAT IS.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

I, AH--

THANK YOU.

IT'S WEIRD HOW THEY MARKET

THINGS.

ISN'T IT?

I GET A LITTLE TIRED OF PRODUCTS

THEY CAN'T THINK OF, YOU KNOW,

LIKE ONE WORD FOR THEIR NAME.

SO WHAT THEY DO IS PUT A WHOLE

SENTENCE IN THEIR NAME.

I'LL GIVE YOU AN EXAMPLE.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT

BUTTER."

YOU KNOW?

OR LIKE, AH--

"GEE, YOUR HAIR SMELLS

TERRIFIC."

YOU KNOW?

ISN'T THAT A BAD TREND?

'CAUSE IF EVERYTHING WAS LIKE

THAT, IT WOULD BE LIKE

"NEW FROM RAMIN NOODLES...

IT'S "HELP.

I CAN'T AFFORD DINNER."

IT'S, AH--

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

"NEW FROM EPT HOME PREGNANCY

TEST.

IT'S "PLEASE, GOD, DO THIS FOR

ME, AND I'LL NEVER DRINK AGAIN."

HEY, THANKS A LOT.

EVERYONE HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

♪ (

SHARON HOUSTON>> OKAY.

HELLO.

WHY, THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

WHY NOT?

A LITTLE EXTRA FOR THAT.

WELL, THANK YOU.

MY GOODNESS.

A FEEL LIKE I'M IN SHERIDAN

SQUARE.

FABULOUS.

FABULOUS.

I AM HALF CUBAN HALF TEXAN.

(CHEERS)

WHICH EVER SIDE YOU ARE,

THANK YOU.

AH...

I AM HALF CUBAN HALF TEXAN.

MY FATHER'S THE BIG CUBANO.

HE HAS A PINKY RING TO PROVE IT.

FRIGHTENING.

HE'S VERY EMOTIONAL.

HE TENDS TO BLOW THING OUT OF

PROPORTION.

FOR EXAMPLE, I DON'T DISAGREE

WITH MY FATHER...

(CUBAN ACCENT) I DEFY HIM.

HE'S LIKE THAT.

HE'S GOT A VERY THICK SPANISH

ACCENT, BUT HE WAS BORN IN THIS

COUNTRY.

(LAUGHTER)

OKAY?

HE'S TRYING TO PROVE SOMETHING.

RIGHT?

BORN IN THIS COUNTRY.

THE ONLY TIME HE LOSES

THE ACCENT IS WHEN HE USES

PROFANITY.

HE SAYS THING LIKE--

(CUBAN ACCENT) "SHARON, YOU

THINK THOSE PEOPLE IN HOLLYWOOD

CARE ABOUT YOU?

THEY DON'T GIVE A RAT'S...

(ENGLISH ACCENT) ASS.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

YEAH.

THAT'S DAD.

YEAH.

THIS IS A PERSON WHO MAKE FUN OF

THE WAY AMERICANS DRESS.

YET, FEELS COMPLETELY

COMFORTABLE LEAVING THE HOUSE

WEARING A WIFEBEETER,

SHORTS, BLACK SOCK AND DRESS

SHOES.

THAT'S MY DAD.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

YEAH.

YEAH.

YOU GUYS ARE SO NICE.

YOU GUYS ARE SO NICE.

YOU GUYS ARE SO NICE.

I TAKE AFTER THE CUBAN SIDE OF

THE FAMILY, THOUGH PHYSICALLY,

I.E. SHARON'S GOT BACK

AND FRONT.

HOW ARE YOU DOING?

NO.

NO.

IT'S EMBARRASSING.

OH, LOOK.

I'M GETTING BOWS.

THANK YOU.

THOSE SOME MONEY UP AT THE THING

LATER, HONEY.

I'LL SEE YOU IN THE GREEN ROOM

AFTER THE SHOW.

YOU KNOW, IT'S FRIGHTENING.

IT'S SO HARD.

IT'S LIKE I HAVE THE WORST

JEANS.

I HAVE A HARD TIME MAINTAINING

MY WEIGHT.

I HAVE TO WORK OUT LIKE A

TRIATHLETE TO JUST MAINTAIN

CHUBBY, OKAY?

(LAUGHTER)

I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO FINALLY

MEETING MY GUY, THOUGH.

AND PUTTING TOGETHER

A BIG WEDDING.

AND HAVING THAT BIG CELEBRATION.

BUT, YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU THINK

ABOUT IT, THE BRIDE'S

RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERYTHING.

IT'S A LOT OF WORK.

YOU KNOW?

'CAUSE WE HAVE TO PICK OUT

BRIDES MAIDS DRESSES.

AND THE VENUE.

AND THE INVITATIONS--

ALL THAT STUFF.

I SAY THAT IF I WORK THAT HARD

FOR MY WEDDING, WHY IS IT I ONLY

GET TO WALK DOWN THE ISLE

ONE TIME?

(LAUGHTER)

RIGHT?

NO, NO.

THIS GIRL'S PLAYING TECHNO MUSIC

AND SHE'S WALKING THE RUNWAY

AT LEAST FIVE TIMES.

OKAY.

FIRST WE'LL START RIGHT IN FRONT

OF THE ALTER.

OKAY?

THERE WILL BE A BIG FLAT

AND IT WILL JUST SAY "SHARON."

OKAY.

THAN AT THE OTHER END

OF THE ISLE--

WE WILL CALL A "RUNWAY"--

OKAY?

WILL BE A SHEET OF WHITE SCRIM.

WE'RE BACKLET.

IT'S ME AND MY BRIDESMEN.

WE'RE POSING.

WE'RE POSING.

WE'RE POSING.

WE'RE POSING.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

ONE BY ONE.

EACH ON COMES UP.

POPS OUT OF THE PAPER.

THEY WORK TO THE TOP OF THE

ISLE.

OKAY?

THEN WE'RE BACK OVER HERE.

MY MAID OF HONOR, RAMONE---

REPRESENTING THE BRONX--

HE LEANS OVER...

HE LEANS OVER AND HE GOES

"GIRL, YOU BETTER GET YOUR

GROOVE ON 'CAUSE YOU'RE GETTING

MARRIED, BE-AWTCH.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

THEN I BUSTED THE PAPER

AND I WORK THE RUNWAY TO THE

TECHNO MUSIC IN MY GOWN.

(IMITATING TECHNO MUSIC)

THEN WE GO TO THE MUSIC VIDEO

PORTION OF MY WEDDING.

BIG HUGE STRIPS OF WHITE LINEN

DROP FROM THE CEILING.

THE FANS START BLOWING THE LINEN

EVERYWHERE.

THE PEWS START BLOWING UP.

OKAY?

THE BAPTISMAL BEHIND THE ALTER

EXPLODES.

AND WATER COMES FLYING,

DUMPING OUT ALL THE FIRE

FROM THE PEWS.

MY GRANDMOTHER'S COMPLETELY

ON FIRE.

WATER PUTS HER OUT.

WATER PUTS HER RIGHT OUT.

SAVES HER LIFE.

SAVES HER LIFE.

NOW LET'S BREAK IT DOWN.

AT THIS POINT, I'M SOAKING WET

LOOKING VERY, VERY SEXY.

(CATCALLS FROM AUDIENCE)

I RIP OFF MY GOWN.

I HAVE ON SKIN TIGHT WHITE

PANTS, THIGH HIGH BOOTS AND A

WHIP.

AND I COME DOWN THE ISLE LIKE

THIS.

(LAUGHTER)

NOW, MY FIANCE WHO'S HOGTIED

TO THE CEILING IN CHAINS...

HE'S SLOWLY LOWERED.

AND WHEN HE HITS THE GROUND,

I BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF HIM.

(LAUGHTER)

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN AWESOME.

GOOD NIGHT.

♪ (MUSIC PLAYING)

BILLY GARDELL>> HEY, HOW ARE YOU

DOING?

YEAH, ME, TOO.

I'M JUST HAPPY TO BE HERE.

I'M HAPPY TO BE BACK ON

THE EAST COAST.

I LIVE OUT IN LOS ANGELES NOW.

AND, AH--

THAT SUCKS.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

I MEAN, IT'S RIDICULOUS.

IT IS.

IT IS.

YOU KNOW?

THERE'S NO TOUGH LOVE OUT THERE.

I READ IN THE PAPER THE OTHER

DAY THERE'S A THIRTEEN YEAR OLD

KID SUING HIS DAD AND MOM

FOR THEIR HOUSE.

IF I TOLD MY DAD WHEN I WAS

THIRTEEN I WAS GONNA SUE HIM

FOR HIS HOUSE, I'D WAKE UP

FOUR WEEKS LATER.

(LAUGHTER)

JUST BE IN THE OPERATING ROOM--

I WAS PLAYING WITH MY HOT WHEELS

AND THEN THERE WAS A WHITE

LIGHT.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.

I THINK I COULD WALK AGAIN.

MY MOM HANDED OUT MOST OF THE

BEATING AT OUR HOUSE.

SHE'S IRISH.

SO YOU HAD TO STAY BACK.

YOU NEVER KNEW WHEN THEY WERE

COMING.

LIKE IF SOMETHING BOTHERED HER

HERE AND SHE WAS YELLING ABOUT

SOMETHING OVER HERE AND IT HAD

NOTHING TO DO WITH WHAT WAS

BOTHERING.

BUT IF YOU DIDN'T MOVE TO THAT

THING, YOU GOT CRACKED.

SHE'D COME OUT OF THE BATHROOM

AND GO "TURN THE TV DOWN.

THE TOILET'S OVERFLOWING!"

(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

THAT AIN'T GO NOTHING TO DO

WITH--

KOOSH!

ALL RIGHT!

YOU KNOW WHAT THE LESSON WAS?

MOVE WHEN YOU'RE TOLD.

I'M HAVING A BIG MONTH NEXT

MONTH.

I'M NERVOUS.

NOT ABOUT THIS TV SHOW.

I DON'T CARE.

(LAUGHTER)

I'M JUST KIDDING.

I'M GETTING MARRIED NEXT MONTH.

DON'T CLAP.

DON'T CLAP.

WHAT DID I DO?

NOTHIN'.

QUIT CLAPPIN'.

WHY DO YOU CLAP?

GOOD FOR YOU.

I'M VERY HAPPY, THOUGH.

DON'T GET ME WRONG.

SHE TOLD ME.

SO...

I'M GOOD ON THAT.

I THINK I'M LEARNING THE SECRET,

THOUGH, OF GOOD A RELATIONSHIP.

JUST DON'T ARGUE.

DON'T ARGUE WITH HER.

JUST DON'T--

DON'T ARGUE.

DON'T ARGUE.

THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

WHY DO YOU THINK OLD MEN MUMBLE?

(LAUGHTER)

THEY KNOW.

SHE MOVED IN AND MY LIFE BECAME

MORE RESPONSIBLE.

YOU KNOW?

A WOMAN MOVES IN YOUR HOUSE,

EVERYTHING BECOMES RESPONSIBLE.

THEY PAY THEIR BILLS ON TIME.

A WOMAN WILL PAY A BILL THE DAY

SHE GETS IT.

MY FIANCE--

OH, MY GOD.

JUST PUT THAT RIGHT IN THE MAIL.

THEN YOU SEND IT OFF.

LATER ON WE'LL HAVE CREDIT

APPLICATION.

"WE'RE GONNA NEED TO QUALIFY

FOR A HOME.

THERE'S A BUNCH OF HYPOTHETICAL

(BLEEP) THAT YOU HAVEN'T THOUGHT

ABOUT YET."

"WHAT IS THIS CREDIT YOU SPEAK

OF?

I NOT KNOW."

(LAUGHTER)

GROWING UP SINGLE YOU DON'T

THINK ABOUT THAT.

YOU GET A BILL, YOU'RE LIKE,

"THAT'S JUST THE BLUE ONE.

WE'RE GONNA GET A PINK ONE

AND A YELLOW ONE.

WHAT DID I SAY?

WHAT DID I SAY?"

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

THE HARDEST THING I FIND ABOUT

LIVING WITH MY WOMAN IT'S THE

HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS.

WOMEN LOVE TO GIVE YOU

A POP QUIZ.

THAT'S THEIR FAVORITE THING.

IT'S SOME QUESTION YOU CAN NEVER

ANSWER.

AND IT'S RIGHT BEFORE YOU GO

TO BED.

YOU KNOW?

'CAUSE FIRST YOU GOT TO LAY

IN THE BED AND YOU'RE GONNA SAY

"I LOVE YOU" NINE MILLIONS TIMES

BEFORE YOU CAN FINALLY GO TO

SLEEP AND SHUT UP AND GET SOME

SILENCE.

RIGHT?

"YEAH, I LOVE YOU."

"YEAH, I LOVE YOU, TOO."

"I LOVE YOU."

"YEAH, I LOVE YOU, TOO."

"WE'LL DO THAT TOMORROW."

"YEAH, ONE MORE THING.

I LOVE YOU."

"YEAH.

OH, YOU FORGOT THAT?

DON'T WORRY ABOUT.

WE'LL GET IT AGAIN.

I LOVE YOU."

"OKAY, I LOVE YOU.

"I LOVE YOU."

"I LOVE YOU."

"I LOVE YOU."

AND JUST WHEN IT GETS QUITE...

"HONEY."

"UGH.

WE WERE SO CLOSE."

AND THEN THE DUMBEST QUESTION

IN THE WORLD COMES...

"IF I HAD NO ARMS AND NO LEGS,

WOULD YOU LOVE ME?"

AND THEY DON'T THINK IT'S FUNNY

WHEN YOU GO...

"NO WAY IN HELL!"

SO NOW YOU LOOK LIKE A JERK

FOR ANSWERING A HYPOTHETICAL

QUESTION THAT DOESN'T MATTER

WRONG.

SO YOU GOT TO BACK PEDDLE

TO TRY TO FIX IT.

BUT THE FURTHER YOU TRY TO BACK

PEDDLE, THE MORE OF A JERK YOU

LOOK LIKE.

SO YOU'RE LIKE, "YEAH, I'D STILL

LOVE YA.

I'D GET A BACKPACK AND PUT YOU

IN IT.

AND WE'D GO JOGGING."

GOD BLESS YOU NEW YORK.

♪ (MUSIC PLAYING)

FRED ARMISEN>> WHATSUP?

I'M FRED FROM THE MINNEAPOLIS

POLICE.

AND I'M HERE TO TALK TO YOU

ABOUT SELF-DEFENSE.

KEEPING SAFE ON THESE DANGEROUS

CITY STREETS.

GUESS WHAT?

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A VICTIM.

(LAUGHTER)

ALL RIGHT?

QUICK SHOW OF HANDS.

HOW MANY PEOPLE HERE CARRY MORE

THAN ONE DOLLAR IN CASH ON THEM

AT ANY TIME?

BE HONEST.

THAT'S STUPID!

(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

NEVER EVER CARRY MORE THAN

A DOLLAR IN CASH ON YOU AT ANY

TIME.

IF YOU'RE GONNA BUY SOMETHING,

YOU'RE LADY'S GONNA PURCHASE

A MAGNUM P.I. POSTER...

OR WHATEVER.

(LAUGHTER)

BORROW THE MONEY FROM

THE CASHIER.

OKAY?

NOW LET ME INTRODUCE TO YOU

MY ASSISTANT AND MY ASSAILANT.

THIS IS JOHN.

NOW THE FIRST THING--

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

THIS ISN'T ABOUT ENTERTAINMENT.

IT'S ABOUT EDUCATION.

NOW THE FIRST THING YOU'RE GONNA

NOTICE ABOUT JOHN IS HE'S NOT

BLACK.

(LAUGHTER)

ALL RIGHT?

A LOT OF PEOPLE SAY TO ME,

"OH, HE'S A BLACK GUY.

BLACK PEOPLE DO CRIME."

I DON'T NEED ANY OF THAT RACISM

IN HERE.

AND BESIDES, IF YOU LOOK AT THE

STATISTICS, NINE TIMES OUT OF

TEN, YOUR ATTACKER IS GONNA BE

ONE OF THOSE (BLEEP) LATINOS.

(LAUGHTER)

NOW, JOHN AND I DO THIS IN HIGH

SCHOOLS ACROSS THE COUNTRY.

WHY DO WE DO IT?

I'LL TELL YOU WHY.

A FEW YEARS AGO, MY TWO YEAR OLD

DAUGHTER WAS ABDUCTED.

SHE WAS TAKEN FROM ME.

(LAUGHTER)

AND WHEN THAT HAPPENED, I VOWED

THAT I'D SPEND THE REST OF MY

WEEKENDS SEARCHING FOR HER.

(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

NOW...

WHAT DO YOU DO IF THIS GUYS

GOT A GUN?

WHAT DO YOU DO?

YOU FIGHT.

THIS GUYS HAS GOT ABOUT A

QUARTER OF AN INCH HE CAN USE

BEFORE HE PULLS THAT TRIGGER.

I ALWAYS CARRY A PEN WITH ME

EVERYWHERE I GO.

PULL THE GUN TOWARDS YOU.

PUT THE PEN RIGHT HERE.

HE CAN'T PULL THE TRIGGER.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

IF YOU DON'T HAVE A PEN,

GET ONE FROM THE ATTACKER.

(LAUGHTER)

SOMETHING ELSE YOU SHOULD ALL

CARRY...

A FLASHLIGHT.

WHY?

YOU'RE AT AN ATM.

THIS GUY COMES UP BEHIND YOU...

YOU COULD DISTRACT HIM.

(LAUGHTER)

WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS, USE YOUR

CELL PHONE.

PRETEND LIKE YOU'RE HAVING A

CONVERSATION AND HE'LL LEAVE YOU

ALONE.

JOHN>> GIVE ME YOUR MONEY!

GIVE ME YOUR MONEY!

(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

THAT'S GONNA BE IT FOR US.

SO REMEMBER, MIND AND

BODY LANGUAGE.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

♪ (MUSIC PLAYING)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

Loading...