Gabriel Iglesias hosts performances by Steve Simeone and G Reilly, and Martin Moreno spirals out of control in a "Hey It's Fluffy!" animated short.
Ontario keeps it real.
Ontario keeps it real!
Too real, I mean, you know,the comedy club that we're in
right now is-is actuallyattached to a mall,
and some of the storesthat are in there,
there's a-a couple restaurantsthat serve alcohol,
and some of the thingsI've seen here, okay?
Right outside these doors, theyhave a nice, uh, valet section
where you can pull up and...It's a fancy mall.
You have valet right there,you know.
Here, park my car.(imitates car door shutting)
(bleep)Yeah, it's one those.
But some of the thingsI've seen.
I-I was here one night,uh, with Martin.
And after the show was over,we're out in front of the club.
We're taking pictures,and we see this guy staggering
out of one of the restaurantsthat serves alcohol.
And he walks overto the valet stand,
and, uh, the guy's like,"Hey!
Bring me my car!"
And the guy wasbeing cool, right?
The guy was cool. Señor, señor, please!
Please, señor, you arein no condition to drive.
Okay? No condition.
Hey, just bring memy damn car, okay?
Señor, please,it is not a good idea.
Don't do it!It's not a good idea.
And the guy was like,"Here's 50 bucks."
We're going to Walmart!
but now I just wantto be on Comedy Central
So my niece and nephewsthink I'm cool.
'Cause, cause they'realways like,
"Uncle Steve, when are you gonnabe on Comedy Central?
And now I can be like,"Next week, bitches!"
Like, I'm so... Right?It's gonna be awesome!
And here's the thing 'causethey're such amazing kids,
but I just want them to grow upto be good people.
So that's why the last timeI was home,
I made them watch Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.
The real Willy Wonka.
I'm talking '70s style,old-school, right?
Because they're little kids,
and I didn't want themgrowing up
thinking Johnny Deppwas Willy Wonka.
No, no, no, no, no.
Johnny Depp's an amazing actor.
I love the guy.
But there'sonly one real Willy Wonka
and his name isGene mother-effing Wilder.
And you remember that movieopens up with Charlie Bucket?
The nicest kidin the world, right?
And the world's just poopingon his little face.
Like, he's workingtwo goddamn jobs,
he's scrubbing floors,he's delivering papers.
And the only thinghe wants out of life
is a goddamn golden ticket?
And all those rich-kid dicksare opening up...
Oh, I got a golden ticket,I got a golden ticket.
I'm six, looking at the TV.
I'm like, "Do your job, Jesus!
"Give this kida goddamn golden ticket!
He's working his balls off,right?"
The first hour,
I'm doing what I love.This is what I do.
You know? I know, I know.
I worked hard to get here,
and now, all of sudden,
that I'm here, right inthe middle of my career,
comedy wants to switch up.
Because now I comeinto a comedy club
and I say somethingthat's inappropriate
and you got a video camera on your phone
and you video meand then you put it on YouTube,
then it ends up on TMZ
and now I'm a (bleep).
Let me explain something.
You can't get mad or upset
at anything that's saidin a comedy club.
You getting upset is equivalentto me being in the men's room
and I fartand the guy next to me goes,
"Hey, man,what's wrong with you, man?"
Like, this iswhere it happens, man!
This is where it goes down!
We see the world different.
It's that simple.It's that simple.
Did you guys see King Kong?Did you guys see King Kong?
The original King Kong,the black-and-white King Kong.
You remember that scene
in King Kong,
when she was in the apartment
and all of sudden King Kong'sface came by the window?
And all you sawwas King Kong's face
in the window?
Do you rememberhow scared she was
when she saw King Kong's face?
Imagine how scared the woman was
that lived ten floors below her.
Eleven floors below her!
Twelve floors below her!
I'm G Reilly.Thank you for having me!
But we know thatMartin's grandmother
is in abetter place.
How is dirt a better place?
I mean, if you're a bone,I understand,
but not if you're Grandma.
'Cause nobody's gonnawant to dig up Grandma
for later and chow down.Shut up.
Don't tell me to shut up.
Unite us together again,
Are you okay,Martin?
She was aliveyesterday.
Now she's gone.
I will take thatas a yes.
I'm worried aboutMartin, you guys.
He's actingreally weird.
Speaking of weird,
check out the new girl.
You just killedthat butterfly.
The average life spanof a butterfly
is like a month.
It was probablyon its deathbed.
Do you like death, too?
Want to show death
we're not afraid of it...together?
Who's this dude?
I want you back, Jane.
Nothing can get me back,Derrick.
What if I challengeyour new boyfriend
to a duelto the death?
You guys fight.
The winner gets me.
There's a thunderstormon its way, dude.
Meet me at the top ofthe library clock tower
in 20 minutes.
And wear a tinfoil hat,
the most dangerous hatto wear in a thunderstorm.
I'll meetyou there.
Martin, youcan't do this.
And you're definitelynot supposed to die
because of somestupid girl.
Friendship versus tail,
the eternal conundrum.
So, did you bringyour tinfoil?
I did bring my tinfoil hat.
But my friend Fluffysaid something very important
that really made me think.
Fluffy is my oldest friend,
and in this commodified society,
that means something.
On the other hand...
And with this storm,there's no way
an ambulance cancome here in time.
He-he needs mouth-to-mouth,
but everyone herefailed the CPR course
except for Fluffy.
No. Come on.
Let's try the ambulance.
Let's try the ambulance!
Fluffy? I don't wantto die anymore.
You better not,
because I'm not kissing youagain, Martin.
Ew, what is that?
Fish and chips?
So, Martin, youdon't want to die?
Derrick,I'm all yours.
Guys! Do you hear that?
It sounds likeMartin's grandma
is crawling outfrom the cemetery.
Don't drag me to hell with you!
I wasn't in hell,you idiot.
I took a freaking napand woke up in a casket.
Who are these two?
and Derrick, the guywho stole her from me.
You hurt my grandson?!
Please don't kill me.Please, no! Ah! No!
I guess there's no guy out therewho loves death as much as I do.
You wereright, Fluffy.
That girl wasunusually stupid.
Sad but true.
You guys, that's our show.