Blank Relay

  • Season 3, Ep 6
  • 08/21/2000

Jerri tries to boost her track performance and gets trapped in a sordid world of steroid abuse.

HOW DO KNOW HOW MUCHTO GIVE US ?

WELL, IT'SREALLY SCIENTIFIC.

THE FASTER YOU WANNA GO,THE MORE YOU TAKE.

HOW FAST DO YOU WANNA GO ?

REALLY FAST.

THEN I'LL GIVE YOUA REALLY LOT.

IS THIS DANGEROUS ?

YEAH, DANGEROUSLY EXCITING !

( giggling )

DERRICK ! ARE YOUEAVESDROPPING ON YOUR SISTER

AND HER FIT YOUNG FRIENDS ?

YEAH, IT SOUNDSSO WEIRD IN THERE.

IT SOUNDS LIKE THEY'RE NAKEDAND GIGGLING AND STUFF

AND DOING THINGS.

DERRICK, YOU'RE A HEALTHY TEENAGE BOY.

WHY DON'T YOU SWING OPENTHE DOOR AND CATCH THEM IN THEIR PANTIES ?

NAW, THINK I'M JUST GONNA WATCHSOME FIGURE SKATIN' ON TV.

CONGRATULATIONS,COACH WOLF.

I'VE SEEN THEM COME,I'VE SEEN THEM GO,

THIS IS THE FINEST LADIES'FLATPOINT TRACK TEAMWE'VE EVER HAD !

HOW LONG HAVE WE HADA LADIES' TRACK TEAM ?

THIS IS THEFIRST YEAR, SIR.

KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.

OKAY LADIES !

REMEMBER, IF WE WIN HEREWE'RE GOIN' TO STATE !

LET'S DO SO WELL THAT ITCAN'T POSSIBLY BE EXPLAINEDBY OUR TALENT

OR OUR TRAINING !

DO IT ! C'MON !

LADY DONKS !

ON YOUR MARKS...

GET SET.

( bang )

( crowd roaring )

WELL I'M VERYPROUD OF YOU ALL.

OUR COMPETITION HAS EXPRESSED CONCERN

ABOUT HOW WE'VEIMPROVED SO QUICKLY.

I AM OF COURSE AM CONCERNEDTHAT I MIGHT FIND OUT.

BUT, A TEAM ISBUILT ON TRUST,

AND I TRUST YOUTO KEEP IT FROM ME.

( coach )I'LL GO DRAW YOUR BATH.

TUB TIME !

WE'RE GONNAGET BUSTED.

WHAT IF THEYFIND OUT ?

RELAX GIRLS !

I DON'T WANT Y'ALLSTRESSED OUT IN THE TUB.

BESIDES, WHATCOULD GO WRONG ?

OH, YOU LADIESARE DRESSED.

WELL, I'LL SAYMY PIECE ANYWAY.

THERE ARE A LOT OFRUMORS FLOATING AROUND

ON HOW YOU DRASTICALLYIMPROVED YOUR TIMES.

I THINK MAYBE I KNOW THE ANSWER AS TO WHY.

GASP !GASP !GASP !

YOU'RE VERY FAST !

YEAH, FAST !

BUT...I HAVE SOME OTHER NEWS

THE WHOLE SCHOOLJUST MIGHT FIND INTERESTING.

YOU'RE ALL...

GETTING NEW UNIFORMS !

NICE !

BUT I HAVE A GOOD REASON WHY IWON'T BE GIVING THEM TO YOU NOW.

I DON'T WANT THEMTO GET DIRTY.

KEEP UP THEGOOD WORK, LADIES.

SEE, I TOLD YOU--WHAT COULD GO WRONG ?

OH, ONE MORE THING.

BEFORE THE STATE FINALS,THE OFFICIALS WILL BEHOLDING RANDOM DRUG TESTING.

IF IT'S FOUND YOU HAVEANY ILLEGAL SUBSTANCESIN YOUR BODIES,

YOU WILL BE DISQUALIFIED, AND THEN SUSPENDED.

DON'T LET ME DOWN.

Bring it back right !

Good...bring it back !

Up !

Here we go right !

Here we go !

MMM, COOKIES !

THOSE ARE FORDERRICK, JERRI !

HE LED THE SQUAT THRUST TEAMTO VICTORY TODAY !

( door slams )

OH ! HERE'S MY LITTLE CHAMPION !

I MADE A PIZZA FOR YOU.

PIZZA, PIZZA, PIZZA !

YEAH. HOW'S THAT TASTE,TROLL ?

I'M GONNA SQUAT MY WAYRIGHT TO THE TOP !

I DON'T GET IT.

YOU DON'T HAVE ANY MOREMUSCLE MASS THAN ME.

YOU'RE JUST A RACK OF BONESCOVERED IN A THIN LAYER OF FAG.

HOW DO YOU DO IT ?

I'M A NATURAL ATHLETE,

PLUS I GOT A LITTLESOMETHIN' SPECIAL !

MAXIBULK 10,000 !

IT'S GOT EVERYTHING YOUNEED, FOR MAXIMUM BULK.

SUGAR, CORN SYRUP,FRUCTOSE, MOLASSES,

BROWN SUGAR, CARAMEL COLOR,AND XANTHAN GUM.

XANTHAN GUM ? WOW !

I WANT SOME !

NO WAY PLUG, I'M NOT WASTIN' MY STASH ON A LOSER LIKE YOU.

GET YOUR OWN.

♪ MAXIBULK,MAXIBULK 10,000 ♪

GIVE IT TO ME !

MY STASH !

OH, GREAT, WHAT AMI GONNA EAT NOW, TROLL ?

MOM !

5, 6...6 steps, keep going !

( power revs up )

( bell tinkles )

OH, HEY !

WELCOME TO NUTRI-WIZ.

WAIT, LET ME GUESS,

YOUR WIFE OF THIRTY YEARS,JUST LEFT YOU,

AND YOU WANNA LOSE THATSPARE TIRE AROUND THE MIDDLE

SO YOU CAN HIT THE CLUBS AGAIN

AND GROOVE ON THE YOUNGCHIQUITAS. AM I RIGHT ?

NO-- WAIT HOLD ON, OLD TIMER,I'LL GET IT.

YOU'VE GOT A THYROID CONDITIONTHAT MAKES YOUR BONES BRITTLE,

SO YOU WANNA CALCIUM SUPPLEMENTSO YOU CAN CHASE AFTERTHE GRANDKIDS

WITHOUT HAVING TO WORRYABOUT ANOTHER BROKEN HIP ?

I'M A HIGH SCHOOLFRESHMAN GIRL,

AND I NEED TO GET IN SHAPEFOR THE TRACK TEAM.

OF COURSE !

I WANT SOMEMAXIBULK 10,000.

YOU SURE YOU WANNAPACK MORE ON ?

YOU SAY YOU'RE ONTHE TRACK TEAM,

LET ME MAKE A SUGGESTION.

YOU SLAM THE AMINOSFOR BREAKFAST,

PROTEIN SHAKE FOR LUNCH, AFTER DUSK, NOTHIN' BUT CARBS.

YOU STICK TO THATREGIMEN FOR 6 MONTHS,

YOU'RE GONNA SEESOME MARGINAL IMPROVEMENT.

WELL I NEED TO BEFAST BY FRIDAY.

OKAY, LOOK, I'M NOTSUPPOSED TO SELL THIS,

IN FACT, I'M NOT EVENSUPPOSED TO POSSESS IT,

BUT YOU'RE ANEXCEPTIONAL--LY FAT CASE.

UH, HOLD ON.

LOOK, I RODE THAT BROWN TIGERFOR TWENTY YEARS.

IT TOOK ME THROUGH A CARNIVAL OF HELL.

I BECAME THE PLAYTHING OFINDONESIAN BUSINESSMEN.

BY THE END,I WAS BARELY HUMAN.

BUT, I'M WILLING TOGIVE IT ANOTHER SHOT.

OH, IT ISN'TWHAT YOU THINK.

ANABOLIC STEROIDS.

WELL WON'T THAT MAKE MY TESTIES SHRIVEL ?

HAVE YOU GOT TESTIES ?

OF COURSE NOT,I'M A GIRL.

WHAT WILL IT DOTO MY SPERM COUNT ?

LOOK, ALL YOU'VEGOTTA WORRY ABOUT

IS HOW MUCH FASTERYOU'RE GONNA BE.

WELL THAT AND, UH.

BRAIN CANCER.

BRING IT ON BABY !

( squish )

SHH !SHH !

KEEP IT DOWNAND GET IN HERE.

I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.

ABOUT THE DRUGSAND EVERYTHING.

WHAT GAVE US AWAY ?

ONE OF YOURTEAMMATES TOLD ME.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, BLANK.

I WILL NOT LET THIS SCHOOLBE DISGRACED BY YOU AND YOURTEAM'S DISGRACEFUL ACTIONS.

GIVE ME THAT CUP,

I'M GONNA DO SOMETHINGDISGRACEFUL IN IT.

STAND BACK, BLANK,YOU'RE MAKING ME NERVOUS.

( filling cup )

LADIES...

CONGRATULATIONS, YOU PASSED !

I SHOULD TELL YOU, THAT ALTHOUGHYOUR URINE WAS DRUG-FREE,

WE DID DETECT A VICIOUSCASE OF GONORRHEA.

GOOD LUCK.

( Blackman )PLEASE GIVE IT UPFOR OUR NATIONAL ANTHEM

AS RENDERED BY THEFLATPOINT HIGH CHORAL ENSEMBLE.

♪ OH SAY CAN YOU SEE ♪

EEEW, YOU SUCK !♪ BY THE DAWN'S EARLY LIGHT ♪

♪ WHAT SO PROUDLY WE HAIL ♪

♪ THROUGH THE PERILOUS FIGHT ♪

♪ O'ER THE RAMPARTS WE WATCHED ♪

♪ WERE SO GALLANTLY STREAMING ♪

♪ AND THE ROCKETS RED-- ♪♪

THAT'S DETENTION, MISTER !

ON YOUR MARKS,

GET SET.

( bang )

GO JERRI !

KICK 'EM DONKS ! GO !

( female )YOU'RE AMAZING, JERRI !

( crowd roaring and cheering )

( cheers & applause )

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